Et Nulli Miseretur

Back then, after Cedric's death... Back then, after Lord Voldemort's resurrection... Back then, she's told Harry that everything would change. And she meant it, then. Just that she hasn't been able to imagine just how much. She hasn't fathomed then how many would be killed. She has known, of course, that wars do kill lot of people, who'd have deserved to live. But she hasn't imagined how it would feel. Bertha Jorkins - a witch she's never met in her life. Mr Crouch - she didn't find him very sympathetic. Cedric - she hardly knew him to feel more than shock. But then, Broderick Bode was strangled by a inconspicuous plant, one she's seen on his bedside table - she could have prevented his death, if she had only paid a bit more attention. Sirius - Sirius' death made her realise what 'death' meant for the living. She had seen Harry's suffering - she knew what he was feeling, or she had an idea at least...

And that was only the beginning. So many of her fellow school mates have lost close family members, mothers, fathers, siblings... Dumbledore himself has perished, the great, seemingly invincible, overall powerful Dumbledore. She struggles to dispel the notion that all is lost now, that they can try to hide away, but that they cannot win this fight any longer. But that would be wrong, the last thing Dumbledore would have wanted. From all she's heard form Harry - she hasn't said it out aloud, because Harry would never forgive her for this, but... He's chosen his own end, hasn't he? He could easily have stopped Malfoy. He needn't have cast his last spell to hide Harry, he could simply have disarmed, or beaten, or straightaway killed Malfoy, but he didn't, and if there's one thing she'll believe to the end, it's that Dumbledore has always known what he was doing.

Narcissa Malfoy has turned to her sister - Tonks' mum - and those two have persuaded Tonks to listen, and together, they've all turned to McGonagall, and this one's respected Dumbledore's last will, and asked the Order to assemble, and proposed to take Malfoy in. Hermione wasn't there, but Fred and George have told them that the majority refused to even contemplate that suggestion. So Narcissa Malfoy came and pleaded for her son herself - Hermione would give her left hand to know what she's said, because afterwards, almost everyone agreed, however grudgingly. Even Fred and George merely shrugged their shoulders, saying, ''Twas Dumbledore's last will, wasn't it?'

They're all staying with the Dursleys, those awful, awful people, for almost three weeks now, and the best thing she could say about that time is that they're all together. Harry and Ron, all the other Weasleys except Percy The Prat, as Ginny's dubbed him, and Hermione's own parents. It's been so good to be with them, at least for a while - her mum has been offered a position to teach dentistry at the university of Auckland, New Zealand, and her dad's taken a sabbatical year to go with her. They're safe there, and she consoles herself by thinking that she can apparate there anytime to see them.

She cannot help herself, she fears that those weeks with the Dursleys are the last time they've all been together, everyone she cares for. What if - but she forces herself to think of something else then. Nothing if - they will stand strong, they will fight, they will give their best - the rest isn't in their hands to decide. They'll do what Dumbledore would have wanted them to do. And that - strangely - includes putting up with Malfoy.

Hermione doesn't get it, truly, she doesn't. What's Dumbledore seen in him? Why would he have died only to spare this spoilt, insolent, arrogant, unbearable little idiot?! Draco-'my father says'-Malfoy, who thinks he's better than everybody else, because his family is so blithering ancient, because he's so rich, because his parents are who they are. He's treated everyone like dirt, as long as she's known him! All right, so he did pull himself together since coming to the Dursleys. Surely, his mummy had her hands in that. Instead of insulting everyone coming his way, he deigns to be taciturn and not open his mouth at all, which is a big step forwards.

She's flattering herself to behave well. She could have paid him back for every tiny little offence of six years, but she doesn't, because she is above such things! Ron has mocked her for her 'false sense of magnanimity', but her parents have warmly praised her for it. Malfoy might have been raised to detest everybody else, but she's been taught that 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth' is no valid tenet among civilised people! And she's lived up to her own expectations so far, hasn't she? Yes, she has. She treats Malfoy with all the politeness that he has always been lacking so desperately, and amazingly enough, he's paying back with the same coin. He says 'please' and 'thanks', he's reduced the sneering in her presence to a tolerable minimum, he's even treated her muggle parents with something bordering on acceptance. She can live with him like that. Naturally, he'll sustain a fallback as soon as this is over, to whatever end, but it's no longer her problem then, right?

