Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Genres:
Humor Romance
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 11/23/2003
Updated: 01/30/2004
Words: 4,227
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,421

Choosing Their Soulmate

Firesword

Story Summary:
The HP characters - including Voldemort - are involved in a dating game show. Chaos ensues.

Chapter 02

Posted:
01/30/2004
Hits:
441
Author's Note:
This is un-betaed work so pardon me for my grammatical errors, OOC, it's for fun, maybe a bit stupid… maybe not original… I seriously have no idea if someone has done this before… I have to thank those who had participated in the quiz, since they're the ones that decided who's the hottest and wanted man/woman. I don't think there's a plot… have to see where the quiz takes me. Nothing here is owned by me except for myself. I am blaming this craziness on my imagination.

~ Chapter 2: Nobody seems to want him ~

Several weeks before 27th January 2004...

Harry was sitting lazily on the couch, watching Voldemort pace restlessly in the library. He knew it was crazy, him sitting there all alone with the Dark Lord and unprotected. But the entire situation was crazy. He should have been fighting for his life. Voldemort should be tyrannizing the entire world by now. Those plans were promptly cut off when the Dark Lord caught sight of Firesword strolling aimlessly in a forest. He snorted at the thought of the Dark Lord being in love. At first sight, it seemed. Harry was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice that Draco had came in until the Slytherin draped both arms around the raven-haired boy. Startled, Harry looked up. Thankfully, Draco's face was far enough that Harry didn't hurt him in the process. It surprised him to see Draco smiling at him without sarcasm.

"Well... is that all the greeting I'm going to get from you today?" Harry asked and finally Draco smirked. Harry was really getting tired of Draco's hands on him. Especially when the Slytherin was thinking of doing nothing to him. It irritated him to no end. Oh, he had acted annoyingly close to Hermione but everyone knows to whom she belonged and Harry not intended to insert himself in her life that way. Maybe I should have listened to Luscious Lucius's advice of hexing him to oblivion and carry him into my room... and hang him outside down from the ceiling... But I'm not sure if Sirius would approve of that tactic... After all these years, he will assume that I'm smitten with the blond-haired devil... And that thought is disgusting... Me and Malfoy? Yucks!

Draco moved off and sat on a nearby armchair instead. "Tonks was the first witch to be wanted. And it seems that the four of us: Sirius, my father, you and I are all tied up for today. He still has no votes though."

Harry stared thoughtfully at Voldemort. The Dark Lord had stopped pacing and was looking out the window. "Poor bloke. Maybe he should just beg Firesword to marry him."

"I am afraid that begging is not in my dictionary Potter," Voldemort snapped at him.

"Of course it's not. I said 'beg', not 'begging'," Harry snorted. "Draco, do you want to go down and see where your father and the rest? I'm not sure if I could hold my ground here and not mess things up, now that he's talking," Harry requested, waiting for the Slytherin's answer.

"Do you want to go in my room?" Draco asked playfully and Harry's eyes flashed dangerously, thinking about several hexes as he stood up.

"What on earth for?" Harry asked but the two exited out of the library, only to bump into the lady of the house.

"Where is he?" Firesword asked them. Harry answered her quickly. Draco however stalled her when she started forward.

"You are tired. Why don't you go and get some sleep?" His voice was strangely stern and it surprised Harry immensely to note that Draco could be concerned about anyone's welfare.

"That's the reason why I have to go to him," she answered wearily.

"Don't tell me you two have been -" Harry was quickly cut off.

"Don't be silly," she hissed. "He cast a curse on me, that maniac! And he's the only one that can lift it!"

Harry frowned and his eyes widened when he realized what she was saying. "You're saying that he's responsible for your difficulties in getting some sleep?!"

Firesword nodded. "I went to see Dumbledore just now. He tried to lift the curse up but failed. So he suggested that maybe those who are talented in Dark Magic could break it. I asked Lucius to do that but he said Marv would kill him if he tries to get in the way. Approached Sev but no results," she said, sounding drained and it looked like she was about to cry.

