The Seven Year Itch

Chapter 13

Lily turned the page of her textbook, sighing heavily. It was March, and her exams were coming closer and closer. Everyone in seventh year was becoming testier as the amount of work they had to do grew ever bigger. Plus, Dorcas refused to talk to her since their argument two months ago. Lily missed her friend terribly.

"A bit on the nervy side, are you?" a voice behind her asked. Lily turned around to see James Potter standing there. She tried to smile; she and Potter had been on rather good terms the past three months. Potter had stopped giving her detention for every little thing and they had started to greet and smile at each other when they met. In comparison to before, it was like being best friends. Lily was glad about it; it made life less stressful, though she tried to fight the strange feeling that overcame her every time she met Potter.

"Kind of, yeah," she said, indicating the staple of books in front of her. "Exams are coming."

He didn't say anything, just cocked his head to one side and gazed at her. Lily, who felt uncomfortable under his stare, turned back to her textbook. After a few moments, she heard Potter leave the library. Lily released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. There had been many of these strange, uncomfortable silences during the last twelve weeks. She laid her head on her book and closed her eyes, fighting the feeling that rose inside her again. She couldn't like Potter, she just couldn't. It was not possible.

If she could just talk to Dorcas.

***

The next day, Lily had to hurry to come to her DADA lesson in time. She had stayed behind after Charms to talk to Professor Flitwick and had become very engaged in the conversation. She was just running up the stairs when she heard Professor McGonagall call her name.

She turned around, surprised.

"Miss Evans, could I have a word with you?" she said in a surprisingly gentle voice.

"Er-I'm already running late for my next lesson," Lily said, pointing in the direction of Potter's classroom.

"Professor Potter has been notified that you won't attend his lesson today," McGonagall replied. "Please follow me."

Lily did as she was told, frowning. What had happened?

Professor McGonagall, it turned out, led her to Dumbledore's office. By now, Lily was trying desperately to figure out what could be so important that Dumbledore had to talk to her. She hadn't broken any rules, at least not rules that were so important that the headmaster himself had to punish her.

"Chocolate frogs," Professor McGonagall said, tearing Lily out of her thoughts. The stone gargoyle in front of Dumbledore's office jumped to the side, and McGonagall entered with Lily on her heels. Up the spiral staircase they went; in front of the door Lily was reduced to a bundle of nerves.

"Come in," Dumbledore's calm voice said as soon as McGonagall had knocked. The door swung open to reveal the headmaster. His face looked troubled.

"Sit down, Lily," he said kindly, indicating the chair opposite him. Lily obeyed, throwing a questioning look as she did so.

Dumbledore sighed heavily before he spoke. "I understand that your mother has died five years ago. Is that right, or am I mistaken?"

"No, it's true," Lily said, having a foreboding now. She swallowed hard.

"Lily... I have the unpleasant duty to tell you that your father died in a car crash last night."

The effect of Dumbledore's words were the same as if he had put her hands around her neck and strangled her.

"I'm truly sorry."

"I have to go," Lily said, getting up hastily. She didn't recognize the voice that came out of her mouth at all.

"Lily-" McGonagall and Dumbledore said at the same time, but Lily had already run out of the office, down the staircase, away from them. She didn't want to see any more, to hear any more. She just wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere where nobody would tell her terrible things, things she didn't want to hear. The Astronomy Tower-it was sure to be deserted. Students weren't allowed to be there, unless they had Astronomy there at night.

Lily sat down in a corner of the Tower, pulling her knees up to her chest and burying her face in her hands. She started crying at once, unable to hold back the sobs anymore.

She hadn't meant for it to happen like this; she had run away from home in the awareness that she'd be able to come back sometime and make it all right again. But now it was too late for that.

Somewhere far away, the bell rung, indicating the end of the lesson. The sound of students bustling through the castle was to be heard.

She didn't want to stay up here; it was way too cold. She decided to go to her dormitory, it was sure to be deserted right now. Throwing her bag over her shoulder and pulling her cloak tighter around her, she slowly descended the stairs.

Not even one minute after she left, James Potter dashed around the corner and ran up the stairs, panting heavily as he did so. In front of the door he took a few deep breaths to compose himself. Then he carefully opened the door and entered.

She was gone. He had been so bloody sure that she would be here; when he had started to like her back in his fifth year, he had often watch the dot called Lily Evans on the Marauder's Map ascending the stairs to the Astronomy Tower and sometimes sitting up there for quite a long time.

"Fuck!" he yelled, slamming his fist against the doorframe.

***

Lily lay in her bed, staring up at the canopy. In the bed next to her, she could hear Dorcas even breathing. She had not talked to her, hadn't told her because even if she wanted to, she could not find the right words.

Lily felt numb, she felt as though an icy layer had been laid around her heart, with the despair under it occasionally breaking out, making her unable to speak, to move, to even think.

