The Ultimate Power: From the Ashes

Heart of Spells

Story Summary:
Two years have passed and darker times threaten to encroach as the war rages on around the Order. A storm is on the horizon as Voldemort's forces continue to grow stronger and Harry hunts for the remaining Horcruxes. Hermione's keeping secrets from her closest friends and she trusts no one while Remus' very soul crumbles. They are all searching for a way to rise from the ashes.

Chapter 05 - Sorrow

Posted:
05/28/2011
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Sometimes life seems too quiet
Into paralyzing silence
Like the moonless dark
Meant to make me strong

Familiar breath of my old lies
Changed the color in my eyes
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

And we kiss each other one more time
And sing this lie that's halfway mine
The sword is slicing through the question
So I won't be fooled by his angel light

Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And up into the stars

-Flyleaf (Sorrow)

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Sorrow

End of August, 2000

Remus didn't know how it had gone so wrong so quickly. They had been happy at one point, he and Holli. Now, she barely deigned to speak to him. Things had gone horribly wrong somewhere along their twisted road and Remus knew where. He also knew it was his fault and he had to bear the guilt of that mistake.

They rarely spoke, the two of them, unless it was absolutely necessary. Remus had tried for weeks to pull Holli into some form of conversation, but his attempts were always shot down by snarled and snapped barbs. Eventually, he had given up hope of ever conversing with the woman in some form of normalcy.

They ate together and they puttered around the house during the day, always skirting warily around the other. Many nights, they slept under the same roof, only walls and wooden doors separating the two. There was nothing even resembling a normal life within the cottage and it hurt Remus to think of Holli fighting this solitude for so long. They existed with one another and Remus supposed that it had to be enough, even if it created a hollow ache deep within his chest.

Remus spent his days watching her, while Holli spent hers ignoring him.

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End of August, 1998

Two months. Two months she'd been trapped in this house. It felt like a lifetime.

Hermione was by everyday like clockwork. How she managed to sneak by Ron, Holli didn't know, though she had her suspicions and she didn't approve. How Hermione could continually lie to the man she claimed to love was something she would never understand.

Love. Remus. God, it hurt.

Her mind was in a flat whirlwind spin and she couldn't control it on her best days. Her thoughts were constantly drifting back to various points of the past year; back to that night. Harry said that Remus did love her; said he was just confused and protecting her. Her mind, though, it was beginning to reject the idea.

How could he? That's what she wanted to know. How could he - Why would he ever love her? There was nothing special about her, especially compared to other women she knew he had known throughout his life. She was worse even; a coward hidden away in a safe house while the others fought and died. Such a horrible coward -

God, it was loud...

Hermione brought food and clothes and reading material; various things to keep her occupied. Not that it did much good. Holli spent her days staring at four walls; different four walls at times, but still the same. It was always the same, day after day, night after night. Same house, same walls, same furniture, same person, same mask; always the same.

She feared she was going mad.

Hermione promised it wouldn't last long. She promised Holli she'd find a way to get her out; take her home. Some way, somehow, she would. But when?

So very loud; can't concentrate.

Remain as Lea, she had said. It's your most vital protection. You never know when someone will break past the wards and charms and get through. You never know when someone will see you. Keep your mask; keep your disguise. Stay safe and you'll go home.

When? When would that be? That's all she wanted to know! Hadn't it been long enough yet? Couldn't she just go; break free? Run until her legs gave out and her lungs burst from too much fresh air; free air. She was there, on the edge of the boundary. One step and she'd be free. Just one, small step and she could fly...

"Lea?" Hermione called softly from the kitchen door.

Holli started and tensed as she took two large steps backwards.

How could she have forgotten? Birds with clipped wings couldn't fly...

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September, 2000

Remus walked into the kitchen early one night to see Holli preparing their dinner. Holli always cooked their meals, though she rarely ate any of it. He honestly worried about her. She was too thin; her bones jutting against her skin at odd angles and sharp contrast. She was underfed, even though there was no reason for her to be.

"Here," he murmured softly as he moved behind her back and wrapped his arm around her side, grabbing the spoon out of her hand, "let me do that."

Holli sneered. "I'm perfectly capable of preparing food, Remus," she snapped, her hand tightening around the handle as his fingers wrapped around hers gently.

Remus craned his head around to gaze down at her. "I know you are," he said, "but that doesn't mean you should always have to."

