Selfish

Sixth year Lily Evans sat in the Gryffindor common room, looking out the window. It was the middle of winter, and Lily loved the snow. She spent much of her free time looking at its beauty and diversity. Each little flake had its own story to tell; often Lily, when she had time, would create tales to go along with the wonder and power of the tiny, little, seemingly harmless snowflake. Yet, as she liked to think, snow still had the power to destroy; it could come out of its shell to freeze, trap, and demolish.

Today, however, Lily wasn't creating stories for her snowflakes. No, she was thinking of first year; more specifically, the first time she met the Marauders. It was her first day of Hogwarts, and her parents had awoken her long before it was necessary. They were more excited then she was about her going to Hogwarts. Her mother had made her a splendid breakfast, and her father had driven her to the train station, loaded her trunk on a trolley, and sent her through the barrier. Neither of her parents went through the barrier with her. As excited as they were about having a witch in the family, they were still afraid of the new-found wizarding world.

As a result of this, Lily was alone and rather frightened. It took her a long time to get her trunk loaded into her chosen compartment, and she probably wouldn't have even have accomplished that if it hadn't been for a very nice prefect and her boyfriend. Sighing, the girl sat alone in the tiny compartment at the end of the train, resigning herself to a quiet trip on her own. It was then that four boys stumbled into the room. They were a rowdy bunch, loud and rambunctious, and they looked no older than Lily herself. Disregarding Lily as though she wasn't even there, the boys laughed about their most recent success. From what Lily had collected, they had thrown Dung Bombs into the compartment of the very prefect that had helped her onto the train.

"Well," said one with black hair that stuck out in every direction, "What shall we try next? We really need to start out the school year with a bang!"

"Jamsie," replied one that, Lily noted, was extremely good looking, "that's brilliant! A bang! We'll make history!" There was a fire of ambition burning in his eyes. The other boy, James, from what Lily gathered, had a look of sudden understanding on his face.

"Sirius, you are a master! Let's go, we have some planning to do!"

With that, the four boys ran out of the room, leaving a very startled Lily gaping open-mouthed behind.

"Well," she complained to herself, "those boys were very rude! Imagine just ignoring a person as if they aren't even there! Well, that's being a little redundant, but you know what I mean!"

"Yes, I do, and I apologize for it too!" Looking up, Lily recognized the speaker as one of the boys that was just in the room. He had sandy blonde hair, and a rather tired look about him. "James and Sirius get a little carried away sometimes. Mostly they're okay though, never really dangerous..." He trailed off, looking rather nervous. "Is it okay if I, erm, sit down?" Surprised, Lily only nodded.

"How long have you guys known each other?" Lily asked, startled by her own boldness.

"Well," the blonde boy said, "I met Peter in a muggle school around fourth grade. We're both Muggle-born you see. By some way or another, James and Sirius met, seeing as they're both purebloods. Anyway, the only compartment that was open when Peter and I finally arrived was the one with James and Sirius in it. They seemed nice enough and invited us to come along on their adventure, so we did." He looked a little abashed by how long he had spoken. "Anyway, I just came into apologize. Sometimes the other boys get so excited about ideas, they become a little impolite, you know?"

With that, he departed, waving to Lily as he left. He was barely out of the room when he turned around again. "I'm Remus, by the way, Remus Lupin."

"I'm Lily Evans," Lily had responded politely. She rather liked this boy.

Over the next five years Lily made friends here and there with students of other houses. Mostly, the shy little girl stayed to herself, studying more often than was natural. Lily had, in fact, above average marks. Cheered on by the Headmaster, Lily had attended several academic conventions over the last summer. She wasn't the best in the class by any means. Either James Potter or Sirius Black had higher marks than she did in every class except Charms, something she was rather proud of. By any means, it was the two boys that should have represented Hogwarts in academic competitions, but neither were serious enough to be trusted with Hogwarts' reputation at sake. Or at least, that is what the Headmaster told her. The real reason was because the boys simply refused to go.

All in all, Lily's closest friend was Remus. He was kind to her, and she liked his sense of humor. Lily probably would have been a social outcast had it not been for Remus. Whenever she talked with him, he was with the other Marauders. So, she, at least, had a small group to call her own, something that she did not despise, and was envied by all the other girls in the school for hanging out with Potter and Black.

"Lily... Paging Miss Evans, Miss Lily Evans, you are wanted back in the

Gryffindor common room."

Lily came out of her reverie and turned her head, only to look into the eyes of James Potter.

'What? Potter is talking to me? And he knows my name? This is a lucky day!' Lily could hear her own sarcasm in that thought, 'He has never even acknowledged me before. Okay, so he always says hello, and he puts in his contribution when we're all talking together, but it's not as though he's ever held a decent conversation with me.'