"Maybe we can help you," Draco offered but she shook her head.

"Don't bother. But you," she said to Harry, "can help me annoy the git. Would you mind sending an invitation to the twins? I'd like them to stay here, just so they could keep me sane until this craziness is over."

"No prob, Fiery One," Harry replied, eyes brightening at the idea of the twins living with them. Draco however, was not so happy with the arrangement and Harry pretended he had not seen the brief flash of anger in the silver eyes.

**********

Present day...

Hermione, Ron and Harry crept quietly into the sitting room. They were mindful of the snoring Weasley twins sleeping on the couches available.

"What in Merlin's name happened just now?" Ron whispered urgently.

Harry looked around suspiciously before leaning forward. "The twins had set a time bomb in Voldemort's cupboard. Lucius caught them trespassing and hexed them to sleep."

"How do you know all this?" Hermione inquired.

"It's what the twins planned. They were counting on Lucius tripping them," Harry explained. "Lucius don't know that there's an explosive active in the guest room."

"Harry, it sounds like you were the one who planned it," Hermione said with her eyes gleaming brightly.

"Kind of..." the raven-haired Gryffindor admitted.

"Hang on... What kind of explosives are we talking about?" Ron asked, wondering why Harry's eyes didn't stop scanning about the living room.

"I have no idea. I left that part to the twins... Since Lucius hexed them to sleep and making me bring them here, I haven't had a chance to ask what the explosives will do," Harry said tensely.

"Hey mate, the damage better not be extensive or we'll find ourselves in deep muck..." Ron responded with a troubled expression. Of course, it wasn't his house the twins were thinking about blowing up.

Hermione sighed as she stared into Fred's contented face. "Should we try to wake them?"

"I have nothing else to do..." Harry muttered, drew his wand and waited for Hermione's instructions.

"Harry... you're hopeless."

***********

In the study...

Firesword was happily tabulating the results of her day's work when a familiar hiss reached her ear.

"Imperio!"

Oh damn!

Firesword gave an inward groan as she started feeling somewhat detached from her environment. She felt herself being cornered further and further into her mind until the insistence stopped. She watched dreamily as she felt herself obeying the Dark Lord. And I was just about done! Stupid, idiotic, insane... tyrant!!! But her wails were silent and did nothing to help her break the Imperius Curse.

"Stay..."

the voice told her. Firesword was no longer sitting but had felt her body move to stand in the center of the room. Her eyes focused blankly on the wall but her inner conscious saw that Voldemort was circling her, appraising her with curled lips. Sev! Sirius! Anyone! Damndamndamn! She shivered and tried to clamp the fear that was threatening to overwhelm her.

"Good obedient pet..."

the Dark Lord purred. "Follow me..." he whispered.

Firesword automatically followed Voldemort. When she saw that she was following him into the guest bedroom, she panicked. Still, she followed. The Dark Lord's hold on her was strong, even for one minute-sized woman. First, he forced me to have sleepless nights. Then, he made me iron his clothes! She noticed that she had already gone through the bedroom door. She wanted to gulp but couldn't. Come on girl! Focus! You broke his spell before. You can do it again! Her thoughts stilled when she heard Voldemort locking the door and sealing the room with several spells. If she could chew on her nails, she would have. She was nervous and didn't have the slightest clue what the wizard would do to her. Then Voldemort stood directly in front of her and to her horror, the Dark Lord began stripping off his habiliments. Oh my god... Fortunately, her view was only focused on his face.

"Follow me..."

This time, he headed into the bathroom. Once she was in it, she began to seethe. He had planned it... I will kill him... She vowed to herself and tried to break the Curse. Voldemort carefully lowered his body into the tub and began to soak, all the while watching her. Blast you, Marv. You sit there soaking the hot water while I stand, getting sore feet. How bloody romantic of you...

