A Decision to Decide

A Decision to Decide

Chapter One

- Release -

"I want the world to wake, I want to give you peace;

I want to vindicate, you need to be released,"

Sitting in a chair on the balcony at his flat, Harry had just finished his pack of cigarettes since getting home two hours earlier. It was already eight in the evening and the early August air was a bit breezy. He reached for his twelfth New Castle beer and chugged the remaining liquid in the half-empty bottle before going inside to get another.

He was about to reach for the refrigerator door's handle when he saw a picture of Draco and himself in front of the Eiffel Tower. He angrily snatched the photograph and ripped it in two as the magnet that had been holding it in place fell to the floor and shattered. He then furiously opened the refrigerator, grabbed the six-pack that he'd recently bought, and returned to the balcony.

In his mind, the conversation he had with Draco earlier was replaying over and over, which had made him miss both lunch and dinner meals. He could not believe what the blonde was suggesting. And now, he had to make up his mind if he wanted to accept it, which he knew was absurd.

Harry couldn't get his thoughts cleared. He'd already decided that he wouldn't pursue his proposal. No matter what Draco told him, he wouldn't. Draco needs to straighten things out first.

"Bugger," he whispered as he shook his head, trying to banish the conversation in his thoughts. He opened another bottle of beer and drank half of it in one swig.

"I need sounds," he muttered to himself, "sounds to make me sane."

He went inside his flat, carrying his beer, and took out his favorite CD. 'Transmission by Tea Party,' it read on the case. He popped the disc in the CD player and leveled up the volume so he could hear it from outside.

"Why, Draco? After all these years we've been together, you still can't tell the whole bloody world about us," he whispered as he lit a cigarette when he was back on the balcony again.

Harry tried hard not to think of Draco, or their previous discussion, as he watched a girl who'd just gotten out of a cab. He leaned on the railings of the balcony, holding his beer and cigarette in each hand, and watched the brunette girl with dull interest. The girl looked lost. She was holding a piece of paper and frantically checking the building number on each apartment.

Suddenly, while Harry was puffing his cigarette, a man came down towards the street from his building, and met the girl. She looked so happy and they hugged for a while. When they broke off, the man delicately touched the girl's cheek and they kissed.

A pang of envy hit Harry as he shifted his eyes to look at the sky above.

"That I'm a man that's weak, and a man that's lost

I gave it all away, to complicate the cost,"

Harry was looking at the sky and suddenly realized that a few tears were already making their way down to his cheeks. He wiped them off using the back of his hand and emptied his beer and sat back down on the chair that he and Draco had gotten when he first moved in five years ago. The chair looked very old and used but he couldn't throw it away. It had a sentimental value. This chair had witnessed the happiness and sorrow of most of their relationship.

This chair just recently witnessed the joy on Draco's face when Harry gave him an iPodTM for his twenty-fourth birthday two months ago, since Draco was so fascinated with muggle technology and music. It had also witnessed their love making during a five-hour citywide black out ten days ago.

But now, the chair was witnessing Harry's pain and tears. It could only offer a comfortable cushion for the man.

Harry ran his fingers through his hair, out of frustration. He couldn't believe that this was happening to him. He'd just made a huge decision about his relationship with Draco, but now it seemed so useless to persevere.

He went back inside his flat and took out today's edition of The Daily Prophet from his bag, which was sitting on his sofa. He flipped though the pages anxiously, wishing that what he read earlier at lunch wasn't true; that the paper was a practical joke from the Weasley twins, or that there was a misprint and it was all-false.

