For the Child

Chapter 01: "Broken"

I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh,

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away.

I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well,

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open,

And I don't feel like I am strong enough.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome,

And I don't feel light when you're gone away.

The worst is over now and we can breathe again,

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.

There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight,

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open,

And I don't feel like I am strong enough.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome,

And I don't feel right when you're gone away.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open,

And I don't feel like I am strong enough.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome,

And I don't feel light when you're gone away.

~*~*~*~*~*~

31 October 1981

"No, Severus!" yelled the old man with the long, flowing, silver beard. He grasped the younger man's arm tightly, trying to restrain him. "What's done is done. There's no use in endangering yourself. Let it be."

Finally, the younger man with shoulder-length black hair stopped struggling and stood still in the dark, clear night to gaze upon the ruins of a home that once housed a family. His. There were several small fires yet to be put out here and there. Smoke wafted out the windows and towards the heavens, but the worst was over. Side-by-side in silence stood the older man, Albus Dumbledore, and the younger man, Severus Snape. Severus was in shock as he surveyed the charred remains of the home he shared with his wife and infant son. He had only been gone an hour; in one hour he had lost his beloved wife and the son he had adored from the depths of his soul. His spirit had shattered like a looking glass that had been thrust upon a sidewalk.

Dumbledore peered sorrowfully over his half-moon spectacles to address Snape softly. "Severus, Hagrid is going through the house right now to..."

Snape jerked his head around to glare at Dumbledore, and snapped angrily, "Why? To see if anyone is alive?!" He laughed bitterly at the thought of anything being salvageable after witnessing his house being almost completely destroyed. The only think that remained was the frame of the house. The walls were intact, but badly burnt.

The older man ignored this comment, knowing it was the grief speaking. "Perhaps it would be best if you waited at Hogwarts while Hagrid and I wait for the Ministry of Magic to arrive?"

Snape, now calmer and looking at anything but his former home, answered, "Like you said, Headmaster, what's done is done. Going to Hogwarts won't do me any good. My family is gone whether I'm here or there."

Dumbledore sympathized wholeheartedly. The scene before him was a picture of absolute and horrific destruction. The two trees that flanked either side of the house had caught on fire and burned to a crisp. The front door was missing where it apparently had been blasted open and the windows were broken into thousands of little pieces, all of which lay on the ground in front of the house. The beautiful, red roses that once decorated the walk way that led to the front door were wilted and lay strewn on the grass. Severus couldn't bear to cast his eyes on the overwhelming devastation that had happened in the one hour he was away.

He wanted to yell! He wanted to scream! He wanted to wail like a banshee, but he remained motionless, his inner turmoil hidden behind his staunch Slytherin composure. Being emotional wasn't going to make anything any better. It wasn't going to bring his wife back and it wasn't going to bring his son back. It wasn't going to undo any of this. Snape felt he had nothing left to live for. For a moment he wished the Dark Lord would return and perform the Avada Kedavra on him. Or maybe he would beg Voldemort to do the Cruciatus curse first so that he could suffer like his poor wife did, or maybe the Imperius curse so that the evil wizard could humiliate him because he didn't deserve to be alive.

It should've been me to have died. Not them, but me.

For one fleeting second, Snape thought of hunting Voldemort down and pleading for a most painful demise.

So deep in his thoughts was he that he almost didn't hear the muffled crying that seemed to be coming from inside the house.

Severus jerked his head up and looked quizzically at Dumbledore. "What was that?"

"I don't know. It sounds like a child's cry." Dumbledore looked equally interested in the source of the cries.

The cry that had, at first, seemed as if it were coming from the back of the house, now seemed to be moving closer. From the place Snape and Dumbledore were standing, they saw the half-giant Hagrid emerge from the doorframe, ducking so as to not hit his head. In his arms, the two men saw him carrying a white bundle. A child was screaming loudly and wildly now. As Hagrid grew closer, Severus could see two chubby arms flailing from the blanket and he recognized them instantly. They were his son's!

