Dungbombs and S-P-E-W II

The snow turned beneath several thick pairs of boots as they trod an uneven path through the thick build up of it that covered the ground. White snowflakes falling gently all around them, Lavender and Parvarti were walking off to Muggle Studies, Harry and Ron following a short few steps behind.

The turrets of Hogwarts were visible wherever they went, along with the several students sleddding, ice skating, and, in the case of both Draco and Pansy, riding a sleigh with Madame Pomfrey at the reins. Pansy was shouting at Draco, and from the way she was bopping him on the head with her muff, it wasn't something exactly cordial.

Lavender, Parvati, Harry, and Ron had the fortune (for them, anyway-to Draco and Pansy it was more like misfortune) to overhear what both of the Slytherins were arguing about as they sped past.

Draco gestured towards his now thoroughly soaked clothes with rage. "Oh, you think you have it bad? I'll have you know THESE cost eighty galleons! My father will probably be asking you for full compensation."

Pansy held out the equally sodden coat she was wearing, pointing to the fur that both insulated and covered it.

"So? You can just go back to the store and by another sodding silk shirt, can't you? This coat was hand tailored personally just for me!"

"Of course," Ron muttered to Lavender. "No one else in their right mind would find a moose with the measles, kill it, and then pour grape juice all over the hide to make some ugly outfit unless Pansy asked it."

"That outfit isn't the only thing that's purple," pointed out Lavender.

And it was true. Pansy's coat had faded from a brilliant, eye blinding purple to a much more sedate shade. The reason for this was apparent if you looked at Pansy's arms, robes, face, and neck. The dye had run from the robes into her skin, which made her very much the same color as Harry's Uncle Dursley was regularly.

Lavender and Parvati, seeing this, immediately began giggling, and after staring a both girls for a minute, Ron and Harry joined in.

"Too bad it didn't come off on Malfoy," Harry choked out. "I've always wanted to see what he'd look like as a giant grape."

All four were practically in stitches with laughter as Pansy's angry voice echoed from somewhere around the corner, the sleigh heading straight for the infirmary. Madame Pomfrey would make sure that the sled's fall through the ice of the Hogwart's lake with its owners in tow had not caused either student to catch a cold. Pity the ice was so thin in that particular spot.

Madame Pomfrey needn't have worried. The only damage done to Pansy and Draco had been to their inflated egos.

Parvati shook her head after the sled and its inhabitants. "Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason they're going out with each other is because their parents are paying them."

Ron snickered. "Most be a fortune then."

"Huh, I wouldn't think either of them were worth more than half a sickle," said Lavender, linking her arm through Ron's and giving him a kiss on the cheek, an action that caused his ears to turn bright red.

Parvati eyed Ron and Lavender's public display of affection with interest and a lonely feeling. It was a bit hard not to feel left out when your best friend suddenly got a boyfriend out of the blue. Harry at least had Cho, himself, so Ron's spending time with Lavender didn't bother him. However, Parvati didn't have anyone..and she couldn't very well use her legendary matchmaking skills on herself, could she?

"Not unless you're betting on the chances of them breaking up," replied Parvati, breaking stride next to Harry. "In which case, you're probably rich." (For this exact reason, far on the other side of the winter chaos that was taking place outdoors, Lee was studiously avoiding Fred's expectant open palm and his grin of triumph.)

A familiar figure stood ahead of the four's path. Recognizing the boy standing decked out in earmuffs and a hat with flaps (he obviously didn't know realize you only needed one or the other), Harry smiled and waved. "Hey Neville! Where are y-"

"What the-?" shouted Ron suddenly, interrupting Harry. Both him and Lavender jumped to one side, just in time to avoid a student barreling out of one of the many doors leading to and from Hogwarts and the courtyards.

Half skipping, half twirling (did she take ballet or something? Lavender wondered) Eloise, the girl infamous for trying to curse off her acne, was now famous for something else as well...walking outdoors in the falling snow with her uncovered, completely wet hair and a only towel to keep the damp hair from dripping on to her robes.

She bumped smack into Neville, sending him sprawling into the snow. "Oops."

Ignoring Neville after that little comment, Eloise spread her arms to the sky and started twirling around and around again (her hair looked like it would turn to a block of ice at any moment, but she didn't seem to notice.)

"It's snowing! I can't believe it's snowing! I'm so glad I didn't miss it!"

"Didn't miss it? But the snowfall will last for days," said Neville incredulously from the position of being flat on his back.

"It will?" Eloise looked even more delighted. "Oooh."

