Imperfections of Perfection

Added note/disclaimer: I also use quotes from other places. If you find a quote that wasn't cited, please notify me.

"There is no turning back now

Everything you've ever wanted

Everything in this moment

There is no turning back now"

XVI

And So We Fall

They told me Draco Malfoy was dying on Monday. Professor McGonagall had announced it during breakfast, which I had missed.

Luna went to see Malfoy on Thursday. Colin Creevey, the only other Gryffindor left in my year, went to see him on the following Friday.

He told me that Malfoy looked really bad. He said that no one was saying what Malfoy was ill of, but he'd heard Hermione telling my brother that Malfoy's body seemed to failing. It was shutting itself down little by little.

I decided to ignore it. Malfoy was faking it - he was always one for attention. But two weeks went by, crawling as time had slowed the moment McGonagall announced Malfoy was really ill. And I sat by myself and watched people - they all cried.

Why would they cry over Malfoy, I honestly didn't know.

"I heard that he might get better... but it's gonna be close," I heard a fourth year telling his friend. They were trying to console a girl who was crying brokenheartedly. She was sobbing and they kept telling her that Malfoy would be all right. Who was she, I don't know.

I complained to Luna and Colin, my constant companions. "I mean everyone's paying attention to him! I mean, come on - he's faking it. When he gets tired of it - if ever, he'll tell everyone how he almost died."

"He's not faking," Colin told me finally. "He's really sick. The last time I checked, people were donating blood. He needs it - he's severely anemic. He's really, really sick, Ginny."

"And he's not getting better," Luna said very quietly. We looked at her in surprise. She knew things sometimes, but... Luna was an odd girl.

"He's a good faker," I said firmly.

"He's not," said Colin. He looked at me and sighed. "Ginny... why don't you go and pay him a little visit. You can decide whether he's faking it or not."

xxx

I crept into the Hospital Wing, a little shocked by the hush that hung over it. I honestly don't know what I expected. I guess I expected to see a million cards and presents for Malfoy. But there weren't any near him. There were presents and cards, but they were in Madam Pomfrey's office, I found out later.

When I first saw him laying there, a tube taped to his arm that dripped nutrients into him, I thought he was dead. He was barely breathing and when I touched him, his skin was cold. He was shivering even though he was lying under a thousand blankets. It took me a while to realize that his fingernails were a pale bluish color already.

"Malfoy?" I whispered, unable to stop the horror in my voice from coming out. How the hell did he get so sick, I wondered.

Thing was, he hadn't just gotten sick right now. He'd gotten sick years ago and nobody had known it.

"Weasley?" he murmured. He looked at me with an odd look on his face. "Maybe I really am dying," he said. "You've come to visit me."

"Piss off, Malfoy," I said, but I felt something inside me - some indefinable sense of sorrow.

"I will," he told me. "I'll be gone soon and then... you'll get Harry to yourself."

"Of course you won't be gone," I said flatly. "Harry loves you, Malfoy. He loves you the way he never loved me. Ours was a childhood love. Yours is ... indefinable."

"Sure," he murmured. I could see he was tired and I could see how thin he was. He was so thin... he looked so small in that bed. He looked like he was fading away from this world.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No," Malfoy told me. "My liver's failing, did you know? Once it fails I'm dead. None of the Healers can heal me now. I'm too far gone into this." He laughed bitterly, "Did you know, I thought it was going to make me feel better - doing this to myself." He smiled at me. "Life's ironic, don't you think? I wanted to die... and now that I've got Harry, I don't want to die. I want to stay with him."

"You will," I told him softly. I was regretting every hurtful word I've ever said toward him.

He only smiled at me and coughed weakly.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it was long enough for him to fall asleep.

It's weird - sitting next to someone who's walking so close to death that it's a wonder if he'll make it. I didn't really believe he could live. He was too sick now. He looked far too sick. I think it'd take a miracle to save him.

xxx

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked me that morning. She looked at me angrily. "Don't you realize Draco's really, really ill?!"
"I wasn't doing anything," I said.

"Ginny, I've seen you storming around lately in a fit of jealous rage. You'd better not have done anything," Ron told me and that was the last straw.

I couldn't believe them. As much as I hated the thought of Harry moving on without me - dating another person... and as much as I hated Draco Malfoy, I would never in a million years hurt someone who was already this far down.

"Fine!" I said. "I don't care - I'm going."

Maybe I really should leave, I thought. It seemed to me that nobody really needed me around anymore.

Why should I stay?

Harry had Malfoy now.

Everyone had somebody now...

xxx

There's a knife. It's very pretty too. The way the light hits it and bounces off the sharp edge of it. It gives me a sense of power as I hold it in my hands. Peppercorn's watching us cut up our ingredients...

She'll never know if I take this pretty silver knife. It's very pretty. And oh, so deliciously sharp. She'll never know...

None of them will ever know.

I slip it into my pocket and pretend to put it back where I got it.

I've made up my mind to do it, see. They'll be happier, you see.

The whole world will be much happier.

I hear them whispering saying that Harry's heart is breaking - his lover's dying and his best friend's sister wants to kill him a little faster.

Yeah, they don't need me...

Malfoy's gotten even worse since I was last there... maybe he'll stay and make Harry happy if I go.

I wonder how long will it take for them to notice I'm gone. I wonder if they notice that it's snowing today. There are only two days left before Christmas vacation begins...

But they won't notice I'm gone.

Me and my pretty knife...

It's so pretty and it feels so good against my skin. I look good in the red... I look so good in it, don't I?

It's my turn to fly now...

- Shinedown

A/N: The scene in italics is actually jumping a little into the future/present. It won't come up again until the chapter after the next... I think... can't really remember. Argh! I feel like my timing is so bad in this one!

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

1. Let's just say I got the thoughts in Ginny's head about nobody wanting her around straight out of a textbook.