Hogwarts Gone Mad

In the Hogwarts kitchens.............

"Harry, would you like more tea?" Voldemort said. He was now wearing a pink, flowery apron and walking around the Hogwarts kitchen.

"Er, no thanks," Harry said, with a terrified snort

"What about you, Harry's carrot haired friend, that is hiding under the table"

"The n-name's Ronald, and no t-thank you," said Ron, stuttering

Voldemort turned round, making the house-elves scatter, and sat back in his seat.

"Harry, how are you getting on in school?"

"Fine," Harry managed to squeak

Ron, trying (and failing) to be brave, said, "P-professor Snape a-always bothers us, though"

"Ah, does he now. Well, I'll soon see to him!" said Voldemort

"No, don't!" exclaimed Harry

Voldemort was just about to ask for an explanation, when Hermione's voice filled the halls, saying something about a final warning for anyone who wanted to come to cheerleading trials.

"Er, that's our call," said Harry, trying to escape

"Oh, let me come!" squealed Voldemort

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At the trials........

Harry, Ron and 'Uncle Voldie' stood in line, waiting their turn. Harry looked around, seeing if there was anyone who could rescue him before his turn. His eyes skimmed past Millicent Bulstrode, Draco Malfoy, Professors Flitwick and McGonnagall, and a few other people whom he didn't recognise. None could help him so far.

These thoughts were interrupted by Ron's cry for help. Harry whirled around to see Ron trying to restrain Voldemort, who had spotted Snape and was trying to kill him.

Before Voldemort could get to Snape, however, Hermione said,

"Form an orderly line, and trials will begin!"

Millicent Bulstrode was called up first, her bulky frame straining out of her miniskirt an tight top, and chanted,

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, beat 'em good,

Kick their asses, whip their butts,

Like ya know you should!"

This was obviously a cheer that Millicent had made up on her own. It looked and sounded terrible. Hermione scribbled something on her sheet, then called the next person up.

Snape was the next person up. He basically just leapt around a lot to the Muggle Barbie music he had

put on the wizard radio, then finished with some very tidy splits. Again, Hermione wrote on her sheet, then called Ron up.

Ron stood there, looking as though he really didn't want to be there, then hoisted up his bright green trousers, and began to dance. He leapt around, did flips and somersaults, and even splits to rival Snape's.

At the end, everyone applauded except the cheerleaders. Hermione looked extremely annoyed, and simply screeched,

"NEXT!"

This meant Harry was up. With a few encouraging words from 'Uncle Voldie', Harry stood in front of the girls.

It was a total disaster. After checking his suspenders were in place, he started to dance. He fell over twice, and generally just hopped around the rest of the time. At the end of his performance, however, Hermione's routine of scribbling on her sheet and calling next did not change.

Uncle Voldie was now on the area marked out for the trials, and looked rather stupid gliding around singing 'Rah, rah, rah!", but nevertheless he carried on.

When everyone had taken their turn, Hermione stood on the table and said,

"Quiet, people! Now I have your attention, the winner and new squad member is........."

A/N: Ohhhhhhhh, aren't I evil! No-one will find out who the new member of the team is till next chapter! And you all know what writes chapters................. Reviews! Well, what are you waiting for?