Ebb and Flow

Althea's Cottage, February 1980

***

"Wonderful, another letter," Althea said aloud as she looked at the note tied around Gabriel's leg.

Frowning, she carefully untied the letter, scratched Gabriel's head, and watched as her owl flew out of the open window. Shivering, she closed the window and blew on her hands to warm them. Looking out the window, she smiled at her small garden that housed an assortment of birdhouses and birdfeeders, to comfort wintering birds and other various small animals. She turned from the window and gazed appreciatively at her small and drafty cottage. She despised the main house, its grandiose paintings and furniture, and sought to live in the small cottage on the farthest part of her estate. I'm still not used to English winters, she thought, walking toward the phonograph. Raising the needle from the record, she flipped the record to the other side, placed the needle back on the record, and tapped the phonograph with her wand.

Althea sighed as she flung herself back onto her sofa. Thankfully, this doesn't look like a letter from Sirius, she thought, tearing open the envelope. I believe he understood after my last reply. After the incident in the library, Sirius sent her letters apologizing for his behavior and what a mistake he had made. As time passed, the letters became infrequent, but upon reading each letter, Althea burned it, and placed the ashes in a box. She refused to reply to any of his letters, and finally, on Christmas Eve, she sent her reply, the box of ashes--with a bag of ten Galleons--to him. Christmas morning, Althea woke to Sirius's voice yelling throughout her cottage in the form of a Howler. As she attempted to walk away from the Howler, Sirius's voice commanded her not to walk away, which prompted her to laugh. The Howler followed her throughout the cottage as she continued to prepare for a small Christmas party--Althea sighing and rolling her eyes every time Sirius mentioned for her not to walk away and to listen to him. Althea promptly wrote him back asking him if that was all and to please refrain from sending a Howler so early in the morning as it affected her sleep. Lily owled Althea immediately and disclosed that Sirius had spent the better part of the Christmas evening blasting holes through her pictures. It was the last of the contact between Sirius and Althea, except for the occasional run-in in Godric's Hollow, which the only conversations between them were the occasional grunt and tense nod.

Opening the letter, she realized it was from Lily. James and Lily would visit her later that afternoon. Whatever happiness she felt from the news, her mood dampened when she thought James or Lily would let Sirius's name slip into the conversation. It was an attempt for the two to begin the reconciliation between Sirius and Althea. However, it was never that reconciliation of friendship. No, it was always something more, and it was that something more that bothered Althea. Why could they not understand that her relationship with Sirius was beyond any form of reconciliation? Why could Lily not be like Althea? She had concluded long ago that any relationship with him was not worth salvaging, and that Sirius was beyond any form of mutual love. To her, Sirius was incapable of love, and only thought of her as a possession--something to be admired, to be protected, and to be hoarded. She was not a porcelain doll to be kept on a shelf, or pet to be looked after--she was a woman, a woman who wanted to be treated as an equal partner. Althea sighed. He only treated me like an equal partner when we hated each other, she thought as she heard the doorbell. Dropping the letter on the sofa, she stood and opened the door.

"Lily.... James," Althea said happily, hugging each of them. "Why didn't you Apparate? Or use Floo?" she asked, closing the door behind them.

Lily and James smiled. "We have our reasons," Lily said, continuing to smile.

Althea continued to smile. "Please, sit down," she said, pointing to her sofa. Lily and James sat. "Would you like something to drink? Butterbeer, perhaps?" she asked, walking toward the kitchen.

"Oh, no Butterbeer for me," Lily replied. "I'll have some water, thanks."

Althea frowned as she returned with two Butterbeers and a glass of water. "So, when did you start turning down Butterbeer?" Althea asked, taking a sip of Butterbeer.

James and Lily shared a smile. "Just recently," she replied, nudging James's side.

Althea sighed and looked at the bottle. "I suppose this isn't very healthy, is it?" she asked and took another sip. "One could get fat on this stuff," she added as James snickered. "What's so--"

Althea slowly opened her eyes. What happened, she thought and noticed her hands were bound behind her. She attempted to speak, but realized a gag had been placed in her mouth. What the hell is going on, she thought darkly, looking at James and Lily. Lily held Althea's wand in her hand and James stood next to Lily, laughing.

