Rosa Crocea

Rosa Crocea
Part I: Exile into Sadness

Chapter One: Exposure

A few inches high,
Airy and almost transparent in body;
So delicate in their form that a dewdrop,
When they chance to dance on it, trembles, indeed,
But never breaks.
-- Thomas C. Croker from Irish Fairy Tales

The brisk, golden autumn passed, and winter took its place breathlessly. The bitter goddess of winter threw her vast gray shawl across the land, and breathed icy gusts of wind that sent people scurrying into their dwellings. The days grew short, and the blazing sun seemed to dim in the sky, rolling lazily across a colorless sky each day.

People retreated into their homes, and became grave and drowsy, wishing impatiently for the distant spring.

---

After the afternoon Vespers, the nuns were called to an assembly held in the spacious dinning hall. Women shuffled silently through the entrance, and sat upon the rows of wooden benches. As the chamber begun to fill up, one nun lingered by the doorway, peering nervously inside at Heidi, who was standing pompously amid the women.

Come inside Ethlinn! Mouthed Erin at her over the bowed heads of the others, eyes jumping. Habitually, she gnawed on her lower lip to release nervous feelings.

Erin's efforts were in vain, for Ethlinn wasn't even looking her way. Her crystal blue eyes were wide and unfocused, matching the unhappy blue shadows beneath them. Pale lips slightly parted, she breathed shallowly. She took a small step forward nervously, then quickly back again as if it burnt. Drawing her cloak about her frame, Ethlinn inched furtively backwards into the shadows.

Heidi's sharp eyes flitted to and fro, and spotted Ethlinn's retreating figure by the doorway. A bright, sunny smile plastered to her broad face, she waddled up to the young woman and took Ethlinn by the hand. "Come now child," said she soothingly, and jerked Ethlinn into the room, "we haven't any time to waste."

Forlornly, Ethlinn allowed Heidi to lead her into the room, and looked quickly for Erin's head among the crowd. She saw her friend quickly, and pulled against Heidi's grip to seek companionship amongst a crowd of familiar faces. Heidi's sausage-like fingers tightened around her own, and tugged Ethlinn beside her with a subtle jerk of her arm. Ethlinn tried again to free herself from Heidi's iron grip without progress, and became fearful when Heidi firmly dragged her along through the hall.

Her eyes followed the many pairs of feet poking out from under skirts, and looked up when the rows of feet ended. She was startled to meet the stern gaze of her Abbess, standing only several paces from her.

"Si-Sister Heidi, I shall go sit now." Ethlinn's tiny voice was urgent as she stiffened her arm and yanked it quickly out of the other woman's hands. Heidi let her go, and watched as Ethlinn skittered to the very back of the chamber and hid behind the others.

"Good day dear sisters," Heidi raised her chin, and smiled her oily, charming smile. "We gather here today to review our sacred duties. As you all know, we dwell here in the sanctified cloister to worship the Lord, one and only. Our mind, body, and soul are all devoted to his..." Heidi's words soon faded to Ethlinn's ears, replaced by a consistent droning, rather like that of an annoying insect, humming away endlessly. The only difference was that Ethlinn couldn't swat away the buzz with a wave of her hand. The stout woman went on with her mind-numbing speech, repeating several times, their duties of worship and healing, and their vows. She sang the praises of the Lord, voice filled with rehearsed drama; she emphasized that they must retain unwavering devotion to him. Repeatedly did she pledge herself thoroughly and completely to the divine and omnipotent God. This was followed by some harsh warnings about sinning, and described in vivid words, the eternal burning in hell.

Heidi's raptures of faith met approving sighs at first, but the length and redundancy of her discourse aroused feelings of boredom. Several nuns began to doze gently, supporting their heads with the balls of their fists. A tall, reedy woman beside Ethlinn snored gently, leaning against Ethlinn in her slumber. Another nun slumped in her seat, whistling softly through her nostrils. Erin caught Ethlinn's eyes, and was delighted to see Ethlinn grin at her.

Eagerly, Erin tugged at Ethlinn's fat habit sleeve, and pointed at Heidi with a mocking look on her face. Ethlinn nodded in agreement, and yawned against her hand for show. She's perfectly sleep inducing, she mouthed discreetly to her friend. The two of them collapsed in a fit of tiny giggles, hunching over in their seats to insure that Heidi wouldn't discover their despicable behaviors.

"...and as brides of Christ, we have sworn to chastity for life... haven't we Sister Ethlinn?" the steady monotonous speech came to a halt suddenly, startling the poor girl out of her wits. Ethlinn sat up very straight, and paled to a shade of placid grey. Her fingers went into spasm as she groped for her cross and closed her hands over the reassuring weight over her chest. Ethlinn bit the inside of her cheek, and said nothing.

