Not in the Hands of Boys

"How is he doing?"

Harry sighed as he watched Luna brush the soot off her official-looking trainee robes. He hadn't been happy with her suggestion to connect his fireplace to the Floo network - he wasn't usually this paranoid, but even with the wards McGonagall had helped him set up, he still found it unsettling to think that people could just pop into his sitting room while Teddy was nearby. There had been nothing for it, though, since he would need a manageable way to get Teddy to St Mungo's day care facility every day once the new school year began. Harry quickly pushed the thought aside; the idea of leaving his godson with a bunch of strangers still troubled him, even if Luna would be there to check on Teddy whenever she could.

"Still not too well, I'm afraid," he answered while Luna walked up to him to kiss him on the cheek, her familiar peppermint-patchouli smell mixed with a faint whiff of something that made Harry think of hospitals. "He's asleep now, but he keeps waking up every few hours, and whenever he's awake he starts panicking if I leave him alone even for a moment. I - I really don't know how this is supposed to work if he doesn't get better soon."

He hadn't meant to admit his growing desperation, but he was just so tired - he spent hours every night trying to calm down a frightened little boy, and he was beginning to jump at every sound himself because it was so easy to send Teddy into another fit of panic these days. Harry had thought he knew what he was getting himself into, but he had completely underestimated just how deeply Teddy had been shaken by the violent loss of his grandmother. He tried not to ponder the question if he had been in a similar state after the death of his parents - it always led to mental images of Teddy being left with people like the Dursleys.

"Give it time." Luna gave him a sympathetic pat on the arm. "Teddy has been through a lot, but children are surprisingly resilient. He'll get better, but it has only been a week, you'll have to be patient."

Harry shook his head. Had it really just been seven days since his grand announcement that he would be taking care of Teddy from now on? Somehow, he felt like a lot more time had passed since Mrs Tonks' funeral, but maybe that was just because he'd had so little sleep since then. "Yeah, I know, it's just... rough."

"You know I'll help however I can, right?" Before Harry could answer, Luna continued, "Did you get all his things from Mrs Tonks' house? And the portrait Mrs Malfoy mentioned to you?"

Harry bit back another sigh; Narcissa Malfoy was high on the list of people he didn't want to think about. "Yes, but it didn't help at all. Teddy is too young to understand how magical portraits work; it makes him think that Mrs Tonks is back, and I believe he keeps expecting her to step out of the frame and pick him up, and then he starts crying when she doesn't."

Luna didn't look surprised. "Talking to my mum's picture always made me sad after she died, and I was older than Teddy and could at least understand what had happened."

"That's what I thought too, so I took the portrait back to the house before I owled Mrs Malfoy the key."

Luna gave him a soft little smile. "That was nice of you."

Harry shrugged; he still wasn't sure how he felt about the fact that Teddy's family affiliations were another thing that would keep him tied to the Malfoys (as if it weren't bad enough that Lucius had forced him into an Unbreakable Vow to protect Draco), but there could be no doubt that Andromeda Tonks would have wanted her sister to have her portrait if it couldn't be of help to her grandson. "I found Mrs Tonks' family albums and took them with me so I can show the photos to Teddy when he's a little older. I won't let him forget his grandmother, and he'll know about his parents as well - I'm sure Remus and Tonks would want their son to remember them."

Luna cocked her head to the side. "But he won't, will he? He was just a few weeks old when they were killed."

"I know," Harry replied, stung by the blunt statement and the unspoken implication, That's much younger than you were when your parents died, and you wouldn't remember them at all if it hadn't been for a bunch of Dementors. "My aunt and uncle never told me a thing about them, either, and I won't let that happen to Teddy."

"But would you have cared so much about it if your aunt and uncle had been nice to you? If they had treated you like you were their son?"

The question left Harry struggling for an answer. His first impulse was to tell her that yes, of course he would have cared because the people whose memory the Dursleys were keeping from him were his parents, but... maybe it was just too difficult to imagine Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon ever treating him as anything but an unwelcome burden.

"Harry," Luna finally broke the silence, "I know you only want what's best for Teddy, but I really think that you should wait until he asks about his parents before you start telling him about them. He's still so small - what matters to him now is that he has you to be there for him when he needs you, and it will still be some time until he cares about anything else."