"I'm sorry Althea, but this had to be done," Lily said, twirling Althea's wand in her fingers.

Althea growled as she struggled against the chair.

"Now, now, Althea, you'll have the gag out of your mouth shortly," James replied, smiling.

Althea heard the sound of an approaching motorbike.

"Ah, he's here," he added happily. "I told him we were in trouble."

Althea watched as Sirius burst through the front door--his wand ready. James immediately knocked Sirius out as he stepped into her cottage. Althea laughed through her gag as Sirius fell into her coffee table and rolled onto the floor. James lifted Sirius into the chair opposite her, bound him, and gagged him. Althea frowned--what were they planning?

James revived Sirius. "No use to struggle, mate," he said, slapping Sirius on the back. Sirius growled under his gag, and continued to struggle.

Lily stepped forward. "And no use to transform," she said, looking at the both of them. "You won't be able to escape."

"Now, we brought you both together for a special reason," he said, folding his arms. "We want you two to get over yourselves," he added, eyeing both of them.

Althea narrowed her eyes at Sirius, as they both continued to struggle.

"Would you stop struggling!" James said, exasperated, waving his arms.

Despite James's plea, the two continued to struggle.

I can't stand another minute in the same room with him, she thought, not taking her eyes off Sirius.

James ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. "I don't believe this! I've never met anyone else as stubborn as you two!" he shouted, frustrated. "I can't take this! It's not even stubbornness! It's pride. Do you really have that much to be proud about?"

"Please, James, it's not working." Lily folded her arms, her lower lip trembling. "Stop it, the both of you," she said, looking at Althea and Sirius. "You need to get along."

Althea and Sirius laughed underneath their gags.

"Please!" Lily pleaded. "If not for us, then for the baby."

Althea and Sirius stopped struggling. A baby, Althea thought, looking into Lily's eyes. Lily nodded. James and Lily having a baby? I don't believe this, she thought, smiling through her gag. Althea started to hop up and down in an attempt to have them remove her gag. Sirius remained very still as James removed his gag.

Lily removed Althea's gag. "A baby?"

Lily smiled.

"A boy or a girl?" she asked, smiling.

"A boy," James answered happily.

A boy, she thought, refusing to look in Sirius's direction. We were supposed to have a boy, too.

"Wow," Sirius spoke quietly, and Althea felt his eyes on her skin.

"We want you to be our son's godparents," Lily said as James placed his arm around her waist. "That's why we need you to get along. We're leaving you here for a while."

"You need to work out whatever's between you," James added as Lily and he walked toward the door. "Good luck."

The two sat in silence, refusing to look at one another. Lily, having a baby, Althea thought, looking at the pattern on her skirt. Me--a godmother with Sirius as the godfather? What are they thinking? That poor boy, it will never work, she thought, as she heard Sirius shift in his chair.

"Lily and James...a baby?"

Althea swallowed a breath. "Don't start Sirius."

"Start what?" he asked defensively. "I wasn't--"

"Yes, you were," she interrupted heatedly. "You were going to make a comment about--"

"About what, Althea? What was I going to comment about?"

"Never mind," she sighed, shaking her head. "I don't want to speak to you, anyway."

"Do you think I want to be here?" he sneered. "How could James do this to me?" he groaned, looking up at the ceiling.

Althea sighed from annoyance and rolled her eyes. "Why would you come here anyway? You're not wanted here," she remarked, struggling against her bindings.

"He sent an emergency message saying the three of you were in trouble," he explained, struggling as well.

"And you believed him?" she asked wryly, raising an eyebrow.

"I came here because I thought James and Lily were in trouble. I didn't come here for you. I could care less about you," he replied quickly, looking away from her.

"Really? What about 'Althea, please, I never apologize, but please forgive me. I need you?'" she asked, wishing him to fall over as he struggled underneath his bindings. "Yeah, you needed me like you needed that redhead in October--convincing argument, Sirius, for me taking you back."