Snape bolted from where he was standing on the sidewalk and met Hagrid halfway up the lawn, seizing the bundle out of his arms. It was all he could do to keep from falling to his knees and rapturously thank the powers that be that his son was spared. Holding the baby tenderly in one arm, he used the hand on his opposite arm to wipe the tears from the wee lad's reddened face. Upon seeing his father, the little one's screams faded away into sniffles. As if the world around him had disappeared, Severus concentrated on the one thing left in the world that he loved the most: his own flesh and blood. He rocked the boy gently until his slowly drooping eyes were shut.

A half-joy surged through Severus's veins the moment he recognized his son, but now reality had crept back into his mind as he looked up from the sleeping boy to see the Headmaster smiling, mixed emotions overshadowing his face. Dumbledore looked simultaneously overjoyed, relieved and saddened. Hagrid stood to the Headmaster's left, his eyes brimming with tears. He sniffed here and there.

"I found'im that'a way. Screamin' an' yellin'. Poor li'l thing. He was a'layin' beside his..." Hagrid abruptly stopped upon seeing Severus's head snap up. The look on Snape's face chilled Hagrid to the bone. It wasn't what was on his face, but what was not on his face--emotion. It was a haunting look, a mask he wore when he didn't want anyone else knowing what he was feeling or thinking.

In a monotone voice through lips that didn't move, Snape asked, "Where is she?"

Hagrid didn't know whether to answer or not. He looked to Dumbledore for guidance, but Snape was impatient and furious, wanting to know the last possible things his dead wife saw.

"WHERE IS SHE?!" His voice boomed through the night air.

Startled, Snape's son awoke and began wailing again. His little mouth did a perfect impression of an upside down "u" and his small face scrunched up in discomfort. Severus tried to rock him but his screams seemed only to get louder.

Dumbledore stepped forward and held out his arms. "Do you mind, Severus, if I may hold the child?"

Snape hesitated. He'd only now had gotten him back after believing that he'd been killed by the most horrendous dark wizard in ages.

As if Dumbledore had read the man's mind, he assured the child's father, "Don't worry, I'm not going to run off with him as I haven't run since before the turn of the century."

Reluctantly, Severus placed the wee one in the arms of the older man and instantly the child hushed.

The headmaster smiled at the boy and cooed soothingly, "There, there, child. No harm will come to you now. You're safe."

Snape, however, was not distracted and expected his question to be answered. Quieter, as to not again wake the baby, he prodded urgently, "Well, Hagrid, I asked you a question and I expect it to be answered. Now."

Again, Hagrid looked at Dumbledore who nodded his head in approval. Hagrid took a deep breath. It was evident that what he saw had shaken him.

"The nurs'ry. She 's lyin' there on th' floor..."

Immediately, Snape turned and ran toward the house, going in through the front entrance.

Hagrid panicked, ready to go after him. "Dumbledore, sir, he migh' get hurt er summat could fall on 'is head!"

"Let him go, Hagrid. It's the only way he will find peace."

In the house, Severus ran up the skeleton stairs to the second floor, barely making out the rooms that use to house his familiars. Instinctively, he cast his eyes in the direction of his son's nursery and his pace slowed. Like the front door, the nursery door had been blown away, the pieces were scattered in the hallway. Before placing his hands on either side of the doorframe, he turned his head away from the room to prepare himself for what he would see. Closing his eyes, he saw her, laughing, smiling, holding their son... Those green eyes! How alive they had been! How mirthful and happy! Scenes of their life together flashed before him: their friendship, star-gazing, their courtship, their marriage, making love, the first time she had made him wear something that wasn't black, finding out she was pregnant, the birth of their son... Tears stung his eyes but did not fall and a hollow smile formed on his lips as he replayed these memories over and over in his head.

Severus turned around. Slowly and gingerly, he felt his way back to the creaking stairs and descended. He did not open his eyes again until he was out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus exited the house oppositely from the manner in which he entered. His face fixed stiffly ahead, his eyes were black like bottomless pits--emotionless and empty.

Dumbledore, with the baby still in his arms, looked most kindly upon Snape and returned the infant to his father. The younger man looked at his boy and noticed he was again awake and cooing.

The headmaster chuckled, "I think he prefers you. While you were gone, he kept calling for 'dada'. Either the child was trying to express his wish to be a future DADA instructor or he simply wanted his father."

