Discoveries

Chapter Four: Explaining

Theo was searching a mouldering pile of rune dictionaries in the far regions of the library when he felt someone looking at him. He turned around to see Theresa Fairleigh standing behind him, arms akimbo. His eyes automatically scanned around for onlookers. No one. Good; no chance of being caught talking to her. Bad; he couldn't avoid talking to her.

"Did your dad kill Hector and Elise and their mum and dad?" Terry began with no preamble.

Theo blinked, caught off guard. What kind of beginning to a conversation was that?

"Who are -- oh, your neighbours." He remembered that chilling panic when his father had dropped in to his aunt and uncle's that night and spoken so casually of a raid in Essex on a family of Mudbloods. He'd been walking back to his bedroom after speaking to his father, but the mention of Anne's shire had frozen him on the stairs.

Targets in Essex, this time, his father had told Aunt Karena. She'd been...elsewhere. We got all of them. Too scared to get away.

The Aurors didn't even show up while we were there, added Karena's husband Paul.

I don't want to know the minutiae, Karena had said coolly. As long as you killed them.

Don't you like the gory details, Karie? That was Paul Amberley. That's not what Bellatrix Lestrange said.

That's not why we're doing this. I know my duty, I just don't feel the need to talk about it. I could be home sleeping and instead I have to go out to deal with idiots who can't see that this is our world, not theirs.

As long as there are stubborn, stupid people like Dumbledore, this is the only way. The Dark Lord might be...excessive, sometimes, but he'll get us there in the end. Do you want to see my Theodore or your two grow up in a world run by Muggles? Eric Nott sounded tired.

Excessive? Losing your nerve, Eric?

I've been to Azkaban for our cause, little sister. I'll follow him until we complete the task.

Karena yawned. I'm glad of that, but I'd exchange our victories tonight for the sleep I lost. I'm going up to bed.

Paul had laughed. We get the hint, Karie. I'll come up later - Eric and I just have to talk over some plans.

Don't be up too late, you don't want to come in to work tired.

That'd be a hell of a way to get caught, Theo's father had laughed. And I thought my arrest was undignified. Night, Karie.

Night, Eric, Paul.

And Theo had run to his room, spilling ink all over his desk in his haste to scribble a note to Anne. Praying that she was safe. Praying, hoping, waiting. He'd fallen asleep again on the broad windowsill, after telling himself he'd only sit there for a minute or two. Waiting.

Praying.

"He said they were all dead..." Theo realised with a start he'd spoken aloud. Terry was looking at him, eyes filled with impatience and anger.

"Well? Did he?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Not that it's your business." Theo's tones were clipped. Anne was a friend; Anne he liked. Her sister was a presumptuous, sharp-tongued Gryffindor brat.

"It is my business." Terry took a step closer, eyes flashing. "Hector and Elise were my friends. And they're dead because of stupid people like your dad. I know Anne wants me to be nice to you, but I can't be, if your dad killed them."

Theo felt the ground shifting under him. He was used to Anne's more...roundabout approach to such issues. More balanced approach.

"Why not?" he asked, buying time. "Why is it my fault if my dad did something wrong?"

It was Terry's turn to look puzzled. "Because he's your dad. He's your family."

Gryffindors. From Potter down to this raw recruit, they were all the same.

"Listen to me, Theresa Fairleigh," Theo ground out. "I am not my father. He's - he's wrong, okay? He's wrong and he's done some -- some very bad things, but I do not agree with them. If I did, I wouldn't be Anne's friend. I wouldn't be talking to you, I'd be hexing you. Can you understand that?"

"But don't you think he's right because he's your dad? I think my dad's right. But then my dad hasn't killed anyone," Terry said infuriatingly. Theo squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regain perspective.

"I did. Once. I thought -- everyone thinks that once. But parents are just people, and they can be wrong too."

"I suppose so." Terry looked unimpressed. "So are you friends with my sister because you like her, or did you make friends with her first?"

"Generally one likes one's friends." Theo did his best impression of Snape at his most supercilious.

"That's not what I meant." Terry frowned, but abandoned that line of attack. "Why don't you want anyone to know you're her friend? Will your parents kick you out or something?"

Theo couldn't help the sarcasm that dripped from his voice. "No, my father might murder Muggle-borns, but of course he'd be happy for me to be friends with one."

