Not in the Hands of Boys

The days right after the end of the war had been cold and rainy, and all the funerals Harry had attended then had taken place under a sky full of heavy dark clouds. Now that he was back at the small cemetery where they had buried Remus and Tonks next to Ted Tonks' grave, the brilliance of the beautiful summer day made the whole scene feel strangely wrong.

There were far fewer people in attendance than there had been for the fallen heroes of the Final Battle. Just about three dozen mourners were gathered around the new grave, most of whom were probably here for Harry's sake - Molly and Arthur Weasley, Luna and her father, Headmistress McGonagall, Hagrid, and Professors Flitwick, Slughorn, and Sinistra. There were a few former colleagues of Tonks' from the Auror corps, but apart from them, the only two persons who hadn't come because of him were two black-clad figures who stood a bit apart from the crowd.

Narcissa Malfoy's bowed blonde head was covered by a black veil that hid most of her face. She looked as fragile as a porcelain doll next to her son, who had his arm around her shoulders in a protective gesture. Harry barely glanced at him, too preoccupied to feel embarrassed by Draco's presence; last week's events seemed as distant and insubstantial as a half-remembered dream in the face of this day's grim reality.

Teddy was whimpering softly against Harry's neck. He'd been like that since he'd been released from St Mungo's children's ward in the morning - the healers had told Harry that there was nothing physically wrong with the boy, but that there was a chance that he might have witnessed what had happened and was still in shock. It made Harry sick to his stomach to even ponder the possibility.

He barely listened to McGonagall's eulogy. She'd wanted him to speak instead, but Harry had refused since he had no idea what he could possibly have said. Funny how even the papers weren't taking an interest; for the last few days, they had done nothing but rehash stories about Antonin Dolohov's fifteen-month long flight and speculate about the exact way he had died, but there was surprisingly little written about the woman who had killed him at the cost of her own life. There would never be a way to know for sure what exactly had happened - everything the Aurors had been able to find out was that they had both been hit with Killing Curses they seemed to have cast simultaneously.

In the end, Harry thought while he readjusted his arm that had gone to sleep under Teddy's weight, it wasn't as if knowing would change anything. The only thing that mattered was that Andromeda Tonks was dead.

He didn't have it in him to truly grieve for her. For all the time he'd spent at her house, he'd never really got to know her, and although she'd gone out of her way to be nice to him, there had been something about her that had always kept him from warming up to her. Perhaps it had been the fact that she still reminded him of Bellatrix Lestrange whenever she made a quick move or spoke in a certain tone. Besides, it seemed to Harry that she might be happier than she'd ever been since her husband's death, now that she'd been reunited with her loved ones. The misery he felt was not for her sake, but for Teddy's.

"Mr Potter."

The soft voice behind him snapped Harry out of his brooding; he noticed belatedly that the Headmistress had finished speaking and the mourners were beginning to mingle. He turned around to face Narcissa Malfoy who had stepped up to him with her son in tow. She'd pulled the veil away from her face, revealing eyes that were dry, yet puffy and red-rimmed. Draco still had his arm around her shoulders and glowered at Harry as if his aunt's death were somehow Harry's fault. Harry was glad that Lucius at least hadn't been tactless enough to attend, even though he'd probably just stayed away out of contempt for his Muggle-loving sister-in-law.

"Mrs Malfoy." He couldn't bring himself to offer her his condolences, but Narcissa didn't seem to notice.

"There's a matter of importance I need to discuss with you, Mr Potter." Despite her grief-stricken appearance, her voice was firm. "I assume there's going to be some sort of decision about the guardianship for my sister's grandson soon, am I correct?"

Harry frowned; he didn't like the sound of this opening. "What's it to you?"

Again, Narcissa didn't react to his rudeness, although Draco's scowl deepened. "I am his closest living relative, so I'm offering to take guardianship for him." She looked not at Harry but at Teddy when she added, "I can give him a family, Mr Potter, and I'd be more than happy to raise him."

Harry had trouble believing that he'd heard her correctly. Teddy Lupin, son of a half-Muggle mother and a werewolf father, to be raised under the roof of Lucius Malfoy? The fact that she seriously believed he would agree to this left him speechless for a moment, but when he found his voice again, his tone was icy.

"If that's supposed to be a joke, I'm not laughing."

A small frown appeared between Narcissa's eyebrows, but she remained calm. "I assure you that I'm serious."

"Forget it." It took Harry some effort to keep his temper from rising. "I'll let Teddy anywhere near your husband when hell freezes over."

