The Ultimate Power: From the Ashes

I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable
Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
Your face-saving promises whispered like prayers
I don't need them

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Oh, I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
And hold your breath
And kiss me now
And catch your death
Oh, I mean this
Oh, I mean this

-Natalie Merchant (My Skin)

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My Skin

July 5, 2000

Remus stood before a weathered old cottage on the very outskirts of Dumfries. It was surrounded by a generous amount of woodland and not much else. He assumed that to anyone else, the cottage and a bit of the surrounding property would be invisible. The only reason he could see it was the fact that Hermione had told him. Apparently, the house was under the Fidelius Charm, though she hadn't felt the need to tell Remus why.

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"I can't handle it on my own anymore, Remus," Hermione said. "I need help, and you're the only one I know I can trust with this completely."

Remus raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "What about Ron or Harry? Or half of the other people in the Order, for that matter?"

Hermione shook her head. "I don't mean that sort of trust. I know Harry and Ron would never intentionally go against me on anything of importance, but their jobs and the things they have to do...it's dangerous. There's a lot at stake in this, Remus, and I can't afford to take the risk."

"Hermione," Remus asked, the blood in his veins running cold, "what are you doing?"

"It's nothing like you think it is," she hurried to assure. "I just - there are too many places for me to be and not nearly enough of me to go around. And I think - I know that you're the only one who has any sort of chance at succeeding; at changing things." Her voice lowered as she murmured to herself, "She deserves that chance."

Remus' eyes gazed at her in puzzlement. "What was that last bit?"

"That doesn't matter right now," Hermione said quickly. "I'll tell you everything you need to know if you agree to help me. I can't tell you unless you do."

"Hermione, you know I'll help you," Remus told her.

She smiled. "Thank you." Her hand reached into the pocket of her robe and she pulled out a small bit of parchment. "The address I'm sending you to is under the Fidelius Charm. Once you read what's written on this, burn it and vanish the ashes. Meet me there in six days time at eight o'clock."

Hermione handed him the parchment before she turned and left quickly. Remus stared at the empty space where she had once stood for a long while before his eyes moved to the parchment in his hand.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Remus sighed and cautiously made his way to the front door, his wand in hand and hidden beneath his sleeve. It certainly didn't look dangerous, but one could never be too careful. Just as he raised his fist to knock, the door swung open, revealing a frazzled looking Hermione.

"Remus," she breathed in relief, "thank Merlin."

Remus trained his wand on her and asked, "How did you first discover what I am?"

Hermione's lips quirked up faintly as she replied, "Professor Snape assigned an essay on werewolves in my third year on a day that you were absent from class." Remus lowered his wand and relaxed until he saw her wand pointing at him from around the door's edge. "Where was the locket and how was it found?"

Remus winced as the memory surged to the forefront of his mind. "The locket was hidden in one of the desk drawers in Regulus' bedroom. H - Holli found it by tripping and knocking into the desk, revealing the false bottom," he whispered in answer.

Hermione lowered her wand and stepped back from the door enough for Remus to enter before she closed it quickly behind him. He glanced around the room, trying to gain his bearings. The front door entered into a living area. It was rather sparsely furnished, but still comfortable looking. There were two doors leading off from the room. One looked to be the kitchen entrance. The other clearly led into a small hall where a wooden staircase could be seen at the end, ascending to the second level.

"All right, Hermione," he said as she turned to him, "why am I here?"

She smiled tenuously and bit her lip nervously. "It's a bit of a long story and I'm afraid you still have to see -"

"Hermione," a female voice called from the kitchen, "why the bloody hell are you talking to yourself?"

Remus' eyes jerked up as a woman entered the room. His wand slid back into his hand before incapacitating astonishment spread through is mind. She was Sirius made over in almost every possible way. Aristocratic features and a slim, graceful build showed the pureblood breeding she had been privy to. Thick black hair hung in long, smooth strands around her face and her full lips pulled down into a frown.