Numbly, Snape just nodded.

As representatives from the Ministry of Magic began to appear, Dumbledore felt that they needn't stand in the way of the Ministry doing their job. He suggested to Hagrid and Severus, "Our work here I done. I believe we need to go somewhere more comfortable so we can talk about what to do next? I do believe Hogwarts would be the best place to go, are there any objections?" His face moved between Hagrid, who shook his head "no" and Severus whose attentions were focused solely on his son. "Very well then. I have a portkey with me." He took out a striped sock from the insides of his flowing blue robes. "Here touch this and we will be taken to my office." The half-giant and grief-stricken young man gathered around the older man and touched their hands to the sock. Severus held his son's tiny hand to the sock, as well, so he wouldn't be left behind. In a few very seconds, the trio plus a baby arrived in the Hogwarts office of the headmaster.

Hagrid felt his presence wouldn't be needed any longer so he made his excuses. "Sir, I need ter go an' check on some things. I'll be close by in case yeh be needin' me."

Dumbledore smiled softly at the gamekeeper. "Thank you, Hagrid. I greatly appreciate your help tonight."

"I was glad ter be of some service. I'll be goin' then." Hagrid left, leaving Dumbledore and Snape alone to talk about what happens next.

Dumbledore sat in the chair behind his desk and conjured a chair for Snape. A comfortable, padded green armchair appeared in front of the headmaster's desk and Snape sit in it, still holding his child who sounded like he was trying out some new sounds. The most prominent word out of his mouth was "dada", but there was another sound that the little one was trying to turn into a word but was having trouble doing so.

The old man allowed several minutes to pass by to give father and son some time together before Severus and he discussed what to do next. He wasn't sure the answer would be the most popular with the younger man, but at the moment, it seemed like the most logical. Dumbledore's thoughts were interrupted, however, when suddenly Severus sat upright looking alarmed at the boy. Through a gap in his hair, he saw a wound on the child's forehead, in the shape of a bolt of lightning!

"Albus, look! On his forehead!" Severus abruptly stood up and handed the baby over to the headmaster who had also risen from his chair. Moving the black hair from the baby's cherub-like face, the old man meticulously examined the scar as an art dealer would examine a world renowned piece of art.

Amused, Dumbledore looked at the worried father. "Well, I've never seen anything like it before, perhaps because nothing like it has ever been accomplished."

"What is it?" Snape queried, concerned about his boy.

"The mark on your son's forehead is a mark that could only be the result of surviving the one curse which leaves no survivors."

"The Avada Kedavra???" Snape asked incredulously. "But no one has ever survived it once it's been cast. How, in the name of Merlin, did a fifteen-month old child survive it??"

Handing the baby back to his father and taking a deep breath, Dumbledore sat back down in his chair and stroked his beard with his long fingers. For several quiet moments, he thought in earnest.

Finally, the headmaster spoke thoughtfully, "I can only conclude that his mother must've sacrificed her own life for that of her son's, thus casting somewhat of a counter-charm that protected the infant from the ravages of that particular curse. The courage--the love--that she had to have had for her son must've been enough to repel such a curse inspired by hate and loathing."

"Yes, she did love him very much. So very much," Snape thought out loud, almost inaudibly.

"And you, too, as I recall."

"Her love for me was unearned and undeserved. It's because of me that my son has no mother," Snape murmured.

"Love is not earned, it is freely given, Severus. And you are not to blame for her death!" Dumbledore's voice now sounded stern. He didn't want the man sitting before him, the man he was so fond of, blaming himself for the perils created by another man so hate-filled and so power hungry. In a tone more gentle, the headmaster continued, "I'm sure if I performed a Priori Incantatem on your wand, I would find that you had not cast the Avada Kedavra on your wife, therefore, you are not responsible for her death."

"But it's because of me and the choices I made that she's dead!!" The last word was so painful when it passed his lips that he almost didn't get it out. It stuck in his throat like a wedged chicken bone.