Sirius stopped struggling and directed his attention once more to Althea. "No, I think you're the one--remember Halloween? Yeah, I went with that redhead to get away from you, don't you remember? Oh, no, you don't," he explained and smiled darkly. "You don't remember because you were pissed and passed out after you thoroughly propositioned me in James and Lily's bedroom. What sort of person would do that--and who, who would send a box of ashes and ten Galleons for Christmas?" he continued heatedly and bit the inside of his cheek.

"What about blasting holes through my pictures?"

"Do you think I'd want to keep them?" he snorted and laughed. "You're just upset because I'm over you."

Althea laughed off his comment louder than she should have. "Right, Sirius. Every time a wizard shows the slightest interest in me--he's scared away."

Sirius laughed as well. "Don't blame me for that," he remarked, still shaking his head from laughter. "You're bloody mental. I should receive an Order of Merlin because I had dated you so long."

Althea inhaled deeply at his stinging remark. "I'm mad for dating you in the first place. However at least I had something of a date when I dated you. Now it's a nice bit of skirt and a knee trembler behind the pub," she replied derisively and smiled wickedly as Sirius frowned.

"Why do you have to be so bloody difficult?" he bemoaned and threw his head back, staring at the ceiling.

Althea laughed, which caused Sirius to look at her. "So, speaking my mind is being difficult?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Sirius, when did you become so pig-headed?"

Sirius leaned his chair back on two legs. "When did you become your Gran?" he remarked, smirking. "Aren't you too young to be a bitter old woman?"

Althea sighed as Sirius's smirk broadened. "Now I know why your parents loved Regulus more," she said with a cruel smile.

The front legs of Sirius's chair slammed against the wooden floor. Althea's smile widened.

"Did I say something to upset you?" she asked in feigned innocence.

Sirius threw his head back and sighed angrily. "Why must you be such a bloody bitch?" he asked, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Because it's the only time you ever treat me like an equal," she replied sharply.

Sirius raised his head and stared at her. "What are you talking about?" he snorted.

Althea sighed and rolled her eyes. "An equal, Sirius. I'm not feeble and I don't need to be protected. When we were together you treated me as if I were your property, as if I were another possession of yours. I wasn't a pet."

"I know you're not a pet," he said dismissively.

"Why then--why did you explode when Remus danced with me? Sirius, I would never think of cheating on you," she said earnestly and bit her bottom lip. "How could you think that I--that I would do such a thing?"

"I'm jealous, all right!" Sirius blurted and bit the inside of his cheek.

Althea caught her breath. "Jealous?" she repeated quietly.

"I'm jealous of what you have," he added awkwardly, his face reddening.

"Sirius, I was your lover--not his," she said, furrowing her eyebrows. "I was your Althea."

"I know," he said, frustrated, shaking his head. "I can't help but think that sometimes you would have rather been with him than me," he added, lowering his head. "That the entire time we were together what you really wanted was to be with him."

"Look at me."

Sirius lifted his head.

"Am I now, or have I ever dated Remus besides that time fifth-year?" she asked, looking into his grey eyes.

"No."

"I was to marry you, Sirius," she said, looking into his grey eyes. "I wanted you and no one else. I fought at your side against those Death Eaters--"

"I just didn't want to lose you," he muttered, looking away from her.

"Lose me? The way you acted you lost me," she replied, frowning.

"No," he said, still looking away from her. "Lose you."

Althea sighed. "You mean die, Sirius. You didn't want me to die," she said and saw him wince at the word die. "Of course I'm going to die. We'll all die eventually," she continued plainly, despite Sirius wincing again.

Sirius continued to look in the direction of the phonograph--the record was now over, but needle continued to play the crackling noises of the finished record.

"Some earlier than others," he muttered darkly.

"What the bloody hell have you seen?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows as Sirius refused to look at her. "Sirius? Sirius, what have you seen?"

Sirius refused to answer.

"Fine, then," she sighed, continuing to look at Sirius, "let me tell you a story."

Sirius directed his attention from the phonograph and down to his shoes. She was about to tell him a story she had never spoken to anyone else, excluding Lily.

"When I was four, my parents returned to England--I guess my father had some Ministry job or something. When we returned to England, we stayed in this very cottage, actually," she began, attempting to regain Sirius's attention.

