Imperfections of Perfection

Added note/disclaimer: I also use quotes from other places. If you find a quote that wasn't cited, please notify me.

"When there is pain, there are no words. All pain is the same."

X

Blame

I was under my Invisibility Cloak, wandering around the school. I couldn't sleep again. I walked down a corridor where I heard voices.

"...ke you to a Healer and see if they can help," a voice said. I gathered that it was male by the tenor and I slowly moved closer until I could see them. It was Draco Malfoy and a boy - man, I hadn't ever seen. He looked maybe in his mid or late twenties. "Thing is, Draco, even magic can't heal everything. The Healers at St. Mungo's might not be able to help you at all." Draco started to say something but the man held up his hand. "Look, Draco, I'm not telling you all of this as the Head of your house, or as your Muggle Studies professor... I'm telling you this as your brother. You've got a problem and if you don't get help soon, you're going to die."

I almost fell over in shock. I'd assumed that Draco Malfoy was a spoiled little rich boy who got everything he wanted.

To tell you the truth, I'd somehow managed to place him in the same place as Dudley Dursley. I'd always thought him as the magical version - and thinner, version of Dudley.

I'd assumed, like everyone else that Draco Malfoy was rich, good-looking, and got everything he wanted. I'd believed that Draco had the perfect life; no problems except the ones he believed were problems but were not at all. Such as not getting one thing he wanted for one.

But hearing this conversation I realized that Draco Malfoy had bigger problems. I mean, if he was going to die because of whatever problems he had, I'd say they were huge.

And then I realized that the professor talking to him was his brother.

I gaped at Acheron Malfoy. I hadn't seen him - well, I had, but I hadn't realized it was him. For one thing, I'd assumed he'd have the same platinum blonde hair. He didn't - he was dark where Malfoy was light. His skin was darker even - like maybe he spent a lot of time outside and had developed a golden tan.

The only thing that looked the same - almost identical between Draco and Acheron Malfoy was their eyes. The shape and color was the same. Aside from that, everyone would think they weren't related.

Acheron walked away and left Malfoy standing there looking unhappy.

I don't know what made me do it. I don't know what possessed me to walk a little bit away, pull off my cloak, and walk back toward him.

"Hey, Malfoy," I called out to him.

His head snapped up toward me.

"Potter," he greeted me, suspiciously. "Did you hear anything?"

I gave him my best blank look. "Hear what?"

"Nothing. Never mind. What do you want?"

"Well," I said, "I've been thinking..." I trailed off.

"Yes? Aside from the miracle you know how to think, I mean."

I was about to retort before I decided to ignore that and continued, "About the truce you called..." I hesitated and said, "I agree to start over with you."

He stared at me for a second. Then he graced me with a smile that I'd never seen on his face. This smile outshined everything in the world and left me dazed and utterly lost.

"All right," he told me. "Let's start over. I'm Draco Malfoy." He offered me his hand the way he had long ago.

I looked at it then at his face. His smile was still there, lurking in his eyes, but it was starting to falter.

What possessed me, I don't know. I stepped closer to him, leaned in and kissed him.

The thought that I was kissing a boy - on the lips - that I was kissing Draco bleeding Malfoy of all people, of all boys, never crossed my mind. I just thought that it felt right.

I pulled away and murmured into his ear. "I'm Harry Potter."

He stared at me, silver eyes wide. I wondered if maybe I'd scared him.

"Are you going to ask me out?" he asked finally.

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" I asked laughingly.

He looked at me and smiled. "With you?" I nodded and his smile seemed to become brighter. "I'll go anywhere with you."

I tilted my head and said, "You realize this makes us gay, right?"

"It makes us..."

"Boyfriends," I half said, half asked.

He nodded and then looked at me expectantly. I smiled and kissed him again. This time he kissed me back, wrapping his arms around me. Finally we came up again to breathe and we started laughing.

I mean, it was funny. How the hell do you go from being "mortal" enemies to becoming boyfriends, skipping entirely over the part of becoming friends?

Fatal attraction.

xxx

The next day, I woke up thinking...

What the hell possessed me to kiss Draco bleeding Malfoy?

He was going to kill me for kissing him, and that was when Ron woke me up - or shook me so I opened my eyes, telling him I was awake.

"Hermione!" I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Ginny," she said. "I went to wake her up this morning... Oh, God." She was in utter shock.

"What happened?" I demanded. Draco would come later, I thought. Then thought... since when has he been 'Draco'?!

"I don't know - I just walked in and her arms... just come!" she grabbed our arms and we ran toward the stairs heading toward the girls' dormitories.

"Wait, Hermione - we can't go in there!"

Hermione ignored Ron and fell on her knees at the fifth step and pressed a stone I'd never noticed. "Come on - this'll let you get up there for a while."

Ron and I walked up the stairs and followed her.

We pushed the door open to Ginny's room - for there was no one but her left in her year. No Gryffindors, anyway, aside from Colin Creevey.

She was sitting in a chair and her eyes were red.

