Muggling Through

"Ah, Severus. Just the man I wanted to see!"

Severus paled; he had heard those nine words only a handful of times, but the outcome had never been pretty.

"Headmaster?" He sounded calm, but, in reality he was quaking in his black dragon-hide boots.

"I have bad news..." That definitely was not a good omen. "I suppose I should begin with an explanation... Sit down." Snape sat, grimacing at the squashiness of the chintz armchair that was offered to him. "I have some worrying information regarding the security of our world, Severus. It would appear that there is a leak."

"A leak, Albus?"

"It has finally happened, the thing that we have been dreading..." He broke off and the two sat in silence for a moment, while Severus thought over the news.

"How bad is it, Albus? Can we contain it?"

"Fortunately, it seems that we may be able to resolve the situation, at least partially. However, the leak is a bad one, Severus. Some of us will have to be involved... I was hoping that you would be willing to help."

"Of course. It was always planned that if it actually happened, I would be the one to act. What do I need to do?"

"Well, Severus, I'm afraid that you aren't going to like this... I - you are going to need to live alongside Muggles for a whi-"

Severus leapt up, horrified, and began pacing around the room. "Live - with - MUGGLES! No! Albus, I won't! No! It is totally unthinkable! Next you'll be telling me that I have to work with Granger and Weasley..." Dumbledore looked down at the floor, rather guilty. "Albus, tell me you haven't..."

"I'm sorry, Severus, but I could hardly refuse. They feel responsible, as if they could really have stopped Harry from publishing his work... If anyone is to blame, it is I - I never dreamed that he would be capable of doing what he did..."

Severus stood still for a moment, before returning to his pacing. "It is hardly surprising, surely? He always was an arrogant little twit, much like his father. Not content with defeating Voldemort in his final year, no, Harry Potter had to write a book about it. Nasty little piece of work. Honestly, to read that, you'd think that he had actually won the war alone. According to those persons foolish enough to have actually read it, he took the credit for the whole thing. Anybody who purchases it will believe that he is the hero of our world, perish the thought. But publishing in the Muggle world - even I never dreamed that he would go that far. So tell me the worst, what am I - we - expected to do about the whole situation?"

Albus looked up at him, his expression weary. "Do sit down, Severus. You're making me quite dizzy. Sherbet lemon?"

Severus sat down but refused the sweet with a shudder. Sugar? The substance made him feel quite ill.

"Well, a little bird..." There was an indignant squawk from the other side of the room; Albus quickly got up and stroked Fawkes' golden plumage, profusely apologising to his companion. "Fawkes tells me that the Muggles are meeting to discuss the books later this month, in America. There is rather a good chance that Harry will choose to visit - if you recall, once he became used to his fame, he did become rather..." Albus paused, looking for the correct word.

"Arrogant? Conceited? Big-headed? Typical-bloody-Potter?"

"Now, now, Severus..."

Severus was angry and added Albus to his mental little black book, but outwardly appeared to overlook the comment.

Dumbldore continued, "Yes, well... I feel that this meeting gives us the best chance of catching him, whilst at the same time, seeing how much the Muggles actually know. Anyway, I was hoping that you and Minerva would go along. Also, of course, Hermione and Ronald will be helping you. The four of you will be living in Muggle America. Now I realise that this may be rather an intimidating experience for you..."

"Albus! I have no doubt that I can cope! How difficult can it be? Those damned Muggles manage, don't they?"

"Calm down, my boy," Albus said, his voice annoyingly soothing, "I'm sure that you'll be fine. I was just going to say that Miss Granger will be able to help you should you run into any difficulties..."

"Albus, I have no intention of becoming dependent on that bushy-haired know-it-all Gryffindor. I will survive on my own. Just because I am being forced to work alongside children, it does not mean that I will associate with them. Now then, when am I supposed to put this absurd idea of yours into practice anyway?"

Dumbledore smiled sweetly. "Miss Granger and Mr Weasley will be coming to visit you later tonight. I am sure that you will want to get to work immediately."

Severus looked appalled. "What? We'll see about this! How the hell am I supposed to survive their - presence - without time to prepare myself...?"

Albus looked thoughtful. "How odd; that, I believe, was almost exactly Mr Weasley's response. He seemed to be somewhat unwilling to work alongside you as well. Still, I have no doubt that you'll all sort out your little difficulties. After all, little birds in their nests agree..."

Fawkes promptly bit his master's hand, hard. Severus privately agreed.

-----§-----

Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were sitting together on the steps in front of The Burrow. They were discussing their new task angrily.

"How could Dumbledore do this to us?" Ron fumed. "Here I am, a successful Quidditch player, and now I'm being forced to work with that greasy git!"

"Ron," Hermione said, attempting to reason with him, "you told Dumbledore that you wanted to help. We wanted to help to catch Harry, remember. We wanted to know why."