Terry nodded. "I thought so." Theo could see a metaphor forming in her head. "Sort of like in Germany ages ago if we were Jewish."

"Huh?" The reference sailed right past Theo.

"You know, like the Holocaust and the Nazis and all that stuff? I read a story about it at school." Terry looked at him like he'd just denied knowing grass was green.

"Why should I know about Muggle history?" Theo shrugged. Muggle history had never concerned the wizarding world much, so his parents had always said, apart from when they decided to go witch hunting.

...hold on there. Your father always said Muggles were all total idiots, too. Beethoven was a Muggle. Muggles invented the piano. Are we seeing any holes in this?

"Well you should know about it. It's really important." Terry adopted a lecturing tone. "See, there were these people in Germany ages ago, sort of like the Death Eaters, and they killed people if they were Jewish. Or Communist. But I'm not really sure what that means. And they were really evil and they killed millions and millions of people and took over lots of Europe and there was a big war, it's called World War II, before they were stopped. And they killed my granddad too." She paused to take a breath. "But they're all dead now."

"They might be, but the Death Eaters aren't." Theo felt uncomfortable. An eleven-year-old was giving him a history lecture. How could she know anything important? "Now I'd better go before someone sees me talking to you." He stalked past, wishing she'd just gone away. How did Anne deal with her sister getting in the way like this? Wanting to talk, and know things, and...just being there all the time?

"Fine then." Terry went off in a huff, fortunately in another direction. Theo didn't understand. He'd explained to her. Anne must have, by now. It wasn't personal.

Well, it was personal that he thought she was an annoying brat, but apart from that it wasn't.

They killed millions and millions of people...sort of like the Death Eaters...did he kill Elise and Hector? Did he?

Did you, Dad?

Did you?

***

Theo was in a fine temper that Saturday, and Anne saw it immediately. Something had been nagging at him at the DA meeting that Tuesday, too, but he'd kept it under control there...for the main part. Harry Potter had split them up into pairs based on ability with the Stunning curse. Theo had either gone wildly astray or knocked his opponent a good metre backwards, quite apart from Stunning them. Anne had discovered an innate reluctance to let someone Stun her, even someone like Dennis Creevey. She'd added to his problems by flinching and ducking every time he shot the curse at her (no matter that it had only given her a headache when it hit.) Hermione Granger had caught her apologising to the third-year and dismissed it impatiently. (For goodness' sake, there's nothing wrong with it! Death Eaters won't stand still for you to Stun them, and you shouldn't be standing still for them, either!)

Anne had desperately wanted to ask Theo why he was in such a temper, but that had proved impossible at the meeting. Today, the casual inquiry "Is something wrong?" had provided more, perhaps, than she wanted to know. She was still surprised Theo felt relaxed enough to lose his temper in front of her.

"She's impossible!" Theo stormed. "I thought my cousins were bad but your sister is being so...so Gryffindor it's a wonder no one's hexed her! Just coming up to me and holding me accountable for my father's crimes! Of all the damnably arrogant, discourteous- "

Anne suppressed anger at this description of her younger sister. Terry had never been accused of either tact or humility, any more than Theo had.

"I can think of other people to apply that description to," she murmured, hitching herself up onto the table.

Theo's mouth snapped shut and he turned to glare balefully at her. "That is not the point."

"How much time have you spent around kids younger than you? Really?" Anne asked.

Theo shrugged. "I was her age once and I'm sure I possessed a semblance of tact."

Anne rolled her eyes. "Yeah, so was Professor Snape. Once. And speaking truthfully you're as tactful as I am noisy." Theo gave her another glare, but it was far more muted. "Eleven-year-olds are like that. Believe me, Terry doesn't single you out for special treatment."

"That I can believe." He leant back against the wall, apparently more relaxed. "I was passing the Potions classroom the other day -- her lesson must've just finished -- and I heard Snape reading her the riot act about "letting her meagre talent go to her head." He compared her rather unfavourably to Hermione Granger."

"Now that will get to her head." That earned Anne a smile. "Terry told me about that. She was embarrassed, too -- she knows she has to mind her Ps and Qs in Potions, and she let her tongue run away with her."

"The thing is," Theo responded wryly "there was a backhanded compliment buried in that dressing-down."

Anne laughed. "Terry always did have patience when it comes to doing things. It's the theory she hates. She can't hold still long enough. It drives me insane, sometimes."