"Ginny... show them your arms or I'll do it for you," Hermione said.

Ginny looked at me then at Ron.

"It's not your fault," she said and then showed us her arms. On that flesh were jagged lines - red lines that looked like they'd been semi-deep scratches and there were others that were healed, but turning into scars.

"Ginny... why?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "It just felt good. It felt so good."

"We're going to have to take you to Madam Pomfrey," Ron said finally. "I'm going to write to Mum and Dad, Ginny."

"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I watched her cry and wondered how I would react if Draco really did die. I didn't know what was wrong with him...

But his brother had said he might die.

What a mess this life was.

xxx

I didn't think it would be wise to tell Ron where I was going. As seventh years and especially since it was us, we were allowed to go to Hogsmeade whenever we wanted to go. Besides, it was a Hogsmeade weekend for the rest of the school.

I met him at the Three Broomsticks, where he managed to get us a private room. I didn't even know they had rooms there.

"Hi!" he said breathlessly. He was smiling at me until he saw something in my gaze - something.

"What's wrong?"

"Ginny," I told him. "She... she's been cutting herself. I just don't understand why she'd do that!"

"It's addictive," Draco said quietly. He sighed. "Yes," he said answering my unspoken question, "I was... slightly suicidal in the first year up until third, I think." He grinned at me, with seemingly ironic humor. "I figured out I didn't really want to die when that Hippogriff slashed me."

I nodded and said, "I'm glad you don't want to die."

"Yeah..." said Draco. He seemed very far away. He seemed sad... and I kind of knew why. I didn't know the details, but what his brother had said... what I'd overheard...

Forget it, I told myself.

Somehow, I did manage to forget it - for then.

xxx

In Potions class Professor Peppercorn announced that we were assigned partners for the potions project that would make up twenty-five percent of our grade.

Predictably, she paired me up with Draco.

"Try to ignore him," Hermione told me quietly.

"Tough luck," said Ron.

I headed across the room and sat down next to Draco. He gave me a quick, but faint smile.

xxx

We met up in the library.

"I'm going to go and work on my Potions with Malfoy," I told them by the way of explanation why I wouldn't be there for dinner.

"Oh... all right," said Hermione.

"Hex him for me," said Ron. "And don't say anything, 'Mione, you know he deserves it."

I left them to it.

So there I was, in the library with Draco Malfoy... my new boyfriend. Well, my first boyfriend, but whatever.

"Harry," Draco said, smiling at me brightly when he saw me.

"Draco!" I said just as happily and was about to kiss him when someone cleared their throat. I belatedly realized that a Professor was standing there.

"Oh... Hello," I said.

"Name's Acheron Malfoy," he said.

"You're Draco's brother? Really?" I blurted out.

Draco burst out laughing, "Yeah. We get that all the time, so don't worry about it."

He'd startled me for the second time. They seriously did not look alike at all.

"Yes. Mr. Potter... Harry - do mind if I call you Harry?"

I shook my head.

"Well, Harry... as Draco's older brother, I'm telling you - you'd better take care of him. Or else." He glared at me.

I gulped and nodded, "Don't worry, I will."

"Good," he said brightly and walked away.

"Oh-kay," I said.

"Yeah," said Draco. "He's... a bit strange like that. Well, not usually, but he does do really strange things like that."

"I thought he might chew my head off for making you gay."

"I told him I wasn't gay. I just like you."

"Oh." I said, flattered. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was." Draco grinned at me and I smiled back at him and kissed him. He looked so sweet... so wonderful.

And how the hell this happened, I didn't know and didn't really care.

I was still lost in the sensations of kissing Draco Malfoy when I heard a soft cry of distress.

"Oh!" said another voice - this one was much more familiar.

We broke apart. I turned, dreading it already and saw Hermione standing there looking at us with a bemused expression her face.

Standing next to her, trying hard not to cry, was Ginny.

"I - that is - we - it's just," I sputtered.

"You... you pouf!" Ginny yelled at me. "I hate you!"

She turned around and fled.

"Why'd she react like that? I broke up with her at the end of our Sixth Year," I said blankly.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione said. "She still loves you... and you don't love her."

And I'd hurt her. What is about me that I always hurt everyone I love... or that loves me?

- Toni Morrison

A/N: All right, Ginny's not over Harry, but Harry isn't quite the same person he used to be. Plus, I've always more or less thought that Ginny loves the idea of Harry Potter. She was in love with him before she met him, remember? So... no, not a real love.

On the bright side of this chapter we got Harry kissing Draco! : )

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

1. Ginny's cutting herself - most cutters cut themselves because they hurt inside and want something to show that pain. That's what feels so good. Of course, there's the sociopath who cut themselves in order to try to understand what pain feels like... and the attention seekers. And the suicidal cutters (the most dangerous!) and there are the ones that cut themselves as a method of helping them deal with life. Not an entirely healthy choice. Most of them don't really seem to know why they cut - they just know it makes them feel better. Again... it's about control. Addictive and destructive... very seductive, very alluring behavior, but NOT good!