Dungbombs and S-P-E-W II

The year was already in the beginnings of December and snow was falling heavily outside of Hogwarts. Several first years in sweaters and scarves could be seen, heads bowed from the wind, walking to Professor Sprout's greenhouses. A few fifth years passed by in the other direction, some of them walking like the first years, some of them, mostly the girls, on sleds being pulled by disgruntled looking various boys.

Hermione focused on one girl and one guy in particular. The girl was on a sled, which, in the tradition of suffering boyfriends everywhere, the guy was dragging along through the snow. Bundled in collection of furs and animal skins that had probably taken the lives of a polar bear, a fox, and what appeared have been a very fuzzy purple moose to make, the girl had a smile that would have made her look the spitting image of the Cheshire cat..if the Cheshire cat had a preference for dark red lipstick and bright sparkly pink eyeshadow.

The guy, on the other hand, looked as if he was one step away from tipping his girlfriend, sled and all, into the ice covered waters of Hogwart's lake. Even with his straw colored hair covered by a knitted hat, there was no mistaking him anywhere. Draco Malfoy stuck out wherever he went-for good or bad. Realizing who the boy and the girl outside both were, Hermione stifled a giggle behind her hand. Pansy and Draco. The perfect couple. Ha! As her own boyfriend put it, it was more like the perfect couple of idiots.

Hermione's boyfriend in question was sitting exactly seven rows away, in the very back of the room (better for performing tricks and spells out of the viewing range of the teacher) with his twin, and Lee Jordan; who was glancing out the window at the exact same scene Hermione was. Namely, Pansy on a sled, now being pulled by Draco across Hogwarts' lake.

"Twenty sickles he falls through the ice and takes her with him," whispered Lee to George and Fred.

Both twins looked to see what Lee was talking about and then broke into identical grins. "You're on."

It as at that moment Professor Binns ceased his lecture and looked around for a student to pick on.

*************

"Ahem. Miss Granger?? MISS GRANGER??"

Hermione jerked her eyes away from the frosted windowpanes. "Uh. Umm.."

The whole class, half of which had recently been asleep, the other half of which were goofing off in abandonment, seemed to come to attention immediately as if they had been listening to Professor Binns all along.

Hermione's face went red as she felt their eyes watching her-especially HIS eyes. She wasn't going to ask Professor Binns to repeat the question, she just wasn't. Not when she had been lecturing George that very morning on just why he should pay attention in class and not practice trying to make Snape go bald, spelling Flitwick's wand so that it grew to be heavier than the teacher himself, or enchanting various plants in Professor Sprout's class to start tap dancing.

Professor Binns raised his eyebrows. "A straightforward answer will do."

Hermione scanned her open textbook desperately for a clue as to what educational question Professor Binns could have possibly been asking her. Rebellion of the unicorns in 1776? Or revolt of the hippogriffs in 1880? Or was it that nonsense about the union the dragons formed for better representation and more damsels in distress in 1234?

"Shame," said a low voice in Hermione's head. "Looks like Miss Granger doesn't listen to what comes out of her own mouth very well, does she?"

"George," thought Hermione furiously, knowing George could hear her perfectly well inside his head. "You're not supposed to use spells like this in class! Cut it out!"

"Hey, magic is supposed to be used at Hogwarts, right?"

"Hopeless," muttered Hermione. "If you haven't noticed, Professor Binns asked me a question and I still haven't answered, so unless you can help, turn off this bloody spell."

" If someone hadn't been staring out the window so desperately they looked like they were about to take a nosedive through it, they would know what Professor Binns was talking about, wouldn't they?" said George merrily.

Professor Binns harumphed loudly. "Perhaps I should ask someone else since apparently Miss Granger wasn't paying careful enough attention."

Everyone in the class slumped downwards in their desks, trying to appear inconspicuous so they wouldn't be the unlucky one to get called on.

"Answer. Answer. Just give me the answer," Hermione thought at George.