Draco seemed about to throw in a heated reply, but his mother silenced him with a warning look. "I understand your concern, Mr Potter, but I assure you -"

"You're wasting your time, Mrs Malfoy." Harry unconsciously tightened his hold on Teddy, causing the little boy to start squirming in protest. "As Teddy's godfather, I am going to raise him, and nothing you say is going to change that, so you can save yourself the effort."

Her eyebrows shot up at this. "No offence, Mr Potter, but you're barely nineteen years old. Do you really think you're qualified to care for a small child? This isn't about you or me, it's about what's best for Teddy."

"I'm going to do what's best for him, don't worry." Harry's anger faded as quickly as it had flared up. He'd known the moment he'd heard of Mrs Tonks' death that Teddy would be his responsibility now, and he'd never been so certain about anything else in his life. "You can bring the matter before the Wizengamot, of course; I'm sure there's a fair chance that they'll rule against my claim for guardianship of my godson in favour of a Death Eater's wife."

The cruel sarcasm hit right home, because Narcissa paled visibly. Draco, on the other hand, had angry red spots on his cheeks; if it hadn't been for his mother's presence, Harry had a feeling he'd hex him on the spot.

"I told you it was pointless, Mother, so can we please -"

His mother didn't even seem to hear him; her eyes were fixed on Teddy, and there was the faintest hint of a tremble in her voice when she said, "It seems you've made up your mind."

Something in her tone made Harry relent a bit. "Look, I don't care if you want anything else of what Mrs Tonks left - Teddy will stay with me, so he won't need the house, and -"

Narcissa's back was suddenly ramrod straight. "I have no intention to deprive my nephew of his inheritance, Mr Potter. If you don't care about the house, I'll be happy to have it looked after for Teddy so that he can have it when he comes of age."

Harry gave her a cool nod. "That's settled, then."

"Very well. Make sure to take all the things he might need, and -" her businesslike tone faltered a bit - "you should consider bringing the portrait of my sister that hangs in her bedroom. Put it where Teddy can see it; it may help a bit."

Harry nodded again, touched in spite of himself. "I will, thank you."

Her eyes were on Teddy again when she added gently, as if she were speaking to him instead of Harry, "Please let me know immediately if you should ever change your mind."

There was such a sense of resigned longing in the look she gave the little boy before turning away that Harry spoke out without thinking. "Mrs Malfoy?"

Narcissa turned back towards him again, her face now a mask of carefully schooled indifference. "Yes?"

"You can still see him from time to time if you'd like to." Harry wasn't sure what had caused him to make the offer - whether it was the stricken look in her eyes or the knowledge that Mrs Tonks would have wanted her grandson to remain in touch with his only living relatives.

Narcissa's mask slipped at this; her eyes were suddenly brimming with tears, and there was a hitch in her voice when she answered, "I'd appreciate that. Good day to you, Mr Potter." With that, she hastily turned away and let Draco drag her out of Harry's sight.

Belatedly, Harry became aware that most of the bystanders had witnessed the whole exchange. He saw expressions of surprise or open scepticism all around; the Headmistress was frowning slightly, and it occurred to him that it might have been a good idea to inform her of his decision to raise Teddy at Hogwarts before he made public announcements about it. Then again, there hadn't been much time to think about what he was doing; he'd been acting on pure instinct ever since the morning McGonagall had shown up at his doorstep. She seemed about to say something now, but she was interrupted by Molly Weasley rushing up to him.

"Harry, my dear..." Harry noticed with some alarm that she was close to bursting into tears. "You - you will let me know if you need help, yes? It's -"

"Don't worry, Mrs Weasley, Harry has got me to help him." The small, warm hand on his arm felt like a safe anchor in its blessed familiarity; Harry hadn't noticed Luna stepping up to him, but he'd never been happier to have her near. "I'm a nursery school teacher in training at St Mungo's, so you needn't worry about Harry or Teddy." She lowered her voice a bit when she continued, as if she wanted no one but Harry to hear her. "We also have a very good day care facility for war orphans with just one surviving parent or guardian - I'll show it to you, yes?"

"Thank you, Luna." There was no time to say more, but Harry knew that she understood him, because she squeezed his arm once and then wandered back to where her father was waiting for her. Mrs Weasley's expression was harder to interpret; to Harry, she looked both disappointed and relieved, which didn't really make sense.

"Listen, Harry..." She hesitated, but then pressed on, "I'm so sorry that Ron and Hermione aren't here, but it's not their fault, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them -"

"Please, Mrs Weasley, it's all right." The last thing Harry would have wanted was to ruin Ron and Hermione's holiday. "I'm really glad that you didn't tell them, there's nothing they could have done anyway."

