A Decision to Decide

A Decision to Decide

Chapter Two

- Psychopomp -

"You wanted this, so sad to see;

the sweet decay, of ecstasy,"

"Harry, I-"

"Leave," Harry snapped as he brushed away from Draco and went inside.

"Please, Harry. Listen to me!" Draco pleaded, following him into the flat.

"What for?" he said while returning the phone back to its base. "You want to tell me about the wedding?" he mocked.

"That's not funny." Draco scowled. He was standing behind him, facing Harry's back.

"Well, I wasn't trying to be funny, I was being honest." Not turning around.

Draco reached out to grab Harry's arm but Harry shrugged it off. "Don't."

"Just for a second, please Harry? This is hard for me too!"

Harry walked across the room and sat on down on the sofa against the far wall, putting some space between before turning around, crossing his arms and looking intently at Draco's eyes. "Talk."

Draco gulped and ran his hand through his hair as he nervously looked around the room and followed where Harry was. He was trying to figure out where to begin. Harry realized suddenly how nervous Draco really was.

"Well, you already know most of it, so here goes." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I just found about the wedding this afternoon. That picture in the papers was taken on my birthday-"

"I know," Harry interrupted. "I gave you that suit when we went shopping the week before your birthday," he said coldly.

"I don't want to push it, Harry, but please let me finish first before you say something." He looked at his shoes and didn't notice Harry nodding.

"I was on my way to work," he continued, "when mother flooed into my flat. She told me she had very bad news and thought it would be best if I heard it directly from her." He looked at Harry, who still had his arms crossed. "She then showed me today's Daily Prophet and told me to open it to page fifteen. After reading what it said, I dropped the paper on the floor. I was so shocked."

Harry continued to listen to Draco as he leaned back into the sofa and rested his head on the cushion. He was very tired and had been drinking quite a bit. He longed to just cuddle up with Draco and discuss the whole thing in the morning, but his pride wouldn't let him.

"She hugged me and told me that she was sorry. She told me that father was looking for that photograph a week ago. When she asked him why he needed it, father said he was going to give it to the family artist so he could make a painting out of it. Father lied to her, Harry, and when she confronted father about the wedding, he said it was too late for me to change my mind. He also assumed that I would just nod my head and go along with it," he paused, holding back his anger. He didn't want Harry to see him upset. He already knew that Harry was angry at him and if he joined him, he knew nothing would get done.

"She asked me then if you read the Daily Prophet." His voice was cracking. He took a deep breath and put his hands behind his back.

"What did you say?" Harry asked tonelessly.

Draco shivered from the coldness in his voice, but at least he was listening. "I told her that you might. I wasn't sure. I told her since you've cut yourself off from the wizarding world, you probably wouldn't read it."

"But you forgot that I still have friends in the wizarding world, Draco."

"Harry, please," he held out his hand, palm facing Harry, "I need to explain. Please, just listen," he pleaded at him and Harry saw that there were tears starting to form in his eyes.

Harry looked away and focused on the view outside. He would not cry, he promised himself. He was done crying. His chest rose from the deep breath that he took and nodded.

"Then she asked me what I would do but I couldn't answer her since I have no idea. I was lost for words. She gave me another hug and told me that she'll help me, no matter what my decision is," he stopped and shoved both of his hands into his trouser pockets. "So, I called work and told them that I wouldn't be coming. Funny that they let me go that easily, really, but when I was about to end the conversation, my co-worker told me to never forget them when I make my guest list, and with that." He paused. "I got scared because you might hear it from someone else, which was the case here."

"and you want it all..."

Harry was about to say something but he held his tongue. He didn't want to be rude, so he clutched his arms tightly around him and waited for Draco to continue.

"When I gathered my thoughts all together, I called you. And, well, you already know what happened." He rubbed the back of his neck while he looked at Harry.