"Ethlinn? Ethlinn Alistair, answer me! Speak!" Heidi drew herself to full height, and crossed her arms firmly over her broad bosom. There was a predatory look in her eyes as she gazed at Ethlinn, rocking her buttocks in anticipation. The soft, cozy calm shattered, replaced by a high-strung, tense silence that hung like a sharp blade above the bowed heads.

The Abbess sat beside Heidi spoke up in her dry, unemotional voice. "Ethlinn, why do you not respond as you are solicited to? It's a simple question of yea or nay." Across the chamber, the Abbess sought Ethlinn's eyes with her pale gaze, and held it like iron to magnet. There was hidden knowledge in her eyes, and it was terrifying.

"Indeed, of course, surely...we took our vows..." burst Ethlinn very fast in a shrill voice, panting shallowly. She mentally shook herself, and regained her composure with effort, "Yes." She said at last, cursing herself for becoming worked up over nothing. She hadn't broken any of her vows after all...

"You seem troubled," said the Abbess in a voice that hinted concern, "are you well?"

By now, Ethlinn had guessed why her welfare was suddenly so significant, "No...I feel quite ill actually," she replied on an impulse, overtaken momentarily by a streak of brashness. Her eyes gained some old spark as she set her jaws and met Heidi's eyes-

-and felt herself shrink back into her shell from the perverse satisfaction she saw in Heidi's golden eyes. She's mad, she thought, suppressing a wave of shivers.

The nuns gasped as one, and began to talk rapidly amongst themselves.

By now, Heidi had thrown down her mask of pretense, and snarled viciously. Erin gazed frantically between Ethlinn and Heidi, a look of bewilderment turning her pleasant, comely face pasty.

"Ethlinn!" Erin hissed urgently as she shook the girl by one shoulder. "God's tits! What has happened? Answer me!" She added sharply, seeing that Ethlinn was motionless, as if in a dreamy trance.

"Erin...I'm so sorry..." her words drifted listlessly from her pale lips, barely above a whisper. Ethlinn stood up stiffly, and took a shaky step forward unwillingly, as if in hypnosis. She had a daunted look in her eyes as she went forward, helplessly drawn to her ruination, like a brainless moth, helplessly drawn to the hungry flame.

"Ethlinn, tell me what's wrong!" Erin demanded from behind, sounding angry. " What are you sorry for?"

By now, the entire chamber was in an uproar; everyone was speaking at once--all except for Ethlinn, of course. She stood amid the commotion, crying silent tears, heedless of Erin's queries.

"Silence! SILENCE!" The Abbess shouted, her voice suddenly booming and imperious. She banged her cane on the ground, "Where is your obedience for your Mother Superior, Sisters?" Her anger was oblivious to the nuns as they went on with their keyed up tirade.

Heidi was genuinely displeased, "SILENCE YOU FOOLS!" She burst out, raising her arms for full effect.

The chamber went quiet almost at once; the nuns seated themselves, making no sound except for the shuffling of their dresses.

"Now then," said Heidi, looking satisfied, "Ethlinn, what have you to say?"

All eyes turned to the lonesome, upright figure between two very tall nuns, and all breaths bated at the suspense.

Ethlinn wiped her cheeks dry of tears, and panted softly to suppress a tide of hiccups. She felt the approach of the end of her peace and normalcy, and mourned for her last few moments as an ordinary nun. Her mouth was dry, and her throat closed up, no sound came of her as she struggled with words. Try as she might, Ethlinn couldn't bring herself to say anything, not knowing where to begin, and unwilling to divulge the bizarre tale. She had a mad desire to laugh at the irony--that not a single soul within this chamber would believe the truth.

"Sister Ethlinn," said the Abbess soothingly, "do not be afraid to tell us the truth...the Lord is forgiving, don't hesitate to confess your sin..."

"Honesty is a virtue," added Heidi in an oily manner, "I compel you to practice it."

There was silence.

Ethlinn chewed at her lower lip, bidding her time. There was a pressure upon her chest, and it grew until she could barely breathe. There was no point--no use stalling, but fear took hold of her being, and in her terrified state, she could only stare at her clasped hands as if they held the secret to escaping this wretched situation. Ethlinn felt the heat of many pairs of inquiring eyes boring into her skin, and grew sweaty with despair.

"If you choose to be difficult, we may be forced to take extreme measures," ventured Heidi, growing very impatient. "We'd hate to do so...not that you don't deserve to endure it."

A buzz of whispers rang once more through the room as the nuns murmured their guesses to each other, giving Ethlinn none-too-subtle gawks. Ethlinn blinked hard, her eyes burning with humiliation and shame, feeling like a scolded child--only a hundred times worse. What did I do to deserve any of this? She thought, cursing the image of him in her head.

Erin wrung at the material of her sleeve, bearing a look of frustration and fright, "Just what did you do to deserve anything Ethlinn, I don't understand..." She said softly, "What are you hiding?"