"I don't want Remus and Tonks to be forgotten!" Harry hadn't meant to snap, but the feeling that Luna might have a point irked him. "They sacrificed their lives, they deserve to be remembered!"

"They're dead, Harry," Luna stated simply, "they can't be hurt any more. Teddy can, because he's alive, so I think it's more important right now that he doesn't get hurt any more than he already has."

Being willing to die for your loved ones doesn't necessarily mean that you would have been able to live for them too. Harry couldn't help remembering McGonagall's words from last week, even if he was absolutely sure that they didn't apply to Remus and Tonks - if they had lived to see their son grow up, they would have put his happiness above everything else... which was exactly what Luna was saying.

"Maybe you're right." It felt like an admission of defeat, but Harry saw no point in discussing theoretical issues when they had much more pressing problems to solve. "We're still scheduled for Monday?"

Luna shook her head, but only because she had summoned a dozen brightly coloured hairpins out of her bun and was now trying to work it loose. "Yes, of course we are. You'll both come to work with me, I'll show you around, and you'll stay with Teddy while he gets accustomed to everything. Many of the children want someone familiar around during the first few days, so nobody is going to make you leave Teddy alone there before he's ready."

It still surprised him how often he didn't need to tell her what he worried about because she just knew. "I - thanks, Luna."

"You're welcome." Luna's smile widened. "And now I think it's time to wish you a..."

"Happy birthday, Harry!"

The fireplace flashed green, and before he knew what was happening, Harry found himself caught up in a rib-crushing embrace from a deeply tanned Hermione. Ron, his Muggle clothes covered in soot, tumbled out of the fireplace after her and playfully punched Harry's arm in greeting. "Happy birthday, mate - it's good to see you again!"

"You too - both of you." Harry worked one arm free from Hermione's clutches to punch Ron's shoulder in return. "Uh, Hermione, you'd better let go of me before Ron gets the wrong idea."

It surprised him a little how easy it suddenly was to crack jokes again - as if he'd noticed only now just how bleak the last couple of weeks had been without his oldest friends by his side.

Hermione giggled, but finally released him, while Ron merely snorted and rolled his eyes. "We're not late, are we? We went to Diagon Alley straight from the airport, but those Muggle security procedures take forever."

"No, it's fine, Teddy only fell asleep a few minutes ago anyway."

Ron and Hermione's expressions sobered the moment Harry mentioned his godson. "Harry, we're so, so sorry about Mrs Tonks - we only just heard."

"Seriously, mate, why didn't you send us a message?" Where Hermione had sounded sympathetic, Ron seemed almost affronted. "We'd have come back right away."

"There's nothing you could have done, Ron, you'd only have ruined your holidays." Harry didn't regret his decision to keep the news from them, but the assurance that they both would have dropped everything for his sake still settled around him like a warm blanket. "Besides, Teddy is still adjusting to living with me, so I had my hands full anyway."

It was impossible to miss the quick glance that passed between Ron and Hermione before she asked, "How is he?"

Harry shrugged; for some reason, he was less comfortable admitting his troubles with Teddy to Ron and Hermione than he had been with Luna a moment ago. "As can be expected, I suppose."

"Poor little fellow." Ron shook his head with a sigh. "Mum said to tell you that her offer to help you with him still stands."

"I appreciate it, but I wouldn't want to trouble her unless it's really necessary." Harry chose his words carefully; he didn't want Ron to think that he wasn't grateful for Mrs Weasley's offer, but no matter how difficult things were right now, he wasn't willing to admit defeat just yet. "Your mum has enough to deal with."

Ron's expression shuttered; he didn't reply, and Harry couldn't tell if he was upset by what Harry had said, or if he didn't want to admit that he agreed.

It was Luna who broke the sudden tension before it got too awkward. "Harry, don't you think it's time for your birthday cake? We probably shouldn't keep Hanni waiting any longer."

As if on cue, a house-elf appeared with a crack, although it was barely visible behind the enormous cake it was carrying. "Hanni and the kitchen elves are wishing Mr Harry Potter a very happy birthday, sir!"

Harry looked around and saw matching grins on his friends' faces; they seemed more than happy to put all serious topics aside for the moment. Maybe he was taking the easy way out, but he figured he had earned it after the week he'd had.