Holli's eyes slowly moved up to meet his and she stared at him for a long moment. Her hand finally relaxed and slid out from beneath his as she moved around him and over to the table.

"Fine," she retorted, "just take care not to burn anything."

"Don't worry," he assured, "I won't. I do know how to cook if you recall." Holli snorted, but did not reply any further.

Remus stirred methodically as he listened to Holli from across the room. She was restless again, which was something he had been trying to help her avoid. Her nails tapped rhythmically and agitatedly across the surface of the wooden top. He could feel her eyes on him, but when he turned to look at her, they would dart away quickly.

"I brought the Prophet with me," he said, breaking the silence and motioning with his chin towards the edge of the table. "Have a look if you like."

Her rhythm quickened and Remus refrained from rolling his eyes. Since he had arrived, Holli had flatly refused to discuss anything relating to the outside world and the war that was still raging around them and Remus couldn't quite understand her reasoning. It was almost as though she felt that if she couldn't help, she didn't deserve to know what was happening. Apart and separate in every single way.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye, focusing in when he saw her hand begin to drift in the paper's direction. Suddenly, she pulled it back again and the tapping increased in intensity. Remus moved his eyes back to the task at hand and contented himself with listening to the varying rhythms of taps. They quickened and slowed for a lengthy amount of time before they completely stopped.

Remus glanced over quickly before looking away again. Holli sat at the kitchen table, Daily Prophet spread out before her, eyes flying across the pages and words. Remus propped his hip against the counter edge and his lips quirked up into a faint smile.

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July, 1999

One year. One year she'd been trapped in this house. It was longer than a lifetime.

She had begun a sort of process. She didn't know why she did it, she just did. Every few days, she would wander through the cottage and gaze at random photos that Hermione had brought for her. They contained various people: her father, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Remus, the Order, and other random people that had been sprinkled throughout her life. Every time she did this, she found one and flipped it over, face down. Every time she did this, she felt lighter somehow, almost as though she was slowly letting a piece of herself go.

Why did the noise never stop? There shouldn't be noise.

Voices screamed at her throughout the night. They screamed at her in her dreams. So many voices that she could barely recognise them anymore. They were so familiar, but she could no longer identify them. When they got too loud, that's when she flipped another photo. Then she had peace, if only for a few hours.

She saw Hermione every week or so. Not nearly enough, but it didn't matter. She would prefer to never see her again. All she ever brought with her was false promises; lies. False hope. Holli was better off without her. Holli was better off without herself.

All alone and yet so much noise; sound. It was like a hurricane blowing through her very head. Why wouldn't it stop?

It was all Hermione's fault; every single bit of it. No, she couldn't think like that. Hermione was her friend, wasn't she? She'd saved her life when Holli was powerless to do so. She had helped Holli, hadn't she? Hermione was her friend, wasn't she? Wasn't she?

In all honesty, Holli didn't know anymore. She didn't know anything anymore.

Please make it stop. It's unbearable; so much noise.

She didn't know if Hermione was really her friend. She didn't know what the purpose was for her being alive. She didn't know if Remus loved her.

Everything she did revolved around these three things she didn't know. Each step she took brought forth another repeated unknown question. Hermione, life, Remus; Hermione, life, Remus; Hermione, life, Remus. A rhythm like drum beats in her head, adding to and increasing the agonizing sound that was already filling her head.

So much silence; so much noise. Please, please; it's tearing everything apart.

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Beginning of October, 2000

"No, please don't. Make it stop, I can't take it. Please, it's too loud! Remus!"

"Holli," Remus gasped out as he burst into her darkened bedroom, wand held aloft and ready for anything.

Holli was in her bed, blankets thrown across the room in chaos. Her one remaining sheet was twisted around her writhing body like a tightly wrapped straight jacket, incapacitating any violent movement as she struggled within the realms of her nightmare. Her eyes were clenched tightly closed; her brow furrowed and sweat moistening her entire face. Her entire being screamed terror.

Remus approached the bed quickly and gripped her shoulders, shaking her awake as her arms thrashed wildly beneath the sheet. Her body jerked and arched, fighting against his hands, attempting to shake them off.

"Holli, wake up," he urged. "You're having a nightmare, that's all. Come on, love, wake up for me."

"No," she whimpered breathlessly. "No, it's loud. Please, make it stop."