Molly nodded again, then raised her hand and stroked his hair once. "You'll take good care of yourself and Teddy, yes?"

"Of course I will, don't worry about us." He was about to say more when McGonagall spoke up next to him.

"Pardon me for interrupting, Professor Potter, but I think we should talk as soon as possible."

* * *

Harry felt a bit awkward when he offered the Headmistress a seat in his sitting room, but there was no other place for them to talk since he wasn't going to leave Teddy alone in his quarters, now that the little boy had finally fallen asleep in Harry's bed.

McGonagall looked tired, but her tone was firm when she came right to the point. "Did you really mean what you said to Mrs Malfoy?"

"Yes, absolutely." Harry reminded himself to keep his temper in check; it would do him no good to get annoyed by the doubt that was only too visible in the Headmistress' expression. "There's nobody else, is there? Or do you really expect me to leave Teddy with the Malfoys?"

"No, of course not," McGonagall relented, but she didn't look any happier than before. "Harry -" he was profusely glad that she was dropping the 'Professor Potter' charade for now - "it's highly commendable that you're willing to shoulder such a responsibility, but have you really thought about what it means to raise a child all on your own? I know that you've been through more than most people who are twice your age, but the fact remains that you're only eighteen years old and -"

"I'll be nineteen in a week," Harry interrupted her, a tad impatient despite his prior determination to remain calm. "That's just one year younger than my father was when I was born."

The Headmistress sighed, as if she'd expected this objection. "Those were different times, but for what it's worth, I remember that I wasn't convinced at all back then whether James Potter had really grown up enough to be a husband and father."

Harry squared his shoulders without noticing it. "I suppose you were convinced when he died for his wife and child?"

McGonagall became very serious. "I don't mean to downplay your father's sacrifice, Harry, but being willing to die for your loved ones doesn't necessarily mean that you would have been able to live for them too. Besides," she added quickly when Harry opened his mouth to cut her off again, "people tend to rush things during a time of war, when nobody can be sure what's going to happen in the near future, and when Lily ended up pregnant -"

She stopped when she saw Harry's blank look. "You didn't know that you were already on the way when your parents married?"

"I had no idea." It took Harry a moment to digest this unexpected revelation, and it didn't sit well with him at all. He couldn't help remembering those scenes in Snape's Pensieve that had proved how utterly young Lily Evans had detested James Potter, and he had to push aside the disquieting thought that she might only have married his father because of a baby who, for all he knew, might have been the result of a mere accident. There was no time to ponder this now, though - not when McGonagall had just given him an opening without realising it.

"So you're telling me that my parents had me at a time when they might not have been planning yet to have children?" When the Headmistress nodded, Harry added in the calmest tone he was capable of, "Then why do you expect me to do less for Teddy?"

"Teddy is not your son, Harry," she reminded him gently, but it was clear from her expression that his argument had hit home.

"I don't see why that should make a difference." When the Headmistress didn't reply, he continued, "Besides, what would you have me do instead? Leave him with a foster family? Do I have to remind you how well that worked for me?"

He knew that he'd won when he saw McGonagall flinch at his last words, and he wondered briefly if she had known back then what kind of life he'd led with the Dursleys. She wasn't quite ready to admit defeat yet, though.

"Have you given any thought to the question how you're going to raise a small child while you're teaching at Hogwarts? Do you want the boy to live here with you?"

"If that's not possible, you'd better tell me right away so I can start looking for another job," Harry shot back. "Please don't tell me there have never been teachers at Hogwarts who had children?"

McGonagall cocked her head. "It's rare, but I remember that my Herbology teacher had a small daughter when I was a student. His wife was living at Hogwarts too, though, since she was Madam Pince's predecessor."

"I hope you're not expecting me to marry Madam Pince?" Harry asked with a grin and was quite relieved when the Headmistress smiled briefly.

"I wouldn't go quite that far, but apart from everything else, you will need someone to look after Teddy when you're teaching. I understand that you care about Teddy first, but I have to keep your students in mind as well, and while you're working as a Hogwarts teacher, I expect you to fulfil your duties like every other member of the staff. Have you thought about that?"

Harry nodded, silently thanking Luna for having a lot more foresight than he'd had. "There's a day care facility for war orphans at St Mungo's, I'm sure they'd accept Teddy there." He didn't particularly like the idea of leaving Teddy alone with strangers even though he knew there was no way around it, and he made a mental note to ask Luna whether she would be able to keep an eye on his godson.

"That might work," McGonagall admitted after a moment's pause, "but to be honest, Harry, I'm still not convinced that you can cope with a new and difficult job and the care for a small child at the same time, and even given who you are, I doubt the responsible authorities will be all that eager to appoint you as his guardian."