Lily mentally shook herself and said, "Potter, hi."

'Oh good job Lily,' she chided herself. 'Way to sound intellectual. You really know how to astound people.'

James smiled disarmingly at her. "Hi there, Lily. Good day, isn't it?" he said, looking out into the snow. "I love winter, don't you? It is such a pretty season."

'This is strange,' Lily thought, confused. 'James is being civil to me. Kind of dodgy.'

Lily had never before gotten a chance to see James this closely. He was nice to look at, his eyes full of humor and his mouth cracked in a smile. By any means, James wasn't as cute as Black--hell, who was?-- but he did have a boyish charm that you didn't see until you were about two inches from his nose.

'Wait,' Lily checked herself, 'why am I so close to him anyway?'

Lily stood up suddenly, knocking into James and sending him flying. She turned around just in time to see Sirius doubled over in laughter across the common room. It didn't take a genius to work out what was happening. Sirius often dared James to talk to a girl and get her to go out with him. Today, the target had been Lily. Eyes burning with tears of embarrassment, she flew across the common room and pounded up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

The next morning, Lily sat alone at the end of the table in the Great Hall. This day definitely wasn't going very well. Evidentially, the bet from last night still carried over to today because when she woke up this morning, there had been a love note on her pillow beside her. She would've found this very sweet except for the fact that it was from James; she shuddered to think how it got there in the first place.

"Morning Lily," called an amiable voice.

"Good morning, Remus. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Is there any

possible way that you could control those monkeys?"

"Those monkeys..." He looked vaguely confused. "Oh, you mean... Well, no, actually, why? Is it James? I told him last night to stop because you know about the bet. He thinks you don't know and that you're playing hard to get."

Lily groaned and put her head in her arms, shaking her head in disbelief. "That boy is so full of himself."

Lupin laughed. "Here comes your suitor now." As other boys sat down, Lily looked up at Remus and willed herself to shoot daggers through her eyes. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you want to take it, this attempt failed. Miserably.

"Morning, my little rose," James called loudly, planting a kiss on Lily's forehead. Now, if Lily had taken the time to look at the rest of the table, she would've seen a lot of girls giving her the same look she had attempted to give Remus a moment before. Instead, though, Lily was a little preoccupied. You see, as soon as James kissed her, she slapped him across the face, yelled rather loudly that Mary Downing liked him so why didn't he go out with her, then got up and left in a rush, mumbling to herself the whole time. James himself was shocked. Not only had he been turned down for the first time in his life, but also he had been turned down in front of the whole school and he now had a mark on his face to show for it.

At the prefect meeting that night, Lily sat with Sara Petersen, a girl she knew from Ravenclaw. The two made small talk as all the other prefects trailed into the room. Lily sat guiltily, thinking about what she had done to James. She knew he had hurt his pride. 'But he deserved it,' Lily told herself firmly. 'He shouldn't have come onto me like that.' Even as she consoled herself, Lily knew she was wrong. She should apologize to him, 'even if it is his own bloody fault he got smacked,' she thought grimly, a scowl plastered on her face.

The Head Girl stood up and finally managed to make herself heard over the crowd. "This meeting is started. I would first like to congratulate the sixth year prefects on their trip to France. You all came back alive and well and even managed to win us a trophy." Here she paused to allow for the applause littering the room. Sixth year prefects always went to France to compete with other wizarding schools in academic competitions. Every year the competition was held throughout the span of a whole week. This year, the competition was in November. Teaches and parents had complained that the students didn't have enough time to practice, but it had been held as planned, nevertheless, and Hogwarts did surprisingly well, despite the short notice.

"However," the Head Girl continued, "we have other things to discuss. As usual, we will be allowing the students to go to Hogsmeade this weekend to permit them some time to do their Christmas shopping. You, as prefects, must help out the teachers. They have asked us to do a few things; not much, so you will be able to shop yourself. First, we need to get all the students who want to go gathered in the Great Hall before we leave, that way, all the students are together as we depart. Secondly, just keep an eye on them while we are there; don't let them got into too much mischief. Any questions?"

Here a few hands went up, and their inquiries were quickly answered. Lily, however, thought. She enjoyed shopping, as most girls do. She did not, however, enjoy shopping on her own, and seeing as her best friend was a boy, she nearly always ended up flying solo.

Lily turned her head to say something to Sara Peterson, but found her pre-occupied. She was looking at the other sixth year Ravenclaw prefect. He smiled at her, mouthed the magic words, and Sara giggled uncontrollably and went and sat by her new date to Hogsmeade.

Seeing nothing else to do, Lily left the meeting quietl, sidling out the door and into the hall. She yelped in surprise when she ran headlong into a very solid being. She got up from the floor and turned to apologize. As soon as she saw who it was, she turned away and started walking.