She finally noticed Neville lying in the snow. "Sorry for knocking you over," she apologized. Eloise offered Neville one little hand and he grabbed it to pull himself back up again, trying to restraighten his earmuffs, which had somehow gone crooked. One earmuff was at the top of his head, the other covered the side of his face.

"No, that's quite alright. Errm..sorry for being in your way," said Neville awkwardly, appearing just as awkward as the words he spoke (much to the amusement of Harry, Ron, Lavender, and Parvarti who, being so nearby, couldn't help overhearing some of the conversation.)

"S-So you've never seen snow?" he ventured to ask Eloise.

Eloise shook her head emphatically, sending droplets of water from her hair into Neville's face. "Nope! Closest thing to snow we get where I live is when my duck's water bowl freezes over."

Neville's face lit up. "You have ducks? Really? I've always wanted one, but Gran says they're too sloppy."

"That's why I have to keep mine in the Care of Magical Creatures hut. Though, sometimes I sneak Crinkles inside and let her sleep on my pillow. Weird, huh?" Eloise blushed, expecting Neville to stare at her as if he thought she was an extra terrestrial. Other people always made fun of her when she told them that she let a real duck sleep on her pillow in the dormitories.

But Neville wasn't other people. "Wow! And it doesn't poop on you or anything while you sleep?"

"Nope. It's-" Eloise wasn't sure if she should say it. She knew that she'd get teased for sure now, but he seemed like a nice boy...

"Potty trained," she finished importantly.

"You must be really good with animals! So am I. Have you ever met Trevor? He's my toad."

"I've always wanted a toad!" Eloise said excitedly.

"And I've always wanted a duck! Maybe we can swap sometime, just for a day, you know?"

"Sure."

"I'll have to introduce you to Trevor first. After class sometime. That is, if you want me to. I'm Neville, by the way."

"I'm Eloise."

"Oh," said Neville. "You're the girl who everyone says-"

Eloise looked as if she was about to cry, so Neville tactfully dropped what he had been about to say. "-Is so pretty," he finished, then looked surprised at his own daring do..almost as much as Eloise did.

"Do they honestly? Because you don't need to make it up. But if it's true, I mean..umm.."

"I have care of Magical Creatures next." Neville changed the subject, looking at his feet. "What about you?"

"Same."

"Mind if I walk with you?" Neville's face was every bit as red as Ron's could ever be.

"Not at all," Eloise answered graciously.

"Wait a minute, your hair's wet," stated Neville as they began walking off across the snowdrifts. "You'll catch a cold."

"Oh that. I was so excited when I heard it was snowing, I kinda rushed out of the shower," admitted Eloise with a sheepish smile.

"Here." Neville took off his hat with the ear flaps and handed it to Eloise, who promptly put in on her head-backwards. "Thanks."

"For the hat? It was no problem."

"Yeah, thanks for the hat," said Eloise with a smile. "And also for saying that I'm pretty."

Neville looked worried. "But I never said you were pretty, I just said that everyone else had been saying you were pretty."

"Same thing," said Eloise, causing Neville give her a confused look as he hurried to follow her to Care of Magical Creatures.

***********

Harry, Ron, Parvati, and Lavender, a short distance behind Neville and Eloise (but they might as well have been miles away from as much note as both Neville and Eloise took of them) were all grinning.

"Aww..that's so cute," said Parvati, thinking all the while, why can't things like that ever happen to me? WHY? I still haven't kissed anything besides a picture-and it says in the Infallible Witch's Guide to Dating that paper and blow up dolls don't count.

"Never knew Neville could act so, well, unNevillish," said Harry.

"Almost a prince charming," said Lavender, causing Ron, who had his arm about her shoulder (and was prone to jealousy) to glance at her sharply. "Prince charming?"

" His throne is going to end up being very close to the ground if Eloise keeps on knocking him over and all," pointed out Harry from behind Lavender and Ron.

"It was still sweet," defended Lavender.

"Well, they certainly have alot in common. Especially when it comes to their heads always being stuck in the clouds," said Ron. "Did you see that girl? She would have come out here with only a towel in the same place Dobby wears his tea cozy, if someone hadn't of stopped her along the way."

The bell in one of Hogwart's towers rang then, obliviating any further chance for conversation. Running as fast as they could, snow flying out behind them, all four raced to be on time to class.

************

George and Hermione had no such need for hurrying at the sound of the bell. Both were headed off to the greenhouse for detention. It was really too bad they couldn't have had a job shoveling the snow outside instead or something, thought Hermione. It would have been a ton of fun to make snow angels with George.