"Then you know how I feel," Theo shot back, but the tone was conciliatory. "Maybe you are right. I've never had much patience with my cousins and I don't see children younger than I am, not often anyway. And I just wish -"

"You wish what?"

Theo pushed his hair back -- a sign of thought, Anne had come to realise -- and gave her a disturbingly direct look. "I wish we could go back to last year when it was just you and me. Not all this...Terry and the DA and everything."

Anne couldn't help looking down for a second, but she felt warm inside. "I...yeah, me too." She looked up again, but holding Theo's gaze was hard. He was maybe a metre away, but that was too close. And not close enough. There was that dancing around the point, again.

"I...I need to get back to the common room," Theo said, but his voice was quiet.

Anne nodded. "Mmm. Okay."

She slipped down off the table and reached for her folder and flute. As she turned to leave, feeling nearly claustrophobic, Theo touched her lightly on the shoulder. The contact nearly made her jump.

"See you on -- at the next DA meeting, then."

"Yeah." She hesitated before hugging him goodbye. Anne knew that she was unsure of what came next. And so was Theo.

***

Terry showed up again in the small practice room a few Saturdays later. It was getting close to the Christmas holidays, and Theo didn't want her there. His goal for the day had been to subtly discover an appropriate Christmas present idea for Anne without letting on that was what he was doing. Terry's presence was not noticeably contributing to this. Still, she wasn't being actively obnoxious. In fact, she was surprisingly agreeable.

"Do you know who made that swamp?" Terry asked. There was a wistful tone in her voice, the meaning of which eluded Theo entirely. What was so wonderful about a swamp?

"Fred and George Weasley," said Anne matter-of-factly as she examined the interior of her flute. "You know Ron and Ginny Weasley?"

Terry nodded eagerly. "Ron Weasley's in sixth year and he's Harry Potter's best friend and he's a Prefect and he told me off lots because I ran into Hermione Granger in the corridor 'cause I was running, and he's the Keeper on the Quidditch team. And Ginny Weasley's his sister and she's a Chaser and she's nice and everyone thinks it was her that hexed all the Slytherin cutlery last week -"

"Do they, now," said Theo. He could appreciate the dexterity of the Charms work, but flying cutlery was not high on his list of things to look forward to at dinner.

"Oops!" Terry clapped a hand to her mouth.

"My lips are sealed, Gryffindor, never fear." It had been quite amusing.

Anne's lips twitched. "Yes. Anyway, they're Fred and George's younger siblings -- Fred and George were twins, and they made that swamp last year before they left Hogwarts, in the middle of all that stuff with Umbridge. It was a lot bigger, but Professor Flitwick got rid of most of it."

"I'm glad he left some," Terry said, eyes shining. "It's so cool. There's plants and everything, and I'm going to find out which ones they are."

"It's a swamp," remarked Theo, despairing.

"But it's a magic swamp," Terry shot back.

Theo exchanged rueful glances with Anne, who shrugged. Her sister was so different to her; so loud, so eagerly curious, so...Gryffindor. Theo wondered how the same family had produced them.

"Lots of things at Hogwarts are magical," Theo pointed out.

"Yes, they are," Anne replied, "but you grew up with magic. It's been all around you since...since forever. Terry's only been here for three months; the most magic she ever saw before that was some of my photos."

"How do they do that?" Terry broke in. "Make the photos move? Everyone just says it's magic, they don't know."

"How does a -- what do you call it -- the thing that shows the, um, moving picture things -" Theo scrambled for the right word.

"Television," Anne supplied with a small smile.

"Telele -- yes, that was it. Do you know how one of those works, Terry?" he asked her.

Terry opened her mouth confidently, then paused. "No."

"There you go." Theo shrugged. "I don't know why photos move; you don't know how -- that thing works. You don't ask about what you've grown up with."

"Ask Colin Creevey," Anne suggested to her sister. "He's Muggle-born, so he can probably explain it to you, and he knows all about photography."

"Is that the blond boy in fifth year who takes pictures of everything and thinks Harry Potter's the coolest person in the world?"

Theo suppressed a snort.

"That would be Colin," said Anne dryly.

"He was Petrified four years ago, wasn't he?" Theo asked idly. He knew of Colin Creevey, at least. He was hard to miss.

