Draco Malfoy meets the Lost Boys

Art thou ready for the tale of a lifetime? Art thou ready for hysterically funny quotes, mayhem, and narcissistic blonde men? Art thou ready for...THE LOST BOYS!

*

Draco was in the middle of a very ordinary morning, going through his usual routine of staring at his glorious reflection in the mirror, whilst contemplating the meaning of bleach. Suddenly, a bright TEAL flash came out of the mirror, and the next thing Draco knew, he was sitting on his pampered bum in the middle of a stage.

Draco looked around in wonder, seeing the lights and guitars and tambourines and freakish things that resembled black ice cream cones with mesh metal over the top. He was amazed, and horrified, to realize that he was in the middle of a muggle stage, or what he was certain one would look like.

"You! What're you doing here?"

Draco whipped around, coming face to face with a set of gorgeous blue eyes. Stepping back, he gasped in awe. Before him stood a man with long blond locks, blue eyes, tanned skin, dressed in a TEAL kilt and white pirate shirt! Wonder of Wonders!

"You're almost as pretty as I am!"

Another man came up behind the blond one, also dressed in a TEAL kilt and white pirate shirt, and slapped him jovially on the shoulder. It took Draco a moment to realize the other guy (who was decidedly NOT pretty, resembling a stork who was desperately trying not to go bald) was laughing at the blond man.

"Michael, it looks as if you've found yourself a bit of competition for the prettiest boy in America! Hahahaha! Hehehehe! Hey, lads, come see this!"

Draco gave the tall, dark haired man who was doubled up with laughter a stop-laughing-or-I'll-rip-out-your-spleen-super-glare glare. It had no affect. Draco was appalled. His glare had no affect on this horrid decidedly un-pretty beast! No! Doom was upon him! And suddenly, doom was even closer, because two other TEAL-clad men, one with long dark hair, who rather resembled a monkey, and another wearing a hat with a decidedly un-pretty feather sticking out of it, who apparently had no hair at all. What was this terrible place? His only consolation was the almost as pretty as he blond man, because it proved that pretty men could survive in this climate.

"What is it Matthew? What are we supposed to s--oh! Hehehehehehe! Gaak, Michael, he's almost as pretty as you are! Heheheheheh!"

The blond one, Michael, apparently, gave the other TEAL-clad men a shut-up-or-I-will-be-unbearably-pretty-at-you-super-glower glower. It had no affect, and they kept laughing. Michael decided that he most certainly needed rectify this situation, or he might become the second prettiest, which would be UNBEARABLE. But before he could say anything--

"What do you mean, almost as pretty? I am far more pretty...prettier... than this TEAL-wearing muggle guy in a skirt!"

The three other men broke out into guffaws and giggles, and Michael and Draco exchanged the why-do-I-have-to-put-up-with-these-unpretty-people-exasperated-look look. Then they glared.

'I repeat my question, you dress-wearing midget who is far to pale! Who are you, and why in Merlin's name are you here?"

Draco gasped in a decidedly prissy fashion.

"You mean, you're not muggles!?"

The four exchanged looks, the three finally having stopped laughing.

"What?"

Draco rolled his eyes. Okay, so they were weird muggles wearing TEAL plaid skirts, who knew Merlin's name. Great.

"Never mind. I'm Draco Malfoy, and I don't know why I'm bloody here... did you say America?"

The four exchanged sniggers.

"Uh, I like your stage name, Dragon-boy. But ah, why not your real name?"

Draco glared.

"That is my name, you sniveling and decidedly ugly--except the pretty one--freaks in TEAL skirts! And who, in the name of Salazar are you?"

The men broke out laughing.

"Ah, ok... I am Michael Starr, this is Clarence the Destroyer, um... this is String, and Johnny Osborne. We're the Lost Boys, and if you don't mind, we're in the middle of sound check, so I think we'll leave you here for the moment... oh, come on lads, we're on!"

The four ran out onto the front of the stage, to the wild cheers and shouts of an apparently large audience. Draco sniffed. He hated being neglected. So, right in the middle of a song, he pranced out onto the stage.

"What the hell is a tra-la?"

Draco paused, and the music stopped as everyone realized that he was there. Gasps echoed from the crowd, and he struck poses. However, his sexy- and blondness was promptly shoved off the stage as 'String' caught hold of him.

"Can't you see that this is a concert? We're playing music! Shut up, and go look at that!"

String led Draco to a mirror, plopped him down, and rushed back onto the stage, where he was immediately dragged into the chorus of 'Serf Music'. Draco, for once, did not devote his entire attention to his reflection, and listened to the odd comments from the stage. In fact, he wrenched away from the mirror, and poked his face out from behind the curtain, but promptly pulled it back when a flying TEAL thong hit him in the face.

"Bugger!"

Michael paused in his song, promising to return, and grabbed Draco by the arm.

"Alright, you want to be on the stage, here you go!"

Draco yelped as the Lost Boys threw a TEAL kilt over his head and tightened it about his waist, much to the joy of the crowd. And moments later, a song was begun. Moments later, Draco realized that he was being poked in the back. Michael was telling to sing, or he'd chop off his silver locks. Draco shuddered, and sang.

"Art thou ready?"

The crowd started laughing, and one girl screeched out so loud, Draco could feel his hair protesting to the noise. Fortunately, the song was over. And he fled the stage.

"Gaaaaaak!!! Where am I??? Who are the Lost Boys? What is with this TEAL craze??? And why are people throwing undergarments????"

Draco leapt off the stage, being unable to flee it as he had planned, and was followed by the Lost Boys.

"Thank you, thank you very much! We'll be here till Thursday!"

And a bright flash of decidedly TEAL light flashed, finding Draco sitting up in bed, a cold sweat running down his face.

"I'M STILL PRETTIER THAN YOU ARE, MICHAEL STARR!!!!"

The End.