Harry's thoughts drifted to their earlier phone conversation.

~~~~

Harry had just stepped out of the restaurant where he'd left Hermione calling for him. He was enraged. He was in pain. He didn't know where to go and just let his feet to take him wherever they thought was best for him.

He was crossing a busy intersection when his cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hi Harry, its Draco."

"I can't talk to you right now, Draco. I'm... I'm-"

"You've heard?"

"Heard what?" He saw a coffee shop when he got across from the street and went inside. He thanked the gods because the coffee shop was empty. He nodded to the cashier and to the waitress, then went to the farthest stall and sat down.

"I... I don't know if you read The Daily Prophet, Harry, but there's something there that has to do with me... with us."

"Hang on." He placed his phone on his shoulder. He already saw the waitress lazily walking towards him. When she stopped in front of him, she smiled.

"I'll have a cafe Mocha with two extra shots of espresso," he said plainly. The waitress nodded and left. He placed the phone back to his ear, "I did read today's Prophet. It was interesting to read the papers again and I thought might have changed from always having bad news. Apparently, it didn't."

"Harry, I had no idea about it. Wait, where are you? I'll come-"

"Don't Draco. Just don't. I... I can't see you yet."

"But-"

"Look, I just need to clear my mind. I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk to you."

"Harry, I already thought of a solution."

"A frozen sun, will guide you there;

as shadows hide, the deep despair,"

Harry's anger faded a bit. He knew he was over reacting and should hear what Draco had to say. Hoping against hope, he wished that Draco would tell the world that he's seeing Harry Potter. No, he wished he could tell it first to his father, then to the world.

"What's the solution?" he said as the waitress placed his coffee in front of him and smiled. Harry just looked up at her and gave her a weak smile.

"Okay, don't interrupt me for a second because I just accumulated this thought." When Harry didn't answer, he continued, "I know Pansy is seeing Justin, you know, that Hufflepuff bloke? I know that they're serious with each other. I also know that Pansy has no idea about this sudden announcement of our wedding. So I called her and-"

"You called Pansy?" he said with a slightly raised voice that made the waitress arch her eyebrow. The cashier and the waitress were gossiping with each other, wondering what Harry's name was and if he had a girlfriend.

"Uhm, yes I did. Harry, please, hear me out first?" he pleaded

"Fine." He took a sip of his coffee.

"So, uhm, yeah I talked to her about it. She didn't know, of course, since she doesn't read the Prophet. She's not really into current events and not really that type of a person who cares." He heard Harry sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry. You know I babble when I'm nervous."

Harry twitched his lips, imagining Draco frantically running his hands through his hair and how he hated that gesture. He would be infuriated by how he could mess up his hair since he had just spent an hour making it look perfect. He placed his left elbow on the table, rested his head on his hand and sighed. Draco was just simply amazing, Harry thought.

"Then," he heard Draco said, "she told me that she just got an owl from her parents yesterday, asking if she could come with them to the Manor on Sunday. She was about to call me but I got to her first."

"Well, good thing that you called her then, huh?"

"Anyway," Draco said a little louder, interrupting Harry, "I told her about the wedding our parents planned. I mean, my father and her parents planned. She was shocked, of course. We all are. I even told her that this isn't fair because I have the right to choose whom I shall marry and told her that I'm with someone too. She agreed with me and said the same thing. We're both in the same situation, Harry. Her parents don't know about Justin since he's a mud-, er, a muggle-born, so I reckon if they would understand her. We talked to each other and had finally came to an agreement. She said she's going to talk to Justin about it."

"Uh huh."

Draco took a deep breath and Harry heard him exhaled. "I told her that, for the sake of my family, or father, and hers as well, we will wed," he heard Harry grunt. "Wait, don't hang up! Let me finish."

"I'm listening," Harry said hoarsely.

"But, we won't be living together. We're going to convince our parents that we want to relocate and live far from them. We also agreed that we should get a fake minister for our wedding so our wedding would be a fluke. I know I can ask mother to get us a fake minister, since father's making her organize it. Since mother offered to help, this would be the one way she could."

"But what if she doesn't? What if she-"

"She will, Harry. She knows about us, remember? And she knows that I love you more than I love myself."

"and you want it all;

"I'll give you something more..."

Harry's eyes began to accumulate tears. "But what if your father visits you? What if her parents visit her? This plan is dodgy, Draco."

"My father never visits me, Harry, and that goes for her parents as well."

"I don't know, Draco. It does sound like a good plan but I reckon it will work."

"Harry, this is the best plan I've got so far," he sighed. "You know, if you think you have a better idea, by all means, share it with me. I'm willing to listen." Draco was exasperated.

"Best idea, for me that is," he said firmly, "is that you to tell your father about us so there won't be a wedding, or a 'fake' wedding, as you have said. So there wouldn't be any lies to your family and to Pansy's. I also suggest that she should be honest to her parents about Justin."

"Harry, do you know what you are asking me to do?"

"I'm asking you to be free from your father, Draco. Is that hard? Oh, wait, yes, it is hard for you."

"What's that suppose to mean?" he barked. "You and your Gryffindor morals again. You know my father very well, Harry. Do you really think he would understand about us? Gods! You know how bigoted he is. We've been fighting about my father ever since we got together. Can you just please give it a rest for a moment and deal with him later?"

Harry became irritated with Draco. He hated it when he throws comments like that at him. "I will give it a rest, Draco," emphasizing his name, "if you tell your father about us. Or even the bloody world about us. I feel like you don't love me that much that-"

"That's bullshit, Harry. You know that I love you so much that it hurts. I can't stand being without you."

"Oh really?" he mocked. "And why, may I ask, did you say no to me when I asked you if we should move in together? Don't you remember that you said no because your 'father' might know about us?" he huffed. His chest was tightening from outrage. "If you wanted to prove to me that you really love me, Draco, you wouldn't think about what your father would say!"

"It's hard for you to understand because you didn't grow up with a father!" Draco shouted.

"and you'll fade away;

one last kiss before, you fade away,"

Harry was stunned, so stunned that his mind stopped working and he just froze, like he was hexed with a body-bind spell. Draco had struck a sensitive spot. He was in blind fury. Harry, now, could feel an ache inside his chest, and before he knew it he'd slammed his fist hard on the table, to release the tension his body was building. He didn't see the coffee mug (almost empty) sitting on the table, and had smashed it into pieces.

The waitress and the cashier quickly looked at the commotion. Both of them gasped when they saw that Harry just smashed their mug with his hand.

Harry, still holding his cell phone with his right hand, raised his other hand and saw some small ceramic chips painfully stuck on the side of his hand.

"Shit!" he whispered as he grabbed the napkin sitting next to the broken mug. His hand was bleeding painfully. Neither the waitress nor the cashier dared to help him and they continued to stare at the strange man who and thought they should ask for his name before he leaves. The blood from Harry's hand was flowing very fast towards his wrist, across his arm then to his elbow and dripping lazily on the table.

"Harry! What was that? Where are you? Oh gods, Harry, are you hurt?" Draco screamed on the phone. His voice was frantic and scared.

"Don't call until I say so, Draco," he said flatly and hung up.

He turned off his cell phone and took out his wand. He cleaned the mess that he'd made and healed his hand. When he looked around, he saw the waitress and the cashier were looking at him, jaws dropped. He muttered a memory charm on them, placed five pounds on the table and left.

