Imperfections of Perfection

"Sometimes it's like you're a big pie settin' on the table, and everybody runs up and gets their piece of you. When it's over, the plate's empty."

I

Empty on the Inside

They say killing a man changes you. Except I feel... nothing.

I remember that he didn't flinch or even seem afraid. He seemed almost triumphant as he fell over dead... at my hands.

Here you behold the bloodstained hands of a murderer.

Everyone came up to me and congratulated me on saving the world the moment I came back. The moment the world was safe again - free from the clutches of somebody like Voldemort.

And yet... I feel as though I've killed some essential part of myself somehow...

"Harry!" Hermione called out to me the moment she saw me on the train to Hogwarts.

We were going to complete our Seventh Year. More than half of us were eighteen, but... we weren't exactly normal. We were among the generation that saw Dumbledore die. These - my classmates, were in my year.

"How are you mate?" asked Ron. "Bloody wicked how they've asked you to play professional Quidditch. I hear Malfoy's not happy about that."

Malfoy. Now there was a mystery. Draco Malfoy was my nemesis for all the years at Hogwarts... and yet during the war... he vanished.

The last time I'd seen him he'd been a sixteen-year-old who was terrified of dying.

"Really," I asked Ron, "who said that?"

"Erm...I think it was Parvati."

"Oh. So, did they find him?"

"Didn't you hear?" asked Ron, looking at me in amazement.

"Hear what?"

"They found him holed up in the Muggle world," said Hermione. "He was living in one of those fancy areas for the rich people. They found him by accident, actually - I think one of the neighbors realized that he looked a lot like the Missing Persons' picture of Draco Malfoy the Ministry put out to find him."

"So, he was living with a rich Muggle?" I said.

"No," said Hermione. "He was living with another wizard that none of our generation knew, but the older generation did know. Draco Malfoy was living with a wizard with the name Acheron."

"Oh?" I said, trying to sound interested. Ron, I noticed, didn't look interested at all.

"Acheron disappeared when he was seventeen," said Hermione, calmly. "He disappeared from the Wizarding world six months before Voldermort went to Godric's Hollow..."

I knew where she was going. "So - he's been gone for seventeen years and now they've found him with Malfoy?"

"That's the point," she said exasperated. "Everyone's going on about the fact that Malfoy ran off to live with him - a Muggle-lover as some people are calling him and they're not focusing on the most interesting part!"

"Which is," said Ron, "that Malfoy's a bloody hypocrite preaching about how Muggles are the bane of his existence and yet he runs off at the first sign of trouble to live with the one person he knows who married a Muggle!"

"That's not what the most important part is," snapped Hermione. "The main part of this whole thing is that Acheron was Narcissa Malfoy's first son."

Ron and I stared at her.

"So," said Ron, "he's Malfoy's half brother?"

"No," said Hermione.[Author ID1: at Mon May 29 05:35:00 2006 ],[Author ID1: at Mon May 29 05:35:00 2006 ] "Acheron's full name - which somehow escaped everyone's notice - is Acheron Malfoy. He ran off with his Muggle girlfriend at the age of seventeen. He was disowned when he married her when they were eighteen, but she died in a car accident about a year ago."

"Was Malfoy driving?" I asked.

"No. Actually..." Hermione looked at me then at Ron. "There's something really wrong with Malfoy... Draco Malfoy that is ... His brother's here - he's agreed to teach since..."

"The school was closed last year."

Hermione looked mildly surprised, before she said, "Yes. Since the school was closed last year."

xxx

I passed most of train ride in a somewhat blissful silence. I was going back to the one place I'd know as home.

On the way to Hogwarts, though I discovered a few things about Malfoy.

He'd inherited all of his family's money - his brother, Acheron, hadn't wanted it, but he'd agreed to take control of it for Malfoy until Malfoy was twenty-one. The second was - Lucius Malfoy was dead. His body was found and he was confirmed dead and Narcissa Malfoy was insane. She'd gone insane when the news arrived, telling her that Lucius Malfoy was dead, fallen for Voldemort. I'd heard from Seamus, who bore a scar that ran from his elbow to his neck, that Narcissa had killed herself three days ago.

I felt sorry for Malfoy - he'd lost both of his parents.

But so have I, I thought to myself.

Finally, the castle came into view and I changed into my robes.

xxx

Hermione and Ron were officially together. They'd announced their intentions of getting married during dinner. They'd told me they were getting married a while ago, so I was not surprised to hear it.

People cheered for them and promised a party in the Gryffindor style.

I looked around at my classmates. Had any of them killed someone? Sure, nobody would miss Tom Riddle who was known as Voldemort.

Voldemort was dead at my hands... and yet I didn't feel guilty about killing him. I felt guilty because I didn't feel guilty for the murder of someone else. I thought I should feel guilty. I thought I would be happier... but I wasn't happier. I was... numb.

