What If...

What If...

Prologue

-A few years ago, I trapped my friends, Adena, Kayla, Naomi, and Jenna, inside a fanfic in Marauder Land. Now, I am looking in on Marauder Land through a TV set thingy that has just conveniently appeared in my computer screen. I am looking down on Naomi and Peter Pettigrew...-

Naomi-I still don't understand any of this magic crap.

Peter-You've been here ~Counts on fingers~ 6 years already! It's about time you...

Brenn (me)-Ahem!

Naomi-Oh, hey Brenn.

Peter-Aaack! A face in the sky! HEEEEELP! ~Curls up in fetal position and whimpers~

Brenn- ~Bitterly~ Haven't changed much, have you, ya filthy traitor?

Peter and Naomi- ~Stare quizzically

Naomi-What?

Brenn- ~Stare back quizzically Waiiiiiiit. Where are Lily and James Potter?

Naomi-You mean Lily Evans? She died years ago. It was weird. Jenna found her dead in the dormitory with a knife hole through her chest. They never found the knife though. As for James, he's right in that house back there. ~Points to house~

Jenna- ~Comes out of house~ Oh Brenn! Great to see you again! Come on inside!

Brenn- ~Floats into house. Stops dead when she sees a bloody knife in a glass case in foyer~ What the h*ll! Jenna Ste****, I'm ashamed of you! Why is there a murder tool in your foyer?

Jenna-Oh, that's, um, pizza sauce. Really! It's not blood! Anyway, now it's Jenna Potter.

Brenn- ~Gapes at Jenna~ But, then, what about Harry?

Jenna-Who's Harry?

Brenn-James' son! The Boy Who Lived! The one who defeated Voldemort! The...

Jenna- ~Laughs~ Voldemort's not defeated silly! As for Jamie and my son, his name is Alfredo.

Brenn- ~In high pitched, hysterical voice~ Alfredo Potter! ALFREDO POTTER! Alfredo is a kind of Italian food, for G-d's sake!

~Doorbell rings. James runs down stairs~

James-I'll get it! ~Opens door. In walks Kayla with Sirius on a leash (in human form)~ Oh, Sirius! It's great to see you again! You haven't been out of the house since Kayla forced you to marry her!

Brenn- ~Gapes~ You're aware that Sirius is supposed to be in Azkaban and James and Lily are supposed to be dead.

Everyone- ~Gapes. Crickets chirp far off in distance~

Naomi- ~Walks in. Peter is still in fetal position Why is everyone gaping?

Jenna- ~Regains ability to speak~ Lily is dead! She'd better be dead! ~Looks around menacingly~

Brenn- ~Suddenly remembers stained knife in foyer. Gets suspicious~ Nevermind. So, where's Remus?

Sirius- Oh, he married Adena and moved to Greenland.

Kayla-I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK! STAY SILENT UNLESS IT IS TO SAY I AM SEXY!

Everyone- ~Gapes~

Kayla- ~Blushes~

Brenn-Wait, what? Lupin moved to Greenland?

Everyone else-Yup.

Brenn- ~Faintly~ Well, then, where is Lucius Malfoy? Is his life still normal? Did he marry Narcissa like she was supposed to and...

James-Oh, Narcissa died, too. About 2 weeks after we started dating. Same way as Lily died, come to think of it...

~Jenna beams reminiscintly. Brenn becomes more suspicious.~

Naomi-Yeah, Lucius married some muggle weirdo named Pamela Anderson. They have a son, too. His name is Eggbert. Uh, guys, what's a muggle?

Brenn- ~Buries face in hands~ Noooooooooooo! I am eternally screwed.

Jenna-Why?

Brenn-Cuz! James is still alive, Peter isn't a Death Eater, Sirius is Kayla's f*ckin slave, Remus is in Greenland, Pamela Anderson somehow got sucked into this mess, and the only boy who has any chance of defeating Voldemort (who is supposed to be dead) is replaced by some freak named Tortellini!

Jenna-Alfredo!

Brenn-Well, I guess there's only one thing I can do.

James-I don't think I'm gonna like this...

Brenn-I'm gonna have to turn back time and redo all this crap.

Everyone except her- ~Gapes~

Brenn-And would you stop it with the gaping sh*t! It's really starting to piss me off!

END