"That's right." Anne shivered, and Theo looked at her in surprise. As far as he knew, none of her friends had been hurt that year. "I hated that year."

"But none of the Hufflepuffs were hurt -- oh, wait, Justin Finch-Fletchley was, but I didn't know you knew him at all."

Anne stared at him in astonishment. "It wasn't about my friends not getting hurt. It was about knowing that there was some monster prowling the school attacking Muggle-borns, when I'd only found out I was a witch a few months ago!"

Theo frowned. He never had thought of that year in that way. It had been...unsettling, but he'd been safe enough and that was all that had mattered, then.

"You never talked about that," Terry said. "I read all your letters that year, and you didn't talk about people getting hurt, or Petrified, or whatever."

"I didn't want to." Anne looked down at the floor, then up at Theo. He could see the old fear in her eyes. "Mum and Dad had a hard enough time believing about magic, and...I was terrified they wouldn't let me stay, if they knew."

"No one was too happy about the attacks. Especially when they were going to close the school," Theo said. "I wasn't keen on the idea myself. Malfoy acted like it was a victory, but..."

Even then, I dreaded leaving, because with Hogwarts comes the learning. Only the Ravenclaws really understand that, I think -- but I don't want it for itself. Because knowledge gives me a way out, a way to choose my own life. If I'd lost Hogwarts, I would have lost that path.

"Did you know people who were Petrified?" Terry asked, hooking one of her legs up onto the table under the other.

"No." Anne shook her head. "Only Colin, and I didn't know him well. I still don't."

"Oh, no." Theo shrugged. "I wasn't exactly upset by the whole thing. They were only -" he nearly bit his tongue stopping himself, at Terry's wide-eyed gaze. "Only from other Houses."

"But that's awful! They could have been killed!" Terry exclaimed, outraged. Anne reached across to pat her on the shoulder.

"And you would have cared about people you didn't know."

"That's so...so...Slytherin." Terry glared at Theo, who stared back impassively.

I didn't care. Most I didn't know and those I did know I didn't like. And they were Muggle-born, and I really didn't care about that.

So why not say that to Terry?

Anne looked down at the floor. "It was a bad year, though." She looked up to meet Theo's eyes. "I was so homesick, and timid, and people were being nearly killed. It was sheer luck no one was, you know. And then to almost lose Hogwarts, lose the magic...That was the worst day of my life. The day they said they were closing the school."

"You never told me it was that bad, that year," said Theo. He was a little hurt that she hadn't.

Anne waved a hand. "The subject never came up, and I didn't want to think about it."

"Harry Potter killed the basilisk, didn't he?" Terry broke in. "Someone said he did it with just a sword, too!"

"He did." Anne smiled at some memory. "When Professor Sprout came to our common room tell us it was all right, they weren't closing the school...that was amazing. It felt like a reprieve from execution."

"Very like," Theo said softly, and he caught her eyes. They held the same remembered joy and relief he had felt.

Terry was clearly bored with these undercurrents. She pulled back the overlong sleeve of her school robe to look at her watch. Whatever time it told must have startled her, because she slipped off the table with a yelp. "I'm supposed to be meeting Cait and Alex to do our History essay five minutes ago, got to go, see you tomorrow Anne, bye Theo -"

Her last sentence was cut off by the bang of the door.

"Your sister is rather....impetuous," Theo said dryly.

Anne snorted. "I'm not surprised she was told off for running in the corridor, I'm surprised she ever walks in the corridor." She moved along to hitch herself up onto the spot Terry had vacated. "I've been thinking about that year. With the Chamber of Secrets. I thought it was bad being Muggle-born then." She shook her head. "It all seems a bit...silly, now. No one was badly hurt, no one died."

"They could have." Theo kicked his stool a bit closer to the table. "It wasn't silly, not then. A monster stalking the school. It was terrifying."

"It was." Anne tilted her head slightly and gave him the scrutinising glance that heralded one of those questions. Theo unconsciously straightened his shoulders to meet the blow.

"Why did you change what you were saying to Terry?" Anne asked.

Theo frowned. He knew why, but it was difficult to articulate. Embarrassing to articulate, too, if it came to it.

"The thing is," he began hesitantly, "Terry doesn't like me very much, but that's because I'm in Slytherin and because of...because of my father. And I think she's actually learning to tolerate me. Sort of."

