Harry and Ron's Excellent Adventure

Harry and Ron's Excellent Adventure

Enter Dobby the house elf who beams at the audience and takes a bow.

Dobby: Good day to you good Sirs and Misses. I is here to tell you about a most excellent future I has seen. It is a time where it has been a great many years since the great and wonderful Harry Potter defeated You-Know-Who for the second time, good Sirs and Misses, but that is not the reason for all the peace. Harry Potter and his Weezy has become a great band, good Sirs and Misses. They is making such good music, that they is bringing harmony to all. The Gryffindors and the Slytherins is liking each other very much now, good Sirs and Misses. (Dobby suddenly shudders) But Dobby is finding out of a terrible plot to separate Harry Potter from his Weezy-(Dobby begins to bang his head against the wall) BAD DOBBY! (Dobby stops banging his head) Oh Harry Potter is so wise when he is saying that Dobby is needing practice. Dobby must make sure that Harry Potter and his Weezy are not separated, good Sirs and Misses. They must pass their History of magic class.

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Harry and Ron are playing their guitars rather badly in Mr. Weasley's Garage full of muggle things. Harry is holding a video camera pointing it at Ron.

Ron: I am Ron S. Weasley Esquire.

Harry: And I am-wait a minute Dude! ( Hands the camera to Ron)

Ron: Oh yeah Dude!

Harry: And I am Harry Harold James Potter! And together we are-

Harry and Ron: Wyld Hippogriffs!

Harry: Ron my friend?

Ron: Yes, Harry, my friend?

Harry: We really must learn how to play.

Ron: We need the Weird Sisters to learn how to play.

Harry: Yes, but I do not believe we will get the Weird Sisters unless we have a most triumphant video.

Ron: How can we have a most triumphant video if we do not even know how to play?

Harry: That is why we need the Weird Sisters.

Ron: And that is why we need a most triumphant video! (They look at each other and make jerky movements).

Harry and Ron: EXCELLENT! ( They mime playing guitars)

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Later that day in History of Magic...

Binns: Well, Mr. Potter?

Harry: He's dead? (Hermione makes and impatient noise while Neville, Dean, and Seamus snicker and Parvarti and Lavender giggle).

Binns: So what you're telling me is that Godric Gryffindor was a short dead dude? (The class laughs again).

Harry: Er-yeah!

Ron: (leaning over and whispering to Harry) You totally blew it, Dude!

Binns: Mr. Weasley, please stand up.

Ron: Stand up?

Binns: Stand up. (Ron makes a jerky movement and stands up) Who was the Grey Lady? (Ron ponders this for a moment and makes another jerky movement).

Ron: Gandalf's wife? (The class laughs yet again and the bell rings. Harry and Ron are about to exit when Binns calls to them).

Binns: Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley may I speak with you for a moment. (Harry and Ron stop, make jerky movements, turn around, and walk up to Binns' desk).

Harry: Professor Binns, before you say anything we just want to thank you for all the things we've learned in your class. (Ron grins in agreement and makes jerky movements.)

Binns: It seems that the only thing you two have learned is that Slytherin was a solid dressing dude. Gentlemen, it's simple. You have flunked every section of this class. Now unless you pass your final Oral report tomarrow, I have no choice but to flunk the both of you. (Harry and Ron look alarmed) Now you know your topics, I suggest you at least cover those. (Harry and Ron look down and nod).

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Ext. Hogwarts. Several students are standing on the lawn when Fleur pulls up in a large chariot and spots Harry and Ron.

Ron: Hey Fleur! (Fleur gives him a semi-stern look.) I mean sis.

Fleur: Do ze two of you need a ride? (Harry and Ron nod eagerly and get into the chariot)

Harry: (whispering to Ron) Your sister-in-law sure is hot!

Ron: Shut up, Harry!

Harry: Can we stop at my uncle's house? I think I left my text book there before I defeated Voldemort.

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Int. The Dursley living room. Harry is trying to sneak up stairs to get his book when he is stopped by Uncle Vernon.

Uncle Vernon: Paying a visit, Boy?

Harry: Hey Uncle Vernon. I just came to get my book.

Uncle Vernon looks very smug.

Uncle Vernon: I've just received an owl from that school of yours.

Harry: Oh?

Uncle Vernon: They say you're failing history. (Harry freezes) They also say that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. You know what that mean.

Harry: That I would have to go to Smeltings Military Academy.

Uncle Vernon: I've just spoken to Colonel Forkward, he's anxious to meet you.

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Int. Fleur's chariot. Harry enters carrying his book and plops down next to Ron.

Ron: What's wrong, Dude?

Harry: Dude, we've gotta pass that report.

Ron: Why?

Harry: My Uncle's going to send me off to a Muggle military school.

Ron: Where?

Harry: Iceland.

Ron: Bogus!