She mentally chided herself for such thoughts. This is detention. Not a time to goof off. It's supposed to be a punishment.

But walking alongside George, trying to catch the falling snowflakes in her mouth while he did the same, was not exactly much of a punishment.

Goerge certainly didn't look like he was in the slightest morose. "Woohoo! We're out of class! Tell me, which closet should we head for? The one on the fifth floor or the one on the tenth?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "George, did you fall asleep while Professor McGonagall was talking?"

George grinned at her. "Nah. I only do that around Professor Binns. Hard not to when he's practically dozing off while he speaks, himself."

"Practically? I think he actually does from time to time." Hermione grinned back. "You do realize we have detention, don't you?"

George pretended to seriously contemplate what Hermione had just said. "Oh yeah...How about the closet in Filch's office then?"

Hermione ducked to avoid a Ravenclaw prefect trying to control the ornery (and airborne, of course) reindeer that she was riding. She continued her conversation with George as if nothing had happened. It might as well have been nothing. It was now winter. In the magical world, that often meant keeping on the watch for impending reindeer; which seemed to be the favorite animal to show off on during the yuletide season.

"Do you ever think of anything besides snogging?"

"Of course! I'm not that one dimensional!" said George indignantly. "There's always pranks," he joked.

Hermione shook her head. "But you don't even have to think about those. You could perform them in your sleep. Remember when you and Fred put that candy in Mrs. Norris's food dish that made her go bald as an egg? I could have sworn both of you were sleep walking at the time."

"No we weren't!" said George, wisely not mentioning that he had no idea what episode of mischeviousness Hermione was referring to. "Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe the fact that you both had teddy bears clutched in your arms."

George blushed. "Okay, maybe were sleep walking," he admitted as he kicked aside the giant head of a decrepit snowman that was blocking his and Hermione's path. "But you're just making up that part about the teddy bears."

Hermione just smirked back at him. "Errmm..aren't you?"

"You tell me."

"I don't have a teddy bear!" stated George, horrified at the prospect.

"Just a dungbomb covered in brown fur?"

George wiggled his eyebrows. "Miss Granger, are you suggesting you've been staying up past curfew to spy on me?"

"I would never stay up past curfew-that'd be eighty points from Gryffindor," stated Hermione, just as indignant as George had been when she'd joked about him owning a teddy bear (and conveniently forgetting the few times Fred, Lee and George; who already had her going along with them on most of their pranks, had convinced her to stay up past curfew.)

"Aha!" concluded Goerge. "So you're spying on me before curfew? I knew it!"

Hermione gave a sigh of defeat. "Okay, okay. You don't have a teddy bear and I don't spy on you. How's that?"

"Fine," said George good naturedly. "Except for the fact that I DO have a teddy bear," he admitted nonchalantly. "So you must have been spying."

"I wouldn't spy on you," Hermione reassured him. "Too risky. I might get caught. Or fall off a ladder trying to see in the Gryffindor boy's dormitory window."

Here, George and Hermione laughed, remembering when Lavender and Parvarti had tried to climb a ladder across from the dormitory's window to take counts for their poll on which boys wore boxers and which wore briefs.

(Or so they had said when McGonagall found them. Hermione had suspicions it had been more along the lines of Lavender trying to get a good look at Ron as he got ready for bed-with Parvarti there to see the other boys, naturally.)

"Now, now, you can't blame Lavender," said George, opening the door to Greenhouse#5 and ushering Hermione in before him in a gentlemanly gesture. "It's hard to cling to a ladder and use Omniculars at the same time."

"I'll file that away for future reference."

George stared at Hermione in horror. "You already know I have a teddy bear! How much worse can it get?"

"Three words," said Hermione, laughing. "Boxers or briefs?"

"Sorry, that's private information only Moaning Myrtle has access to," George said kiddingly.

"Why you little-"

"Oh, did I say Moaning Myrtle? I meant the Gray lady."

Hermione grabbed a tube of freshly squeezed bubotuber pus from the table and pointed it menacingly at George.

"Eek! Kidding! Kidding!"

**********

Hermione wiped a hand across her forehead, trying to clean off some of the dirt and only succeeded in causing even more streaks of it to appear.

For the past three hours, she and George had been cleaning up the debris and dirt left over from Professor Sprout's Herbology students. One of the fifth years had somehow managed to knock over a whole entire shelf full of various flora and fauna.

"Ugh. I sincerely hope that whoever knocked all this stuff over got a good thump in the noggin from one of the little pots," muttered Hermione irritably as she stubbed her foot on yet another broken piece of pottery.

