Of All The Times...

    Hermione stared at her former professor, disbelief etched on to her face.

     “He tried to commit suicide because of me?”

    Lupin pressed an envelope into her hand.

     “Thi-This was his suicide note. It-It explains everything,” Lupin told her, his voice shaking.

    Hermione looked at him, puzzled, and then opened the envelope. Two peices of parchment fell out; Lupin grabbed the second piece, muttering something like, “No one can see that yet.”

    Hermione opened up the first piece, and began to read, her expression contorted in a sort of painful grimace.

     Dear Everyone,

    When you read this, I will most likely be dead. I don’t mean to sound morbid; I only speak the truth. You all know what I have been put through- suicide seems to be the best course. But I feel that I owe you all an explanation, to tell you why I have decided to take my life.

    Everyone I have ever loved -or ever could love- has been murdered by Voldemort: my parents and Sirius. But there is one person who has yet to be murdered, who I love completely. Not a parental love, like I had with the previous three. I’ve known her since my first year, and have steadily fallen in love with her since, despite what I may have felt for Cho. I am talking about Hermione. I would not be able to stand losing her to that- okay, I’ll stop there. But If I lost her, I’d lose my mind completely. I’d be an empty shell, and happily hand myself over.     

    But, the thing is, she has never known that I love her. She and Ron seem to fit perfectly together, and they must like each other- why else would they argue so much?

    I can’t let Voldemort kill her, and I can’t let him get at any of my friends, because the only reason he’s murdered anyone I knew was because they were close to me. Because he tricked me into believing that they were in danger, in the case of Sirius. I can’t let anyone die because of me anymore. I can’t risk it. The world is better off without me, anyway.

    I love you, Hermione. Please believe that.

    Ron, you’re my best mate. I’m sorry I had to leave.

    Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, thank you so much for everything. I never could have survived the wizarding world without you.

    Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, and Ginny, you guys are the siblings I never had. Thank you.

    Professor Lupin, thank you so much for everything. For teaching me the Patronus Charm, for always being patient with me. Thank you.

    Tonks, Kingsley, and everyone else in the Order, Thank you for trying to protect me last year. It kept me alive so I could stop Voldemort once again.

    Professor Dumbledore, thank you for everything. You’ve been a figure of wisdom in mjy life since I have met you, and that has helped me a great deal. No matter how angry I was at you, you were still kind to me. Thank you.

    And now it’s really time for me to end this. Goodbye.

        Sincerely,

         Harry James Potter

    Hermione looked at Professor Lupin, tears now streaming down her face.

     “It-It really was about me, wasn’t it? Maybe indirectly, but, I caused him to try to kill himself. I caused him pain. I-“

    Lupin grabbed her arm, making her rambling stop.

     “Hermione, it wasn’t your fault. In his mind, he didn’t want to see you hurt. You didn’t tell him to kill himself. You aren’t Voldemort, Hermione.”

    Hermione looked gratefully at her former professor, and managed a shaky smile.

     “Thank you.” Then, her expression clouded over. “But, Professor...I saw long cuts on his arm, from his elbow to his wrist. Why-“

    Hermione gasped.

     “He tried to cut his wrists?!?!” Hermione asked shrilly, the tears suddenly stopping.

    Lupin sighed, and looked at her.

     “Hermione, do you want to know how he tried it?”

    Hermione bit her lip, and looked at her hands which were clutching the bed she was sitting on.

     “I-I’m not sure.”

     “I think it best if I told you.”

    Hermione looked him in the eyes, for the first time. Sorrow was etched into the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. And then Hermione realized what the loss of Harry would do to him. He had lost his best friends from Hogwarts, the only ones who cared about him. James was killed by Voldemort. Sirius by Bellatrix. Pettigrew was a Death Eater, so he was dead to Remus. And if he lost Harry, he’d be losing a memory of his childhood, of one of the only happy times in his life.

    Hermione nodded her head.

     “You can tell me.”

    Lupin glanced at the far side of the room, where everyone was still looking at Harry. He saw that every back was rigid with tension. The anxiety was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He knew that Hermione would need to get over there soon, if Harry got any worse.

     “Ok, Hermione, here’s an abridged version, because I know that we both want to be back over there.”

    She nodded.

     “Harry found one of his cousins pocket knives in one of his wardrobe’s drawers. He had been planning to use magic, but he didn’t want to be expelled and dead. So he put on a pair of swimming trunks, and filled up the bathtub in his aunt and uncle’s house. When it was filled he climbed in and...he...”

    Hermione looked at lupin, wondering why he had stopped, and noticed that tears were forming in his eyes: he was trying not to cry.

     “And...and...Tonks found him in the tub during one of her wee-weekly check ups.”

    Hermione looked at Lupin, who now had his hands over his face.

     “It’s ok, Professor. I know what happened next. Let’s go over there, shall we?”

    They both rose, and walked over to Harry’s bed.

    Ron looked at Hermione.

     “You ok?”

    Hermione smiled, but it was more of a grimace.

     “Yeah, yeah, I’m ok.”

    He pulled up a chair beside him, and motioned for Hermione to sit down. She did, and looked at Harry. Her breath caught in her throat. He looked like his eyelids had just fluttered. She was about to say something when Professor Dumbledore walked in.

    “Hello, Hermione. Your parents have decided to let you stay at Grimmauld Place for the remainder of the summer. However, I need to talk with the members of the order who are here.”

    Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill, Charlie, Lupin, Fred, George, Tonks, and Kingsley filed out of the room without a word. Hermione looked puzzled. What the heck?

    Ginny and Ron looked at Hermione. She ignored their gazes, and got out of her seat. She walked over to Harry’s bed, and took his hand, being careful not to touch the cuts. She looked at his face, and almost fell off her chair. She got the weirdest fluttering sensation in her stomach, and her heart felt like it was doing gigantic flips.

    She let go of his hand, and turned around to find Ron and Ginny staring at her curiously.

     “You ok, Hermione?” asked Ginny.

     “Yeah, I’m fine,” Hermione replied, though she could tell Ginny didn’t believe her.

     “C’mon, guys,” said Ron, looking at the door. “Let’s go to the tea shop, I’m starving.”

    Ginny looked at him with disgust.

     “Always thinking about your stomach, huh, Ron?”

    Hermione looked back at Harry.

     “Guys, I think I’m gonna stay here.”

    Ron and Ginny looked at each other, and shrugged.

     “Ok, ‘Mione. We’ll bring you some tea back.”

    They both left the ward, shutting the door softly behind them.

    Hermione looked at harry again, and took his hand once more. She had just begun to realize what everyone else had already known. Whenever she looked at Harry, she always got a small fluttery feeling, she had just never noticed it until now. Out of him and Ron, he was the one she thought most about. When she was scared, she looked to him for comfort. She was willing to help him through anything. And (it was so hard to admit) she was jealous when Harry was dating Cho, and had liked her. There was only one explanation for all that she was feeling.

    She loved him.