"Lily, will you just hear me out?" James called. In response, she picked up her pace a little more. He trailed behind her like a puppy behind its mother.

"Lily, look, I didn't want to embarrass you or anything I promise! I just was having a little..."

"James, stuff it! If you never wanted to embarrass me, than what do you call that little scene at breakfast this morning?" Turning away again, she paused to figure out where she was, then continued on with her brisk walk.

"Lily, come on, I still don't know why your mad at me!"

Lily could not believe that anyone could be so selfish. She could feel the anger boiling up inside of her. The silent resolution to make amends with Potter melted away, and any guilt she felt with it. She had already been stretched to a breaking point.

"JAMES POTTER!" That got his undivided attention, if she didn't already have it before. He had been using her as a challenge. She was a bet, a teenage boys' bet for goodness sakes, and he didn't know why she was mad at him?

'Boys! They are such guys!' she thought irritably.

"You were going to use me than dump me! Then you were going to collect your money and laugh. Laugh! Do you think I appreciate that? Other girls might,but I'm not like other girls now, am I? Or do we need another demonstration like at the table this morning?"

She walked off, without a backwards glance. James wasn't to be shaken off so easily.

"Lily, I am sorry! What more can I say?"

"Nothing!" she shrieked, almost beside herself. "If I never hear your voice again, it will be too soon!"

He grabbed her shoulder as she turned again. "You're right." He spoke quietly--a mellow voice Lily had never heard him use before.

'Gosh, he's cute when he's sincere. Wait, what was that about? James? Cute? What is wrong with me?'

"Listen, Lily, you're right. That is completely wrong, and well..." He looked uncomfortable. "I guess I don't really know how to apologize to girls. I mean guys, you punch them in the shoulder as an apology and they understand--or at least Sirius does--but girls..."

Lily smiled to herself. This Potter wasn't really all that bad. He has had girlfriends, and yet he's completely clueless about them.

"Well, you can start by saying 'sorry' than offering to help me in some way--you know, any sucking up at all will do the job."

He looked up into her smiling face and relaxed a little. "Yeah, good idea."

"I have been known to have those upon occasion."

James chuckled lightly at this, then closely examined the girl he had never bothered to get to know. He had always found her quiet, like wallpaper in the common room. She never had snapped at another person, that is, until today, and it rather opened James eyes to the fiery person inside of her. She was very pretty. He wondered why he had never noticed it before. He wondered why any guy had never noticed it before. Flaming red hair, right now pulled into a messy bun, framed her face as little wisps fell out of her hold. James was shocked to see her astonishing green eyes. He would look into her eyes and read her like a book, if he had any clue what the startled, yet calm look in her eyes meant. Unconsciously, he reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She didn't pull away.

"James? Are you all right? You look kind of, I don't know, lost."

He loved her eyes. He was surprised to see the concern for him behind them.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." A peaceful silence filled the space between them. "Listen, Lily, I would like to apologize for today. It was very rude of me. Is there anything I can do for you? Any way of you finding it in your heart to forgive me?" He took her hand in his own. She was surprised to see he was serious.

Quickly, she shook her head. "Today has been enough," she said. "Yes, I forgive you."

James smiled happily at her, then asked conversationally, "So, what was the meeting about?"

"Oh, the Hogsmeade Christmas visit. Prefects have to help out again."

"Do they have to help all day?"

"No, no, just at the beginning. The rest of the time is ours."

James shifted his eyes and took a deep breath. "Would you like to go with me?" Sensing her anger, he covered quickly. "I mean, as I am sure you've noticed boys really don't make great shoppers. If you came with me, though, you could help me pick out presents and compare prices and..." He trailed off, looking hopefully at her.

Lily thought about it. She had hurt his pride earlier today, and maybe this would make up for it. If everyone saw them there together, no one would think he'd lost his touch. As for her, heaven knows how many girls she'd make jealous, which would pay them back for making fun of her after the breakfast incident.

"James, I will go with you." He smiled. "On one condition." His face fell a little.

"Yeah?" he asked anxiously.

"No more making a fool of yourself at the Gryffindor table, or any table for that matter, okay?"

"Deal." He smiled. "So, I guess I'll see you around." Bashfully, he let go of her hand that neither of them had noticed he was still holding, then walked off.

"See ya, Lily, my little rose." He sprinted down the hallway as Lily pulled out her wand.

Muttering, Lily gathered herself together and walked toward the common room.

'So, I am going to Hogsmeade with James,' she thought, hammering into her head what just happened, 'James Potter. You know he's kind of cute when none of his friends are around. I guess that's why I am going with him. To Hogsmeade. I am going on a date with James Potter.'

She found that she really didn't mind.