"Come here Sister Ethlinn," the Abbess commanded, her voice hard, "right now."

Ethlinn went, and stood a few feet from the shriveled woman that was her Mother Superior, head bowed.

***

Heidi went forward and grasped Ethlinn's pointed chin sharply, turning it up so that she could see face to face with the girl. She saw terror, and was pleased; she should be properly terrified that her little secret shall be out.

"Sister Ethlinn, correct me if I'm wrong," began Heidi, doing a mental count down to the downfall of this deceitful little tramp, "According to my knowledge, you've sneaked out to be with a man from the village on All Hallow's Eve, and that you're now..."

The nuns gasped as one, many were shaking their heads in disbelief.

"...with child?"

***

He spun her around in a circle, and clasped his arms around her waist, laughing in delight. It was so good to be free of pretense, to love and laugh without the need to be deceitful and stiff. How dead and pointless was the faerie court compared to this heavenly world without restraints! He'd gladly give up his golden crown to any other; so long he could be with her.

Stopping in his tracks, he dipped his head to kiss her. Laughing, she held onto his forearm, dizzy from their dance through the flowery field. When they were together, she felt happy. Feeling his arms around her, ironically, was like liberation. A rush of sheer joy filled up her being as she looked into his merry jade eyes, and kissed his lips to all her content.

"Let's run away together," said she on an impulse, running a hand through his tousled red hair, grinning impishly. "We can be free."

With a wide smile, he touched the side of her face with his fingertips, brushing her brilliant, golden curls fondly. "We really ought to do so."

"I would go mad if we can't be together."

"Let's hope that shan't happen..."

"Ever."

"Yes."

***

It sounded as if a demon had appeared in the dining chamber.

Nuns were leaping to their feet as they shouted in anger and disbelief. There was a mad dash as people scurried up to reach Ethlinn, and reached out to grab her.

Hands were shooting out at her in every direction, seizing her hair, snatching at folds of her habit. Livid cries crashed around her like thunderous hammers, driving cruelly against her skull.

"Have you really done--"

"How could you! You--"

"Be damned! Wretched girl--"

Someone had produced a length of cord, and bound her wrists tightly. A hand shoved her from behind, and with a small gasp, Ethlinn fell forward to her knees.

The nuns cleared a small, circular space around her, squeezing tightly against each other. All eyes were on Ethlinn as she struggled to get onto her feet. Her knees ached from her fall, and she was winded and dizzy; at last Ethlinn gave up and looked up wearily.

The nuns had cleared a small path among them to allow Heidi through to the center, and did so again for the Abbess, though less willingly.

"Who was it?" barked Heidi without preamble.

Ethlinn shook her hair out of her face, and glared witheringly up at Heidi. Anger made her voice harsh, "There was no one!" But what about him...no, I didn't go to be with him...

"A liar now, are we?" Heidi smiled unpleasantly.

"I swear to God that I have not lied." said Ethlinn, her voice thick with emotions.

"How can I trust you?" sneered Heidi, showing off her mouthful of gleaming teeth.

"Shall I swear to God to tell you the truth?"

"Swear that you shall divulge the truth," Heidi turned to face the clustered nuns, looking solemn, "and you my good Sisters, shall be witnesses."

Ethlinn looked down, and nodded.

"Is it true that you're with child then?" The Abbess asked quickly, cutting off Heidi in her hurry.

Ethlinn faltered, and spoke in a dry voice, "I believe...so."

Many women opened their mouths, about to comment on this. Heidi waved her hand impatiently at the nuns behind her, warning them to keep silent.

"You haven't bled for a while, have you..." Heidi said softly, saying this like a statement.

Going a bit red, Ethlinn nodded.

"Can you explain your...pregnancy to me?" Looking stern, Heidi took a few steps towards Ethlinn, and bore over her like an overgrown daisy. "Surely none can become pregnant without..."she coughed, "without being with a man."

Ethlinn was indignant, "Virgin Mary--"

"Virgin Mary," said the Abbess, "was blessed. She carried Jesus, son of God..."

Heidi jumped in, "and I doubt you're carrying our Lord Jesus Christ. Now speak, tell me what you know."

"I was out on a stroll around the monastery, it was quite a fine day..." Ethlinn stole a glance up at Heidi, and continued. "I wandered into the woods and...and..."

"You met with your man," said Heidi in a bored tone.

"I was taken away..."

"To a private place so he could do away with you," said Heidi again, sneering to hide her impish grin.

Ethlinn went on babbling, oblivious of Heidi's sarcasm, "...to this place, this other...realm, other world of some sort. It was all grey and infinite, and it had no directions, no up and down...no air, no ground..." Ethlinn screwed her eyes shut at the memories, "and there was a being...this faerie..."

Heidi was right there to interrupt, "A demon then, do not refer to them by such romanticized titles." Shrieking this, she made a show of leaning away then advanced once more, menacing as ever.