~~~~

"So sleep tonight, in idle dreams;

the pain will drown, your silent screams,"

Harry's thoughts drifted back to the present as he rubbed his fingers on his left hand, still looking outside. He wished he hadn't healed his hand earlier so he would be experiencing physical pain rather than emotional right now.

"Then, I had a deep thought of what you said, Harry. About... about father," Draco looked at him, "and I've decided to talk to him on Sunday, before the Parkinsons arrive. I'm still formulating what to tell him, but I'll be fine. I've already come up with the starting line." Harry looked at him. "But if he kills me after I tell him everything, well," he chuckled, "at least, I died happy because I got to be with you."

Harry cringed at him. "What are you going to tell him then? 'Hey Father, sorry for keeping this from you for seven years but I like boys. And you know what else? The boy that I like is Harry Potter. Yeah, that's right. For seven years, I've been seeing Harry. Oh, and it's not Potter anymore, father dearest, it's Harry. Make note of that!'"

Draco rolled his eyes, "Why are you making fun of me, Harry?" Draco's face was turning pink from anger and embarrassment. "Don't you think I can do it? That's it, isn't it?" He looked at him with hurt in his eyes. "You don't think I have the guts to do it, right?"

Harry kept quiet. He didn't know why he'd blabbed that sarcastic comment to Draco. In every argument they had, it was always Draco who kept quiet and didn't state why he spoke harsh words, but now, it was Harry's turn to be left without a come back. When he saw the hurt look that Draco gave him, he felt his inside squirmed. He hated hurting Draco with his ruthless words. Unable to hide the humiliation from his eyes, Harry looked down, and was conscious of the look that Draco was still giving.

"And you want it all,"

"After all these years we've been through," Draco said shaking, "you still think that I can't decide for myself. You still think that I'm a coward for keeping our relationship a secret, you still think-"

"That's not it. I'm sorry. I was wrong," Harry interrupted him. He ran his hand through his hair, "I didn't mean that... gods, Draco. What if your father doesn't listen to you?"

