Coeur Pur

At the end of the summer holiday, all of the rooms in number twelve Grimmauld Place were silent, aside from one. The room belonged to the eldest of the brothers Black, in which Sirius Black and his dearest friend Remus Lupin sat talking upon the bed. They spoke in low voices, as if they were afraid to wake someone or something up, or perhaps that they'd disturb the dawn creeping up on them. Remus, a dark-blonde and slim boy, sat with his legs outstretched in front of him on the bed and Sirius, who had wavy, dark hair and was a bit taller than his friend, sat beside Remus with his knees under his chin.

They had the house to themselves, that is if you didn't count Sirius' younger brother Regulus, who was also home, but probably sound asleep in his own room. Mr. and Mrs. Black had gone out earlier that evening and wouldn't be home until the next afternoon, which meant that Sirius, for once, could feel confident enough to invite a friend over.

"I can't wait to get out of this place," said Sirius. "I can't wait for school to begin again."

"Tell me about it," replied Remus. "It's so different there. Not like..."

"Not like home," Sirius cut him of, with a hint of despise in his voice and his eyes gazing out into the air. "I can't wait to see everybody and to be back on the grounds... hanging out all four of us, all the Marauders... I miss it so much. And I miss not being afraid to hold hands with you... not having to worry about what my parents would do to me if they found out."

Remus gave a vague smile and looked down at his hands, resting in his own lap.

"I've been thinking," said Remus. "Maybe... maybe you should tell them? They might not take it the way you think they will."

Sirius looked at him as if he was mad.

"Remus... I've told you before; my parents aren't exactly... like parents should be. They care more about their reputation than, say, my health. Telling them I'm in love with a -" He hesitated, and for a second Remus thought he was going to say "werewolf" "That I'm in love with a guy... they'd probably kick me out of the house and remove me from the family tree. It's sick, really, that my own mother and father make me feel so... small and insecure. They make me feel like a little kid again, and I hate it. You don't know what it's like to be judged like that or to be met by all of their biases."

"Err... I don't know if it slipped your mind, but you do know I'm Remus John Lupin, the werewolf, right? Nice to meet you."

Sirius gave him an excusing smile and Remus went on, "But maybe if you told Regulus, he could back you up and help you ta -"

"Regulus is just like them. He's their little tool. They're raising him to be exactly like they are, and that dumb git isn't smart enough to see that they're doing it. I would never confide in him."

There was a small silence, during which the both of them sat thinking to themselves. Then Sirius continued, "Merlin... I just want to get out of here. I hate living under the same roof as these prejudiced idiots."

"Not to bring down the cheery mood, but at least you have a family. That's more than you could say for me."

Remus' voice was a bit rougher now, but at the same time he sounded sad; as if he'd carried the words inside him for a long time and only now found the courage to say them aloud.

"Aw, Moony," said Sirius, cuddling up closer and putting an arm around Remus' shoulders. "I'm sorry... I must sound totally insensitive and ungrateful to you. I'm really sorry, I just forget sometimes."

"It's okay. It's not like it's your fault. It's just... sometimes I get reminded, even though I try not to think about it that much. It's just hard to get it out of my head, once all the questions pop up."

"What questions?"

Remus sighed, blinking.

"Like... what would things be like if my dad never offended Fenrir, if none of it ever happened? What kind of person would I be? What would my room look like? What would mom and dad give me on my birthday? Would I have brothers or sisters and what would our family be like? Would we fight a lot? Would they send me owls every week when I'm at school? What would it be like to see their faces at the train station? What would mom smell like when she hugged me? Would I have -"

Remus' voice trailed off and he could never finish that last sentence. Tears had started to fill up his pale eyes and a large lump in his throat began to ache, as if it was a rapidly growing tumor. Sirius enclosed him in a hard hug, digging his face into Remus' hair. He could feel Remus' tears wetting his shoulder.

"It's okay, Moony. It's okay," said Sirius calmingly, stroking Remus' hair. Remus cried silently into Sirius shirt, trying to talk in between the sobs.

"I don't - want to be - this - anymore. I'm so - sick of it. Why can't I - just be - normal?" he said, forcing every word out as if it was particularly painful.

Sirius tightened the embrace and felt a small jolt of pain in his chest.

For a couple of minutes or so, they simply sat there, both silent aside from Remus who was still sobbing, and held each other. Neither knew what to say or do, and when Remus' finally stopped crying, they broke the hug and looked at each other.

"I- sorry, I..." Remus began to excuse himself, while wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Don't apologize, Moony. As I said, it's okay."

Remus smiled and then got up from the bed, saying: "I just have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me."

"You do that."

And Remus left the room and headed downstairs. When he passed the door leading into Regulus' room, he thought he heard a creaking floorboard and stopped for a moment, gazing at the door. It wasn't entirely closed, but the room seemed dark and silent. Regulus was probably asleep by now.

Remus gazed at the window at the further end of the hallway, showing a sun that was slowly rising, and then continued on to the bathroom, where he splashed his face with cold water. Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he sighed and pushed the hair from his face. He listened to the sounds of the house, which were almost none.

Closing the bathroom door behind him, he went back upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, though, he found himself unable to continue, for before him on a step sat Regulus Black with his hands in his lap, looking directly at him with a smug smile playing on his lips.

"Hello", said Regulus, "I don't think we've met. Who are you?"