The eyes were what caused his knees to give out beneath him, making him lean against the door behind his back. Almond shaped dead grey eyes; Sirius' eyes after Azkaban. And it hurt, damn it! He couldn't face it all again.

The woman stared at him in expertly concealed shock for a long moment before she turned to Hermione. "This is your idea of answers? What is he doing here?" she snapped.

"I asked him to come," Hermione answered softly.

Remus thought he saw the woman swallow. "Why?" she asked suspiciously, her eyes narrowing.

Hermione sighed and sank down into an armchair. "Because I can't do this by myself anymore."

The woman continued to glare at her, completely ignoring Remus. "You never could," she retorted acidly and Hermione winced.

Remus decided it was time to interject before Hermione withdrew any further. "What is going on here?" he asked as he pushed his body away from the door. The woman's uninterested gaze turned back to him. "And who are you? I know all of the Blacks which means you can't be one of them."

She leaned her shoulder against the door frame and continued to stare at him. "Oh, I can't, can I?" she asked snidely, her lips pulling into a sneering smile. "How could you possibly know that you've met every single Black that there is in this world?" Remus opened his mouth to reply, but she continued before he could. "It's rather obvious you don't, because here I stand, and you don't know me from Helga herself."

Remus fought to control his rising temper as his hand clenched around his wand. He started to speak again, but Hermione interjected, forestalling the coming argument.

"Remus," she said softly, "I think you need to sit down. There's some explaining that needs to be done."

He cast one more glance at the altogether darker woman before he lowered himself onto the couch. She smirked at him unkindly, her eyes remaining cold and frozen.

"This is Lea Black, Remus," Hermione began. "Well, she is now, though she hasn't always been."

The woman he now knew as Lea walked forward and dropped sideways into the chair setting opposite him, her legs dangling over the arm. "Oh," she cooed mockingly, "is it story time?"

Hermione looked at her disapprovingly before turning back to Remus as he asked, "What do you mean by she hasn't always been?"

Lea's smirk grew. "She means I'm a reincarnation. I used to be Marie Antoinette."

Hermione scowled at her and snapped, "If you're not going to contribute anything of use, then just be quiet."

Lea scoffed and examined her nails, but said nothing else. Remus stared at Hermione as though asking, 'This is what you want my help with?' and Hermione deflated a bit.

"What I mean," Hermione picked back up, glaring at Lea, "is that isn't her given name and this isn't what she truly looks like." Remus was becoming more confused by the second as Hermione prodded Lea in her side. "Apparently that was too subtle of a cue for you. Show him."

The woman stood and offered Hermione a sarcastic bow. "Of course, Your Majesty." She turned to Remus, her ever-present smirk dissolving.

Her hand began to work in slow, gentle circles by her side as Remus watched in puzzlement. A shift that he could feel in the very air raced through the room as her form began to change. Her hair stayed the same length, but lightened somewhat while her build shortened and rounded into smoother lines. Her skin paled a bit as her eyes darkened. Remus gaped at the woman standing before him.

The silence was thick throughout the room and Remus felt as though he was choking on something unknown as his mouth worked silently. Hermione watched him timidly from her perch on the chair, attempting to gauge his reaction as best she could. When he was finally able to speak, he murmured one word:

"Holli?"

She continued to stare at him just as Lea had, the same blank expression on a completely different face.

"Her - Hermione?" he stuttered out.

She nodded slightly. "It's really her, Remus."

He couldn't breathe; it was truly that simple. There was a weight pressing down upon his chest that he couldn't identify. He wanted to believe it. She was there, barely two steps away, but he had to be sure, if only for his own sanity. He swallowed and opened his mouth to speak.

"The first day we met, who did you have an argument with?" he asked, hoping, praying.

Remus expected a smile; he expected a twinkle to appear in her expressionless eyes. Remus had anticipated some form of reaction from the woman staring at him, but all he gained was an answer.

"The mirror in the main part of my room at the Leaky Cauldron," she replied stoically.

