The Extremely Secret Secrets of a Malfoy

Dear diary,

Day 11, blah di blah blah. Et cetera.

Muggle kid arrives today! God, I never thought I'd get this excited over a muggle. It's like waiting for a new toy. Which is pretty much what it is; it's not like it's a person or anything. Will update!

Its lunchtime. Still no sign of my toy. Am getting sulky. Should be here by now.

Teatime. No sign. Oh hang on! A car! I think I'll ask mum if I can take something over- to welcome them to the place. Snigger snigger...

I want to send my toy back. It's all wrong. Here's why:

It's not fair! Apparently she goes to Beauxbatons (well, I'm guessing she does), though she sounded English. I'll tell you how it went:

I flew to the house - I wasn't going to walk, of course - with a box of fairy cakes (I was going to put incontinence potion in them, but decided not to in the end - too much work, and dad left the storeroom permanently locked). I got the house elves to cook them but I was bored so I cut out those little wings and turned them into butterfly cakes. Then I ate the rest of the butter icing and a few of the cakes (well, twelve) and felt very sick. But anyway, I knocked on the door, and they were very nice in a brainless-muggle sheeplike sort of way and said thank you and would I like to come in? And I said no, I had to get back (I'm not going in their dirty muggle house, urgh) then they said have you met our daughter? So they called her out and practically pushed her out of the door, she had a book to her nose. She put her hand over the name but I still saw it - Quidditch Through the Ages. I should have known then. But I've seen so many people reading it, it was a totally natural thing to be doing, so it didn't even register.

She lowered the book and smiled at me. She had dark blonde hair and brown eyes and was quite pretty in a dirty muggle way.

"Hi! I'm Alexandra Smith," she said. She held out her hand and I shook it, promising to bathe it in acid later. "Call me Alex."

"Draco Malfoy." It was a pity she wouldn't know the Malfoys, I thought as I said it; my name usually freaks people out.

"Malfoy?" Okay... my name's more infamous than I realised, I thought in some surprise. It was then that Quidditch Through The Ages sank in.

"You're a witch!" I said delightedly. But she was clearly still behind in the conversation.

"Malfoy? As in Lucius Malfoy?"

"Yes, that's right, he's my dad."

"Oh. Right." She looked slightly wary of me now. Which wasn't too bad; I wouldn't have minded her being scared as a muggle, but now I knew she was a witch I didn't need to terrify her.

But hang on - her parents were still muggles, especially with a name like Smith. That made her a mudblood. Eww! And I thought she was pretty! Eww, a mudblood, like Granger, or Finch-Fletchley or Thomas or that Rosemary Brown kid, eeww!

"Um - nice to meet you, I'd better be going," she said warily. She held out her hand but I didn't shake it again. I shook myself out of my surprise to sneer at her.

"Urgh, no, I don't think I'll be able to get my hand clean from last time."

"Oh, I thought so," she said, looking very condescending and Ravenclaw-ish. "I thought you'd be like that. A muggle hater."

"Glad I didn't disappoint. Now if you'll excuse me, I came here for a bit of muggle baiting, but as you are not a muggle, worse, you're a mudblood, I'm obviously going to be disappointed." I was now giving her my best contemptuous look (learned from Mother - Father was better at evil glaring) "Goodbye." I was more annoyed than I let on. Well, I suppose I didn't really hide it, actually...

She stuck a finger up at me, smiling sweetly. Her mother raised her eyebrows from the door of the cottage. As I walked off I could hear her explaining who I was. I am now in a very bad mood. The house elves are all cowering in the kitchen, because they know me well enough to know that when I'm in a bad mood, I kick things.

Will write more. Probably.