On her bedside table lay a notice from Dumbledore she had received earlier that evening, saying she was to appear in his office the next day at nine a.m. to be send to her father's funeral. A shiver ran down her spine as she thought of it.

***

The next morning, Lily had a pounding headache. She let cold water flow out of the tub in the bathroom and held her head under it while she massaged her swollen eyes.

"Oh."

Lily looked up to see Dorcas standing there, watching her with a mixture of bewilderment and uneasiness on her face.

"What's up with you dressed all in black? Aren't you going to classes?" she asked.

That was when the icy layer finally broke completely, letting her emotions run wild.

"He's dead, Dorcas," she finally managed to get out. "He's dead."

"Who's dead?" Dorcas asked quietly, biting her lip.

"Dad." Lily's voice came out as a squeak, as she felt as though she was being strangled. She couldn't stand it anymore, she felt as though this room was way too small for her to be in. She walked away quickly, leaving the bathroom, the dormitory, the Gryffindor Tower because being in a room with Dorcas and not being able to talk to her was killing her.

She walked through the corridors, oblivious to her surroundings. Every now and then she bumped into another student, though she not really heard the remarks that were thrown into her direction. And so she also continued walking as she heard someone yelling her name. When the person didn't stop, she turned around and called out testily, "What d'you want? I don't have time to-oh."

James Potter was striding up to her. Always in the right place at the right time, isn't he? Lily thought sarcastically.

"Lily," he said when he had reached her, "Lily-I heard and-"

"So what?" she spat out. She felt horrible enough already. Potter always made her feel nervous, confused, and she didn't need that right now, thank you very much.

He frowned, bewildered. "Lily, I-"

"Save it, Potter," she hissed, "I don't need and I don't want anything from you, so just bugger off and leave me alone, all right?"

"No-don't go-wait a moment-"

"Why should I?" Lily turned around to go, but James held her by her arm.

"Let me go!" Lily yelled, trying to free her arm, but Potter, who was now getting angry as well, was way too strong for her. And then a lot of things happened very fast.

Desperate to get away from Potter, she slapped him across the face. She saw his eyes widen in pain and surprise, but a second later he pushed her away from him with all his force and yelled hatefully, "Why do you always have to be such a bloody bitch?" She moaned as she slammed against the wall behind her. And the next thing she knew was that her face was tightly clasped in his hands and his lips were furiously kissing hers. He was pressing her against the wall with his body and his grip on her face was like the one of a vice, as if he was afraid that she might try to get away again.

But getting away was the last thing Lily thought of right now. His kiss was blissful oblivion and the only thing that mattered right now. But when they pulled away to gasp for breath, reality hit her.

"Why are you messing with me, Potter?" she panted, resting her head against the wall.

"I'm not messing with you," he answered calmly, staring down at her. She was trembling. When she took a step forward, Potter seized her upper arms and pressed her against the wall.

"No," he said firmly. "You stay here."

"What do you want?" she screamed out in frustration. "Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't know the reason you're doing all this?"

"What is the reason, in your opinion?" he asked.

"Because I'm the only girl in seventh year you haven't fucked-and don't pretend otherwise! You'll get to shag me when hell freezes over, so stop that act right now!"

"Shut your face!" he yelled. "Shut it, 'cause you don't know what the fucking hell you're talking about. And it's not exactly as though you're Virgin Mary, either."

"At least I'm not playing with people," Lily said coldly.

James let go off her, stepped back and shot her a look that was nothing short of pure hatred.

"If that's what you think of me, you don't know me at all. And now piss off."

"What?"

"Are you dense? Fuck off! You desperately wanted to leave five minutes ago, so what's the matter now? Just get out of my fucking sight, before I do something I'll regret later."

"Fuck you, Potter," Lily said coldly, turning around and storming away. As soon as she had turned the corner, James leaned against the wall, slid down to the floor and put his head in his hands, sobs racking his whole body.

***

"Come in, Lily," Dumbledore's calm voice said before Lily had even knocked. She entered, always keeping her gaze on the floor. Dumbledore always made you feel as if he could see right into your thoughts in feelings, and that was the last thing Lily wanted right now.

"How are you feeling?" Dumbledore asked, observing her carefully.

"Okay," Lily lied.

Dumbledore heaved a sigh and got up, "I'm going to send you home via Portkey, Lily. It will take you back to your dormitory at seven o' clock sharp."

"Seven o' clock," Lily repeated, nodding her agreement. He put a very old and very battered wizard's hat on his desk and pulled a watch out of his clock. "Thirty seconds. Touch the hat, Lily."

Lily closed her hand around the hat and prepared for the jerking sensation under her navel.

"And Lily-"

She looked up at him questioningly. Oh shit. He was looking directly in her eyes, and she was feeling as if he could see everything that had just happened.

"Love is the only thing that can help us through hard times. Don't be afraid of it, Lily. Everything we give to others will eventually come back to us."

Before Lily could answer or ask what he meant, the familiar jerk came and a few seconds later, she landed face down on the carpet in her room at home. She got up and looked around; everything looked like it had when she had left the room three months before, only much dustier.