That was when Remus realised that it didn't matter because it was Holli. She was there, breathing before him. She was gazing at him with eyes he had never thought he'd see again and speaking to him with a voice he had thought gone forever. None of it mattered because Holli was alive.

Remus stood and took the two steps in her direction, placing himself before her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her body against his chest and hugged her, feeling the ice around his heart melt and the pain ebb away. Her muscles remained tense beneath his embrace and her arms dangled stiffly at her sides.

Remus inhaled deeply, searching for the scent he had missed so very much. She didn't smell the same as she once had. Holli had always smelt of Spring wind and rolling waters and crisp leaves. She had always possessed such an enchanting aroma that it had never failed to make Remus dizzy and lightheaded. Now, she smelled of dust and time and age; she smelled of despair and loneliness and hatred.

He pulled back and, for the first time, truly looked at the woman in his arms. Her skin was sallow and sickly looking, almost as though she rarely saw sunlight. It was stretched tightly across her skin, causing her face to look hollow and too thin and casting awkward shadows across her cheekbones and under her jaw. There were dark purple smudges beneath her eyes, standing out in sharp contrast against the paleness and her eyes were dull and lifeless, completely void of any light.

Remus lifted his fingers and pressed them to the dark circles, tracing their path under her eyelids and welcoming the feel of her lashes brushing his skin. Holli tensed further and pulled back quickly, redirecting her gaze to a far spot on the opposite wall. Remus swallowed and took a hesitant step away from her, but refused to look away.

"I - I don't understand," he whispered. He tried to say more, but the words wouldn't form around the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. He heard Hermione sigh from behind him.

"I hope you don't have any other plans, because this will take quite some time to explain properly," she said wearily.

"There is nothing more important than this," Remus told her, his gaze still on Holli.

"All right," she said, also looking at Holli. "Am I going to tell this or are you?"

Holli scowled as she leaned her back against the wall and crossed her arms tightly across her chest, glaring behind Remus at Hermione.

The other woman sighed again and said, "Sit down, Remus. You might as well make yourself comfortable. You're going to be here for a while."

Remus moved and seated himself back in his original position upon the couch, his eyes finally training on Hermione. He couldn't help it when they flicked in Holli's direction every few seconds.

"The night of the battle," she began, "everything was chaos, even if we tried to pretend it wasn't afterwards. No one quite knew what the Death Eaters were attempting, though I had a fair few suspicions and I had come prepared. I was watching everyone and everything around me, trying to figure it out before whatever it was occurred. When I finally realised what was happening, it was almost too late..."

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Hermione sat in the corner of the room, perched on the edge of an overstuffed armchair, wringing her hands nervously. Her eyes kept shifting to the bed where a still form lay unconscious. It had been over an hour and she had told everyone that she was going to check on her parents and make sure they were all right before she returned to the Burrow to mourn the loss of their friend together; something she would have to fake. The later it got, the more nervous she became.

A low groan emanated from the bed's vicinity and Hermione leaped to her feet and quickly walked over. She sat on the edge and waited as the eyes fluttered open. She sighed when she saw the hazel orbs and relaxed as much as she was willing to.

"Hermione?" Holli mumbled after a moment of confused silence. "What happened?" She tried to sit up as her eyes roved around the room, but Hermione placed a gentle hand on her arm.

"Be careful," she said, "I'm not sure what the side effects are for the spell I used."

Holli's eyes narrowed in bemusement as she tenderly levered herself into a sitting position with Hermione's help. She shook her head and breathed in deeply as though trying to gain a sense of equilibrium.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Here, drink this," she responded as she pushed a glass of water into Holli's limp hand, her eyes glancing around the room. "We're in my family's vacation cottage in Dumfries. We used to come here for a few weeks every summer when I was younger, but we haven't been here since I started Hogwarts. My parents discussed selling it a couple of years ago, but I talked them out of it. I thought it might be useful one day. Turns out I was right."