"From one of the little ones? Need I remind you of the three hours we have spent cleaning up dirt, flowers, weeds, and oh yeah, a giant overturned thorn that just happened to decide to come alive and start beating the living tar out of us?"

George leaned wearily over his broom as he swept. "Oh, he should have gotten a good thump on the noggin, alright. From the heaviest pot in this place."

Hermione shook her head at George, waving her wand and sending more pieces of broken pottery zooming into the trash can.

"Now, that wouldn't have been very fair. He should have been buried in the rubble from the shelf..and then have gotten a good thump on the noggin from the heaviest pot here."

"Too bad he didn't knock over a shelf full of bricks," said George dreamily, kicking at an uprooted plant of some sort whose roots kicked him back.. in the shin.

"Or dungbombs," said Hermione.

"Or bricks and dungbombs," said George.

"Or bricks, dungbombs, and firecrackers."

"Or bricks, dungbombs, firecrackers, and Professor Sprout's Venus Fly Trap."

"How much you want to bet this was all Neville's doing?" asked George. "He's the only person that could knock over eighteen pots in a row like that. Got talent, that boy does."

"Oh George, don't make fun of Neville," said Hermione reprovingly. "He's a lot less clumsy this year."

"I never said he was clumsy! He simply has a way for destruction. Hmm..wonder if he would ever consider joining Weasley's Wizard Wheezes when he graduates?" pondered George.

"Probably not if Neville wants Trevor to stay alive. Five minutes in your place and that toad would end up turning into a peacock. Either that or a dungbomb would accidentally go off and he'd have his guts plastered to the nearest wall," said Hermione with a grin.

The greenhouse was slowly (very slowly, if Hermione and George were any ones to judge) becoming cleaner. If not spic and span, at least now half of the debris had been swept away. The problem was cleaning up the other half, which was even worse than the first half had been.

Hermione pushed more sweaty strands of hair back from her forehead before getting out a broom and beginning to sweep alongside George. "I can't believe I'm in detention for the first time."

"Congradulations!"

"Is it always this much fun?" asked Hermione sarcastically as she stomped on the head of one falling apart plant whose head was ferociously trying to bite her.

"No..usually we bring party hats and see how many times we can blow noise makers before Snape lunges at us."

George suddenly leaned over to kiss Hermione. Both brooms that they had been holding clanked against each other and fell to the floor, stirring up everything that Hermione and George and had worked so hard to clean, making the place even more dirty than it had been to begin with.

George pulled away from the stunned Hermione with a satisfied smile. "There, isn't this much better than snogging in the broom closet?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow, rubbing gently at George's cheek to try and get off the smudge of dirt there (no doubt the result of her putting her one dirt covered hand up to his face during the kiss). "Still not enough proof."

"Skeptical. What do I have to do to prove my undying valor, my lady?" George bowed towards Hermione in an ungainly (and definitely more than a little ridiculous) fashion.

Hermione stared at him with a smile. "Mmm..stop talking like Nearly Headless Nick and kiss me again."

"Your wish is my command," murmured George against her lips and after that, neither of one of them exactly had the ability to do much more talking..

Hermione came away from the kiss with smoke coming out of her mouth..literally. "GEORGE!" she yelled, exasperated.

George took one look at the light gray smoke issuing from Hermione's mouth at every word and grinned. "Newest candy for Wizard's Wheezes," he told her excitedly. "Sugar ground to tiny pieces and mixed with a touch of this and that."

"You can blame it on Lee this time," he added. "He invented them."

Hermione didn't have to ask how she had gotten hold of such a candy in her mouth. She knew. From now on, I'm sticking strictly to kisses on the cheek, she promised herself sternly.

"And let me guess, you were supposed to test them?"

"Yup," admitted George. "Which reminds me.."

He lowered his face until it was dangerously close to Hermione's own.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Making sure the product's not malfunctioning."

Red smoke was now streaming out of Hermione's ears, but neither her nor George noticed as they were busy putting all their efforts into the kiss (Hermione having forgotten what she had just promised herself.)

Both noticed when the effect of the candy when they stopped-and the smoke wasn't limited to only Hermione's ears. The minute she opened her mouth, a whole gigantic flame engulfed George's head.

"Eek.George! You're on fire!"

Eyeing the bucket in the Greenhouse shed, Hermione acted quickly. She yanked a protesting George by his robes into the shed, grabbed the bucket, flicked her wand to fill it up with water, and promptly dumped the whole bucket over George's head.