" Repeat after me; The Victorian founding of the Association of Tea Drinking Giants, you boring old nutter."

Hermione repeated obediently. "The Victorian founding Of the Association of Tea Drinking Giants, you boring old nu-" she cut off suddenly when she realized just what she was saying.

Professor Binn's face remained expressionless.

"I'm afraid that is incorrect, Miss Granger. The Victorian Association of Tea Drinking Giants was not founded by Boring Old. He was the lawyer on the case of the stampeding mustangs in 1722. The case of 1722, was, however, very important in bringing in the term.."

Everyone's faces went back from being alert to glazing over slowly into stupor. The students once again went back to doing whatever they had been doing earlier-namely, anything that didn't require them to listen to Professor Binns. Ron and Lavender, sitting opposite Hermione, went quietly back to their game of chess that they were playing, substituting different colors of licorice for pawns, knights, queens, and so on.

Harry continued to doodle Cho's name in the margins of "Quidditch Through The Ages", which was carefully tucked inside his school textbook. Parvati started energetically scribbling yet another note to Lavender. It would be quite a feat if either of them had a scrap of paper left in their notebooks at the end of the year with the way they had taken to note-writing (it was much easier than whispering. You didn't get caught nearly as often.)

Far on the other side of the room, Fred transfigured a small pillow from the parchment he was supposed to be using to take notes and promptly rested his head on it. He nudged George and Jordan. "If I snore, one of you guys shake me."

Hermione put her face in her hands, tuning out Professor Binns. She should have known that George would have added on a little insult to the teacher to go with his answer.

"I'm never going to live this down."

George's laugh echoed inside her head. "I'm sure all three people that were paying attention will be absolutely horrified that you dared to make a mistake."

Hermione would have glared at George if she could have turned around in her seat and done so directly. "No thanks to you. I could never hate you, but I advise you to turn off this spell before I decide that the only kisses you are going to be getting from now on are the ones blown from Moaning Myrtle."

She could practically see George pulling a mock sorrowful face and pretending to clutch his heart as he fell out of his chair. "No, no, anything but that! I can't take it!"

"OUT. OF. MY. HEAD. NOW. Before I start shrieking at you like Pansy."

"Go ahead. I have tough ear drums...built up from years of Ron screaming every time me or Fred made his wand turn into a balloon spider."

"You know that threat I just made about not kissing you ever again? It still stands," hinted Hermione.

"Eeek..consider me gone." George's voice immediately faded away as he said as much and Hermione gave a roll of her eyes. Sharing Professor Binn's class with George made the usually deadly boring class never dull.

**********

Bored. Bored. BOOOOORED. It was one hour later and Professor Binns was still droning on and on and on...Who on earth had ever decided that History of Magic class should be two hours would get a personal shipment of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes the minute they went into business.

George idly pondered the merits of throwing the scone he had tucked in his robes for a snack at Professor Binn's wide open mouth to see if it actually went in. He decided not to. Wasn't worth the effort. Make the scone magically lift out of his pocket and hit Lee on the head? Not worth it either. George sighed. What he really wanted to do was go over and chat with Hermione, who seemed to be the only one who was actually bothering to take notes on anything Professor Binns was saying at all. At the same time, she was also, noted George with a sense of satisfaction, talking to both Lavender and Ron out of the side of her mouth.

George wished he could be sitting next to her, but unfortunately, the one class they were in together had alphabetically arranged seating. And George was pretty sure Professor Binns wouldn't buy his deciding to legally change his last name to "Gray". The only reason George would change his last name was just because "Gray" was the closest thing he could think of to "Granger" and Professor Binns knew it.

Watching Lavender and Parvarti passing notes gave George an idea. Perhaps he could write Hermione one. George began searching his desk for paper, but unfortunately, realized his notebook was nowhere to be found. His eyes went straight to Lee's desk, where, sure enough, Lee had a small collection of wadded up pieces of paper that were covered in blue flames for him to warm his hands over. The rest of paper from George's notebook were being put to the use of providing paper airplanes.