Dumbledore once told Harry that it's important to distinguish between what is right, and what is easy. She doesn't know just how easy it is to kill somebody with an 'Avada Kedavra', but even though his life, his mother's and his father's lives were at stake up there on top of the Astronomy Tower, he did the right thing. Dumbledore trusted him so far, despite everything, and he wasn't let down in his last moment.

He's been let down on a very different head. Snape! He's so trusted Snape! Hermione trusted Snape, no matter what Harry and Ron said! How could he - inconceivable, really! It seems though that a couple of people within the Order are taking a different point of view on him. She's overheard a muttered conversation between Tonks and Lupin, and they appear to believe that there was more to Dumbledore's murder than meets the eye. Yes... She's got to confess secretly that they might have a point there... Dumbledore knew that Malfoy was assigned to kill him. He knew about the Unbreakable Vow. Still, he staunchly believed in Snape, and perhaps it's only an odd habit, but Hermione can't bring herself to doubt their great Headmaster.

After all, it's true, right? Snape didn't have much of a choice. If he had not helped Malfoy, he'd have dropped dead because of the Vow. Not that this was a good excuse. But he wouldn't have been the only one dead in that night then. The other Death Eaters would have murdered Dumbledore instead, while they were at it. Next thing, they would have killed Malfoy. And also, Harry would have been exposed, and Hermione doesn't think it to be so unlikely that Snape was well aware of Harry's presence under the Invisibility Cloak. And he not only saved him up there, but also outside on the ground before Hagrid's Hut, didn't he? He stopped that Lewis character from cruciating Harry... The Death Eaters have so often tried to get hold of Harry for Voldemort to finish him off - but Snape used only defensive spells when Harry attacked him. He could easily have overwhelmed and abducted him, taken him to Voldemort and finally be the Dark Prince of the Dark Order for achieving so much in only one night.

She's so intrigued by that idea, she's resolved to ask Malfoy. She thinks he must know, so she's sneaked down to his refuge under the staircase - they have not told him that this was Harry's bedroom for ten years. He is as astonished with her visit as she is with his answer to her question. To tell the truth - she doesn't believe him at first.

"I haven't got the faintest clue what's happened up there, Granger... I... I was in a daze, so to say..."

"But Snape must have told you afterwards!"

"I haven't really talked to him since."

"What?! He's - he's practically risked his life for you, and you haven't talked to him?!"

He twists his anyhow pale face, turning a tad paler still. "Because he has saved me, my mother found it a poor way to repay him by increasing the danger he's in yet, by appearing too closely linked to our family, just in case we're discovered after all..."

He shudders and turns away, undoubtedly thinking of his mum. Hermione knows that Tonks and her mother have literally begged Mrs Malfoy to flee as well and join the Dursleys. She's declined. She says her husband's life was forfeited if she fled now - which is probably true. Why anyone would endanger their life only to save Lucius Malfoy's is as much beyond Hermoine's grasp as most of the rest, but his wife is obviously attached to him. So much for her old theory of an arranged marriage, or that Mrs Malfoy has an affair with Snape.

She watches him, wondering if he's looking so different because of the warped lighting in the cupboard. The first five years they've known each other, he's had the same smooth, distinct features like all those rich people in the yellow press magazines in her parents' practise. Haughty - smug - pristine - every glance expressing their belief that they're better than everybody else. Malfoy will never be featured in a muggle paper, but he'd have fitted right in. In the course of the last year, he's become increasingly ill-looking - now she knows that it wasn't exclusively Pansy Parkinson keeping him from his sleep. Here and now, he looks far more well-rested, but not a jot less ill. His eyes, ever shining with spite and scorn, have adopted a very different expression. Defeat is written in these eyes, despair, desolation.

"Your mum's going to be all right, you'll see." She can't account why she's saying this, she neither knows nor earnestly cares - but he's looking so grateful in return, she's not sorry to have said so much.