"I will make it stop, I promise," he whispered, "but you have to wake up."

"Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus," she repeated in a fading murmur. He shook her shoulders roughly and her body tensed and jumped violently. "No!"

She started awake suddenly and sat up fully, her face mere inches away from Remus'. She panted for breath as her muscles thrummed with energy beneath his fingers. Remus studied her face and was surprised to see blank eyes instead of the terror he had expected. Dead eyes in a blank face as though she was still trapped within sleep.

"Holli," he said softly, his hand moving up to cup her jaw, thumb gliding gently across her cheek.

She blinked and her eyes suddenly cleared and focused. She stared at him for a moment before she leaned in and rested her head against his shoulder, murmuring a quiet, "Remus."

His heart sang at the contact. Holli wasn't better; wasn't even close. The longer he remained with her, however, the more the old Holli shown through the icy exterior she had created for Lea. She allowed more emotion to emerge when she spoke to him, which was on a regular basis now. She read the Prophet faithfully everyday and discussed with him the events that had taken place over the past two years. She was even beginning to allow small, insignificant touches between the two of them. To Remus, though, every one of them was meaningful. Holli was healing.

Holli released a shuddering breath and Remus soothed her by rubbing small circles across the small of her back. Her muscles slowly relaxed against his body and Remus smiled.

"It's all right," he whispered into her hair. "It was only a nightmare. It'll be all right, love."

At the word 'love', Holli tensed again and jerked away from him. Too soon, his mind screamed. She's moving too soon. I had her.

"What do you think you're doing?" she snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Who gave you the right to be in here?"

His heart sank. "You were having a nightmare; calling out," he mumbled. "I came to wake you up."

Holli's jaw clenched as she moved further away from him. "You've successfully done your job, now get out."

Remus sighed wearily and stood from the bed. He felt Holli's eyes on his back as he walked from the room, but refused to look back.

One step forward, three steps back, he thought cynically.

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December, 1999

Seventeen months. Seventeen months she'd been trapped in this house. Shouldn't she have lost count by now? It felt like centuries; hundreds of lifetimes.

There were no decorations within the cottage. Hermione had tried, but Holli had ardently followed behind her every step and pulled down and apart everything she set up. She had even set the pretty, perfect little tree on fire. Hermione hadn't been best pleased, but Holli didn't care. It wasn't Christmas to her. Just another day in the hellish misery of what Hermione called her life.

What was the point of decorating when you had no one to share it with? Hermione would promise to stop by, but she wouldn't. She'd spend her day at the Burrow with the Weasleys and Harry and the Order. Then she'd manage to Floo in for a few minutes on Boxing Day, apologising profusely for not gaining the time the day before to spend a bit of Christmas with her imprisoned 'friend'. She'd suggest celebrating that day instead, because wasn't it 'just another day, in your opinion, Lea'? Yes, it was, but Holli didn't want to spend any type of 'Christmas' with someone who couldn't even use her right name at least one day a year.

God, why was it so loud?

The photos were gone, as well. She'd finally flipped them all, so what was the point of keeping them. She had wanted to burn them; had even stacked them into a neat little pile in preparation, taking as much time as she could to distract herself from the screaming voices and the overwhelming noise. Yet every time she had attempted to set flame to memory, she had faltered; she'd failed.

That was when Holli realised that she wasn't strong. She was weak and she hated herself. All she wanted was to burn the memories and then maybe, just maybe the screams in her head, in her nightmares, would cease to exist. All she wanted was the peace and the quiet and the utter, complete silence. She was all alone, completely by herself, so why couldn't everything just be silent?

Why did the noise harass her so? What had she done to deserve such torment? Why wouldn't it just leave her alone?

She was going mad...

Yes. Yes, she was going mad. Some still slightly rational part of her mind told her that constantly, so she knew it well. Yet, should a person be able to tell when they were going mad? She had never thought so, but apparently they could. They could, at least, until they slipped so far away that it really didn't matter anymore. Holli feared how close she was to that point. She welcomed it at the same time.

When it came, she'd greet the madness with open arms. Maybe then the noise would stop.

Her skin itched. Not her real skin; the fake one. It chaffed against her very soul. Even this she knew wasn't right. It was a spell. A spell didn't itch; didn't bother. Hers did, though, and she cursed it every moment of every day. She wished for nothing more than to throw it out; literally blast it from her body and be rid of it, be damned the consequences.