Lee caught George watching and grinned. "Hope you don't mind me using your notebook," he mouthed. "You didn't seem to be using it to take notes, so.."

George groaned. Nix that idea. He went back to being bored for another ten minutes before he spied the chewing gum on the edge of the (now napping) Fred's desk.

A sudden plan formed in his head. Commending himself on not only finding a way to give Hermione a little gift (ermm..well sort of) but finding a way to keep himself from being bored-for a few seconds- as well, George snatched the gum, took out his wand, and set to work.

************

Hermione had just finished her last page of notes on Professor Binn's subject of the day. Smiling to herself, she closed her notebook, ready to use the last thirty minutes of class to write a quick note to George. She was tearing out a piece of paper to write it on when the noise of several people giggling made her turn around in her seat.

Ooh no. Oh no. George and boredom were a dangerous combination at the best of times. Professor Binn's class was definitely not the best of times. A pink heart about the size of Hermione's own head was floating eerily towards her across the room, and it was made of..bubblegum?

Hermione glanced at George and he winked back, forming a little halo around his head with his two hands and pretending to be innocent all the while.

George waited in anticipation. Once the gum had reached Hermione's desk, it was supposed to turn into a flower. Perfect present for the anniversary of six months of dating, right?

Wrong. The heart made of bubblegum had just reached Hermione's desk and was about to turn into a rose when Lee, reaching across George's desk to get a pencil to poke Fred with (Fred had finally started snoring) broke George's concentration and knocked his wand out of his hands.

Instead of reaching Hermione's desk, at the last minute the heart of bubblegum veered off to the side and went zig zagging around the room before coming back to Hermione again, where it stopped and promptly exploded, covering both her and the large book she was reading in strips of Drooble's Best Chewing Gum.

Professor Binns snapped his own book shut loudly, startling several students back into being awake. "George Weasley. Go see Professor McGonagall. Right now."

He took in Hermione covered in gum and whether it was the fact that he had noticed her lack of attention that day or that his class was the one class Hermione was not overly found of and he knew it, Professor Binns would go down as the first teacher ever to give Hermione detention.

"You too, Miss Granger."

Hermione walked out, her back ramrod straight. Hermione? The Know it all? In trouble? Never. Oddly enough, it didn't bother Hermione at all. She supposed she was supposed to feel guilty or something for ruining her perfect record of never having gotten detention (which McGonagall would be sure to give them both) but she really didn't.

After all, she argued with herself as she went into the hall outside class and met up with George, it wasn't as if detention had anything to do with smarts. Supposedly, Lily Potter had been in detention a record number of times and she had been head girl!

George smiled apologetically at her as they walked to McGonagall's office.

"Sorry, 'Mione, it wasn't supposed to explode. It was supposed to land on your desk and turn into a flower-and it would have if Lee hadn't suddenly decided that he wanted to grab a pencil from me and nearly poked my eye out in the process."

Hermione grinned. " Things that you spell always seem to have a way of either imploding or exploding. Wonder why that is?"

"Probably because my wand is so old it's about to explode or implode itself." George suddenly switched subjects. "You really aren't mad about it or all? Or going to give me a speech on why opened bubblegum should be kept in more important places, like on Fred's forehead?"

Hermione shook her head. "Nope. You were trying to just make me a present, and after all, what girl can resist flowers?"

"Even if they start out as a heart made out of chewing gum and then explode?"

"It's the thought that counts," Hermione said as they rounded the corner. Neither one spoke another word as they stepped inside McGonagall's office, ready for all fury to be let loose.

McGonagall raised her eyebrow as she studied Hermione. "You, Miss Granger, look like a pink creampuff after it got rolled around in dirt. What happened?"

Both of them set around to explaining as best they could, trying to get out of the detention they were sure was awaiting them.