Holli sipped her water in silent contemplation, looking to be a bit more alert than she had previously been. She gazed at Hermione as she slowly worked various muscles out of their stiffness. "Why is it useful now?" she questioned. "And what spell are you talking about?"

Hermione swallowed, her nervousness increasing. "Listen, Holli...do you remember anything?"

"I remember that I should be dead right now," Holli said sharply, her eyes still narrowed. "What did you do, Hermione."

Hermione took a deep breath and replied, "I saved you the only way I knew how."

"And what way was that?" Holli asked as her expression grew more worried by the second. "You can't save anyone from the Killing Curse, Hermione."

"Harry's mother saved him," whispered Hermione.

"That was a fluke, Hermione," she snapped. "And you're not dead, so I know that's not what you did."

Hermione looked away from the other woman's piecing gaze and stared out the dark window. Holli grasped her arm tightly in her hand, making Hermione meet her eyes again.

"What did you do?" she demanded to know, her breath emerging in heavy pants.

"I found this spell shortly before we left Hogwarts," Hermione said instead, licking her dry lips. "Three spells, actually. One stopped time for a few short moments. The second created a replica of a living thing." She looked up at Holli, her heart pounding at the tenseness emanating from her friend's body. "When I saw what was about to happen, I froze time. It lasted long enough for me to get to your side and Stupefy you so that I could make a replica of your body. The spell is incredibly invasive as it searches a person out and recreates every physical thing about them, down to the last organ and strand of hair. That's why I was worried about you when you woke up."

"And why I feel as though I've been mauled by a dragon," Holli finished. She continued to stare at Hermione intensely. "Why did you have to create a copy of me? Why didn't you just push me far enough away to avoid the curse?"

Hermione looked down at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. "Voldemort wants you dead, Holli," she whispered. "He has to think you're dead."

Holli's mouth worked silently as the reality of what was happening hit her. She shook her head in disbelief. "So -" She paused and cleared her throat. "So everyone thinks - they all think I'm dead?"

Hermione nodded and looked back up at her. "The replica I made will last for seven days; long enough for a funeral."

"No," Holli murmured in horror. "No!" She jumped off the bed and began to walk to the door. "I refuse to lie to everyone I care about, Hermione. I can't believe you expect me to!"

Hermione hurriedly rushed to block her path and Holli glared. "You have to, Holli," she pleaded. "It's the only way to keep you alive."

"By keeping me hidden?" Holli shouted in outrage. "For how long, Hermione?"

"I don't know yet," Hermione answered in small voice, shaking her head.

Holli snorted. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll take my chances." She attempted to reach for the door, but Hermione stopped her.

"Holli, please," Hermione begged, "just give me a bit of time. Let me figure out something to distract attention from you. Voldemort won't forget about you, but maybe if a long enough time passes, he won't think about you anymore and you'll be safe again, so long as you use your wand."

"Hermione, I will not hide away like a coward," Holli growled. "Now move!"

She pushed by Hermione and was halfway down the stairs when Hermione called out softly, "I can't use the spell again."

Holli stopped mid-step and turned to look up at the other woman. "What are you talking about?"

"Both spells have a limit," Hermione answered shakily. "One person, one time. I can't use either of them on you again. I won't be able to save you if anything else happens. It'll all be for nothing, because it will happen again. He wants you gone, Holli. I know everyone thinks you're dead now, but I know the truth and, eventually, they will too. Please don't make us lose you permanently."

Holli stared up at Hermione for a long moment before clenching her jaw and saying, "You can't keep me locked in here forever, Hermione." The other woman nodded knowingly and Holli sighed. "You said something about a third spell?"

Hermione smiled a bit when Holli made her way back up the stairs and followed her into the bedroom. "It's a disguise charm of sorts, though it's permanent." At Holli's look of shock, Hermione quickly continued. "Not completely so. It's permanent in the sense that you'll always have it if you need it without having to recast the spell. You'll be able to remove it at will, though."