Madness - the pillow, the cushion of ever peaceful bliss - she discovered, was comforting.

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End of October, 2000

"Let's go for a walk," Remus suggested one evening as the sun was setting on the horizon. "Get some fresh air. It'll do us some good."

Holli looked up at him with Lea's face, a deprecating smirk forming on her lips. "Where?" she asked sardonically, gesturing with her hands disparagingly.

Remus stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "Just around the back garden," he said lightly.

Holli snorted. "No thanks. You go on without me."

Remus moved and sat down on the coffee table across from Holli's chair. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, staring at her silently. She ignored him for a couple of minutes, studying the book she had opened across the chair's arm. Finally, she looked up at him in exasperation.

"I thought you were going for a walk," she said. "Have you decided to stay and stare at me all evening?"

Remus mirrored her smirk. "If that's what it takes to get you to come with me, then yes."

"Well then, I suppose you'll just have to stare all night, won't you?" she answered, glaring at him briefly before returning to her book.

"I don't think so," Remus countered. "I'm prepared to use force if necessary."

"Ha!" she crowed. "Force, eh? How exactly are you going to force me to come with you?"

"Like this, I think," he replied.

He stood from his perch on the table and leaned forward to snap her book closed. Her eyes narrowed as she met his and he grinned before bending down and hooking his arms round her waist. Her muscles tensed and she released a muffled exclamation as he lifted her easily from the chair and hung her over his shoulder.

"Remus!" she shouted in shock. She began pounding on his back as he carried her through the living room and to the kitchen, heading for the back door. "Remus, put me down. Let me go!" He could feel her head trying to crane around his side as she attempted to swing her legs out to push against the door frame and prevent him from making it beyond the door.

"No, now, that's not nice," he reprimanded, swatting her thigh lightly and latching his free arm around her flailing legs.

"Remus, this isn't funny!" she screeched. "You know I hate heights, so let me down."

"Honestly, heights!" he cried in amusement. "You're barely hovering off the ground. And do you actually think I'd let you fall. You know me better than that, Holli."

"I don't care; it doesn't matter," she continued stubbornly. "What if you trip or lose your balance? I demand that you put me back!"

"Oh, well if you demand it then I suppose I have to do it, don't I?" he mocked joyfully. "Oh, wait. Sorry, no I don't. Besides, I'm not you. I don't lose my footing with every other step I take."

"Oh, Remus," she growled. "That was a horribly low blow."

"It was, wasn't it?" he said cheerfully.

"You're impossible," she scoffed.

Remus patted her leg. "Not much different from you, am I?"

Holli huffed in frustration and eventually stilled in her struggles. Remus meandered around the garden, examining the late autumn flowers and shrubs contentedly, Holli still dangling over his shoulder.

"Remus?" Holli said after a few silent minutes.

"Yes, Holli?" he murmured.

"Will you please put me down now?" she asked.

Remus levered his head around to look at her back. "Do you promise to stay out here with me until I decide we can go back inside?"

Holli didn't reply immediately and Remus began to think she wasn't going to until he heard her mumble something.

"What was that?" he asked cheerily.

"Yes," she grumbled.

Remus grinned as he lowered her feet to the ground. Holli scowled at him.

"You're utterly incorrigible," she scolded, but her eyes - Remus' heart leapt - were shining with faint amusement.

His grin widened as he took her hand and led her over to a dying rose bush in the corner of the garden. "You don't come outside enough," he said as they walked.

"Why should I?" Holli asked. "It's the same thing hour after hour, day after day."

"No it isn't," he replied. "Nothing out here is ever the same. The flowers and plants are constantly changing every minute. There are always different insects to see. The sun's different every time; sometimes brighter, sometimes darker. The clouds make different pictures in the sky every time you look again. You need this, Holli."

"You don't know what I need," she whispered as she gazed at the rose bush with a far off expression in her eyes.

"Doesn't stop me from trying," he answered just as quietly.

Holli continued to stare at the plant in silence and Remus continued to watch her. She was thinking deeply about something, but what it was, Remus couldn't even begin to guess.

Her eyes remained on the rose bush as she took a deep breath and murmured, "Thank you."

Remus started slightly. "What for?"