"He was not a demon! I'm sure of it!"

"So it's a demon man! You carry demon spawn, wretched child!"

"No! He reached out to touch my shoulder...and I tried to pull away, and pushed him...and," Ethlinn's eyes widened in wonder, "and I seemed to have struck him with my rosary beads. He was gone in a breath, and I was lying in the forest alone...and you found me, Sister Heidi." she concluded feebly, cursing herself silently. What an idiot I am to tell them! I should've confessed that I've been with a man. Now they shall never believe me...

The nuns stared at Ethlinn with rounded eyes of disbelief. Even Heidi looked surprised, allowing her mouth to fall open in astonishment. This was not what she believed to be the truth; it was even more serious than she had thought! Heidi forced a laugh, "Are we expected to believe this twaddle?"

The abbess cleared her throat, "It's obvious what she's trying to tell us. She had been visited by a demon, who placed his seed within her, and she is not to blame for this event."

Ethlinn looked up and stared at the shriveled woman, feeling a small bubble of hope rise within her chest. Maybe, just maybe...

"But," the abbess caught Ethlinn's eyes, and gave her a disgusted look, "it's obvious that this girl is wicked. For the fact that she lacks to purity and piety, she was vulnerable to the lures of the silver-tongued Devil. Her soul is tainted, and so she accepted the demon--" here, Ethlinn gave a pitiable cry, "--and so it's is due upon you, child, that you now carry devil spawn within you."

"But of course! You were never fit to enter this holy dwelling to begin with!" Heidi stamped her feet on the ground, and crossed herself thrice. The rest of the nuns quickly followed her suite, and crossed themselves fervently, stealing appalled looks at Ethlinn.

Ethlinn slumped to the ground in defeat, and didn't resist at all as she was jerked to her feet and dragged through the corridors by rough hands. She was hauled off to a small room in the corner of the nunnery, one that she had never seen before. Heidi unlocked the thick wooden door with an enormous iron key, and shoved her inside.

"Do not attempt to call upon your demons to help you escape Sister Ethlinn," jeered Heidi in a hissing tone as she slammed the door with venomous force, shaking dust and bits of cobwebs off the ceiling.

Ethlinn crawled awkwardly into the corner on her knees, and tore a wide gash in her skirt in the process. Exhausted from the traumatic session in the dining chamber, she collapsed on the grimly pile of dry straw, and plunged into troubled dreams.

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Read? Review!

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It's been so long, does any of you remember this story? For those that reviewed this 9 month ago, I give my thanks:

Alex! Thank you dearie for reviewing. Admit it or not, you're a big-shot in this fandom and it's an honor to receive your comment about my humble little story

Andy! You win the Longest-Review Award! Congratulations! I sincerely appreciate your thorough review and your optimism concerning this dark little tale

Alya Pascal! When you said you couldn't wait for the first chapter, I hope you didn't really mean it. I also hope this short little thing was worth the wait (but I'm convinced that you probably forgot about this after um, the first week. I hope so! Alas, I wouldn't want to burden one's mind over this!)

Ashliee! Old friend, I don't think you're still active in the fandom, but thanks for the review! It was very intriguing and detailed.

Cait! Awww, you called RC beautiful *hugs*, you're so sweet.

CLS! I intrigued you! You were the first reviewer, and you made my day by stating your state of intrigument *hugs*

Gem! Beta-Reader extraordinaire! Too bad you didn't have the time to beta this one, but Uni is something that can't be avoided (indeed, why would you want to avoid it? I know you're having some great fun)

LadyLisseAuora! A fellow Helga lover! Welcome aboard the ride...I think JImagine if this is a real roller coaster ride! You'd be stuck after the first little bit of ascension for 9 month! So sorry about that!

Soz! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! *MUAH* I don't know what to say except, "You're so great!!"

Stormy! *schnoogles* your generous praises make me blush to a hideous beet color, but I loved every bit of it!

Yen! I'm honored to provide OC therapy 9 month ago, I hope that by now you already like OCs fineJ

A/N 1: Alas, what would I do if I didn't have my beta readers to help me sort out my dreadful grammar and other embarrassing things? Thank you, Anna L. Milton and Soz! *schnoogles both*. Soz is such a great writer, I'm so, utterly honored to have her beta my work! As for Anna, how I loff her! She who is so kind and patient, and gives mini-history lessons when beta-ing! What would I do without the pair of you?

A/N 2: This chapter was vaguely inspired by Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Specifically, how? I do not know J

A/N 3: Wanna read Rosa Crocea at least a whole week earlier? Join me at Atlantis!, where Rosa Crocea and fics by WinterStorms, Andy, Sorceress, Gemini C, and Soz are featured and discussed! There you will find splendid reads as well as dazzling artwork to accompany the stories!