My Dark Secret

I could see it; a vague impression of a beautiful soul. The intention seemed right but whom was I kidding? The world doesn't change, nor do people. What we did once we could always do again, no matter how hurt others or we feel from it originally. But it makes you wonder really ...

A voice.

An idea.

That's all it takes and I guess that's all you really need to start something.

But what compels you to take that actual step, make the jump, or reach out with your hand?

A mystery.

Forever, that's all it will ever be.

Lily looked up at The Man. He was watching her, his gray eyes taunting her.

"What is it?"

"A diary," replied Lily quietly. The whole place had the atmosphere of library, as if it was forbidden to talk loudly. He laughed softly, mockingly.

"Who gave you a diary?" Lily lowered her eyes. A name - that's all he wanted.

"My school."

"Why?"

Lily looked over at him again. She shrugged.

"They said it would help." He nodded as if he understood. Lily bit her lip. How could he?

"Do you ever wonder how much they know?" he asked.

"All the time." He nodded again and turned away, losing interest. Lily stared at him for a long time after. She wanted to ask him how much they did know. He would know. He knows everything, but she knew better then to ask. He would never tell her, just avoid the question.

Why, Mr. Diary, is there fear in this world - order, discipline, and respect? Is it really that good? Does it really help us? I've always wondered what the world would be like if there was no negative emotions, but then I realize that it's just another stupid human trait. Somehow, among everything, we would create it. It's undeniable, unavoidable. We are too flawed. One day we will be our own demise.

"It's time to go." Lily looked up. The Man was watching her again, a curious yet somehow blank expression on his face.

Lily nodded.

Good night, Mr. Diary.

Lily Evans

The Man had already left the table. Lily stood up and followed him out to the garage. He was kneeling behind his black car, playing with the number plate. Lily walked over to the front seat and got in.

She stared at the side view window. She was wearing a baggy pizza delivery shirt and blank pants, with a dark brown wig that covered most of her face. As the car pulled out of the driveway she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"I feel -" Lily began.

"No such thing," said The Man quietly, cutting her off and sounding as if he could read her mind. "Just your mind playing tricks on you." Lily fell silent.

They stopped once to pick up the pizza, before pulling up at a large, filthy hotel. Pulling a hat over her head, she nodded to the Man and left the car. She heard it pull out behind her.

The two young men at the counter smiled at her.

"How's it going?" asked one, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"Great," replied Lily enthusiastically. She chewed some gum and flashed them a winning smile. "Just delivering pizza."

"Where to?"

Lily rummaged in her pockets clumsily, placing the pizza and a large bottle of coke onto the counter. She pulled out what looked like a pager and sat it on the counter. Eventually she pulled out a small piece of white paper with writing on it.

"Room 56," said Lily slowly, squinting to read it. She flashed them another smile and shoved the paper back into her pocket.

"Just walk through the metal detector and then take an elevator up to the tenth floor." Lily grabbed the pizza off the counter and walked through the metal detector. She smiled at them when it didn't go off. They smiled back, blush creeping up their necks. She gave a little wave and set off down the corridor.

"Hey, wait!" Lily turned around near the end as one of them yelled to her. He came out of the side of the counter carrying her bottle of coke and pager like thing and gave it to her.

"Oh, thanks," she said.

The elevator was empty, which Lily was glad for. She pulled off the lid of the coke and from the top she pulled out a small piece of metal that had a sharp edge. Using it, she cut a slit down the middle of the bottle. Once all the coke had poured out, she ripped the bottle open, pulling out a small silver gun and a silencer, which she fixed onto it. She also pulled out two small round objects, dropping them into her pockets.

The elevator stopped with a ping. Quickly she pulled off her top, revealing something slightly more elegant. She threw her hat and wig onto the ground.

Smiling confidently, Lily tucked the gun out of sight.

Dear Mr. Diary,

It seems a rare moment when my life goes remotely peaceful or just right, not that I ever help the matter. If I get into a situation I was never meant to be in, things seem to only get worse. Perhaps I should start listening to my instinct. I knew it was wrong and I know I was lucky to get out alive. If I hadn't been magical I would be dead, squashed on the pavement.