Sirius refused to look at her; however, she knew he was listening.

"The summer of my fifth birthday--June actually--I was playing in this very room with my mum and Marie, my nanny. Did you ever meet her, Marie, I mean?"

Sirius shook his head. Althea took a deep breath--her breath shaking slightly.

"I heard a loud crash, and my Mum made Marie hide me in that cupboard over there," she said, motioning with her head toward the cupboard.

She saw Sirius turn his gaze toward the cupboard.

"I, of course, didn't want to leave my Mum, but she forced me.... She told me it would be all right and she loved me.... She told me to let go of her and, like an idiot, I did--"

"You were four."

Althea nodded. "Marie threw me in the cupboard, put her body on top of me, put her hand over my mouth, and told me to shut my eyes," she said slowly, and took a deep breath. "But I didn't close my eyes...I heard my mother plead for her life, I heard her scream, and I saw a green flash," she said, looking at Sirius--an odd shiver passed over Sirius's face.

"Your mother was murdered?"

Althea nodded. "You've seen it, too."

Sirius nodded, but refused to look at her. "I saw it the summer after Hogwarts--about two months out of Hogwarts. I was out on assignment with Samuel Starkey," he said, and inhaled a slow, deep breath. "It was a trap--I should have known it was a trap--and we were ambushed.... I screamed for him to duck, but it was too late," he finished and sighed mournfully. "Then, four weeks before James and Lily's wedding, I chatted up Lucretia Sheldon--very pretty brunette," he said quietly. "We had a date for later that week.... I had talked with her ten minutes before...then..." he stopped and sighed, swallowing a breath.

Althea's heart jolted at the word date.

"She was blown up," he finished and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Good lord, Sirius."

Sirius grunted.

"These aren't the only things you've seen. I know you've seen more."

"I have, Althea, " he said and sighed. "Terrible things."

"Things you can't talk to James about," she replied and Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Sirius if there is one person in the world James Potter looks up to, it's you. It always has been. You don't want to worry James. He has enough, right? Has to worry about Lily, the fact their marriage is frowned upon, whatever he does in the Order, and then whatever Lily does in the Order. You have to remain cool for him, but the idea that your best friend might not come back frightens you beyond anything you've ever felt before."

"The idea that anyone I care about won't be here five minutes from now frightens me," he said quietly, looking into her eyes. "I don't know how James does it sometimes...bloody hell, why am I telling you this?"

"Because you know I'd be truthful and call you an idiot," she replied, attempting levity. "However, I have to admit, you're far from an idiot," she said and Sirius laughed softly. "But, you have to live your life, Sirius," she said and hopped her chair closer to him. "Don't let death rule your life."

She watched as the words slowly filtered through Sirius's skin.

Sirius smiled weakly. "You know, if you hop behind me, I could untie your hands and you could untie mine."

"Right," she replied and hopped behind him.

Untying each other's hands, they quickly untied their own legs. Althea rubbed her wrists as she walked over to the sofa. Sirius followed and sat next to her--an odd silence enveloped the room. So, where do we go from here, she thought as Sirius cleared his throat.

Althea closed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I've said those awful things to you," she added, opening her eyes. "I've treated you horribly."

Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry, too," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I've treated you terribly. You never deserved any of it."

"So," she said, nodding her head.

"So," he replied, nodding his head.

"Friends, then?" she asked, raising and eyebrow.

Sirius laughed quietly. "That's something we haven't tried," he replied, smiling. "I believe that could work."

Friends, what an odd concept with Sirius, she thought, staring at his smiling face. Friendship with Sirius was something new and awkward. Maybe that's what we're meant to be, friends.

Althea laughed. "So we're friends?"

"I'm just as shocked by these events as you are."

Althea sighed and leaned back into the sofa. "You know, they could come back at any time now," she said, mischievously looking at Sirius.

"You want to be rid of me?" he laughed, lying back into the sofa.

"Yes, actually," she said, resting her feet on the coffee table. "It's my only day off."

"How is your job as a Healer?" he asked, resting his feet on the coffee table.