She did not know for how long she stood in the cold bathroom. She saw movement and focused her attention on it. Voldemort had scooped up a handful of water and was slowly releasing it. The red rose petals that fell back into the tub mesmerized her.

"Wash my back, Firesword,"

Voldemort commanded.

She moved stiffly, picking up a sponge and soaked it with the water before following his instruction. She closed her mind, letting her body do the work without witnessing anything. The Dark Lord then issued commands to wash the other parts of his body.

"Watch what you're doing!"

Voldemort hissed in pain. Curious, she made herself look. It seemed that she had scrubbed too hard on his leg.

You deserved it...

She ignored the wizard's blatant reaction to her ministrations and resumed washing him, in a much gentler strokes. When I'm myself, I'm going to kick you there...

**********

Half an hour later...

Voldemort sighed contentedly into the white pillow. Who would have thought she'd be good in body massage? He purred, as he felt strong, feminine fingers working on his shoulder. Firesword was slowly working her way down his back. When she reached his lumbar, she stopped then began massaging upwards again. He shivered and wondered why his body was reacting in a very drastic way. I'm supposed to be the greatest Wizard in all of Britain. Instead of creating more havoc and destruction on Dumbledore's ideal world, I'm lying face down on a bed, enjoying a massage by a very foul-tempered young woman. What would the Founder think of this...

When Firesword shifted suddenly, (she was leaning forward so that she could knead his neck), he gasped loudly and shuddered. Her movement had actually caused his arousal to rub the mattress and it had felt too good for the wizard.

"Damn it..."

he heard himself say. "Firesword... kiss me..."

He knew he was making a huge mistake by forcing her to do so but he was feeling so high that nothing mattered, except for his pleasure.

**********

An hour later...

"Where is she?" Sirius loud yell made everyone in the living room jump.

"Stop shouting, you idiot!" Narcissa snapped crossly.

Harry's godfather ignored the witch and crossed quickly to the group of Gryffindors. "Where's Firesword?"

"We haven't seen her all day..." Harry answered somewhat distractedly. He and his friends were still trying to wake the twins but Bellatrix and the Malfoys kept interrupting their efforts.

"She's not in her room..." Remus came in to report.

"Black..." It was Snape and he looked worried. "She wasn't in the study or the library..."

"Why do you expect her to be cooped up in her house? She's a woman and she could be out shopping," Lucius suggested. His calm demeanor caused the Potions Master to become suspicious.

"I believe it is a cycle," Luna piped up. "She's probably in this place but does anyone dare enter hell's gates?"

"Oh fuck!" Sirius swore as he ran upstairs, with Remus and Snape following closely behind. Sirius tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge. "Damn! It's locked!"

"Of course it would be!" Snape snapped.

Wordlessly, the three wizards pulled their wands out to try breaking the wards that had been casted on the door.

**********

Firesword opened the wardrobe to pick something for Voldemort to wear. Against her will and the Dark Lord, she blushed furiously as her mind revolved around the scenario of their kiss. She hated to admit it, but she felt thrilled when her lips touched Voldemort's warm ones. Anyway, it was better than when he tried to do it to her in the kitchen several weeks ago. Way too good for my taste... The way the wizard gently kissed her back was quite unbelievable since she thought he would be rougher, considering that he had found his release.

She dimly heard a ticking sound from somewhere above her. Her instincts told her to run but she was held down by Voldemort's spell. No... not the twins' devices... Oh dear... Concentrating with all her might, she squeezed her eyes shut and flung herself sideways. Well, she felt that she had moved and Firesword prayed for the best.

**********

BbbbOOomMmM!!!

Sirius's eyes widened when the floor shook and a deafening explosion vibrated through the house. Abandoning their attempts at trying to disenchant Voldemort's wards, the three wizards decided to get through the door through brutal force. Snape, Sirius and Remus kicked the door and to their surprise, it worked.

"Fiery! Are you all right?" Sirius and Remus hauled the woman up from the floor.

"Owwww... ouch!"