It all went wrong as soon as I stepped through the door that was slightly ajar. I could hear the TV in a different room and the flashes of its screen reflected on the door. Yet no one was around and the whole place was in the dark, but lit by the light coming through the door. The man was supposed to have bodyguards, secretaries and all those other things rich criminals have.

Lily paused, remembering the events that had been burned so vividly into her mind.

She had kept walking, searching the entire apartment silently, leaving the room with the TV to last. When, finally, she was standing out the front of it, Lily took a deep breath and froze. Her mind was screaming. I can't go in there. She had to turn around. She had to walk out. She had to run away.

But she knew there were consequences for doing that and she wasn't one to take the easy way out - no, Lily liked the right way. And though morally what she was doing was wrong, it was also right by her life and existence to do it.

So she pushed the door open slowly.

The world's most talented seeker wouldn't have had faster reflexes than Lily did at that moment.

A long, light and flimsy sword with a sharp and deadly edge swung out at her. She should have been dead; instead she ducked and fell backwards, to the ground.

Lily rolled over quickly and got up, holding her gun in front of her. She fired it five times. The door stood half open and she wouldn't dare go near it. She had the feeling that each of her shots had missed.

She was right. Next thing she heard was the click of a large gun - a machine gun being loaded and thousands of bullets spurting out at her from behind the door. She had little time to react but Lily just made it. She dived for the closest room, dropping her gun in the process, rolling over and slamming the door behind her. She moved away from the door quickly and began a search for something, anything that would help her.

In one of the cupboards was a Samurai sword, quite like the one that had almost beheaded her. Lily had training in this.

The gunfire died down and the door to the room flung open. A man stood there holding the sword and Lily's gun. He stared at it with disgust and threw it behind him. She gulped. Lily would have rather he'd shot her than have to fight it out with the two swords. She was trained quite well in the arm, but that doesn't mean she liked it.

He was first to move. He charged forwards, holding the handle firmly and swinging out at Lily. She ducked, went to pierce his body that he left open, but he was too quick. His sword blocked her attack. He swung at her legs and she only just jumped out of the way.

He laughed at her. Lily had fallen to the ground.

"You're the great assassin they all talk about," he drawled in a stony voice that was somehow boyish. "You, who has never once suffered a defeat, you, who started at the age ten, six years ago, a brat off the street. The Man's little pet, his dog."

Lily felt like she was on fire. She was a lot of things but she definitely wasn't a dog. The Man would be nothing without me, she told herself. He'd be dead and buried six feet under. Even so, this man stood there, patronizing her. Yet during his berating, he failed to notice Lily shifting around.

He never saw her jump, was too late to stop the sword that went through his stomach and she watched him die in his own pool of blood.

Feeling strangely disturbed, she moved away from him, picking up his sword, as it was the only other weapon around. The whole room had been ripped to shreds, with little bullets lodged everywhere. Before leaving the room, she dropped one of the small objects that had been sitting comfortably in her pocket, onto the floor, knowing it could come in handy if a distraction was needed.

Lily heard someone talk.

"Have you disposed of her?" It was coming from the room with the TV. She edged closer.

"Marvin?" The man had a deep and vacant voice. "Marvin?" he called again, sounding unsure.

Lily dared not to say a thing, nor make a sound. This wasn't right. How did they know that she was assigned to kill him? They weren't supposed to know. No one was. Lily felt a familiar feeling, a feeling of betrayal. Someone had betrayed her and left her to die. She knew she would be dead if that man had kept his mouth shut and just finished the job. Regardless if this was a set up or not, She had to finish it.

Lily made her way for the door. The man had gone silent. She could hear footsteps and knew it would be suicide if she walked in or made the first move. He was bound to move out eventually, wasn't he? Or maybe he'd send reinforcements before him. The latter came. Before she could even react, seven men, with guns, raced through the door and pointed them at her.

Lily must have looked a bloody mess, because they all stopped and stared as she lowered her sword, admitting to them defeat. She could see the blood on her body and scratches where she'd fallen or been skinned by a bullet. She was sweating and her face was red.

"Where's Marvin?" Lily didn't make a sound nor move to tell them. They would kill her if they knew she'd killed one of them.

Knock. Knock.

Every single one of them visibly jumped. The one closest to the door moved first, tucking his gun out of sight. He opened the door as little as possible.