Althea looked up at the ceiling. "I love it," she replied, smiling. "However, I completed my Midwife training in September, and I plan to do that full-time instead. I'll have more of a life," she added, turning her face toward him. "Well, not so much more of a life, just a different one. I'm tired of putting wizards, witches, and Muggles back together for their funerals. That's not a Healer's job. I'm not a mortician."

"Right," he murmured, furrowing his eyebrows. "I hadn't thought about what you've seen. I'm out there fighting, but you're at St. Mungo's attempting to save their lives...even if they are Death Eaters or Voldemort followers."

"Even if," she repeated softly. "I've had to help a Death Eater, too--worst day so far. Everything told me not to help her--I knew that she had killed Muggles for sport and I knew that if she had the chance, she'd kill me."

"Lily mentioned that," he replied, folding his arms. "I don't know if I could have done it."

Althea turned her body toward Sirius and rested her head against the sofa. "Have you killed?" she asked, looking at the side of his face.

Sirius nodded solemnly and Althea felt her stomach convulse. "Once...he was about to kill James so I killed him first."

"With an Unforgivable?"

"Oh no, no," he replied quickly, shaking his head. "I blasted him across the room and he was impaled on a broken wall sconce."

"Oh," she murmured. "Has James?"

"No," he replied and ran his fingers through his hair. "I doubt they'll want a killer as the godfather to their baby."

Althea frowned. How could they even think of bringing a child into this world, she thought, her frown increasing. James is off on dangerous missions, not to mention Lily.... I know they've escaped Voldemort twice so far--barely with their lives.

"Do you think this baby was planned?" she asked, resting her hand underneath her cheek.

Sirius's head jolted backward. "Planned?"

"Yeah, like they decided they wanted a child so--"

"Oh right, yeah," Sirius interrupted, nodding. "I don't know. I know James had talked about children, but I didn't know they'd want one so soon."

"I know I couldn't have a child during this or marry," she replied, turning her body back so her back rested against the sofa. "Not until Voldemort is dead. I'd be worried sick about my husband and children until then."

"That could be years, Althea. His numbers are growing and show no signs of stopping. Even those that don't agree are too afraid," he explained soberly and looked at his hands. "I could never either, though. I'm an enormous target and I'd never--never- forgive myself if anything would happen to my family."

"What about the Order? Isn't that growing?" she asked and Sirius shook his head. "Maybe I should have joined when Dumbledore asked me."

"No," he replied resolutely, looking into her eyes.

"Right then," she replied, confused.

Wouldn't Dumbledore want her help? Maybe the Order was not meant for Healers. However, she was not about to let Sirius tell her what to do.

"Sirius, I know there are things that go on at St. Mungo's that aren't right. A Muggle-born witch had a broom accident and had a broken arm--not even that terrible of a break. I treated her--Sirius--all she had was a broken arm. She left dead. I know there are Death Eaters posing as Healers. I could find--"

"No," he replied firmly. "It's too dangerous and you're all Lily has."

"I'll still tell--"

"I'll tell Dumbledore," he interrupted, resting his hand on hers, but realized his action and pulled it away.

"Right," she sighed, frowning. "Well, if any member is injured, they can come to me for healing," she offered. Before Sirius could protest she continued, "Speaking of Healers, there is a very cute Healer-in-Training in Creature-Induced Injuries."

"Really?" he laughed, turning his face toward her.

"Come on," she urged and winked. "She's very cute--petite, auburn hair, brown eyes. She likes Quidditch," she added eagerly.

Sirius sighed and furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "I don't know," he answered unsteadily. "I'm taking on extra work for the Order--"

"Come on," she said enthusiastically, nudging his arm.

"Althea, I haven't dated in a long time, and I have no time," he said thoughtfully and patted her hand. "Nothing happened with that redhead either--except my nodding off. A truly boring girl."

Althea furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "Right, maybe there's someone cute in the Order, then?"

Sirius frowned. "They're all old--well, except for Dorcas but none of us have seen her for awhile," he replied, and furrowed his eyebrows as if making a mental note of her absence. "Could you imagine me dating McGonagall? Disgusting. Or worse, Arabella Figg and all her cats," he remarked, pulling a face. "It would be like you dating Mad-Eye."