Her hand that wasn't clasped in his reached out and she fingered one of the dead blooms. She swallowed and her mouth tightened as though she was trying to contain some horrible emotion. She plucked the dead flower from its stem and lifted it to her eyes, studying it intensely.

"Never once have you called me Lea," she whispered. "Even when you didn't know me as anything different, you never called me Lea. Every day you see me in this horrible disguise and you still always call me Holli. Hermione's never done that. She still calls me Lea."

Remus watched her as her fingers worked around the dead petals gently, following the sharp, ragged points of the sun crinkled contours.

"That's because you're not Lea, Holli," he said, confusion marring his tone. "You'll never be Lea."

A humourless smile spread across her lips. "You're right, I'm not," she murmured, still gazing at the flower. "Lea is like this rose, Remus, in a way. She's dead. Unlike the rose, however, she's never been alive. I never allowed her to be, because I was terrified that if I did, she would take over and consume me, sort of like a wayward rose bush does if it isn't trimmed back and kept up."

Remus understood what she was saying, but it was impossible to see where her train of thought was heading. Her fingers continued to stroke the dead petals.

"And just like this rose, she's weak," Holli continued in the same emotionless tone she had been speaking in since she had plucked the rose from the bush. "Like this rose, one tiny spasm of a hand and she crumbles and falls apart."

Holli's hand clenched around the dead blossom and Remus' eyes widened a bit. She opened her hand again and the dry, dead, crushed pieces of the rose fluttered slowly to the ground. She turned to Remus and met his eyes steadily.

"This," she said, pulling at her cheek, leaving behind a lingering piece of blood-red petal on her pale skin, "is itchy and uncomfortable. I hate wearing it."

"Holli," Remus reasoned hesitantly, "a spell can't be uncomfortable. It's all in your head."

"It is not in my head," she snapped. "I hate being her. You've no idea how very much I hate her." Holli's hand dived into the rose bush and tightened around the stems. "She may not be real, but she gets inside my head all the same and I can't think around her. She's always there, yelling at me, shouting for control."

"She isn't real, Holli," Remus said, watching her with fearful, worried eyes. "That face is nothing but a glamour."

Holli released a manic chuckle as she jerked on the stems. "She may not be real, Remus," she whispered harshly as pulled her hand out of the bush, "but she hurts my mind just as badly as I hurt her hand."

Holli held her hand up in front of Remus' face and he panicked when he saw blood. She had grabbed the thorns when she was digging in the rose bush and had intentionally sliced her flesh with them. It streamed down her wrist and arm in dark rivulets, just as horribly red as the dead, decimated rose. Remus grabbed his wand and reached to catch her hand in his grip to heal it, but Holli jerked away from him.

"Don't touch me," she snarled. "Just stay away from me."

Holli turned on her heel and made her way back to the cottage.

"Where are you going?" Remus called.

"Inside," she growled.

"Holli, come back here and let me heal your hand," he cried, chasing after her.

"What part of 'I don't need you' didn't you understand the first day you came here?" she shouted over her shoulder as she entered the house.

"The entire thing," he snapped, coming up behind her in the hall. He gripped her shoulder and spun her around to face him.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed.

Just like that, Remus felt his patience snap and fall apart. Three months he'd been there. Three months he'd worked and pried and chipped away at harsh edges and he was no closer to getting the old Holli back than he had been that first day. He was finished with skirting around her, fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing at the worst time. No longer would he be backed into a corner by this woman. The tables were going to turn, and they were going to turn right then and there. Quite literally at that.

"I'll do whatever the bloody hell I please!" he shouted back at her and Holli shrank into the corner behind herself. Her eyes narrowed in warning, but Remus was beyond caring. His hands moved up and he grasped both of her shoulders, forcing her further backwards. "What is wrong with you? Can you not see yourself; hear yourself? Look at what you've let yourself become! Cynical and cold and uncaring. You're ice, Holli; nothing more than that. You don't give a damn about anything anymore!"

He felt his fingers tighten against her skin and Holli grunted in pain. Her body shimmered for a moment and suddenly, he was looking at Holli's face instead of Lea's. All it succeeded in doing was enraging him further. He dropped his hands from her arms and took another step closer until they were almost touching.

"Do you think that because you've suffered, the entire world should as well?" he snarled in a whisper. "Is that what this whole attitude of yours is all about? Well, do you know what? It doesn't work like that, Holli! You can't pick and choose your life and you certainly can't turn your back on it when you don't like what it gives you. You grit your teeth and you bear it and you accept the good things it gives you along the way."

