The Seven Year Itch

Chapter 12

Could it be, could it be that you're joking with me

And you don't really see you with me?

-"Ruby", Kaiser Chiefs

Lily stood on one of the towers of Hogwarts, letting her eyes travel over the dark grounds, taking in the outline of the mountains and the Forbidden Forest. She lit the third cigarette in a row to avoid having to return to the Gryffindor common room. She didn't want to be there, not yet. She didn't know what to say to Dorcas, and so she contented herself by trying to think that she'd know if she had a measurable dose of nicotine in her blood.

Everything was so messed up that she wanted to scream when she thought about it; no, it made her want to run away, far away from this country, away from Adam, Potter, Dorcas, her broken family, the rising of Voldemort. She took another drag at her cigarette, trying to fight the rising panic inside her.

"Miss Evans?" a voice behind her asked. Lily turned around; it was Professor Vector, the Arithmancy teacher.

"You really shouldn't hang around here too long," Vector told her. "You'll catch a cold."

Lily nodded slowly, stubbing out her fag and slowly making her way to the Gryffindor Tower. When she arrived there, she scanned the crowded room, but no sign of Dorcas, so she went up into their dormitory. The lights were already turned out.

"Dorcas?" she whispered. No answer. She slowly made her way over to Dorcas's bed, but then she stumbled over a trunk and fell to the floor with a loud thud.

"Bloody hell, I'm trying to sleep," Dorcas hissed.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Lily grumbled under her breath as she got up and sat down on Dorcas's bed.

"Listen, Dorcas... I'm sorry if I hurt you before, I didn't mean to. I didn't know that that joke about Voldemort would get you so down-"

"It didn't get me down, Lily. It's just that this whole Voldemort business is really serious and you shouldn't be making jokes about him."

"I know that it's fucking serious. But what good will it do if you let your fear get the better of you? Don't you realize that you're doing exactly what Voldemort wants you to do?"

"And what exactly am I doing?" Dorcas asked, her voice cold as ice.

"You're scared out of your wits? That's just what he wants! He wants people to be so scared that they can't carry on with their lives the way they did before so he can terrorize them all the more-"

"You don't understand, Lily," Dorcas yelled, "you don't understand a fucking thing! I've seen it, all right? I've seen with my own eyes what they're capable of. You know nothing! You can't grasp how serious this is-"

"I'm bloody well capable of judging the seriousness of the situation," Lily interrupted. "People have been calling me a mudblood for the past six and a half years. Do you think that I don't know that the Death Eaters would like to finish people like me off like...like some kind of vermin and that they will do so at every chance they get? Do you think that I don't know that I'd have my wand taken away and be put in a cell in Azkaban or be murdered or tortured into madness if Voldemort and his followers ever took over the Ministry? Do you know that I sometimes feel so scared that I feel like just running away and never coming back?"

She needed to get out of here; her throat burned. She got up and just left, not caring about where she went; she just wanted to get away.

***

The next morning, Lily woke up with a terrible headache, her eyes swollen. At first, she didn't know why she felt so bad, but then she remembered. She needed to talk to Benjy. After she had dressed, she made her way to the Ravenclaw common room, intending to just wait outside until Benjy or someone who could fetch him for her came out.

But the first who came out was Adam. Lily had trouble suppressing a groan.

"Hey, are you picking me up for breakfast?" he beamed.

"Er, no, I'm not hungry," she said quickly. "I was-er-wondering whether you could fetch Benjy for me?"

His face fell. "He already left for breakfast."

"Oh. Right."

"Lily, what's the matter?" he asked desperately. "What's up with you lately? You're avoiding me, you haven't talked to me since three weeks-"

Now or never, Lily told herself. Just end this crap and you'll have one problem less.

Lily wanted to slap herself for thinking that because it wasn't Adam's fault, but she just couldn't do this anymore.

"Adam- I'm-I'm really sorry, but I have to end this."

"End what?" he asked after a moment.

"Us."

There was a long silence, which Adam eventually broke.

"You're not serious."

"I am. I'm sorry."

"Fine," Adam said, looking suddenly furious. "Bye, then."

"Adam, stay here!" Lily called after him. "Let's talk about this in peace."

"I'm not interested, thanks", he called coldly over his shoulder before he turned the corner and vanished from her sight. Lily wanted to cry out; another person she had hurt.

She slumped down on the floor, an uncomfortable feeling filling the pit of her stomach. What the hell was going on in her life?