But his eyes didn't deceive him. It was there and it was true. Another pained emotion hit him as he remembered his brief meeting with Hermione, where he had seen the paper for the first time.

~~~~

Earlier that day...

"We need to do this quick. You know with the baby coming, I need to eat six times a day, at least."

"Hermione, that's not true," Harry laughed. "Do you want to get fat?"

"Oh honestly, Harry, I was just kidding. But I am hungry," she smiled at him.

"Fine. I already know what to get. I just need to show it to you since you have much better taste than Ron."

"Of course I do."

"And besides," Harry added, "he's not good with these things. I need a woman's opinion."

"Or," Hermione glanced at him, "he's not really good at anything," she smiled.

Both Gryffindors laughed as they stepped inside the store. The owner greeted them cheerfully. She already knew Harry because he'd been coming to meet her every other day for the past two weeks.

"Harry! How are you doing today?" she smiled.

"I'm doing great, Caitlin," Harry grinned.

"So, you brought your friend for a second opinion? You really don't trust yourself, do you?" she teased.

Harry laughed. "Caitlin, this is my good friend, Hermione." He put his arm on Hermione's shoulder. "I needed her to see it so I would know I'm not making any mistake about it. Hermione," he said as he looked at his pregnant friend, "this is Caitlin. She owns the store." He dropped his arm from her and Hermione and Caitlin nodded and shook hands.

"You really have a lovely store here, Caitlin," Hermione said. "I like the changes you have made. When my husband Dean brought me here to get my ring resized, the salesman who helped us was terrible. I think his name was Mr. Derzko. He was very impatient and kept on grunting at us."

Caitlin laughed. "That would be my husband. He gets cranky when he has to stay here and run the shop while I'm in some country negotiating with my associates. He doesn't like to be here. He says it makes him look girly."

Both Harry and Hermione chuckled a bit. "Well, I'm glad that I didn't get to talk to him then," Harry joked. "He probably would have punched me if he were assisting me."

"Oh, darling, you're fine. You are one of the nicest people that I've met and I'm sure that you're just nervous about picking the perfect ring. After all, you're going to give it to the luckiest man alive."

Hermione looked at Harry. She was trying to make eye contact to him. Did she just say the luckiest 'man' alive?

Harry looked at Hermione and nodded, indicating that he'd told Caitlin about Draco.

"Well, I better get them from storage then. I had to put them there since you already gave me the down payment. I'll be right out in a second," she said as she disappeared to get the rings.

"You told her about Draco?" Hermione whispered the moment Caitlin was gone.

"Of course," looking at her, "she's a muggle, after all."

"But, what if she knows him?" she asked worriedly.

Harry laughed lightly, "Honestly, do you think Draco's that famous that even muggles know about him?"

Hermione shrugged, dropping the subject. "When are you planning to propose?"

"Tonight," he grinned. "Listen to this: First, I'm going to get his favorite wine, and then I'm going to cook his favorite meal and bake his favorite cake. Then on top of his cake, instead of putting a whole strawberry in the middle, I'll put the ring. What do you think?" he was waiting for a positive response.

"Hmm, sounds like you're going to spoil him so he'll say yes." Harry nodded vigorously. "Do you have a heart warming speech prepared?"

"I did, but I scratched that since I know I'm just going to stutter and forget what to say. That's why I decided to cook for him since he doesn't know that I'm taking cooking lessons behind his back."

"It does sound sweet, Harry, if not a little corny. But, you know Draco," she rolled her eyes, "always want the expensive things and loves to be pampered."

Harry laughed, "And after he says yes, which I hope he will, he will be pampered. Do you want me to tell you how am I going to pamper him?" he wagged his eyebrows at her; Hermione laughed.

"Okay, here you are."

They were interrupted by Caitlin's voice. She was holding two identical black velvet jewelry boxes. Once she got in front of Harry and Hermione, she opened one box and showed it to Hermione.

"Oh my, Harry. That's gorgeous!" She exclaimed.

It was simple platinum band, with small inlaid emerald stones and dusty black diamonds alternating around the sides.

"May I?" Hermione asked Harry.

"Of course," Harry grinned.

Hermione gingerly lifted the ring out of the box and examined it carefully. Surprisingly, it was smooth, even though the stones were within the sides of the ring. She slipped it onto her ring finger despite its large size and stretched out her hand, admiring the way the light glinted off the stones. Meanwhile, Caitlin excused herself to answer the phone that had begun to ring loudly.

"It also looks good on me, Harry. I might ask Dean to buy me one too," she grinned.

