Eudice Four: Gender Bender

It was February and it was boiling hot in the Potions dungeon, but Snape didn't care because he was evil.

"Can anyone tell me what this is?" he asked his miserable class, all of whom were stifling their robes, and he lifted a beaker of glutinous pink liquid high into the air so they could all get a gander at it. Hermione's hand shot into the air because she was very smart.

"A Desire Potion," she said promptly, and gave a little shudder. Snape ignored her because he was evil.

"Anyone?" he said, scanning the class.

Draco raised his hand into the air. "A Desire Potion," he said.

"Very good, Draco!" said Snape enthusiastically. "Five points for Slytherin. Now," he went on, "Can anyone tell me what it does?" He rounded suddenly on Ron, who blinked. "Weasley?"

Ron, startled in mid-yawn, said, "It, er, makes your dreams come true."

Snape, looking disappointed, said, "That's correct." He did not give five points to Gryffindor because he was evil, and picked up the vial and began dispensing a measured amount into a small paper cup.

"Now," he said, straightening up, "One person in this class will have to drink half a cup of Desire Potion. That'll give you an idea how the potion's supposed to work. Tomorrow, you'll try making it yourself, then drinking it. I warn you, however," he said, directing this last bit to Neville, "that making a mistake with Desire Potion can have'unpleasant consequences. You might never able to return to your true form."

Neville squeaked.

"Right then," said Snape, "Mr. Potter would you come up."

Harry's jaw dropped.

"No! I won't do it," said Harry in a furious voice, but Snape was not impressed, because he was evil.

"Get up here, Potter," he said.

Harry walked up and Snape forced him to drink the potion because he was evil. When Harry drank it, he turned into a girl with big boobs! He She was rushed to the hospital wing by Eudice Eusyram, who was an incredibly gorgeous American woman and a genius when it comes it everything. She also happened to be part veela, an Animagus and a Metamorphmagus. Since her Animagi form was that of a Kelpie, it meant she could turn into almost anything. She had also been Remus Lupin's girlfriend when they were at Hogwarts and wrote the Marauder's Map, but let Lupin and his friends take credit for it because she's so generous and humble.

Ron, Hermione, Draco, Ginny, Luna and Eurydice all waited anxiously to hear what had happened (Eudice wasn't anxious because she was perfect) and Madam Pomfrey eventually walked out and explained that she couldn't do anything and that Harry Harriet had been taken to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

Meanwhile at St. Mungo's, a bunch of Healers were playing golf indoors and listening to "Suicide Is Painless" by Johnny Mandel on the radio.

"Broomsticks," said a short Healer with glasses. "Hear they come!" Suddenly, a fleet of broomsticks flew towards them carrying Harry Harriet's body!

"Attention all personal," said a magically magnified voice, "Report immediately to admitting ward and operating room." All the Healers rushed out to the landing platform and took Harry's Harriet's body. Then, they carried him her into the hospital on a stretcher.

Eudice had come along since she had once been a Healer herself. In fact, she was better than all the other Healers because she was a genius when it came to everything. However, despite how perfect she was, there was nothing she could do and she walked into the waiting room, where the man on the radio was singing "My Blue Heaven" in Japanese, to tell Ron, Hermione, Draco, Ginny, Luna and Eurydice what happened.

"What happened?" Draco asked her.

"Harry's been permanently turned into a girl with big boobs," answered Eudice gravely.

"Surely you can't be serious!" Hermione said in shock.

"I am," Eudice told her, "And don't call me 'Shirley.'"

"After you've known Harry for so long as a boy, how will we get used to him being a girl with big boobs?" Ginny asked Eudice desperately.

"Because you get to take him--I mean, her out shopping so she can get some girl clothes," Eudice answered.

"Yea, that will be fun!" Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Eurydice all cheered in unison. They all took Harry Harriet shopping and bought him her lots of girl clothes! Harry Harriet at first found it very embarrassing being a girl with big boobs, but when he she got lots of hot clothes it all made up for it. In fact, by the time they were all heading back to Hogwarts, Harry Harriet was getting very comfortable with his her new sex.

As they were on there way out of Hogsmeade, they saw an old peddler woman selling lemons.

"This is a magic wishing lemon," she told Harry Harriet. "One bite and all your dreams will come true!"

"You shouldn't take it," Eurydice said. "We don't even know this woman."

"Nonsense," Harry Harriet replied as he she took the lemon, "What's the worst that could happen?"

Harry Harriet found this out when he she fell unconscious. The old peddler woman cackled and turned into Lucius Malfoy, who was evil!

"I will now take you to Malfoy Manor and lock you up in the dungeons," Lucius laughed. "That will teach you to mess with me!"

Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Eurydice tried to stop him, but Lucius got away. Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Eurydice all went to Eudice for help. They knew Eudice could fix the problem because she was perfect and a genius when it came to everything.

"There's only one person who can help me save Harry--I mean, Harriet," Eudcie explained, "And that person is Ginny Weasley."

"Why?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know, that's just the way things are," Eudice explained. "We'd better hurry before they do something to him--I mean, her!"

Eudice and Ginny sneaked in Malfoy Manor through the backdoor, which Bob the gardener always left unlocked. The instant they stepped inside, Lucius walked out with his wand raised.

"I've been waiting for you, Eudice," he said. "We meat again at last. The circle is now complete--when I left you I was but the learner, now I am the master."

"Only a master of evil, Lucius," Eudice said in response and with that a duel started. Bob the gardener grabbed Ginny, took off all her clothes, raped her and tossed her into the dungeon with Harry Harriet. Ginny felt miserable until Harry Harriet, who now understood girl talk, comforted her and so the two of them fell in love. Fortunately, Ginny was a lesbian.

They escaped from the dungeons and ran out into the room where Eudice and Lucius were fighting.

"Eudice?" Harry Harriet asked uncertainly. Suddenly, Lucius hit her with a spell and she disappeared, leaving a pile of clothes on the floor!

"No!" Harry Harriet yelled. He was so mad that he hit Lucius Malfoy with a curse and sent him flying out the window!

"ROOOOOSEBUUUD!!!!!!!!!!" Lucius yelled as he fell down into the darkness, where, thankfully, he died.

Everyone was upset that Eudice had died and they had a funeral in a church.

" We are gathered here today," the priest guy said, "To pay our final respects to Eudice Eugenia Eugenie Euphemia Eula Eustacia Eunice Eudora Eusyram. But it should be noted that this death takes place in the shadow of Harry, I mean Harriett being saved--of her coming home to her friends--a person our beloved comrade gave her life to protect and nourish. She did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate her profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have in my life, she was the most...perfect."

Suddenly, Eudice walked in the door complete naked! All the male people turned to ogle her because she was so incredibly gorgeous, but Eudice didn't seem to notice all this because she was perfect.

"What's going on?" Eudice asked.

"We thought you were dead," Hermione explained.

"Well, I'm not," Eudice answered. "I just Disapparated and left my clothes behind to trick Lucius."

"Oops," the priest said. "Oh, well," he added happily, happily tossing his Bible aside, "No harm done."

"Why did it take you so long to get here?" asked Dumbledore.

"I went to get this for Harry--I mean, Harriet," she said holding up a Britney Spears CD. "I though he--I mean, she might like it since she's now a girl."

"Can I have it when you're done?" Ron asked looking at the picture of Britney Spears, who was gorgeous (but, of course, nowhere near as incredibly gorgeous as either Eudice or Eurydice.)

"Okay," Harry Harriet said happily as he she took the CD. "That's fine with me!"