"Sorry... you're bruised..." Remus said in apologetically.

"I know... Where's Marv?" Firesword blinked to clear her eyes.

"Merlin help me..." Snape breathed, right eye twitching continuously.

They looked to where the Potions Master was staring.

"Dear Lord!" Remus exclaimed, letting go of the woman's wrist.

"Snape! Get me out of these blasted chains!!!" Voldemort roared.

Firesword watched in disbelief. I don't believe my eyes... Her frame trembled but she tightly controlled from laughing aloud. What on earth were the twins thinking? All of them was unwilling to move.

Voldemort was closely plastered to the wall but the metal chains allowed him some room to move. He had been naked several minutes ago but now he was completely donned up, in a cute bunny suit, complete with a white fluffy tale. And it wiggled in an almost provocative manner.

Snape shakily stepped backwards and began herding the other three out of the bedroom. The first thing they saw were the twins running towards them, their eyes alight with mischief.

"I thought you were asleep!" Remus frowned as Fred and George rushed past them.

"We were!" Fred yelled. "But Hermione managed to bring us back to life!"

**********

Fred and George examined the room before studying the immobilized Dark Lord. "So... Lord Voldemort," Fred asked in a smug tone, swiftly wrapping Voldemort's wand in black silk. "How do you like our latest merchandise?"

"I will kill you... But I will first torture you and slowly rip your flesh from your body, inch by inch..." Voldemort hissed, amber eyes glittering with rage. "You dare mock me with... with such..." Voldemort stared down at himself, painfully humiliated by the costume.

"All of this will stop if you promise to stop bullying Firesword into liking you. If she likes you," Fred made a face, "let her make a move on her own."

"Twin, I don't think he understands the conception of someone, who is less talented than him having free will," George meekly pointed out.

"Oh... That's too bad, then!" Fred said happily and tugged his twin towards the door. "Bloody hell! Several days living with her! Look at how much stuff we invented! And we didn't have to pay a bloody Knut!"

"Merlin! That's wonderful! What a splendid guinea pig that we have!"

**********

"Hey, what happened back there?" Sirius asked, not liking the fact that Firesword blushed each time when the question was brought up.

"Nothing happened, Sirius," the woman answered tiredly, but her cheeks went pink.

"Really?" he insisted.

Firesword rolled her eyes upward and Sirius calmed a bit. Hermione was muttering a healing spell on her sprained wrist when a loud yell pierced the silence of Firesword's study.

"SOMEONE GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THESE FUCKING CLOTHES AND CHAINS!!! LUCIUS, IF YOU DON'T ANSWER MY SUMMONS WITHIN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS, I WILL TRANSFORM ALL YOUR ROBES INTO GODDAMNED G-STRINGS AND MAKE YOU WALK AROUND THE HOUSE IN THEM FOREVER!!!"

"And how in hell is he getting out of the chains? He don't bloody well have his wand, right?" Ron asked, arching his right eyebrow gracefully.

"Draco..." Harry whispered into the Slytherin's ear. "What's the connection between your father and G-Strings?" the Gryffindor asked curiously.

"How in hell do I know?" Draco smacked the back of Harry's head with a book the Slytherin was reading. He felt slightly peeved when the emerald-eyed boy interrupted his thoughts. He sighed when the plan he had formed in his mind was forgotten.

No matter

, the Slytherin thought. I have a bloody night to remember it... Keywords... I have to remember them... Firesword and her quiz. Yup, whatever my plan was, I know it concerned these two... Draco walked out of the room, ignoring Voldemort's growls and stuttered apologies from Lucius as he descended the staircase.

**********

~ To be continued... I think ~


Author notes: Well, so I've placed a second chapter… I'm not really someone who's ingrained with humor (that's why the things I often read are those from the Riddikulus House) so pardon me if you find the funny things in the fic lame… So far, I think I'm in need of ten more curious seekers for the quiz before I put the third chapter (which is probably the last chapter) up…