"It does, doesn't it?" Harry said, holding her hand to get a good look. "I love it since it has our eye colors, you know. I just can't wait to see Draco's face when I give it to him. Do you think he'll like it?"

"If he doesn't, I'll kill him," Hermione teased. "Harry, it's so beautiful that I want to marry it."

Harry laughed, still holding Hermione's hand as both of them gazed at the ring on her finger. Harry wondered what Draco's reaction would be when he saw the ring, or when he asked to marry him. Harry was terrified of it. He was not sure if Draco would say yes. His face faltered a bit and he released his grasp on Hermione's hand.

Hermione looked at him, "What's wrong, Harry?" She removed the ring and placed it inside the box.

Harry looked at the box he was holding. "What if he says no? I mean, we still have a lot of things to deal with, you know. He hasn't told anyone about us, especially his father," he sighed.

Hermione rested her hand on his shoulder. "I'm certain that you and Draco will be okay, Harry. Come on, we already talked about this, right?" Harry nodded. "There will be a time that you and Draco will be free from all this. I promise you that."

"Thanks Hermione. Thanks for always being there," he hugged her.

"What are friends for, Harry? Ooof," she quickly let go of the embrace, "I just felt the baby kick. I think she sensed that it wasn't Dean who was hugging me."

"She?" Harry arched an eyebrow, "You already got the results back?"

"Well, not yet," she blushed, "I'm assuming it's a girl. I want my first born to be a baby girl."

Harry smiled at her sincerely when Caitlin came back with all the necessary documents for the ring's release.

"I'm sorry Harry, but I have to close early. My son just called and he said they're playing football in less than an hour and he forgot his jersey. I'm not trying to be pushy here, but do you want to buy the rings now or do you still want me to hold them for you?" she asked.

"Oh, no, I'm proposing tonight. I'm getting them today."

After all the paper work had been signed and he'd paid for the rings (Hermione raised both of her eyebrows when Harry paid in cash), Harry and Hermione bid their goodbyes to Caitlin and decided to grab a quick lunch.

They went to a muggle restaurant near the jewelry store. Harry ushered Hermione inside and they settled in a booth near the window. Both of them gave their orders to the wait staff. While they were waiting, Harry doodled with his palm pilot and Hermione brought out her copy of the Daily Prophet from her bag.

"Wow," Hermione exclaimed, "I couldn't believe that after all these years, Professor Snape got the job that he wanted so much."

"He replaced Professor Dumbledore?"

Hermione shook her head, eyes still on the paper, "No, he's the new DADA professor," she looked up to meet Harry's eyes. Both of them laughed.

The wait staff came with their drinks. Harry placed a straw in Hermione's orange juice and moved the glass in front of her. He noticed that she was staring intently at the paper with both eyebrows raised.

"What are you reading that's so interesting, Hermione?" he asked after he stored his palm pilot in his bag.

Hermione looked up and he noticed a sad expression on her face. "H- Harry, I think y- you should read th- this," she handed the paper slowly to him.

Harry was about to drink his root beer when he saw, under today's announcement page, a huge picture of the Malfoys. Lucius, with his arrogant poise; Narcissa, with her haughty smile; and Draco, somewhat smiling, it was hard to tell if he was or wasn't.

Harry stared at his boyfriend's moving picture; he smiled as he ran his forefinger over it. He ogled his face for a moment, noting how photogenic Draco was, and then shifted his eyes to the text underneath it.

Mr. and Mrs. Lucius Malfoy would like to announce the wedding of their son, Draco Lucius Malfoy, to the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Ellian Parkinson, Pansy Evita Parkinson.

They will be wed at the Malfoy Manor garden on Saturday, the 6th of September. Both families are delighted to announce their union.

Harry reread the text again. His chest felt tight and he was suddenly having a hard time breathing. He tried to read it slowly, making sure that what he just read was real. He didn't realize that he was crumpling the edge of the paper, unaware that his fingers were ruining it. He read and read the article again, until he couldn't see it anymore because his tears blinded him.

"Oh Harry," Hermione sobbed. She reached out to touch Harry's hand.

When Harry snapped back into reality, a tear fell down and landed exactly on Draco's face. He looked at Hermione and realized that she was holding his clenched hand. She was already crying.

"I've got to go," brushing Hermione's hand away, "I- I have to- go."

"Harry, wait. I'm sure-" she held her hand out to stop him and sobbed.

"I need to breathe. I- I can't breathe," he put the paper inside his bag and sighed, "Can I borrow this?" He didn't wait for an answer, "I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later."

"Harry!" But he didn't look back. When she was about to call him again, he was gone.

