The Thoughts of a Hogwarts School Shrink

A Hogwarts school shrink.

The first day I started at Hogwarts everyone was weirded out by me. Muggleborns came to ask me if I was a Muggle, but I simply didn't answer them. My thoughts were somewhere else.

I had to see some assigned students and professors; I hoped Severus would be here. Mostly they told me it was going to be with people who had problems. I didn't care. I just wanted to get this over with.

I was doing a favor for Dumbledore, my adopted father, well actually I was adopted.

Years before when I was in Hogwarts and Dumbledore was the headmaster, the sorting hat put me in Slytherin. I had a hard time there, my powers were great for a first year but there were much jealousy by the other students and I was feeling uncomfortable; and plus the boy I liked was in Ranvenclaw. So Dumbledore changed houses. No, I was not in Ravenclaw but my tenth choice: Gryffindor. Remember, there are only four houses.

So now I'm stuck being a shrink! I'm not even a shrink! I don't why Hogwarts needed a shrink but I'll go along with it since I didn't have anything better to do!

My first assignment was two twin redheads (boys): Fred and George Weasley. I never got why they were sent to me. They seemed normal and acted normal, for seventeen year olds. They were... How should I put this in really wise words? Oh, yeah! Free spirited, but in normal language: Man were they crazy and fun! They showed me all these kinds of tricks and stuff. Some real fun pranks, but I guess I should've talked to them and see what their problem was? Nah! After, I said to Minerva that they had a pyscholapranhyat problem and that she needed to cut down the detentions and points off from them, for them to recover. Or I would need to put them the sleeping spell on them forever so they would not harm themselves, and she believed me!!! I hope I see them again.

The second was more or less fun. It was a blond skinny guy that reminded me of Spike (A/N: Oh, Spike! My luv! I'm gonna miss you when Buffy is finished) but stupider, hornier and less sexy. When I said hornier I hope you know what I mean! He was always making moves on me! And then getting a smack in the head by me. After I got him to sit down and listen to my questions, he started talking about Harry Potter! Man, was it annoying! You know what? I think he's gay! Anyway, when I showed him the black spotted cards, that I spilled my drink on, the only thing he always said was: that's Harry Pothead's scar, that Harry Potter's toilet, that's Harry Potter's Broomstick, that's Harry Potter's birthmark!!!!!! God I was going crazy! I was the one needing a shrink! So I slept during the rest of the section. I think he didn't notice, 'cause the last time I saw, before sleeping, was him getting Harry Potter pictures and figurines out of his bag. When I woke up he was still talking about Harry Potter! But thank goodness Minerva came just in time! I told her he had serious problems and he needed to get away from Hogwats and that they should check his bags and stuff.

My third assignment was weird and boring also (A/N: I MISS SPIKE!!!!!). It was three kids: one girl with bushy brown hair, one really tall and a redhead (I think he was the brother of the twins), and the one you call Harry Potter. I couldn't understand why they were sent to me together and I couldn't care less, or maybe, because of my curiosity, I could but... Anyway first I asked them their name and they said like bloody zombies, sorry zombies have more brains then them! At least that's what I thought at first, until the first question... I asked them why they were sent to me, they answered, that they didn't know. They were sitting still like mindless angels. That moment of silence got on my nerves. They later told me that it Fred and George (The twins) that told them that I was really mean. It took me a while to make them believe I wasn't all that bad. When I succeeded, they told me why they were here because they saw many horrors. I think they exaggerated, I mean only one of them dueled with You-know-whoever-whatever. It's not that impressive. I listened to the rest of their story just 'cause it would've made a great book. Then when Minerva came in, I had enough; I told her I only wanted people with normal problems.

She said okay, but she didn't mean it, I don't even think she heard me! 'Cause then other students I had were getting on my nerves! It's hard to be a Hogwarts school shrink!