"Ahhh, but as I recall, she didn't enter into the marriage oblivious to your work or what you were trying to accomplish. I believe she had an idea of the danger that lay before her when she said her marriage vows. In some ways, I think she expected tonight to happen sooner or later. In death, she will earn the respect and admiration of thousands when they learn of her valiant sacrifice."

Snape had nothing left to say and hung his head in defeat, his dark hair brushing over his sallow face and covering his grief stricken eyes. His anger still dwelled inside him, but he was too exhausted to argue anymore. Sensing his fatigue, Dumbledore pressed the issue he so vehemently wanted to talk over with Severus before the young man's mind had shut down completely.

"There is another thing, Severus, that is urgent that we discuss. I know you are tired, my friend, but we cannot delay in making some important decisions regarding our victorious survivor here." His blue eyes twinkled as he gazed at the giggling, bubbly infant.

His head still hung down. He closed his eyes wishing that he were alone with his son, trying to forget the events of the past twelve hours. But he knew this discussion was inevitable. He was just waiting for the headmaster to bring it up. It wasn't exactly the discussion that he dreaded, it was the decisions that had to be made that he despised. Somehow he knew they were going to be among the most painful that he would ever have to make in his life. Wearily, he answered, "I know. I knew the moment that I recognized him in Hagrid's arms that we'd have to make some decisions regarding his future."

"My fear is that once Voldemort's followers hear of what has happened to their master, they will come looking for the child. I'm also afraid they might come looking for you, as well, as I'm sure that they will suspect you, before long, of having turned traitor. Even if the Death Eaters have no idea that you were a spy, if Voldemort returns, and let me say that I do not think he is dead, just... incapacitated, he will be looking for you as well as the young wizard who escaped his wrath."

Once again, Snape donned his expressionless face and stared straight ahead looking at nothing but the wall behind Dumbledore's head. He couldn't meet the old man's face. "My own son is not safe with me, his father."

"And I might remind you that you are not safe with him."

"I don't care about myself, I just want to protect my son! Not only because I want to see him safe, but because I don't want his mother's sacrifice to have been in vain. Besides, I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, too."

"I know. I know. I am worried for the both of you. I want to be able to keep you both safe, which brings me to the point of this discussion."

Snape sighed, "Well, then out with it, Albus. I'm quite tired."

Dumbledore's expression became somber as he searched for the right words to say. There just didn't seem to be any "right" words. In his softest voice, he addressed his friend.

"Severus, you have some choices you need to make. By all means, not tonight, but soon, out of the safety for the both of you. I need to impress upon you the urgency in which these decisions need to be made. First of all, I would only welcome you to stay here at Hogwarts as no Death Eater would ever think to lead a retaliation upon these sacred grounds, at least not while I'm here. Secondly, if and when Voldemort shall return, he would not dare come near this school so you shall be safe, as well as your son, if you decide that he shall remain with you..."

For the first time in a while, Snape's eyes met Dumbledore's and bore into the older man's with fury. Disgusted, he roared, "I've just lost my wife and now you want me to give up my son?? The only thing in this life that I have left?!" How could anyone, Dumbledore included, expect that he would just give up his own flesh and blood?! The man must be mad! He would die before he handed his son to anyone else! As soon as these words slipped through his mind, he reminded himself, Your wife did die before she handed her son over.

This thought calmed him down some so that he could think more clearly. The child wouldn't be safe with him, that was true. The child's true identity had been well hidden since the day he was born precisely to protect him from those that wanted to harm his father. After all, his wife was dead partly because she had been married to him. But now the circumstances were different. The child was as in much danger as himself. This fifteen-month old baby had, in essence, defeated the most feared, the most abhorred and the most powerful wizard of his time. That was reason enough for the Dark Lord's followers to want to seek revenge, even if the person responsible for their master's demise wasn't even old enough to say a simple spell. If Dumbledore was right and Voldemort wasn't dead, then the only way he could protect his son from these type threats would be to keep him at Hogwarts under constant surveillance every minute of every day. The child would not be allowed to wander the grounds freely, he'd be locked up inside the castle. He wouldn't be able to go on trips or to do things typical boys his age would be doing. It just wasn't fair to expect a child to understand the complicated reasons behind not being able to be normal.

