Imperfections of Perfection

Added note/disclaimer: I also use quotes from other places. If you find a quote that wasn't cited, please notify me.

"One of the most lasting pleasures you can experience is the feeling that comes over you when you genuinely forgive an enemy - whether he knows it or not."

VI

Regrets

I was in the library. Ron says I live in the library - he also told me that if we get the money, he'll build me a library in our home.

He's so sweet sometimes. Occasionally, he's an ass, but he's my ass.

"Er... Granger?" I turned around and saw Draco Malfoy standing right behind me. I studied him and he studied me in silence.

"You look... all right," he said abruptly.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I told him. "Looks like you weren't affected by the war." I put my hand over my mouth. I wished I hadn't said that.

He didn't say anything before he nodded slowly, taking a deep breath.

"I... um... wanted to talk to you...and Potter... and that boyfriend of yours."

"Oh?" I said, trying to sound interested. Thing is, I wasn't. I wasn't interested in hearing what Draco Malfoy had to say.

"Yeah," he said.

"Well, look, Malfoy, I'll tell Harry and Ron you want to talk to the three of us, but I've got work to do." I turned away and started to work on my essay for Ancient Runes. It wasn't due for another two weeks, but I really didn't want to leave it until the last minute.

I looked carefully at it, making certain there were no mistakes.

I hate mistakes more than anything else. Ron says I shouldn't try so hard, but I believe that I need to meet the high expectations I have of myself. Frankly, I don't give a damn if I'm not perfect, but my research and my homework need to be accurate and as close to perfect as I can get them. That's all I ask for and so, here I was, in the library working on homework. Later tonight I was going to go over Harry and Ron's homework as well.

I sat back after a while, working out a cramp from my hand. It hurt from writing so much. I looked through my work carefully, searching for mistakes.

I needed to study, and so I drew myself up a study schedule. Then I went to the common room to talk to Harry and Ron.

xxx

"So..." said Harry. "You wanted to talk to us."

"Spit it out, Ferretboy," Ron said coldly.

I was silent, watching Malfoy. He seemed a little paler than usual, a little... stressed out.

"Look," said Malfoy, "I just wanted to tell you... I'm sorry for how I've acted in the past. I was wondering if we could start over and -"

"No," I said flatly. Ron and Harry looked like they approved of my decision.

"Yeah, Malfoy," said Ron. "We don't want you around - at all. So piss off."

Malfoy turned to Harry.

"I can't," said Harry. "I'm sorry - I can't just forgive you because you ask me to!"

But I could. I could forgive him.

"Look, Malfoy," I said quietly, "I forgive you, for what it's worth."

"What!" Ron spluttered and Harry mouthed silently at me.

"But I can't start over... I can't promise you that we'll be friends. You've hurt me... my friends - the people I care about. Some of them you can't ask forgiveness from, Malfoy. I'll forgive you, but I won't be friends with you."

"All right," Malfoy whispered. He turned to go, his spirit seemed dejected and yet... he held himself with some pride. "It's more than I expected, anyway," he added in a voice so soft it barely carried across the room.

I stopped - everything in me stopped. There was something... something...

"Malfoy, wait!" I called out to his back, but he was already gone. I was talking to the door as it swung shut behind him.

I'd realized what was off...

The sheen of tears in his eyes as he refused to let them fall, for Draco Malfoy was far too proud to let those tears fall.

- O. A. Battista.

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

1. That Draco wouldn't cry - as we all know, he can cry and he does cry. Except I'm assuming as he was crying in a bathroom that he does not cry in public - or at least he tries not to cry, because I'm pretty sure I've read about him crying more than once. It's just never been a big fuss about it before the sixth book.