"Uh ..." Lily recognized the voice of one of the receptionists. "I heard loud noises and I was wondering if everything was okay. Also, there was a girl who was supposed to be coming up to the next floor, but all her stuff was found on the elevator, including a wig. I was wondering if you'd seen any suspicious behaviour and if you are okay?"

The man just nodded. "Everything's fine here."

"Well," the receptionist nodded. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything."

"Will do." And the man rudely slammed the door. Everything went silent; all that could be heard was the sound of the receptionist walking away with heavy footsteps. Lily gulped. This was it. She was going to die there, yet for some reason she wasn't gunned down like she expected.

"Jono," said the same voice that had called out for Marvin before.

"We got her," replied Jono.

"Where's Marvin?"

"Dead most likely, knowing her reputation."

"Bring her here and find Marvin."

Two left the group and started towards the rooms, while the others pushed her towards the door. Lily entered cautiously.

A tall man sat on an armchair. He had curly brown hair and hazel eyes. He was slim and wearing a navy black suit with a blue tie and a smile that gave her the impression that he knew something she didn't.

"Sit." He indicated to a wooden chair with a stiff back. Glancing around, Lily sat down. There was another room leading off that one and the door was slightly open. "Your target's through there," he informed her and she resisted jumping up and punching that stupid smile off his face.

Instead she settled for a glare.

"Well - they told me you weren't that friendly, but then in this situation who would expect you to be?" He raised his stupid eyebrows as if he was asking an interesting question. Lily hated him then and there. He was annoying and powerful. She hated anyone like that.

"Get to the point," Lily snapped at him. His idle chitchat was driving here insane.

Yet he only laughed harshly. It sent a shiver down my spine and a coldness washed over her.

"Yes, yes, of course. How very interesting, little girl, you are." Anger flared up in her eyes. If only she was of age. She would have cursed him to oblivion. Little girl? The nerve.

Lily glared at him; the walls began to shake and a jug sitting on display shattered to pieces. The closest man to it dropped his gun. Shakily, he picked it up and Lily calmed down.

The man in a suit leaned closer to her.

"Yes, they said there was something strange about you. That you could make things happen. Things that never should have happened."

"Aren't you scared?" Lily asked in a voice that should have taunted him and mocked him. He sat back again.

"Little girls don't scare me."

This time Lily laughed and it was a lot colder then the man in a suit had been. Each and every single one of the people in the room shifted uncomfortably or shivered.

She felt it at once. She had the upper hand. She had them, if only remotely, scared.

"Fortunate then, that I'm not a little girl."

"Oh, but you are." Again Lily laughed.

"You see, the problem with calling me a little girl is that you may underestimate my abilities. You've labeled me one and so in your mind nothing will ever change that. So therefore you will always think that I am less capable then you, and that is your biggest flaw. Because I will kill you and when I do I will laugh in your face and if you are lucky I may pity you. You, the stupid man who thought he could bring me down."

"And what the hell makes you think you can escape this?" he asked angrily, indicating to the group of men around the room. Lily smiled and cocked her head to the side.

He was stupid. She always thought he was. They obviously weren't trained very well, because twice they failed to notice her moving around. This time, Lily reached inside her pocket and grabbed hold of the other small object and the remote control that would set them off.

Lily flung her arm out and threw the small bomb towards the group of five men as she jumped up and threw herself behind a couch.

The button.

Then BANG.

Two bombs went off at once. Moments later the fire alarm sounded and water poured from the ceilings. A gun rolled over near Lily and she grabbed it. She was closest to the door that had her target in it. She recognized him at once, sitting on a bed with two women. He barely saw her before she'd fire three shots, two in his chest and one to his head. The women screamed.

Lily ran for the other doors in the room. There were two next to each other. One was a bathroom and the other led to another room. It was tiny and from there there was a door that said 'Fire Escape' on it. She threw open the door that led to the staircases.

As she ran through the door something whizzed past her ear, missing it by inches. It slammed into the opposite wall, spraying Lily with plaster.

A bullet.

She spun around and saw the man in the suit standing not far from her. He had blood and a few scratches on him, but he wasn't badly hurt anywhere.