"I have to face it, Harry," he sighed and walked towards him. Harry stood up and looked at Draco. Their faces were inches apart. "I have to, for our sake." He touched his face. Harry's eyes closed slowly as he felt the warmness of Draco's hand. "And because I love you, Harry Potter. I insanely love you."

Harry opened his eyes and touched Draco's face. He closed the distance between them as he placed his lips lightly on Draco's. His lips quivered as tears ran down to his cheeks, holding back his sobs. Draco's lips trembled as he kissed Harry, tasting Harry's tears. He hadn't realized that he was crying as well.

"I'll give you something more, and you'll fade away;

one last kiss before, you fade away,"

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's neck and deepened the kiss. He loved Draco more than anything else in his world. He also missed Draco's kisses, even though it was only last night that they last had shared one. He missed it so much that it felt like it was eating him alive from the inside.

He kissed him passionately as a way of saying sorry. Sorry for being stupid; sorry for not listening to him, for shutting him out without giving him a chance to explain, for being a jerk and throwing smart remarks at him, for being a prick to question Draco's feelings. All he wanted to do was to kiss him until all the tears had been shed, all the pain had ceased, and all of the hurt words were washed away from their memory.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's waist as they kissed. He already tasted his own tears as they continuously flow from his eyes. He felt relieved that Harry still wanted him. He thought he would collapse from happiness as he cupped his arms on Harry's back; pressed his back towards him so that their chests were squeezed against each other.

It felt so good to kiss Harry again, after today's eccentric events. He loved Harry; he loved everything about him. He knew that he loved Harry more than Harry loved him but he didn't care. He loved him for understanding him despite his background, for helping him realize what the world was about, for being there where no one else was, for being a childish prick and for being way too sarcastic.

But now, he had changed. He'd changed his ways when he realized that Harry loved him for who he was and not caring what the world told Harry about him; not cared when his friends didn't understand him as to why he loved, of all people, Draco Malfoy; not cared when Draco said he wouldn't change for him. But then, Draco knew, that from the moment Harry said he didn't care about the others as long as he was always with him, accepted him and loved him in return. He, then knew, that he had deeply fallen in love with Harry Potter.

"Lives you once adored, you fade away;

lies you can't ignore, you soon repay,"

They slowly broke away from each other to catch their breath. Both were panting and grinning at each other.

"Harry, I'm-" Draco started to speak.

"Shh, it's okay." Harry stroked Draco's cheek, wiping the tears away from his pale face. "I understand. Come on," he took both of his hand and looked at Draco, "let's talk more about this tomorrow." He kissed his forehead. "Let's just rest, okay?"

Draco swallowed and nodded. He gripped Harry's hand a little harder.

Harry quickly kissed Draco's quivering lips and when he broke off, he licked it. "Come on, I missed you so much." He smelled Draco's hair.

"Hmm," Draco arched an eyebrow, looking at Harry, "sounds like Mr. Potter wants something tonight, doesn't he?" he said softly. He removed his grip from Harry's and slowly ran his hand over Harry's chest.

"If Mr. Malfoy's not tired at all, Mr. Potter would like to offer some services to him, and," he paused and gave Draco a teasing look, "vice versa."

Draco laughed softly as he ran a finger over Harry's collarbone.

"Not here, love." He held Draco's hands. "Let's go to our favorite spot."

"The chair on the balcony?" Draco teased. "My, my, Mr. Potter, quite daring today, aren't we?"

"Hmm, not so much, but if you go to the room now, I'll get the chair." He wagged his eyebrows with his eyes half-closed.

Draco smiled and slowly walked towards the door of Harry's bedroom. When he got there, he watched as Harry carried the chair from the balcony and placed it down when he got inside so he could close the door, then lifted it again and carried it over towards the bedroom.

"I'll hold the door for you, love."

"Thank you," and Harry smiled and slipped inside the bedroom.

As Draco was going to close the door, he saw something sitting near the foot of Harry's sofa. He wondered for a moment what it was. He squinted his eyes and bent down slightly, noticing it was something like a black square box. It looked smooth, like velvet or something like that. When he was about to take a closer look, Harry called out for him.

"Coming," Draco said as he closed the door slowly, not taking his eyes from the black box, until the door shut.

"You fade away."

~~~~

To be continued...