George peered at her from under the bucket. "So the product does work! I'll have to te-"

"Are you insane?" yelled Hermione, at that moment reminding George of his mother. "You could have been hurt! You're lucky you didn't get any third degree burns."

"'Mione," said George. "The fire's not real. It doesn't burn."

Hermione gaped at him. "But it's fire. Fire can't not-"

"Oh yes it can. Come here and I'll show you again." George grinned.

"I'd really rather not. George, seeing you set on fire wasn't fun," said Hermione shakily. "I like you much better drenched," she added impishly.

"I understand, but still, dare say I'd look more appealing without the water bucket on the head."

"Oh." Hermione took one look at George and laughing, went over and removed the bucket from his head, this action inevitably leading to more snogging.

It was doing such that Professor McGonagall caught them. Hermione was the first to notice. As soon as she did, she scuttled away from George and tried to pull her frazzled wits back about her.

"This isn't what it looks like."

Professor McGonagall stood with her hands on her hips. "Oh really? Then what exactly is it? Enlighten me."

George looked at Hermione. Hermione looked back at George. "Errm..we were checking for mice?"

"In each other's hair?" questioned McGonagall.

"Slip of the tongue, professor" covered Hermione quickly. "He meant to say lice."

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. "Funny. A certain Fred and Angelina said the same thing when I caught them in an empty cauldron down in the dungeons."

"Since you seem to be getting so distracted-" McGonagall's eyes went to Hermione's mussed up hair and George's cheek with a dirt colored handprint on it-"I'll just send you to separate detentions instead so you can do a more thorough job of things."

********

Later that night, an exhausted Hermione caught up with George on the stairs after dinner.

"It was your idea to start snogging in that shed. You owe me."

"Oh sure. How much?" George reached into his pocket and pulled out what Hermione instantly recognized as leprechaun money.

She gave an evil look. "Oh, not that. How long has it been since our last S-P-E-W meeting?"

"Two days?" George guessed.

"You mean two weeks."

George gave a nervous laugh. "How time flies when you have a beautiful girlfriend."

"Good thing it does, 'cause there's a meeting of S-P-E-W at one o' clock tomorrow. Be there!"

George sighed as he made his way up to the boy's dormitories after saying goodnight to Hermione. "The things I do for love."

"For the love of the house elves, you mean, don't you?" Hermione shouted after his retreating back.

"Umm...Yeah. Of course..."

Fred joined George at the second foyer, just having given a goodnight kiss to Angelina (after she had realized George didn't like her, she gone to Fred and he in his turn had done everything he could to cheer her up-though, Angelina said it was really more like just trying to set a new record for the most rules broken and bad poetry recited in the course of one hour.)

"Glad Angelina doesn't have any stupid club she's making me join."

Angelina glanced back at Fred and smiled. "Remember not to be late for W.Q.A.F.F.P!"

Both George and Lee (who had finished bidding Alicia goodnight) snickered. Or Lee snickered until Alicia called after him "You'd better not be late either!"

"Now what were you saying about stupid clubs?" George asked the two as they entered the boy's dormitories.

"It's not a club..it's a..well...it's a" Lee faltered as he pulled his pajama top over his head.

"Group," finished Fred lamely, already in his pajamas and lying on his bed.

George shrugged. "Same thing as a club."

"Ohoh. You had better watch out. I think Hermione's smartness is starting to rub off on him," whispered Fred to Lee.

"I heard that!" George threw a pillow at Fred.

"So what does W.Q.A.F.F.P stand for anyway?" he asked, curious.

"Woman's Quidditch Association For Fair Play," muttered Fred.

"Now that really describes you guys perfectly," said George with a snort.

"Oh, knock it off. We're supposed to represent the pigheaded males that unfairly dominate the sport and issue forth prejudice with every word, according to Alicia," said Lee.

He turned to George. "What do you guys do at S-P-E-W meetings?"

"Besides snog, of course," put in Fred.

"We make up campaigns and speeches for better rights for house elves..while they feed us cookies, hot cocoa, and donuts."

"Lucky," said Fred and Lee enviously.

"W.Q.A.F.F.P meetings are that boring?" asked George as he turned out the light by his bed and jumped under the covers.

"Not exactly," said Fred. "Lee did get hit over the head with a broomstick once."

"For what?"

"I tried to tell Alicia that not many girls played quidditch simply because they weren't interested in it," said Lee, wincing at the memory. "Last time I get anywhere near her when she has any weapon so much as a spoon in her hand."

"Girlfriends," said Fred with a sad shake of his head.

"Impossible to figure out," said Lee.

"So are we," pointed out George before rolling over on to his side and falling asleep.