Dumbledore got up and walked over to Snape and laid a kind hand on his shoulder. "I want you to make a decision that would be the best for both of you. Only you can make that choice. As you are his father, I trust that you would be the best in determining the most logical course of action to follow." The old man removed his hand and walked over to the window of his office and gazed out into the night sky. "Sometimes, the greatest thing a parent can do for their child is also the most painful. I was sitting in the same place as you twenty-five years ago, and I had to make a heartbreaking decision much like the one you will be making soon."

Snape's curiosity peaked. The headmaster had always preferred not to get too personal with most people, so it was most surprising that he was divulging private information. "Were you happy with your decision?"

Not meeting the young man's face, Dumbledore continued to stare out the window, his thoughts miles and miles away from the office at Hogwarts. "Every circumstance is different, my friend. You cannot judge your own experience by mine, so I will not tell you just now what I think of my decision."

"Then how the hell am I suppose to know what is the right thing to do?! This is my child we're talking about, Albus! I don't want to play trial and error with his life!" Snape yelled furious, his angry voice echoing throughout the room.

"I pity your position. I would not wish it upon anyone, but I believe that you are strong enough that you can withstand the consequences of your decision."

For a moment, Snape considered what Dumbledore said. Perhaps the child would be better growing up apart from his father. With a heavy heart, he asked in a small voice, "Would he go to another wizarding family?"

"No, I don't believe that is safe. From this day forth, everyone in our world will know his name. Every move he makes will be known and closely followed. His whereabouts, as will yours, will be front page news on the 'Daily Prophet', the both of you will become easy targets for the Death Eaters. I'm afraid that all the secrets you and your wife so earnestly tried to protect will be exposed, putting you and your son in the gravest of danger."

"Then where exactly would you place him?"

"I believe your wife had a sister..."

"I don't believe this!" Snape screamed, interrupting the Headmaster once again, "You want to place him with people that didn't even acknowledge our world!! She had nothing to do with her sister the whole time she was alive! And if you are correct in assuming that the Dark Lord is, in fact, still alive, then I would think the first person he would look for would be my son!"

"I can assure you that he will be protected, Severus."

"How is he going to be more protected living with those idiots than he would be here?!"

"When your wife died for your son, there was a protective charm that was cast on the child and I have reason to believe that anyone related to your wife by blood will be able to cast the same protection on him. Your sister-in-law is the closest living relative that shares the blood of your wife..."

"Late wife..." Snape hissed.

"Yes, most unfortunately. As long as the child lives under the same roof with her, he will be protected and no one will know of his whereabouts. He will be able to grow up in peace and live a normal life without being in any danger. I give you my solemn word that this child will grow up safely."

Snape looked sourly down at the baby who was still talking to himself despite the life altering decisions being made around him. He knew that it was only right that the child be placed with his late wife's horse-faced sister, but it didn't mean that he liked it any. The prospect of his son never knowing who his father is was tormenting to say the least. If there was only some way to keep his son with him and keep him safe. Snape wracked his brain for anything, but there was only one answer.

"Fine! Take my son away!" Snape shot up out of the chair and moved to stand in front of Dumbledore, shoving the child towards the headmaster. "Just take him."

Dumbledore gave him his most compassionate look. "Not right now. Plans will have to be made first." Severus took back his son and grasp him tightly in his arms. He wasn't sure that if the headmaster didn't take him at this moment, if he would ever be able to let him go.

"Severus, I know what you are going through. There are things that I've never told anyone, secrets that I've never dared let escape my mouth. Trust me that I feel the same anguish that is engulfing your body at this moment."

Snape narrowed his eyes at the man who appeared to have so much more in his life than Snape did at that particular moment. Furiously, he barked, "How could you possibly know how it feels?! How could you possibly know what it feels like to have your child ripped from you for reasons that you have no control over?!"

"Like I said, my friend, I know. It still saddens me to think of it and at the moment, I may even fall apart if I speak of it. When I'm ready, I will tell you. But even now, after twenty-five years, I still can't bring myself to think about it." A singular tear rolled down Dumbledore's cheek and his face looked suddenly tired. The creases in his worn face featured prominently. Upon seeing that one tear, Severus trusted that the headmaster was feeling what he was feeling because he had faith in the man that sat before him. He had never lied to him before. After all, this was the man that he'd sworn his allegiance to in the fight against Voldemort.