The next hour was filled with cake and butterbeer, colourful recounts of Ron's adventures in the Muggle world, Hermione's gushing descriptions of the places they had seen, and lots of muffled laughter so they wouldn't wake Teddy. There was a heap of parcels for Harry to unwrap; on top of his own presents, Mrs Weasley had knitted him a tiny red-and-gold sweater for Teddy, and Harry had to blink furiously for a few seconds while everyone else was busy acting as if they didn't notice.

"This is great, Ron - please tell your mum I love it, and I'm sure Teddy will too."

"Hey, someone has to uphold your Gryffindor colours, now that you've gone and turned into a professor." Hermione raised her eyebrows at the note of disgust that Ron had managed to put into the word, but Ron merely grinned. "You'll probably have to be totally fair and impartial from now on, won't you?"

For one very disturbing moment, Harry could almost see Draco Malfoy's sneering expression at the back of his mind; he had no doubts at all what Draco would have to say to Ron's question. Knowing that you're on your own against the rest of the school does wonders for the team spirit.

Harry quickly shook his head to banish both the image and the memory from his thoughts. "I suppose I will."

"Yikes." Ron took a sip from his butterbeer and made a face. "I still can't wrap my mind around the idea of you as a teacher."

As much as a part of Harry felt the same way, the statement still irked him a bit. "McGonagall obviously can, or she wouldn't have asked me." Just to see Ron's reaction, he added as an afterthought, "Snape wanted her to ask Malfoy instead, you know."

Ron didn't disappoint; he almost choked on his butterbeer, and even Hermione's eyes widened almost comically. "Please tell me you aren't serious."

"I wish I wasn't." Harry couldn't help noticing how thoughtful Luna's expression had become, but he tried not to read too much into it.

"Has he gone nuts?" Ron sounded like he still had trouble breathing. "And here I was feeling sorry for Bill because he's lumbered with Malfoy at Gringotts now, but the next time I see him I can safely tell him it could have been worse!"

Harry shrugged, already regretting that he'd brought it up. "It's a moot point anyway. But hey, did you know that Malfoy used to be a really adorable baby?"

The question did the trick, just like Harry had intended; Ron immediately forgot to be horrified and leaned forward like a hunting dog catching the first whiff of the prey's scent. "And how would you know about that?"

With an enigmatic smile, Harry went into his study and opened the desk drawer that contained Andromeda Tonks' family pictures. He left the voluminous albums where they were - they were filled with photos of the Tonks family from Andromeda's wedding with Ted Tonks to Remus and Tonks with their newborn son, and Harry doubted that any of them felt like facing that tonight. Instead, he picked a slim volume that Andromeda had kept separately from the rest, and took it back to the sitting room.

"See for yourself; I found this when I went to get Teddy's things from the house. Cute, isn't he?" You certainly seem to think so these days, a traitorous voice whispered at the back of Harry's brain, but he studiously ignored it and focused instead on the way Ron's face brightened with unholy glee. Hermione peered over Ron's shoulder to get a better look, and soon Harry had to remind them to keep the noise down because they were almost exploding with laughter.

"Oh God, this is almost too good to be true." Ron had to wipe the tears from his cheeks before he could continue. "Have you seen this one, with the hat with the bobbles? And the one where he tries to look all regal in his robes although you can see he's still wearing nappies underneath? Harry, you must show these to Bill."

"I don't think Draco would appreciate that," Luna spoke up for the first time in a while; she, too, had been looking at the photos, but she wasn't laughing. "And I really like this one."

Harry recognized the photo Luna was pointing at because it had given him a moments' pause when he had first leafed through the album. It wasn't one of the baby pictures - the Draco in the photo was maybe six or seven years old, and even though his features were still soft and childlike, Harry could already recognize the boy he had met at Madam Malkin's shop a couple of years later. What he didn't recognize at all, however, was the boy's smile. He was beaming at the camera in a way that made his entire face light up, so unguarded and carefree and utterly happy that it couldn't have been more different from the malicious sneer Harry used to see on this face on a daily basis.

Ron merely grimaced and muttered something under his breath. Hermione frowned first at Luna, then at the photo, but eventually she relented. "It's a nice picture."

Luna nodded at Harry. "Maybe you should send Mrs Malfoy the album, she might not have copies of these pictures."