Harry took a deep breath. "Actually, I was thinking of adopting him."

The Headmistress stared at him. "You -" She stopped abruptly; it looked as if she'd kept herself from saying the first thing that came to her mind just in time. Instead, she fell silent for quite a while, and she seemed so deep in thought that Harry considered it wise not to interrupt her.

At last, she said in a calm, matter-of-fact tone, "That won't be possible at this point."

Harry clenched his teeth. "Why not?"

"Because to the best of my knowledge, the minimum required age for adoption is twenty-one. It might be difficult for a single young man to adopt a child even if he were old enough, but you won't stand a chance if you try it right now. Not if you're willing to go about this the official way, at least."

The implication of her last remark was clear enough; Harry bit his lip, thinking furiously. He'd been so determined never to play the Saviour card with the Ministry, no matter what happened - but what if sticking to his determination would cost him Teddy?

McGonagall smiled thinly, as if she could read his thoughts. "I never had children, but I've often heard that one of the things a parent can ill afford are principles."

Harry felt his stomach clench. Her words had hit a spot deep within him that still felt raw and tender, but he wasn't willing to go there just now, to the memory of the ghostly images that had sullied his parents' sacrifice. He thought of Molly Weasley instead, who had ruthlessly killed another human being to save her daughter, and for a second he even remembered Narcissa Malfoy's whispering voice, betraying her master for the sake of her son. "I -"

The Headmistress held up a hand, cutting him off. "Please listen to me, Harry, there's another way." She leaned back in her chair, sounding for all the world as if she were giving a lecture in her classroom. "If an underage Hogwarts student is orphaned with no relatives who are willing to take over guardianship, it is possible for that student to become a ward of the school until he or she comes of age. During that time, the head of the school acts as guardian. Teddy is no student, but while he lives here with you, I think it is within my rights as headmistress to take him in as a ward of the school, and as his guardian, I could arrange for you to adopt him once you're old enough."

Harry gave her a sharp look. "And would you be willing to do that, too?"

McGonagall held his gaze without blinking. "I will if I'm convinced that it's in the boy's best interests. I'll appoint you as his caretaker in the meantime; if you prove that you're up to the task, I'll gladly help you adopt him in two year's time."

Her voice softened when she continued, "Please don't see this as an indication that I don't trust you, Harry, but -"

"- but you want to make sure that you're the one in charge in case I mess up," Harry finished for her. He knew that he couldn't really blame her, since she was only doing what she thought was best for Teddy, but he still felt a bit dismayed by her lack of faith in him. Just over a year ago, he'd been willing to lay down his life for the sake of the people he loved, and now she thought him incapable of dedicating his life to Teddy's well-being?

As if she'd guessed his thoughts again, the Headmistress shook her head. "Please don't think I'm patronising you, but I just don't think that someone as young as you can grasp the full scale of the responsibility that you're volunteering to take. Give yourself and Teddy those two years; they will give you a clearer idea of the task you're facing."

"Fine." Harry knew a challenge when he was facing it; Chosen One or not, he would still have to prove that he'd grown past the boy hero stage and was able to master the responsibilities of an adult's life. It seemed a bit strange how he'd had his doubts about just that when it had only been about becoming a teacher, yet he was utterly convinced that he could be whatever he had to be for the sake of his godson.

It was then that another realisation dawned. "This also means that I'll have to stay at Hogwarts until I'm twenty-one, doesn't it?"

McGonagall frowned slightly. "Yes, but since you signed a two-year contract, I was under the impression that you were planning to do that anyway?"

"Yes, of course." Harry had had no intention to break his contract, but it still felt a bit uncomfortable to know that there would be no escaping the life of a teacher for the next two years, not even if he turned out to be the worst teacher since Gilderoy Lockhart.

"Then I believe we're agreed." McGonagall rose from her chair, putting her hand on Harry's shoulder for a second while she did so. "And now you'd better go to bed - you look dead on your feet, and I'm not sure you'll get that much sleep in the near future."

* * *

It was only when he sat down on the bed next to his sleeping godson that Harry realised how tired he was. The fading light of a beautiful summer evening was still filtering through the high windows, but he felt as if he'd been up until the wee hours of the morning. His mind was reeling with the past few days' events and the implications that were slowly beginning to dawn on him, but it could all wait until tomorrow - right now, all he wanted to do was sleep.

Without even bothering to undress, Harry flopped down on the mattress next to Teddy, pulled a corner of the blanket over himself, and was out just a few seconds later.