Both stood quietly at the window for several minutes, trying to capture a moment's peace in a night of tumult. Suddenly, the wee lad in his father's arms stifled a yawn, ceasing his childish cooing. Dumbledore smiled at the small fellow, then at his father.

"It's late and we've all had a long day. Why don't you two take my room tonight and try to get some sleep."

Too tired to argue, Snape acquiesced. Dumbledore led them to his chambers and told them that if they needed anything, to call on him or a house-elf. Snape placed the little fellow on the bed and cast a protective charm so that he wouldn't roll off. Sleep would not be overcoming him tonight for this was the last night he would have alone with his child. This time tomorrow, his role as a father would cease and he return would return to being ordinary Severus Snape. It was enough to tempt him to turn his own wand on himself.

With sleep battling the baby for control, the wee one began to cry and scream. Snape rushed from where he was over to bed and picked him up tenderly. He tried to shush him but with no avail. Even rocking him didn't seem to have an effect. Then, Severus realized what the matter was, or rather he smelled it.

Making a face, he realized what his son had done. Even though he'd changed a few diapers during the past fifteen months, it was usually a job reserved for his wife...

"Late wife..." he reminded himself.

Laying the squalling child back down on the bed, Severus transfigured a vase into a diaper quite easily, but then he had the problem of deciding what to do with the mess in the child's diaper. He recalled that his late wife had used some sort of moist tissue, preferring to have hands on contact rather than doing everything by magic. She always went on about how babies needed contact. Frustrated, he looked around, looking for anything that could be used to wipe the child's bottom. With nothing left to transfigure (Dumbledore apparently kept all his belongings in his office rather than in his chambers), he gave up and waved his wand, whispering, "Proles Purgo." In under a second, the boy's mess was cleaned up, but it took longer than a minute for Severus to try and figure out how to put a diaper on. Now, even more frustrated, and feeling a little guilty, he resorted to magic to put on the diaper. Once again, brandishing his wand, he muttered, "Compescor." If the boy hadn't been kicking and screaming the whole time, Severus might have managed to change his diaper the Muggle way.

Sighing, in relief at an accomplished, albeit difficult, task, he frowned when his son had still not quit crying. The child's screams tormented his father who was all out of ideas as to how to go about soothing him. He picked the baby up and tried rocking him. That didn't work. He tried rubbing his back in circular patterns. That didn't work, either. It hurt Severus deeply that he couldn't help his son calm down. Perhaps the lad sensed that his mother was dead? Or maybe he somehow understood that this was the last night he was to spend with his father?

"It's ok, son. Shhhh... Dada's got you." At that moment, he felt something tug the back of his robes. Whirling around and looking down, he saw a house elf.

Angered that his last remaining hours with his only child were being interrupted, Severus snarled, "What do you want?! Can't you see I'm trying to calm my son?!"

The house elf trembled, totally terrified of the man in the black robes and hateful eyes. Timidly, she squeaked, "E--Essie's sorry, M--Mister S--Snape! M--Master D--Dumbledore thought you might n--need this for th--the little one!" In her hand was a bottle filled with milk in which Severus grabbed irritably and then yelled at the house elf to get out of the room. In an instant, the frightened elf was gone.

The moment Severus put the nipple into his son's mouth, the baby immediately settled down. The only sound that could be heard was him sucking hungrily. A little milk dribbled from the side of his mouth and down his chin, staining the older man's black robes. Ignoring the wet spots the milk was making on his robes, he hugged the child to his chest as he sat on the edge of the bed. He couldn't explain why, but at that moment he felt so much pride and joy looking at the little guy he held in his arms with whom he shared his chin and hair color. For several seconds, the pair locked eyes and warmth flooded Severus's body. His son's love was the only thing that could mend his battered soul. Extending a long finger, he was delighted when five small, chubby ones wrapped themselves around it. The wee fellow fell asleep still grasping his father's finger. Severus was reluctant to lay the child down. He could've lived in that moment forever. In fact, he hoped that time would stop so that he could spend an eternity gazing proudly at the son he had helped create.

