The Pensieve of Bellatrix Black

"Talk about a misunderstanding...."

Bellatrix came back from "Hogsmeade" and is taking a nap.

Narcissa has left to go meet Lucius Malfoy in the Great Hall.

Where could she be? How long did it take to get down to the Common Room and deliver a simple message? Lucius thought with no small amount of irritation. He had been waiting in the Great Hall for half an hour already. Luckily, this visit was about their new communication strategy, so it was certainly the last time he would have to make up some excuse to come to Hogwarts and wait for Bellatrix Black.

"Good evening. To what do I owe this pleasure?" With a sinking feeling, Lucius turned around to face- Narcissa Black. Whoops... wrong sister. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that girl to deliver a message!

Lucius appeared to be surprised to see her, which threw Narcissa a little off guard. Hadn't Camilla said he was waiting for her?

"So... what brings you to Hogwarts?"

"Well, many things.... Did your sister send you here?"

What! Bella wouldn't set them up would she? Oh that girl was sooo dead!

"Of course. She had a few other things to take care of, so she said that I should meet with you and pass on the information." Good thing she was a good liar. None of this made any sense!

"Well. I had no idea you knew. But of course, you two always were very close. It would be hard for you not to notice her going away all the time."

"Oh yeah. There have been many late nights staying up for her to return." So Lucius knew what her sister was up to but she didn't? Damn this was infuriating. Unless they were having some sort of an affair... oh that was a disgusting thought.

"Well, we've figured out a new mode of communication, for the time-being until we get our real marks perfected. Now this is very important, Narcissa. Can I trust you?"

"I am in seventh year. I can take care of myself. It's not like I'll lose anything on my way to the common room!"

"Good. I'm kind of glad it's you who came, now that I think of it. I had much too much of your sister's whining and bickering this afternoon at training to put up with much more. She always has questions about everything."

"Right. That she does." So, this whole time, Bellatrix had been with Lucius? What were they training for?

"Here." Lucius handed her a black box. "The communication device is in there. It will show the date and time of when she is needed. That's all you need to know, and all you need to tell her for the time being."

"You know, why wasn't I invited into this secret club of yours?"

"You're too young. This is dangerous business, Narcissa. We're serving a noble cause, but we need capable people. Yes, you are highly intelligent for your age, but.... We need duelists of stamina, passion and a certain meanness."

"I can be mean. I have stamina. I don't see why my sister should leave me out of all this, whatever it is." Whoops... she probably shouldn't have said that...

Lucius fixed her with a sharp gaze. "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you? Bellatrix probably hasn't told you anything, but you just pretended to know. I admire that kind of intelligence and foresight in a woman."

Could he survive ten minutes without flirting with her? Honestly! "Thanks. Um... I should probably be getting that to Bellatrix.... If it's that important and all."

Lucius looked disappointed. "Of course. It's always a pleasure to speak with you, Ms. Black." With that, he took her hand and laid a gentle, taunting kiss upon it. Well, there are some things about him I could get used to.

"Until next time then, Lucius."

"Indeed. I'll be looking forward to it." His snaring completed, he turned, swooping his cape behind him, and walked towards the entrance of the school.

For a moment, Narcissa was tempted to follow him, just because she thought it'd be interesting. A rather sullen voice interrupted her.

"Well, when I saw you walk out of the common room alone, I thought it might be interesting to see if we could meet up. Clearly, you had other intentions."

Narcissa spun around to see Severus Snape standing behind her looking very haughty, which she interpreted to mean that he was very put out.

"I'm sorry, Severus... my sister sent me to meet him and..."

"You and I both know that is not the case. So you just write to me, but have Lucius as your insurance plan? Make sure to send me a wedding invitation so that I'll know when to start calling you 'Narcissa Malfoy'."

"It's not like that! Honestly Severus! You're always so protective of me!"

"Protective? It's not my fault you need protected."

"I don't need protection!"

"Do you even know what that man does?"

"I know he's a fighter. I can deal with that. I can deal with having my husband come home all bloody and letting me take care of him."

Severus' face fell. She already considered them married? I know there wasn't ever much of a chance, what with her family, but...I've finally found a woman who wouldn't mind my line of work, and she was gone before he even had a chance...

"I'm sorry, Severus. I hate seeing you like this. I just want to be able to tell everybody that we're..."

"That we're what, Narcissa?"