Hermione bit her lip as Holli slowly lowered herself into the chair in front of the dressing table. "It's a bit complicated to explain, really. It isn't like a normal glamour charm. What it really does is bring out your inner features."

Holli gazed at Hermione's reflection in the mirror in confusion. Hermione huffed out a frustrated breath of air.

"According to the book I found it in, it brings out the features best suited to your personality other than what you already look like, of course."

"Oh, of course," Holli murmured sardonically. "That isn't confusing at all."

Hermione felt her lips quirk slightly. "Let's just do it and see what happens, shall we? You shouldn't feel anything." She lifted her wand and waved it in a complicated motion over the top of Holli's head.

Holli's eyes widened in the mirror as her skin began to pale and her hair darkened. They both stared at the reflection in shock, neither grasping what they were seeing.

"I look -" Holli began before cutting herself off in astonishment.

"You look like Sirius," Hermione said.

And indeed she did. Hermione had seen photographs of Sirius before he had been sent to Azkaban. Looking at Holli now, anyone would have sworn that she was his twin sister.

"I suppose Remus has always been right," Hermione murmured as Holli studied her hands. "You are a lot like Sirius." Hermione sucked her cheek in-between her teeth in thought. "You need a name. You're obviously a Black to anyone who would ever look at you, but you need a first name."

"I'm assuming something Astronomy related," Holli mumbled, still gazing at her reflection.

"Yes..." Hermione answered. "Nothing too odd, though. There are some names that are just not fitting for anyone."

Holli snorted.

"Lea," Hermione suggested after a long moment of thought.

Holli's eyes shifted up to hers. "Hermione, there isn't a single thing in the night sky that is named Lea."

"No, but there is a Leo," she replied. "And you are a Gryffindor. Lea would be the female version of Leo. It's fitting."

"Lea Black," Holli murmured, testing the name out upon her tongue. "I suppose it'll work."

Hermione smiled, but the expression soon vanished. "Holli...you can't leave the garden," she told the other woman. "The house and a bit of the surrounding property are under the Fidelius, but you can't leave the boundaries. It's too dangerous."

Holli turned in her seat to face Hermione fully, her expression one of exasperation. "If I can't leave the property, why do I have to wear a disguise?"

"It's simply an extra precaution," Hermione answered. "I suppose it's a good thing that you do look as you do. If anything were to ever happen, most Death Eaters would be too terrified to question you about anything. The others - well, I'll have to do some research and come up with a suitable history."

Holli stood and walked to the window, staring out upon the shadowed woodland. "So what now?" she asked quietly.

"Now..." Hermione began before trailing off. Nothing was quite adequate enough for what they were to do then. Nothing except one thing. "Now, we lie."

Hermione watched as Holli's eyes clenched shut and a single tear crept down her cheek. Her lips moved as she whispered something too softly for Hermione to hear. She never asked what her friend said, but at that moment, Hermione felt like crying as well.

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Remus stared at Hermione, anger burning through his veins and consuming his body. All this time, he thought. All this time and she...

"You've known?" he asked Hermione in a furious whisper. "Two years and you've known she was alive since the very beginning?"

"Yes," Hermione replied simply, looking anywhere but at Remus.

"You've lied to us for two years, Hermione!" he roared. Remus realised he was losing his tightly held grip on his temper and quickly reigned it back in. He could feel the wolf pacing impatiently beneath the surface of his mind and he quelled the desperate urge to lash out at Hermione again.

"Remus," Hermione tried to reason, "I couldn't tell any of you. The more people who knew, the more danger Holli was in, especially in the beginning."

"Telling the few people closest to her wouldn't have put her in more danger, don't you understand that?" he snapped. "We could have helped you. Do you have any idea how much hurt you put us all through by letting us believe she was gone? We would have -"

Remus cut off as his eyes moved to Holli. She was still standing in the same position she had been with her back against the wall, her eyes focused on him. His breath caught and he swallowed.

"Why didn't you just leave?" he whispered brokenly. "We would have protected you." I would have protected you.