As fast as she could Lily fled down the staircase. She heard the man give chase to her. The staircases were made of metal and all sound echoed through out it the place. He was fast, sliding down rails and skipping nearly five at a time. Lily ran on though.

She was slower then he was and eventually he did catch up to her, sending bullets her way whenever he could. Lily sent some back at him but neither of them could place one.

There was a door in front of her when she realized that on the next turn he would catch her. Not caring what was through it, Lily dived through the door. She had but a moment to see that she had just run into a room that was still under construction. It was large and completely open, like a large hall. Windows were the walls where they could be. There was one other door and I did what I could to run for it.

He caught her first.

He knocked the gun out of her hand and spun her round, pressing his gun to Lily's forehead.

"You're right. I did underestimate you, but you just grew up." His eyes reflected insanity. She knew he was beyond anger now.

He pushed her and Lily stumbled backwards until she hit one of the glass windows. Her breath shook. Her eyes grew wide. She really didn't like this situation.

"No more mucking around." He punched Lily in the nose. She coughed, doubling over and feeling the blood. Lily looked up as quick as she could, only to feel the glass from the window shatter on top of her, scraping her skin and ripping her clothes. He'd shot out the window!

A ferocious wind instantly hit them both. Lily nearly fell out of the window. He grabbed her arm and pointed his gun back at her.

"It ends here, girl ..."

I was helpless; there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. I should be dead. He thinks I'm dead, thank God, but it still unnerves me how close I came. Even now my hearts beats harder then ever before. I've been shot at, beaten and millions of other things, but there was always a non-magical reason for my survival. That made it almost all right and so I've coped with it.

But when he pushed me I was so scared. I thought I really was to die as I fell through the shattered window. Time seemed to slow down and I fell for what felt like an eternity. Yet I couldn't scream. My mouth froze, my entire body froze and I felt the tears leak from eyes. This wasn't how I wanted it to end. This would mean I really was nobody, because if it ended it now I'd never have a chance to prove myself. That would mean my life was useless. What was the point for me living in the first place?

But then I hit the ground. I kind of bounced off it then landed on two feet a few meters away from where I should have landed. I stood there for a moment thinking that it was some kind of dream, that I was dead. That this is what I was destined for. Floating around, not quite anywhere, in a vast placed, doomed to it for an eternity because of my sins.

Sirens sounded. Police cars and fire trucks raced past. I saw other people and I understood that it wasn't a dream and I had to get out of there.

And so I ran. The Man was nowhere in sight so I caught a taxi home and here I am waiting for him to return, to explain to me what the just happened.

Or more or less - who just betrayed me ... ?

Lily Evans

Moments after Lily had shut her diary, the garage door slammed shut and the Man came in, looking furious.

"Where were you?" he demanded in a deathly quiet voice. "I risked my shit to go back and get you and you weren't there. I heard you got caught. What if you got ID'd?"

Lily stood up, slamming her hands hard onto the table she was sitting at. She glared at him.

"Where was I?" she yelled at him. "Where were you? I waited at the pick up place and you didn't come. I had to find my own way home. And do you really think that I meant to get caught? I'm a mess. My nose is broken; I'm covered in scratches. I've been shot at and had a fucking sword aimed at me but that's not the worst of it. I got pushed out of a five-story window. I should be dead. So you know what - fuck you - I quit."

Lily took a deep breath and sat down, glaring at him, daring him to make her change her mind. She was through with it. It was over. She didn't care anymore. Whatever happened, she would take it. She was ready to let go.

The Man just sighed and walked into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. Eventually he returned.

"I expected this from you. You've been different since the start of this year." He looked at her diary. "Can I see it?"

"No," said Lily, ruder then she meant it. He appeared unfazed.

"A diary can do wonders. It can change your whole way of thinking." He sighed again and looked out the window, taking a sip from his glass. "How hard I have worked to avoid that ..."

"What do you mean?" asked Lily as calmly as she could. He smiled at her as if he regretted what he had just said, but she knew he hadn't. Everything he said was deliberate. He was trying to stir her again.

He shook his head - it didn't interest him enough to answer.

"Well, then I'm leaving," said Lily.

"Where are you going to go?" For some reason he sounded genuinely interested.

"School," replied Lily as if it were the most obvious answer.