"What? I sort of like Mad-Eye," she joked, suppressing her laughter. "I always make sure I wear my best knickers when he's round."

Sirius's bark-like laugh echoed throughout the room. "I see him after this, you know," he replied and winked.

"So? He would agree with you," she replied and winked back. "I always wear my best knickers."

Good lord, I don't believe I'm having a normal conversation with Sirius, she thought as Sirius continued to laugh. This is decidedly strange.

"Anyway, what do you think about being a godmother?" he asked, nudging her arm.

Althea frowned as she realized what James and Lily were truly asking. She could not be the child's godmother. If something happened to James and Lily, the responsibility for caring for the child would fall to Sirius and Althea. Sirius and me, she thought, biting her bottom lip, not just me--Sirius and me. Sirius and I would forever care for the child, together.... Oh, they're sneaky--using this as an opportunity to have us get back together.

"I--I can't," she said quietly, looking at her hands in her lap.

"What do you mean you can't?" he asked, turning to face her. "Come on, look at me. What do you mean you can't be that child's godmother?" he demanded, staring intently at her.

Althea felt uncomfortable and was not sure if her reply would cause Sirius to react out of anger.

"Lily is your best friend and James is mine. What else is there?"

Althea sighed nervously as she turned to face him. After swallowing a breath she asked, "Do you know what they're asking us?"

"Yes, to be his godparents--"

"No, what they're really asking us," she said solemnly. "If something would happen to Lily and James we would have to raise the child," she explained, waiting for her words to register with him.

"Of course, if something happened, we..." Sirius began, but paused and shook his head. "Bloody hell, they won't stop!" he laughed, running his fingers through his hair.

"No," she replied, laughing as well. "I can't believe they would trust us to raise their son, while we haven't been able to have a conversation without the threat of bodily harm in ages."

"We're having one now," he replied thoughtfully.

"But think about it, Sirius. Ten years from now, what if something happened to Lily and James? We would be thrown together to raise their child--maybe children. The truce we have now is still very new. You could do something completely stupid that ruins it and we might not be talking to each other ten years from now. What a horrible position those children would be in," she explained as Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"Me do something completely stupid?" he remarked and frowned. "Anyway, I have to agree with you. We can't let them win."

"Exactly."

"However, we should be fair about it," he replied and reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a Galleon. "Flip for it?"

"Right," she replied and nodded her head. "Heads," she called as Sirius flipped the coin.

Both checked the coin at the same time and Althea smiled.

"Congratulations, godfather," she said, nudging him in the arm.

"Thanks," he replied, smiling weakly. "You're not upset, are you?"

"Oh no, no," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not the mother type."

"No, you are. You'd be a great mother," he reassured--his smile broadening. "You'd be cute all plump and pregnant."

"Thanks," she breathed with a small smile. "Even if that was an odd compliment."

"What about me?" he encouraged, raising an eyebrow.

"What about you?"

"Would I be a great father?" he asked, leaning closer to her.

Althea frowned slightly. At Hogwarts, she had worried that same thing--would Sirius be a great father? She knew he would be great fun with children, but he lacked the responsibility and discipline needed for a father. However, she did not want to hurt his feelings now as he celebrated his role as godfather.

"Oh, well...I suppose," she lied.

"You suppose?" he laughed, throwing back his head with more laughter.

Althea did not think her response very amusing. "Anyway," she began loudly and Sirius turned his attention toward her, "how disappointed do you think they will be?"

"Very, but they'll get over it.... After we tell them we saw through their plan and in the end it is better this way...well maybe not if I'm the godfather," he replied and frowned.

"You'll do a great job," she said, resting her hand on his forearm. "Just remember not to drop the baby."

"I won't drop the baby," he replied dismissively.

"What about the time you watched Nymphadora?" she asked and Sirius made a face. "When you threw her up into the air, she hit her head on the ceiling, landed crying, and you Apparated to get me? 'Althea, Nymphadora--she won't stop crying--she hit her head.' And when I asked how she hit her head, you replied, 'I threw her,'" she explained and attempted not to laugh as Sirius sank lower into the sofa. "Other than that, you'll do fine."