I was so tired of fighting for the world and never getting anything in return. I turned my gaze, looking at the people who were missing from our midst.

Neville was gone, dying bravely in a battle that he shouldn't have had to fight. Dean was blind in one eye, which he now wore a patch over it and tried to ignore the ugly burn scar on the side of his face.

Seamus had gotten off lightly - he had a scar that marked a cursed wound that might've killed him. He walked with a slight limp because of a shattered hip.

Most of us huddled together, drawing teary eyes to places that should've been filled with a friend who had fallen.

But it was not anywhere nearly as bad as the Slytherin table had it. Out of all the Slytherins in my year, only Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, and Pansy Parkinson were left. The rest of the Slytherins - some, like Crabbe, were in St. Mungo's insane. Some were, like Nott, in Azkaban.

I don't know how many people were missing in the other years, but the group that was sorted into one of the Four Houses was a quiet and solemn group. They were too young to witness a great war - but they had. Only the Muggle-borns had no idea of the war... and even they were affected one way or another.

"Cheer up, Harry," said Ron beside me, "you're becoming highly reminiscent of Moaning Myrtle."

I forced a smile on my face, saying, "Yeah... you're right. So... which one of the new professors is Malfoy's brother?"

We all turned to look at the Head Table. Lupin was there - something that brought a smile to my face. I was glad Lupin was here. I knew he'd be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.

I could see new professors at the Head Table. There were about three new professors.

McGonagall was no longer teaching Transfiguration - another professor got the post. I didn't see Slughorn, but then I hadn't expected to see him - he'd died in the war, or so they said. He might've managed to get away.

Hagrid was there, sitting next to McGonagall. I could see Flitwick... Professor Binns was gone and nobody knew where. The ghosts had vanished at some point and nobody could find them. Even Peeves was gone.

"The woman teaching potions is Professor Peppercorn. Firenze is, of course, taking the full responsibility for Divination since Trelawney died..." Hermione paused, and I remembered - Voldemort had discovered it was Trelawney who'd made the prophecy about the two of us and he'd tortured her, killing her slowly, but she had not revealed anything - thankfully. "Professor Greene is the new Transfiguration professor. Lupin's teaching DADA, as you all know." She hesitated then said, "And I believe Acheron Malfoy's teaching Muggle Studies."

"What?" we all said.

"It makes sense," said Hermione, shrugging, "he's a wizard and he was married to a Muggle woman for maybe fifteen, fourteen - maybe thirteen years and he lived as a Muggle. He never did magic again in the Muggle world."

"So... you're saying it's okay for a Malfoy to teach us something?" asked Seamus coldly, "This could be their chance of rising again and becoming the new Dark Lord..."

"Everyone thought Lucius Malfoy would be the next Dark Lord, but he's dead and Narcissa Malfoy... well..."

We all paused and thought about the woman who had killed herself.

I turned to look over at Draco Malfoy. He was sitting at the table, silently as besides him Pansy Parkinson talked animatedly, but quietly to Blaise Zabini. I watched him, a little puzzled.

There was something different about him. I couldn't tell what it was, but I could tell that something had changed. I watched him suddenly stand up, pushing his plate away, ignoring Pansy, who called out his name as he walked out of the Great Hall.

"Poor Malfoy," said Hermione, "he's lost a lot."

"Poor Malfoy?" echoed Ron. "He inherited over a billion galleons from his father! The Ministry let him have it! He never did anything for the war - he was filthy Death Eater."

I looked at Ron. Sometimes, I don't understand him, even if he is my best friend.

Of course, we were talking about Draco Malfoy who seemed to be perfection embodied. He was rich, and yes, even I would grudgingly admit that he was good-looking... for a boy, that is. His parents, although insane, they had loved him and given him everything he wanted.

He was, according to Hermione the second in our class, seeing as he'd taken the placement tests before coming back to Hogwarts and he'd ranked second - even at his lowest score, he was still perfect. He didn't fail his classes; he never had anything to worry about.

Yeah, I thought to myself then, Draco Malfoy was perfect... there was no need to feel sorry for him.

He wasn't like me - he wasn't empty... he was perfect.

- Loretta Lynn.

A/N: All right... before we go any further into the story, I just want to say this one was a bit difficult to write. I don't think I do the subject here justice. Maybe I romanticize them. I hope not. And the research on a certain part of it comes from a really long time ago. I haven't looked things up on eating disorders in a very long time. I only retrieved what was already in my possession. Then again, this is a fanfiction and it's very odd, very strange. I honestly don't feel this is the best there is, but it's the best I could do on it... anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

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P.S: When you see the "N/A" means that I didn't use any quotes or anything that I know of.