"And then where?" Lily bit her bottom lip. Where would she go? She didn't exactly have any friends to call up. She had no idea where Faith was these days but she was sure it wouldn't be a place that wanted her.

Lily just shook her head. "I don't need you anymore." She stood up, glaring at him. He stared back at her and a smirk slipped onto his face. She hated it, that smirk that made her feel like an idiot but she knew better then to react to it.

She left the room as quick as she could, running to her own room. She felt the tears again, prickling at the back of her eyes but she pushed them away as she always did. She saw a box sitting on her bed and had the urge to pick it up and throw it. She wanted to scream too. Screaming would feel good.

Of course, she never did. The Man would hear.

Instead she put her frustration into packing her trunk. She threw everything in violently before slamming it shut. Picking it up and dragging it along, she made for the front door. She saw the Man in the kitchen but he didn't stop her. He just watched her leave. Feeling hurt, she slammed the front door after her.

As she stood on the pathway, she glanced back at the house and was alarmed when she saw the Man was walking straight towards her. Not wanting to speak with him ever again, she quickly pulled out her wand and threw her arm up in the air.

With a loud bang, the purple Knight Bus arrived, conducted by an ancient man. Lily went to pick up her trunk except the Man was picking it up for her. He pushed it inside. Lily just glared at him sourly.

"I'll pick you up when you finish school?" he said softly, his face inches from her. Lily tilted her head to the side and her frown deepened.

"Weren't you listening?" she demanded angrily. "I quit. I'm not coming back."

"I'll pick you up," he repeated.

"Why?" asked Lily.

"So I can give you the money you've made. I saved it and since you want to part ways I believe you should take it with you." Lily felt taken aback. His voice wasn't angry or devoid of emotions, which were his usual tones; instead it seemed as if he cared for her yet he was too proud to tell her he wanted her to stay. "Okay?"

Lily nodded, the anger draining from her face. She could never seem to stay angry around him.

"Thank you," he said quietly. He leaned closer to her so that his lips were next to her ear. She felt him take in a breath, as if he was about to speak, but instead he pulled away and nodded towards the bus.

Nodding again, completely confused and shocked, Lily boarded the bus.

Dear Mr. Diary,

I'm on the school train, heading to Hogwarts. Are you excited, Diary you're going home? Yeah, me too.

So I did it, I think. I mean I left - but I'm seeing the Man next holidays to get my money. Then it's over. I'm finished. I quit.

I'm sitting with Faith. She's sitting quietly staring out the window; her eyes have kind of glazed over, like she's deep in thought so I'm too scared to make a sound. I wonder what she's thinking about?

What do I keep thinking about? Unbelievable, Mr. Diary, it is, but I can't get James Potter out of my head. I never told you about our "date", as he liked to call it. We went to Hogsmeade for a butterbeer - actually he was supposed to buy me two. He got out of it, the bastard.

I'd completely forgotten about the second one once I'd finished my first. Why? You might wonder. Well, I guess because I was laughing. You stop thinking when you laugh, that's what I say. It was something stupid, but I found it so damn hilarious and I liked his laugh. It was almost girlish but in a cute way and there was a slight huskiness to it that made it sexy.

James Potter sexy? Don't worry; I didn't believe it at first either. After that, we went to all the joke and candy shops. He bought me so much stuff; I doubt I'll be able to eat it all. Maybe Faith might enjoy some. I'll ask her later.

We went to the Haunted House on top of the hill. He told me there were violent spirits in there. I told him they're stupid spirits, not violent. I mean, who would be stupid enough to spend your afterlife tearing a place apart? For some reason he found that amusing. I made James Potter laugh. Yes, Mr. Diary, that is a first.

And then we were walking along the main street in Hogsmeade when he said completely out of the blue, "This has been really fun."

I stopped, just stopped and stared in front of me. For some reason, it hit me really hard. He stopped after and had to walk back to where I was standing.

"Oh," was all I could manage. My stupid mouth, where was my wonderful reply?

He just smiled though, his eyes lighting up.

"We should do this again." He's insane, right? Crazy - like me.

"O-okay," I choked out, feeling utterly betrayed by my stupid mouth. Where was my smoothness?

He grinned this time and I felt myself redden.