He nodded slowly. He knew that she was right, but he still wasn't appeased. "How am I supposed to live in the Muggle world, Mione?"

"Hermione," she corrected. "And you'll be fine, you know you will. Anyway, I'll help you."

"S'all right for you," Ron complained. "You've been living in the Muggle world all your life; you've been living at a universery for years..."

Hermione giggled. "University."

"Yeah, that. See, you're proving my point. You know how to use those supermarkers and televisions and compulers and stuff... I don't even understand the offsiding rule..."

Hermione grinned. "Offside rule," she muttered. "You'll be fine. I'll help you. Anyway, you'll do better than Professor Snape; at least you know how to use a telephone." Ron looked proud. "Come on, we'd better go..." The two got up and Apparated to the Hogwarts gate, before entering. They were greeted by Professor McGonagall, who looked rather exhausted. When Hermione asked her about it, she explained that she had spent the day alternately consoling Snape, reasoning with Dumbledore and trying to get rid of Daily Prophet reporters, who wanted to know about the leak.

"I told Severus that we'd meet him in the dungeons. It may be dark, damp and generally horrible, but at least we'll have some privacy." The other two nodded in agreement. When they arrived at long last, Snape looked his two ex-students up and down in distaste.

"Professor," Hermione said cordially. He ignored her, gesturing them into his rooms and frowning as they gawped at his possessions.

"Right," Snape's tone was frosty. "It would seem that we are being forced to endure each other's company for a time."

"Indeed," snapped Professor McGonagall.

"And all because of a bloody Potter!" The three Gryffindors sighed. Ron nodded, while Minerva rolled her eyes at Hermione, who giggled.

"Oh, do be quiet, Miss Granger. Ten poi... Shut up!"

She almost giggled again, but managed to contain it. Seeing that the other three were determinedly staying silent, she reluctantly began to speak. "Professor Dumble... Albus told me that we would be going to America next week. I took the liberty of booking us rooms in a Muggle hotel." Minerva and Ron looked relieved, but Severus was angered.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Granger... Do you derive pleasure from being a nasty, interfering little brat? Honestly, you haven't changed since you were twelve. You could at least have consulted us before you took matters into your own hands, you silly little girl." Hermione coloured and turned away, but Minerva leapt to her feet. "Oh, sit down and shut up, Minerva!" Snape demanded. She opened her mouth to speak, but Snape spoke first. "I'm sure Albus would disapprove. Don't forget, it is thanks to him that we are being forced to work together!"

She nodded thoughtfully, but still shouted at him. "Severus! If this is going to work, then you need to be a little - a lot - more courteous towards Ron and Hermione. Please bear in mind that she was trying to help." She sat down again, giving Hermione an encouraging smile. "You were saying?"

"Well..." Hermione looked uncertain, but decided to continue. "Professor Dumbledore asked me to make the travel arrangements etcetera beforehand. So... I've booked us seats on a Muggle aeroplane..."

Snape looked at her, horrified. "You've done what!"

"Didn't he tell you? We aren't really allowed to do magic, too conspicuous - you can't apparate into an area that's full of Muggles! We have to take a plane. Trust me, it isn't too awful - I mean, the food's generally pretty inedible, but, other than that..." Snape didn't look convinced, but he nodded quickly. She looked relieved. "I'm more than happy to make the arrangements, but if you want to help..."

Snape looked annoyed and shook his head. "No, Granger, I'll leave any communication with Muggles to you. Please try to refrain from anything too..."

He trailed off. "Yes, Severus?" Minerva demanded.

"Never mind."

Minerva smiled quickly at Hermione before addressing the others. "So, are we agreed? Hermione will be responsible for making the arrangements and we will assist her as necessary. Severus, I have no doubt that she will avoid anything that is 'too...'". He glared at her. "Now then, it is getting late. Do you two intend to spend the night here?" Ron and Hermione nodded and she led them out of the dungeon, leaving an angry Snape behind her. The moment they had left, he crossed the room and grabbed a handful of floo powder, shouting "Albus Dumbledore's quarters!" and kneeling before the fire.

"Severus, how nice to see you!"

"Albus," he replied, before noticing his superior's attire. He suppressed a snigger. "Interesting choice of pyjamas, Albus. What - delightful - phoenixes."

"Thank you, Severus. I've always been rather fond of them myself. Did you enjoy your meeting?"

"No!"

Albus looked at the Potions teacher with a mixture of disapproval and amusement. "Don't be so disagreeable, Severus." Albus went on to lecture his junior about the wonders of the Muggle world, and how good his trip would look on his CV until Severus finally interrupted him mid-flow with the excuse that one of his potions needed stirring. "Ah. Good night then, dear boy. Sweet dreams!" Snape glared at him, wishing that looks could kill, but, perhaps fortunately, Dumbledore had already turned away.