~~~~

"Don't want to hurt you, I need to make you see;

If I desert you, it's just to make you see,"

Harry sniffed as he wiped his tears. He placed the Daily Prophet beside him and noticed that one of the black velvet boxes had slipped out of his bag when he removed the paper.

He slowly reached for it and carefully opened it. The moonlight was reflecting on the ring and it made it look even more beautiful. He couldn't deny that this was the most perfect ring for him and Draco.

Draco. It made him feel pain again and suddenly, tears were building in his eyes once more. He snapped the box closed and threw it heatedly at the opposite wall. The box hit the wall and rolled near to the foot of the sofa as Harry placed both of his hands on his head and cried softly. It was a moment before he had relaxed his breathing when his cell phone rang. He found his phone, which was in his bag, and answered it.

"Hello?" as he sniffed a little loud.

"Harry, please don't hang up. You've got to hear me out."

"..."

"Harry? Are you there?"

"..."

"Harry?! Please tell me you are okay."

"I am."

"Harry, I-"

"What do you want, Draco?" Trying to sound calm.

"I- I was wondering if I could come over."

"..."

"Harry, please, it's also hard for me. I- I just wish I c- can do something about it but," he sighed, "I don't know."

"It's not fair, Draco."

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I told you earlier that I just found out today, please believe me on this. And besides, that's the only plan I can think of. Harry, please, you know that I still lo-"

"No, don't say it."

"But-"

"I said don't say it, all right?" he sighed, "It doesn't help at this moment, does it?"

"But Harry, I need to do this. I need to do this for us."

"Us?" Harry snorted, "For us? Really? Explain to me how this deal 'is' for us? I-" he hesitated, "Never mind, I don't want to hear it."

"Harry, I lo-"

"I said I don't!" 'Click'

"I'm not going to hurt you now, I need to make you see;

If I desert you now, it's just to make you see,"

He turned off his cell phone and tossed it on the sofa. He took his beer and tried to drink it, but noticing that the bottle was empty, he went out to the balcony to get another.

He looked down on the streets and saw people were gleefully walking around. It was already ten in the evening and he knew that those groups of people were going to bars and clubs. After all, it was a Friday night.

He lit another cigarette and sat down on his favorite chair. He lay back, trying to find a comfortable position when his house phone rang.

He didn't bother to pick it up. He knew that it was Draco calling him. He unshielded his ears as the beep of the answering machine came.

"Harry? It's Hermione. I- I was wondering if, um, you are, um. Gods, Harry, I know you're there. Please pick up! Uhm, Draco called me and he's been worried sick about you. He's concerned that you might try to hurt yourself. He told me that he called you earlier and told you about his plan, but something horrible happened to you and he doesn't know what it was. Harry, you have got to hear-"

"Hear what?" he said, as he picked up the receiver.

"Oh, Harry. I hope you won't do anything stupid. I mean..."

"You mean what exactly? Kill myself?" he snorted.

"Yes. I know you're in pain right now and I want you to tell me that you won't do anything stupid. I already told Ron about it and-"

"Hah. I bet he's happy that we're over, huh?"

"No, Harry. He wasn't. He told me that Draco's the best thing that happened to you."

"Well, it's over now, Hermione," he said calmly.

"No, it's not. You haven't talked to him about it yet. You have to discuss his plans with him."

"Why do we have to discuss it? It's so eccentric that I know it will fail. Draco's not really good at planning you know."

"It doesn't matter, Harry. You have to talk to him. Don't throw everything away. He deserves to be heard. He told me he's coming over tonight, whether you like it or not."

"I'm not going to let him in, Hermione," he said, sounded defeated. "I- I can't see him right now. Not even hear his voice. I- I can't deal with him yet."

"Harry, please listen to what he has got to say. You've got to hear him out!"

"Hear him out?" he shouted, "What is it there to hear out, Hermione? Do you have any idea what he told me? About his plan?"

"Please don't shout, Harry. You're scaring me."

He took a deep breath to calm himself. He knew he shouldn't be shouting at Hermione like that. It wasn't her fault that he was upset. He paused and went back out to the balcony, "I'm sorry, I- I just-"

"Uhm, he t- told me about it, Harry. He told me about his plan."

"Did he," he said dryly and sat on his chair. "What did you say?"

"I think it's a good plan. It might work, I mean. I believe it would work. I- I think you just have to be patient and go along with it."

He laughed bitterly. "Patient? What are you talking about, Hermione? If you were in my shoes, would you have said 'yeah, that sounds promising'? Don't you see how this plan could go wrong in so many ways?"

"Oh Harry. I don't know. But he doesn't want to lose you."

"But he has decided, Hermione. He made a choice to wed Pansy. He-"

"He's undecided yet, Harry. He's thinking of telling his father about his relationship with you. Ooh, I shouldn't be telling you this. I-"

"He did what?"

"Just talk to him."

"No, I can't talk to Draco right now."

"Why not?"

Harry looked around as he heard an echo. It was Draco's voice and he was there, leaning against the sliding door of his balcony. On his left hand was the spare key Harry gave him the moment he moved in. He looked tired and exhausted, just like Harry, only Harry looked like shit.

"Harry? Harry? Are you there?" Harry snapped back into reality when heard Hermione's voice on the phone.

"I- I'll call y- you right back. He's here."

"Harry, just ca-" he hung up.

"I want you to be free...

I want you to be free from me."

~~~~

To be continued...