Anne nodded. "As much as you tolerate her, but she isn't that hung up about your House or your father. The worst she says of you is that you're really grumpy even if you are good at playing the piano. She's quite impressed with that, you know?"

"Really?" Theo did his best not to smile. Praise from Terry wasn't that wonderful. It wasn't. "She's not so bad. Just...opinionated. And noisy."

Anne raised her eyebrows. "High praise indeed."

Theo shot her a look. "The point is, everyone else who thinks I'm an evil nasty Slytherin thinks I believe what the Death Eaters do. About Muggle-borns, and all that. Even the Death Eaters think I believe what they do. Being in the DA helps, but..." he trailed off. His peers in that group were still wary of someone they'd thought of as Malfoy's crony. None of them were openly hostile -- except for Zacharias Smith, who was simply petty -- but there was a barrier. He wasn't there because he wanted to be their friend, and they knew it. Thank God they had retained last year's attitude of secrecy about the whole thing.

"Some of the Hufflepuff sixth-years were asking me about you. Not about us, I mean, you know, what they think, um, yeah, but about you." Anne stumbled to a close, fidgeting with her sleeve.

"Why?" Theo felt himself jerk backwards in astonishment. Asking about him?

"They're curious, I think. About why you're in the DA, and why you keep to yourself so much."

"Because I feel like it," Theo responded dryly. "As much as you do."

"I know," Anne smiled. "But it's not something you can explain easily to someone like Ernie Macmillan."

"I shouldn't think so." Theo knew he owed Anne a full answer to her question. "But about Terry, and changing my answer...Terry doesn't have all that baggage about knowing me for five years. She can dislike me if she wants to, but I'd rather she didn't dislike me for something I don't like about me. She's so young, and, I don't know, innocent, I suppose...I feel like if I'd said 'only Muggle-borns' I'd be...disappointing her? Disillusioning her? And I don't want to do that. It'll happen soon enough."

Anne bit her lip, thinking, and Theo silently prayed she'd understand what he was saying.

"You want Terry to judge you on your own merits, not just dump you in the same category as everyone else does," Anne said eventually.

"Exactly." Theo ran a hand through his hair, grinning at Anne in relief. She'd got it. "Terry's sort of -- it's partly because she's your sister, and partly -- I don't know -- because she's eleven, I feel like an adult compared to her. She thinks you and I are so old and knowledgeable. Not that I'm saying I like her a lot," he hastened to add, "but I'm so sick of pretending. I have to pretend to everyone, now...everyone except you. Stopping myself saying things like that is a sort of pretending, but it's the sort that makes you want to make it true. I did think those people were just Muggle-born. But I don't think I would now. I mean, I would, but I wouldn't think that they deserved to be Petrified or killed by a basilisk because of it."

Anne was still biting her lip, but in an effort to keep from smiling, now. She gave up and laughed. "I'm glad to hear it. I know what you mean, about Terry. That's why I'm so glad I have her, and Eddie, and Nicola. They're a nuisance, sometimes, but they believe in you, so you end up doing things just so they won't stop believing. And then you end up being what they believe you are."

"I doubt that will happen."

"You never know." Anne paused. "Do you ever wish you'd had siblings?"

"I used to," Theo admitted, "but now...no. It'd be too hard. I'd have to pretend to them, or if they were older, they'd have to, maybe, or...no. I think now..."

"Yes?" Anne prompted softly.

"The less family I have, the less I'll have to leave behind if...if this war keeps on going, and I can't be...you know."

"Oh." Anne looked down at the flute case on her lap. "I never really thought you'd do that."

"Do what?"

"Go." She looked up at him again. "You seemed so confident you wouldn't have to choose sides."

Theo laughed, but it wasn't out of humour. "I was wrong. I can't walk that line. Maybe someone else could, I don't know. If it wasn't for Dad - but I have to make that choice, so there isn't a choice."

"I knew that, I think." Anne took a deep breath. "You never pretended to me, did you?"

"Do you think that I would have believed I needed to, then?"

"Well - no."

"Of course not. I had to work out what I was thinking, first. Besides, I'd rather..." Theo hesitated. "I never wanted to pretend to you. First I didn't think to, and then you were the only person it was safe not to, and then - I just wanted you to - I needed you to understand."

"So did I," Anne said.