Holli, as she had always been able to do, heard what he didn't say out loud. Her eyes narrowed in scorn. "Oh yes, because you did such a wonderful job of that the last time I saw you," she mocked. Remus winced and felt a familiar stab of guilt hit his stomach. Holli sneered at him and pushed herself away from the wall. "I'll leave the two of you to your spat." She turned on her heel and walked through the kitchen door, slamming it so forcefully behind her retreating back that the latch missed and it swung outwards again away from the frame. Loud banging and clattering could be heard from within the room.

Remus turned back to Hermione who was looking at him in confusion.

"What was she talking about?" she questioned.

Remus shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he murmured. It matters a great deal. It's one of the whole reasons this mess ever happened, but I can't tell you any of that, can I?

Hermione sighed and leaned back in her chair wearily. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Remus. Everything I've done, though, has been for her safety. I hope you can understand that."

Remus rubbed his hands over his face. "I can," he whispered in answer. "I do." He looked back up at her. "What is it you need my help with, exactly?"

Hermione's eyes trained on his. "Just her in general," she replied wanly. "She's lonely , Remus, and she needs someone who can be here more often than they're not. Between the Order, work, Ron, my parents and anything else that manages to crop up, I'm lucky if I'm able to come here once every two or three weeks."

"Not that I'm not happy to be here, Hermione, but why me?" Remus asked.

Hermione shrugged. "She trusted you more than any of us, Remus. We could all see that. For all intents and purposes, you were her best friend. If anyone has a chance of dealing with and helping her, it's you."

A loud crash sounded from the kitchen, followed by a generous string of angry curses. Remus winced again.

"Why is she like this?" he asked her.

Hermione's lips curved up into a sad smile. "Why do you think, Remus?" she returned. "You're the one who used to always say how very much like Sirius she was. Compare the two and tell me how much of a difference there is."

"Yes," Remus replied, "but Sirius was only like this after spending twelve years in Azkaban, another two on the run, and then being forced back into his hated childhood home."

"It doesn't matter," she said. "Holli hasn't been out of this house for more than a stroll through the garden in two years. She's had no one but me for company and not very often. Sirius, even if he was trapped inside that house, at least had members of the Order in and out to occupy some of his time with. Holli has had none of that. It all sort of evens itself out."

"So you want me to stay here with her, then?"

"As much as you're able to," she replied. "Come during the day when you have nothing else to do. Eat dinner with her. Maybe even stay a few nights a week. She may not talk to you much and she might not be much for company, but at least she'll have a presence in the house besides herself."

"Do you think that will help?" he questioned.

Hermione's eyes moved to the kitchen door where they could still here a muffled curse or the banging of a dish every now and then and her mouth pulled down into a frown. "I hope so, for her sake," she answered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione left soon after that, leaving Remus and Holli alone in the small cottage. As the other woman disappeared in a blaze of green flames, Remus exhaled a sigh and warily made his way into the kitchen. From all the noise she had been making, he had assumed Holli was preparing something. He was surprised to see that he was wrong.

Apparently, Holli had been entertaining herself by removing various dishes from their cupboards. As he watched, she would beat them down on random places upon the countertop forcefully before shoving them back into their original spots on the cupboard shelves. After watching this process for a few long moments, Remus eventually cleared his throat.

Holli turned sharply and scowled at him. "I suppose you're my babysitter now, are you?" she sniped.

"I hardly think you need taking care of, Holli," Remus replied quietly.

"Good," she snapped as she slammed the cupboard door closed and rounded on him again, "because you're right, I don't. I don't need Hermione and I don't need you. I've been perfectly fine on my own for the past two years. That isn't going to change just because Hermione's suddenly had a change of heart."

She pulled a sauce pan out from beneath the countertop and threw it into the sink after a quick examination. Remus winced as steel rattled against steel loudly and turned his gaze away from her sour expression. He felt his heart settle somewhere around his feet.