She couldn't tell if it was mockery or hope that lay in Severus' voice. Only he could make those emotions look and sound so similar. "That we're... important to each other. I want to be able to gaze at you without people thinking I'm crazy. I want to be able to go over potions assignments with you, I want to be there with you... it's just so hard, Severus."

"So your solution is to marry Malfoy? You think that if you marry him, you can distract yourself from what you feel about me? Good thing I never grew attached to you Narcissa. I can tell I was just a fling. Just a charity project you thought you'd make yourself feel better by taking on. I see your letters for what they really are... your attempt to make yourself a better person. I see now that I was wrong. Have a happy marriage to Malfoy."

With that, he stalked off to who knows where, the way his cape clung and fell depressingly behind him the only hint to the betrayal he felt.

"Severus wait! That's not... you've got it wrong!" But he didn't listen. Her pleading words echoed down the empty hallway like some mocking voice. After a few fleeting seconds, all she could see of Severus Snape was the end of his cape dragging on the floor after him. As the last bit of fabric was lost to the dark corridor Snape had walked down, Narcissa felt that she had lost part of herself. What had she done? Damn those teenage hormones! Severus had probably heard the entire thing! Not only did he know something about his sister she hadn't even been told, but she had seen Lucius and gotten the wrong impression completely! Patting the wetness on her face that Narcissa identified as tears that she hadn't even realized had fallen, she started walking in the direction of the common room. She wanted answers, but did she really feel like prying information out of her sister at the moment? But she had no where else to go... Normally when she felt this way, she would write letters to Severus. Would he ever read them again? Sweet Salazar, what had she done?

***

"What fucking time is it?" was Bellatrix's response to her roommate's nudge on the shoulder.

"Merlin, Black, it's 8 o'clock," said Camilla.

"In the morning? What class do I have first?"

Exasperated, Camilla replied, "In the evening! You fell asleep a couple of hours ago, when I got back to find the room in shambles after that pathetic pillow fight."

Bellatrix was starting to remember... training... pain... sand.... window.... broken mirror... Narcissa.... pillow fight.... sleep. Right. "Is Nars back yet?"

"Nope. I haven't seen her since I came up to give you that message."

"What message?"

"The one about Malfoy waiting for you.... Did you not go?!?"

"What? That message was for me? We thought he had come to see Narcissa! Shit... Fuck! What the fuck did you tell her for? Bloody fucking shit! What time is it? What time did you give me the message? Would he still be there.... Sweet Salazar what do you think he told Narcissa? Fuck!!!" All of this was said with a lot of thrashing, tangling of bed sheets and an attempt to leap out of bed. In the process, she knocked over the one lamp that hadn't gotten knocked over in the pillow fight, got her arm permanently extricated in a bed hanging and was some how standing next to Camilla with a sock in her right hand.

"It's not that big of deal. I'm sure whatever he was going to tell you he told to your sister to pass on to you. I'm sure she'll be back soon... I think."

"Fucking hell. This is horrible. I have to go find her."

"You aren't going to go find anyone in that condition, dear sister," Narcissa cut in from the doorway. "I can't have our family's reputation ruined because you thought bed hangings would be an excellent fashion statement."

Sensing a bit of tension, Camilla decided she'd go down to the common room and take the other two seventh year girls and go ... somewhere else. "Er... I have to study and left my books downstairs. Bye," she said as she quickly rushed to the door, trying to evade the mess made from Bellatrix's bed exploding all over the floor near her.

"So."

"Er...." Bella didn't know what to say, so she just concentrated on getting the bed hangings off her bloody arm.

"When you're finished with that, I think there are a few things we need to talk about. I'm going to go take a shower. There's something for you in the left pocket of my robe." Angrily, she tossed the robe over the back of her chair and strode into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

With a sigh, Bellatrix continued to arrange her bed so it didn't look like a pair of hippogryffs had waged war on it. Then she padded over to the chair, and picked up her sister's robe. She found the pocket, and pulled out the lump that was in it. It was a black box. With something inside it? Bellatrix looked around suspiciously, and then carefully opened it. Damn! Was this really for her? It looked like something Malfoy would give Narcissa for an engagement gift or something. As she examined the necklace, she noticed several important things: It was on a fine silver chain. The pendant was made out of two snakes wrapped around an emerald, with small rubies for their eyes. On the back was engraved, "BB". Well, that certainly confirmed it was hers. She also noticed that the initials were small and left a large space at the top of it. She slung it over her head and looked at the back of the necklace again. A time and date had appeared on it. Ah, the communication device I heard about. A soft jolt went through her as she realized that, basically, Tom had given it to her. Even though she knew it wasn't meant as a romantic gesture, she couldn't help taking it as so. It was a beautiful and expensive necklace after all, wasn't it? She then heard the washroom door open, and Narcissa stepped through it.