"I'm telling you, Vernon, I heard something!" Lily cringed at her sister's shrill voice. Anxiously she listened to Petunia getting up the stairs and closed her eyes just as she tore the door open.

"You!" Petunia spat out incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

Lily re-opened her eyes. "It was my father, too, Petunia."

"No," Petunia said spitefully. "Not anymore. Not since you ran away."

"I didn't run away."

"What do you call it, then?"

Lily swallowed, speechless. After a moment or two, Petunia shook her head and went back downstairs. Not knowing what else to do, Lily followed.

"So what was it, Pe- oh." Vernon stared at Lily with a mixture of loathing and fear.

"We're leaving now," Petunia said, downing her cup of tea. "Are you finished?" she shot at Lily.

"Yeah," Lily answered wearily. The walk to the church was not very long, but Petunia kept shooting scathing looks at Lily, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable with every second that passed by.

The funeral was horrible. The priest talked hours and hours about living on after death and how kind God was. Yeah right, Lily thought. And where is God when you really need him?

The funeral obsequies took place in a restaurant Petunia had chosen. A lot of people were there, though Lily didn't know most of them.

Three long hours later, Lily excused herself from an incredibly boring conversation Petunia was having to go to the bathroom. There she splashed her face with cold water and regarded her pale face. The sound of someone flushing the toilet was to be heard, and a second later, Vernon's sister Marge emerged.

"Oh. It's you," she grunted.

"Marge. A pleasure like always," Lily said sarcastically.

"So they let you out?" she asked, a slight slur in her voice. Lily pulled a face. Getting drunk at a funeral. How tasteful.

"Who let me out? What do you mean?" she asked.

"Don't play dumb, Lily," Marge said, and she looked as though she was thoroughly enjoying herself. "I know all your dirty little secrets, Petunia told me. Drugs, polygamy, theft... until your father send you off to that boarding school up north. Pretty good man. I would have disowned you and thrown you out."

Lily stared at Marge's fat, red face, unable to speak. Marge apparently found pleasure in Lily's appalled face, because she went on, her little eyes flickering over Lily's stony expression.

"Knew it from the first moment on. When I first laid eyes on you, I knew you were rotten to the bone. Little slut. I already know how you'll end up: a lot of children, and you probably won't even know who their fathers are. Excessive drinking. You'll be on welfare, of course. It's people like you decent people pay taxes for!"

Lily turned around and stormed out of the toilet. Her eyes scanned the crowd, looking for Petunia. She was talking to someone whom Lily recognized as a colleague of her father's. She went over and tipped on Petunia's shoulder.

"We have to talk."

Petunia shot her a black look. "I'm talking."

"It's important," Lily said. She smiled excusingly at the man Petunia had been talking with. "If you'll excuse us."

"What are you playing at?" Petunia hissed as soon as they were outside the restaurant.

"Why have you been telling lies about me?"

"What do you mean?" Petunia asked indifferently.

"Marge told me what you said! So I'm a slut, a drug addict and a thief?"

Petunia didn't answer.

"Why? Why, Petunia?"

"Keep your voice down!" Petunia hissed. "Or people will hear you!"

"I don't care!" Lily yelled. "Let everyone know that everything they heard about me is a lie."

"What else could I have said?" Petunia retorted. "The truth? That my sister is a-"

"I am not a freak," Lily said quietly. Petunia was silent.

"I simply have different abilities than you, Petunia. It's nothing bad or horrible. Remember how you wanted to go to Hogwarts yourself-"

"Shut up, Lily!"

There was a silence.

"I don't want to have anything to do with that nonsense," Petunia said eventually.

"And therefore, me?" Lily asked.

Petunia's look made her answer clear.

"Don't you care at all?" Lily asked desperately. "Don't you care for me? Not even a little bit? What if I died? Would you care?"

"Do you want to blackmail me, or what? Are you going to commit suicide if I don't do what you want me to do?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. Petunia, you know what's going on in my world. I know you've read my newspapers-no, don't interrupt me," she said quickly when she saw Petunia open her mouth. "So you know about Voldemort and what he wants to do. I could be dead in a few weeks' time."

"So?" Petunia asked coldly.

"So you don't care?"

Petunia didn't look Lily in the eyes as she said, "No, I don't care."

Lily turned around on her heel and headed home.

***

Lily paced up and down in her room, glancing at the clock every five seconds. Finally, one minute until seven. She grabbed the old hat and took a deep breath. She heard the front door being opened and closed downstairs.

"Goodbye, Tuney," she said quietly as the Portkey jerked her away.

This time, she landed on her bed in Hogwarts. She chucked the hat carelessly next to her bed.

"Lily?"

She turned around to see Dorcas standing there.

"Lily... I'm so sorry."

The next second, Lily was in her arms and she clung to Dorcas as if she'd be lost until the end of time if Lily would ever let go.