"Hey, if it hadn't been for Harry, she would no longer have the original!" Ron reminded her indignantly, and Harry considered it wise to interfere before things went any further.

"And if it hadn't been for Mrs Malfoy, I would be dead and Voldemort would have won." Ron flinched, and Harry shot him an apologetic look. "Maybe Luna is right."

"And if you do send it back, Malfoy will have to live with the knowledge that you've seen his baby photos," Hermione added with a sly little grin that made Ron burst out laughing again - a little too loudly, because a moment later, they heard a soft whimper from the direction of Harry's bedroom.

Harry groaned, but before he could scramble up from his seat, Luna was already out of hers. "You stay here, Harry, I'll see if I can get him to calm down." Harry wanted to protest, but she had a point; it was important that Teddy got used to Luna sometimes taking care of him instead of Harry if the day care arrangement they had planned for him was supposed to work. Besides, Teddy already knew her and had always seemed to like her.

"I'm really sorry, mate." Ron looked utterly contrite, but Harry waved his apology aside.

"He keeps waking up all the time anyway. He -" Harry fell silent when Luna came back into the room with a sleepy-looking Teddy on her hip. The little boy was quiet now, although his pinched expression didn't relax until he spotted Harry on the couch. Harry held out his arms to take him from Luna, but she merely sat down across from him and settled Teddy on her lap.

"Why don't we just stay like that a little, Teddy? Harry is here, and the room is nice and bright, so there's no need to be afraid. Would you like to say hello to Ron and Hermione? They're Harry's friends, and they're very nice people."

Teddy shook his head and turned to hide his face against Luna's chest, but to Harry's surprise he didn't start crying again. "That's fine," Luna continued without missing a beat, "you can meet them another time. If you want to go back to Harry, you just tell me, okay? He isn't going to go away."

Teddy didn't make a sound; from the look of it, he was close to dozing off again. Luna rocked him gently on her lap and looked up to address the adults in the room. "I think he's fine for the moment. We can keep talking as long as we keep our voices down, maybe he'll fall asleep again." Something in Harry's expression caught her attention, because she added, "Harry, is that okay with you?"

"Yes, of course." It came out a little rough because Harry suddenly found himself struggling to breathe around the lump in his throat. Even though the last week had been hell, there had been moments when the realisation that Teddy needed him, that this little boy was his to care for, had left him with a new kind of energy that had kept him going. It hadn't mattered that he was constantly stressed and worried, that he was so exhausted he didn't even dream during the few hours of sleep he was able to catch every night, that he had no idea how he was going to deal with the problems he saw looming before him and Teddy.

Now, though, seeing Luna with Teddy reminded him that he didn't have to deal with these problems on his own; that he had people who would stand with him, who would be there for him and Teddy if he needed them. Even Hagrid had offered to baby-sit when Harry and Teddy had met him during a walk across the school grounds a few days ago, and while Harry definitely wasn't going to entrust Hagrid with a small child, the fact that Hagrid had offered had meant a lot to him. For the first time in what felt like forever, people didn't need him to be their hero, they were willing to help him to make sure Teddy's childhood would be happier than Harry's had been.

And yet... watching Luna cradle Teddy in her arms also brought back memories of an old dream, of a scene filled with love and laughter and children playing under a Christmas tree. That dream was never going to come true the way he'd imagined it - not after last week's realisation, even if the events that had followed it hadn't left Harry any time to ponder the implications until now.

At the time, he had only felt relief. When you were fretting about the possible remnants of a Dark Lord's presence in your mind, discovering that you just were into men seemed like a small matter by comparison. Now, though, it was beginning to dawn on him just how much of an impact this was going to have on what his future was - or wasn't - going to look like.

His face must have given him away, because Hermione leaned forward and put her hand on his arm with a concerned frown. "Harry, is everything all right?"

Harry took a deep breath. He hadn't even considered mentioning this to anyone before he'd had much more time to get comfortable with the idea himself, but he was tired of facing every struggle alone. He'd got so used to keeping his problems to himself ever since the end of the war that it cost him some effort to start talking now, but Ron, Hermione and Luna were his best and most trusted friends, and he didn't want to hide this from them.

"Listen, everyone - there's something you should know."