"Lily Evans, was that a yes?"

"Yes."

Yes, I said it before I could stop myself. I found myself trusting him for no reason and wanting to be around him again. It wasn't a date, that would be stupid, no just a - a start of a friendship? That's all. Of course it is.

And then, I don't know what he was doing, but he leaned in close. He stepped right up next to me and took one of my hands. I couldn't help it, really I couldn't. I tried to accept it; in fact every fiber of my mind wanted me to. But I won't change because people don't change. As soon as he - he touched me, I moved away. I pulled away and broke eye contact. My whole body shivered and I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

I didn't move though. I was too nervous to. It was awkward for a moment, but then he said we should go back because it's getting cold. He wouldn't look at me, Mr. Diary I didn't like it. I didn't get angry though; no, I was sad. I felt like I had felt when I first wrote in this diary.

I heard my word haunt me inside my head. The words: Every move I make, every tear that falls, makes my heart beat faster, my body shake more and my eyes grow wider with the fear that I'm going to die alone, cold and in the darkness. Those exact words, Mr. Diary, I heard them ...

Help me please? What does it mean ... ?

Lily Evans

Faith was staring at Lily as she shut her diary. Lily glanced up at her with a curious look on her face.

Faith smiled meekly. "Hello," she said quietly.

"Hi," Lily replied, feeling uncomfortable, as they'd already had their hellos.

"You write a lot in that diary," stated Faith.

Lily clutched her diary close to her chest protectively.

"Some things are better said quietly."

"Or not at all?" Lily creased her eyebrows. There was an accusatory tone in Faith's voice.

"Perhaps." Faith just nodded.

"I met someone over the holidays," she said, after a pause.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Who?"

"This guy. He was nice, sweet really. He didn't pressure me."

"Pressure you to do what?" asked Lily, feeling concern for her friend.

"He didn't pressure me to have sex with him like all the other ones."

"Oh," was all Lily could say. She gulped slightly. She hated the thought of it. "I didn't realize."

Faith just shook her head and didn't say anything else ...

The lake twinkled lightly as the half moon shone down on to its surface. Lily liked it for some reason. Maybe she felt like swimming in there where you're weightless, and nothing really matters when you're weightless.

Or maybe she just envied it.

She took a few steps until she was next to the water edge and sat softly on the damp grass, removing her shoes and dipping her feet into the cool water. A chilly ripple was sent down her spine and she visibly relaxed. Leaning back, resting on her arms, she shut her eyes.

But it was only for a moment. She had heard something behind her.

Spinning around, her eyes narrowed on the person that was casually leaning on a tree, staring down at her.

"I thought it would be you," she said angrily.

"Not Potter?" Regulus asked, coming over and sitting down next to her.

"You were too quiet to be James."

Regulus sneered. "Right," he said. "I heard you had an interesting date with Potter to Hogsmeade before we left."

"Maybe I did, but then maybe I didn't. It's really none of your business. You're too nosy for your own good."

Regulus smirked and looked at her, raising his eyebrows. "Too nosy?"

"Oh, yes. I'm sure you've heard the saying curiosity killed the cat."

"I'm not a cat," said Regulus, finding this amusing for some reason.

"You're almost as quiet as one."

"Who's going to kill me?"

Lily smiled and shook her head. For some reason, she didn't feel the need to reply to that. Nor did he seem to expect an answer; it sounded something like a lighthearted joke. They had found a comfort in each other's presence.

"What brings you here anyway?" asked Lily. "It wasn't to ask about James, was it? I'm not going to tell you anything, simply because it is none of your business."

"No, it wasn't about Potter. In fact, it wasn't really about you."

"Oh?" asked Lily curiously.

"I did intend to find you, but it's about me."

"Yes?" asked Lily. He stared at her, his eyes suddenly becoming somber and serious.

"It's about my brother."

"What about him?" asked Lily, losing interest. She cared little for what Sirius might have done to him. If he wanted her to take care of him or something, he could forget it.

"My parents are angry. He ran from home this summer and disgraced the entire family. He's tainted, but he's also protected. He ran to Potter, as was expected. I'm not sure if you know, but Potter's parents are among the richest and therefore most respected of the purebloods. They have all the right connections and so for anyone to try and harm my brother would be like signing their own death certificate."