"Have a nice shower?"

"Mm-hm. Find the box?"

"Yeah. So... you wanted to talk about..."

"About the fact that, 1. You spent the afternoon with Malfoy training for something, 2. He knows what you've been up to and is probably involved, 3. He wanted to meet with you tonight to give you that 'mode of communication'."

"I thought that'd be it. I also thought I'd have to tell you sooner or later. I just didn't want to have to burden you with it."

They both sat down on Narcissa's bed, waiting for the other to say something first.

"You heard about the Knights of Walpurgis? Well, it goes one step further now. Tom Riddle is serious about it."

"Please don't tell me you're doing something stupid just because of him!"

"It's not just because of him...I believe in what he's doing. We need to clear this world out. The Ministry is obviously ineffective. The people in there are too considerate of the needs of the muggleborns. In all rights, they shouldn't have needs except to go back where they came from. We can't fix our society until we get rid of the problem in its entirety."

"I understand that. But you're dueling to get there, aren't you? Lucius said they needed 'duelists with meanness' or something like that."

"You know I've always been a fighter, Cissy. I can't stand on the sidelines while there is work to be done. If there's anything I can do to protect our lives and to uphold our honor, I'll do it. I've had to pay the price for my commitment, but it will be worth it. Some day, Narcissa, you'll wake up to a different Wizarding World. A Wizarding World the way it should be. Don't you want to know your children will be able to grow up without the taint of muggles?"

"But.... Not everyone with a bit of muggle blood in them is worth killing... there are some that..."

"Oh no. That's what this is about! You didn't cut it off with him did you? When mother found out you were dating a mysterious half-blood she told you to quit it, but you didn't did you? Those letters are from Snape!"

"Well, it's not much to talk about now... I think I really screwed things up this time."

As much as she wanted to comfort her sister, she was kind of glad she had gotten rid of Snape. He was difficult, to say the least. Bellatrix truly despised him. She had seen him at some of her death eater training camps, and they didn't really get along well. Bellatrix knew Malfoy would treat her better, give Narcissa an easier, cushier life. Even though she was an intelligent girl, she was used to comfort. No way could Bellatrix let her give that all up and see her banished from the family all for someone like Snape.

"I don't want you to get smoked off that family tree, Nars. He's not worth abandoning the only life you've ever known. None of your current friends would talk to you anymore. I'd have to sneak around to send you the vaguest of messages. It'd be horrible, sis."

"I know. But I felt like we had a connection."

"Maybe you did. Trust me, I know how much it hurts to have to give up on the love of your life. But there will always be someone else..."

"So you are giving up on Tom?"

"I'm giving up on the man people know as Tom Riddle. My loyalty to him as an icon for our race will never waver. All the fervor I obtained for that man has been transformed into absolute loyalty. Perhaps it's better this way. He's been changing a lot- I think it'd be worse for a man to fall in love with me, then for me to see the man I fell in love with disappear. Tom Riddle will change, perhaps cease to exist completely, but what he stands for and what he does- his role as my leader; that will never change."

Narcissa felt like she had gained a new understanding of her sister. She was willing to give up on a part of her life completely for the greater good. It wasn't a sacrifice she was ready to make yet, but Narcissa respected her sister for it all the same. Bellatrix put an arm around her sister's shoulder, knowing full well that's he couldn't believe what she had just said about giving up on Tom. She knew Nars would never rid her heart entirely of Snape, but what she had told her would give her hope. Hoping for someone else to come around and be second-best was all that either of them could ever hope for. Both of them would always have to struggle with replacing the passion for one man with that of another. It was something they had to do to uphold all that they were. In an effort to salvage their lives, they had to destroy other parts of themselves. That is what they had been brought up to do. It was the understanding that self-sacrifice was necessary that gave the Pure Bloods their nobility. It was this very nobility and identity that Bellatrix had dedicated her life to protect, no matter the cost. Turning her necklace in her right hand, Bellatrix hugged her sister with her left, and provided whatever comfort she could.