Newcastle upon Tyne

Harry was lying awake one night in his four-poster bed at Hogwarts. It was one o'clock in the morning, but Harry was too preoccupied to get to sleep. Fatigue had almost overcome him, and his eyes burned with exhaustion, but what was on his mind would not allow him to get a moments rest.

"What is the name of that stupid city?" Harry hissed to himself as he rubbed his temples.

What was so great about this city that Harry was thinking about? Nothing, really--he was trying to think of the city of Newcastle upon Tyne. He had heard about the city in History of Magic, but now he had forgotten the name of the rotten town and that alone was causing him woe.

At first the thoughts he was thinking were simple: what is the name of this city and why do I care? But then he began to think of other things. What if there is no such city? Many might look upon Harry's muses as childish and stupid, but the more Harry thought about it, the more he felt that this city that he couldn't remember the name of didn't exist. Then his ideas got more outlandish. What if there is no England? What if there's no Britain? Soon Harry considered these 'what if's to be reality, and he was beginning to get worried. These thoughts soon led to the belief that Harry was the only person in the world. He started to get panicky, so he jumped out of bed (decked out in an orange t-shirt and white boxers with heart patterns) and made his way out of the dorm down into the common room. The fire there was still blazing, keeping the common room warm in the winter months.

Harry exited the portrait hole and ran down the halls towards Dumbledore's office. He had to get answers. He had to know the name of that stupid city or he would eventually go crazy, coming to the belief that he was God or something along those lines.

In a matter of minutes he had made it to the gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office. Harry now believed that he knew everything, so he said the first password that came to his mind:

"Lemon drops are putrid!"

The gargoyle opened, furthering Harry's crazed notion that he knew all. He ran up the moving stairs (tripping exactly 17.4 times), part of him trying to hang on to the little bit of sanity he had, the other part still believing that Harry was God.

He finally made it to the door to Dumbledore's office. He opened the door quickly and quietly and looked around the semi-lit room. He found the office empty.

"Where are his living quarters?" Harry inquired himself aloud.

He looked across the dark room and spotted a door.

"Aha! Vengeance is mine!" Harry shouted for no particular reason.

He walked over to the door and cautiously opened it, revealing a very dark room.

"Professor Dumbledore? Are you awake?" Harry asked a bit loudly.

Some muffled groaning or whatever you call what someone sounds like when they're tired was emitted from the other side of the room. A torch above Dumbledore's bed was magically lit, revealing Dumbledore sleepily sitting up in his bed.

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Dumbledore asked sleepily.

"I need you to answer a question!" Harry said, coming over to Dumbledore's bed.

Dumbledore's expression turned to concern; he slowly slid out of bed on the side further away from Harry, revealing a pair of pajamas that had patterns of teddy bears on them.

"What are you talking about?" Dumbledore inquired, a hint of worry in his voice.

"Name some cities with weird names; you know, like 'Stratford-on-Avon'," Harry demanded, his wild hair making him look a bit crazier than he was.

"Yeah," Dumbledore said as he inched towards the door, "Stratfort-on-Avon..."

"No!" Harry shouted. "It's a city like that!"

"You mean like Stratford-on-Avon..." Dumbledore said with a false tone of understanding as he continued to go ever so slowly to the door.

"Yes! But it's a different city! Start naming cities with two or three words in it!"

Dumbledore looked around nervously; it was not everyday that he had lunatics come into his bedroom at one thirty in the morning and demand him to name cities.

"Um...New York, St. Petersburg..."

"No!" Harry shouted, coming closer to Dumbledore. "Not any cities with 'new' or 'Saint' in front of them! I mean three actual--"

Harry was cut off as the headmaster sprinted towards the door. Harry was so caught off guard that before he could react, Dumbledore had already fled the room and slammed the door behind him. Harry made his way to the door and opened it; upon seeing that Dumbledore had left his office completely, Harry ran across the room and down the moving stairs (falling exactly once, which was all the way down the stairs and out of the gargoyle).

Harry stood up and brushed his orange shirt and white heart patterned boxers off. He looked down the hall, which was empty, and decided that he would just have to get through the night somehow without knowing the name of that stupid, silly city. He dejectedly made his way to the picture of the Fat Lady, gave her the password, and entered the Gryffindor common room. The only thing was that the common room was filled with teachers and students alike.

"There he is!" Dumbledore shouted to all of the other people as he pointed at Harry. The entire room gasped.

One of the teachers there was Snape, dressed in pajamas decorated with pictures of various poisons. He walked right up to Harry and looked down at him.

"Be gone, you vile scum!"

"Severus!" McGonagall, who was there in her night gown, shouted. "I think we're all overreacting!"

"He's mad, I tell you!" Dumbledore shouted. "He came into my room just ten minutes ago, ranting about some stupid town that had three words in its name!"

"You mean like Newcastle upon Tyne?" Hermione, who was also there (she was, of course, in pajamas that were speckled with pictures of books), said.

"Yes! That's it!" Harry shouted. But no one was paying attention; they were all discussing among themselves how best to give Harry the proper mental rehabilitation that he needed.

Harry ran up to Hermione and started hugging her as he jumped up and down with joy; all his memory was coming back--his sanity was being restored. He finally remembered the name of that stupid town; he realized that there was indeed a town of Newcastle upon Tyne, he realized that there was an England and that he was not the only person in the world and that he was not God and that he didn't know everything. The joy he was feeling was wonderful; meanwhile Hermione had slipped out of Harry's grip and run away to the safe haven of her dorm.

"Let's throw him in a padded cell!" Snape suddenly shouted from the conference that the teachers and some students were having.

"Let's banish him to Newcastle upon Tyne!" Dumbledore shouted above the chatter in the crowd.

"You are the insane ones!" McGonagall, who never seems to lose her wits while everyone else does, shouted.

However true McGonagall's remark was, no one seemed to pay attention to what she was saying. Everyone was too busy discussing Harry Potter and the stupid, silly city of Newcastle upon Tyne.