"If you want me to -"

"I'm not asking you to harm him in any way," said Regulus sharply, cutting her off. "You've become close to Potter and he's the best friend. No, I don't want my brother dead. I want him alive, very much alive."

Lily stared at him curiously, her face creased in thought. Why would he care if Sirius lived or died? They hate each other.

"Why?" Regulus paused to think for a moment.

"Yes, I dislike my brother very much," he replied. "But I also think that his survival will be crucial to the future."

"What type of future?" He had her complete attention now. The future - a wondrous thing ...

"He's strong, Lily Evans, too strong. No one can beat him, I doubt even the Headmaster stands a chance these days. He's been taunting us, playing us and killing us for too long. No one's safe anymore. No pureblood, half-blood, or Muggle - but you know this. I see you read the papers every morning. I see your eyes, when people are taken away from class, from the Great Hall, to be told their terrible news. Their losses are your pain."

"I feel annoyance, not pain. I'm doing just fine and I've lost my family. They were killed in cold blood too."

"Yes, the difference is that you hardly knew your parents, and they got that chance, so they feel it worst because they know what they have lost. You don't, so you don't care."

"So remind me why it's my pain?"

"Because you blame yourself. You should be the one crying, not them."

"I don't need to cry."

"You're human, Lily, and humans cry when they lose."

"I don't need to cry," insisted Lily.

Regulus just smirked to himself and dropped the subject. A comfortable silence erupted between them.

"You know, you and me, Lily, we'll die young. We're not meant to grow old," said Regulus, quietly, after a while.

Lily slightly bowed her head, looking out at the lake.

Somehow she believed this ...

Dear Mr. Diary,

Regulus Black is strange, I've decided. He's confusing. Actually, I think there is absolutely no one like him, or who at least thinks like him. He thinks I'm going to die young, Mr. Diary. Why? I don't want to. It's echoing in my head and it's scaring me. Why am I scared? I don't get scared.

He said that to me a few days ago. Yesterday, I ran into James. I was nervous. I'm not supposed to be nervous. James Potter is not supposed to make me nervous, but I was. For some reason I was avoiding him. I don't get it; I thought I liked being around him.

"Lily," he said, cornering me in the common room.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Are you avoiding me?"

Yes, of course. "No," I replied, shaking my head.

He scratched the back of his neck. He obviously didn't believe me. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened at Hogsmeade."

"What happened?" I asked innocently.

He looked at me angrily when I said that. "When I ... why didn't you let me ... touch you?" I shied away. I was terrified. Why did he have to be so upfront? Why couldn't he be subtle, weasel it out of me a different way, instead of throwing it straight in front of my face where I can't miss it? "You lead me on, then you pushed me away."

"Did you think that maybe you were going too fast?" I shot back at him hotly.

"I touched your hand," he said, slowly and deliberately as if it were the most innocent thing someone could do.

I paused. What could I possibly say to that? I just wanted to run away at that moment. I just wanted to hide. I wanted to scream too, but I didn't want anyone to hear me.

Instead I bowed my head and stared at my hands. They were practically shaking. He was looking at my face, into my sad green eyes. I wondered if my eyes were really the doors to my soul and if in that moment he was staring right at it, reading and knowing my every emotions and my every desire.

I knew that if I turned away, I'd lose him. I didn't want that. At least I knew that. I wanted to keep whatever we had, but what else was I supposed to do to tell him? My mind was pleading but I didn't show him. I knew he wouldn't wait forever. I couldn't stand here forever.

That's why I did it. Because he was about to leave and he was hurt. When I finally did look into his eyes, I saw hurt.

My hand was moving of its own accord and it reached for his, hesitating half way before continuing on. He just watched it, the hurt draining from his eyes and face twitching into what turned out to be a smile.

As my hand reached his, it slid in perfectly and he laced his fingers through mine. As he smiled at me, I found myself smiling back. I felt my heart exploding and my stomach tinkling. There was this feeling in my throat.

Suddenly just holding his hand wasn't enough. I pulled my hand away and with no idea what I was doing; my arms were wrapped around his toned form. His warmth sent me into a fiery security.

I had a feeling.

A feeling that this was where I was meant to be ...

Lily Evans.