Remus stopped and stared down at her, watching her wide eyes as they flickered with every emotion he had wished to see in them since he had come to the cottage. And he suddenly realised that it wasn't worth it, what he was being put through with her. The old Holli would have been worth anything and everything, but this new one, she was barely worth the breath he was wasting by standing there.

He backed away and swallowed before he spoke again. "Before, I would have been one of those good things," he whispered brokenly. "It's quite clear that I'm not anymore, though, am I?" Holli's lips trembled as though she was going to speak, but they never parted and no sound ever emerged. Remus smiled sadly. "I had hoped, in the beginning, that I could change that, but I know now that I can't. I know I can't because you've changed; you're not the same person you once were. You gave up, Holli, and that means I have to as well."

He turned and walked to the bottom of the steps. He paused with his foot on the first riser and swallowed again. "I know everything that happened that night is my fault, directly or indirectly. If I could change it somehow, I would. I can't, though, and you have no idea how truly sorry I am about that. I live with the guilt every day. I can't make it better and I can't make you better, but I had to try." He fought the tears back as he cleared his throat. "I'll be gone within the hour." He ascended the stairs without looking back.

If Remus had looked back at Holli as he walked away, he would have seen the sorrow that had finally risen in her eyes. If he hadn't been deafened by the pain and heartbreak that was pumping through his blood and into his ears he might have heard the soft murmur that escaped Holli's lips unnoticed by her.

"Please, don't give up on me. I need you. I still love you."

She slid to the floor slowly and covered her face with her hands, the blood making her tears run pink.

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June, 2000

Two years. Two years she'd been trapped in this house. It was no longer a lifetime. It was Hell.

Her heart had stopped aching and her mind had stopped asking questions. She knew the answers to both problems. Blankness.

The voices didn't scream anymore. No, now there was only one voice and the only way she could block it out was by watching the flowers. Winter was the worst time of all.

It was still unbearably loud. She had accepted it. There was nothing she could do. There was nothing she could do about anything.

Blank, emotionless, empty.

She wasn't going mad anymore. She was there. She had stepped over the edge and had fallen and there was nothing that could bring her back. Nothing, no one, and no way.

It didn't matter. Why should it?

Blank, emotionless, empty. Blissful.

Two years gone, and she had learned two things.

Silence was loud. Silence was deafening.

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End of October, 2000

As Remus walked through the living room to the front door, worn pack in hand, he resisted the urge to pause and search for Holli, just to see her one last time. His hand reached for the doorknob and when he felt the cool metal beneath his fingertips, he did pause and took a deep breath. How was it that after everything he had done and faced in his life, this was turning out to be one of the most difficult?

Squaring his shoulders, Remus turned the knob and walked through the door and out onto the front step. He froze just as he was pulling it closed behind him.

Holli sat with her back facing him, hunched over and shaking uncontrollably. Remus watched her for a moment, not quite sure what she was doing there. He opened his mouth to speak, but instantly changed his mind and clenched his jaw tightly. He pulled the door closed with a sharp click and walked around Holli and down the pathway to the edge of the property where he could Apparate. Three steps from the boundary, he stopped as Holli spoke.

"Please, Remus, don't leave," she whispered.

He turned to look back at her and was shocked to see tears trailing down her cheeks.

She closed her eyes and released a shuddering breath before opening them again and standing. She walked towards him and stopped an arm's length away.

"I'm not all right," she said brokenly. "I know I'm not. And I - I do need you, Remus. So please, don't leave. Help me. Stay with me. Help me be happy again."

Remus' resolve cracked and broke.

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A/N: Well...that turned out a bit longer and more...emotional than I had originally intended. Oh well. I hope it's clear here, but if it's not, I want to make it so. Holli didn't actually go insane and lose her mind. Her mind locked down to protect her before she could.

Also, something I forgot to add at the end of last chapter (again). Lea is not actually the female name for Leo, so please don't take that as fact. No other name I found suited my purposes, however, so I made one up. Call it artistic license. ^_^

As a final note, thanks to easleyweasley for the wonderful beta work again. Speaking of beta work, mine will be traveling for a bit, so updates may come a bit slower in the near future. They will continue to come, however, so don't fret. ^_^