This wasn't Holli; not the girl he remembered at least. This woman was bitter and angry; she snapped at the smallest comment and had a sharp remark for every uttered word from his lips. She didn't smile or laugh and her eyes didn't sparkle the way they once had. She was blank and empty in every way that mattered. Holli may have been alive, but her soul might as well have been dead.

As Holli removed a large bowl from an overhead cupboard, Remus whispered, "What happened to you?"

Holli slammed the bowl down upon the counter in fit of rage where it shattered with an ear-splitting crash. Coloured glass shards flew everywhere and Remus was momentarily concerned about her until he saw the anger roiling in her eyes.

"What happened to me?" she snarled. "You have the bloody bollocks to ask me what happened to my perky disposition? I died, Remus! To everyone I've every cared about, I'm dead." Holli quickly made her way around the counter and walked toward him, backing him against the wall. "I've been trapped in the bloody prison for two years, Remus. Until you walked through that door, the only person I've seen - talked to - has been Hermione. Can you imagine that?" She released a manic chuckle and her hands wrapped around his upper arms, he fingers digging in painfully. "It's enough to drive the sanest person mad.

"Do you have any idea what it was like, Remus, to have to watch my own funeral because I knew it would be the last time I got to see anyone for no telling how long? I had to hide in the shadows because no one was supposed to see me and watch as everyone I loved said goodbye to someone who wasn't even gone. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?"

Her fingers were clenching so tightly that Remus wondered how he wasn't bleeding. He watched her face as it twisted into a horrible combination of anger and hurt and pain. He searched her eyes, looking for some form of emotion that he longed to see there, but they remained blank, lifeless, dead.

Suddenly, as her fingers tightened even more, something she had said registered with his mind. "I saw you," he whispered, his voice breaking. "You were there, behind the mausoleum. You were so close and I didn't - I was - That was you."

Holli's face smoothed back out to its characteristic blankness and she finally released her grip on his arms, taking a large step away from him. Remus found himself wanting to pull her back against his chest, missing her absent warmth.

"You looked directly at me," she answered flatly. Her smirk returned instantly. "Hermione saw me as well. We had a huge row over it afterwards."

"If you were there, why didn't you just come out?" Remus asked in confusion. He was finding it all so difficult to understand.

"I promised Hermione I wouldn't," she replied simply. "If I had known -" Holli stopped and swallowed, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes it does matter, Holli," Remus reasoned. "Two years of your life have been all but wasted in here and for what?"

"My safety, if you listen to Hermione," Holli scoffed disdainfully.

Remus frowned. "Why do you treat her the way you do?" he asked. "She saved your life, Holli."

Holli released a jeering burst of laughter. "Of course she did, Remus. What you fail to realise, however, is that she also took it away." The mocking smile slid from her lips and Remus was greeted with a blank expression once more. "She should have let me die. I would have been better off."

"You can't mean that," he whispered in disbelief. His hands shook uncontrollably at his sides and he clenched them tightly, fighting for control.

Holli's dispassionate eyes scrutinised him in silent contemplation for a long moment. Suddenly, there was a glint of something within them and Remus found himself growing happy for the first time since before Holli had walked into the kitchen. Finally, there was something that had worked its way through her strongly held façade. He was happy until he realised that what he was seeing was solid, unyielding acceptance.

That was when Remus understood what Holli was trying to tell him through her words, her actions, and her attitude. She had given up. And there was nothing he could say to change that.

"You have no idea how much I truly do," she whispered back.

Holli turned away from him and walked out of the kitchen. Remus could do nothing more than stare at her retreating back in inconceivable sorrow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: So, um...how much do you hate me now? Anymore? Hopefully less! ^_^ Tell me what you thought in a review. I'm dying to know!

Fair bit of warning: the next chapter is only going to be a filler, basically. There's a lot of time to cover in this part of the story and if we cover it all, it'll take fifty chapters just to get to the important things. So, a filler for the next one that will basically show time passing in a hopefully somewhat entertaining way.

Thanks again to easleyweasley!