The night was peaceful and tranquil. Severus moved, with his child still in his arms, to sit on the ledge of the window to look out into the dark night. A foggy mist slowly crept from the lake onto the land and covered the grounds for as far as he could see. There was no moon, but there were thousands of stars twinkling brightly in the velvet black sky. As a child, he had thought them to be spirits of the deceased shining down on their loved ones on Earth. Now that he had gotten older, he knew that that wasn't true, but he couldn't help but notice that since the rise of Voldemort's power, there seemed to be many more stars scattered about the sky than he could ever remember.

Severus and his son sat that way the rest of the night. The wee lad slept soundly in the arms of his father. He was unaware of his father watching his sleeping form carefully, wanting to memorize everything about him to last him until the day they were to see each other again. A million memories played in Severus's mind as the hours passed too quickly.

When the night faded into morning, he and his son went out onto the grounds to watch the sunrise. He put the boy down on the ground and let him toddle around. Soon, Severus's little man found a toad, and out of curiosity, began to follow it around as it leaped from one place to the other. Several times, he tried to catch it in his little hands, but instead ended up falling over onto the ground. He never cried, though. Rather, he would grunt and stand himself back up, wiping his dirty hands onto his pants. After awhile, he gave up on the toad and turned his attentions on the lake. Severus was so mesmerized and enchanted by his small son's actions that he almost didn't catch the lad before he plummeted himself into the water. Laughing, he scooped the mirthful child up and returned to the castle.

On their way back, Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, flew overhead and the boy pointed his stubby little finger at it and looked at his father as if to ask, "What is that?" Reading his son's facial expression, he answered, "That's a phoenix. Can you say 'phoenix'?"

The child opened his mouth to reveal two rows of pearly white teeth and tried to mock his father but ended up saying, "Feex."

Chuckling, Snape said, "Close enough." Now, everything that flew overhead, whether it be Fawkes the Phoenix, a bird or an owl, the child would point at it and say "Feex". It didn't matter how many times Severus tried to correct him, the wee one stubbornly refused to say anything else. The two spent the rest of the day wondering about the castle and the grounds. Anxious about the impending events to happen upon nightfall, Severus was unable to keep still. He also wanted to spend each remaining moment with his son before he gave him up to two imbeciles who he was sure didn't love him, and would never love him, as much as his mother had and his father did.

Father and son paused twice throughout the day to eat. The older man wasn't hungry much, but he had to eat his food in order to persuade his son to eat. They then set out to explore Hogwarts's beautiful gardens. Severus allowed his wee man to toddle a little ahead of him. He observed him hopping from flower to flower, taking the time to smell them, often times picking the blooms off stems and stuffing them into his pockets. Every once in a while he would vanish into a bush to explore it further, usually reappearing within a few seconds. However, when the boy didn't reemerge from the rose bush he'd just disappeared into, Severus worried and went to look for him. Soon he heard his son scream from the top of his lungs. Following his cries, Severus quickly found him and saw the reason for his screams: he'd been bitten by a gnome. The baby held his hurting finger with his opposite hand as tears rolled fervently down his plump cheeks. Angry at the stupid gnome for biting his child, Severus forewent tossing it out of the garden (which was the proper way to dispose of the little pests) and instead, produced his wand, pointed it at the gnome and shouted, "Eradico!" The gnome burst into flames from the top of it's pointy hat to the bottom of his pointy shoes, thus producing a fit of giggles from the child. Forgetting about his hurt finger, he clapped his hands together for his father's feat. Severus let his son continue wondering about the garden, but stayed close behind in case of another attack.

The day passed by fast, too fast for Severus. As the sun sat, he reflected on the passing day and tried to etch each and every minute into his memory. When the child napped, he extracted his thoughts into a pensieve to help him endure the coming years without his son. Emptiness soon consumed him and doubt crept into his mind as to whether he would be able to give his son up. He knew that for the moment, it would be better for his son to live apart from him, but he couldn't help but feel slightly selfish as to wanting to keep his son near him. Wasn't that what parents and children are suppose to do? Stay together?, he thought. Sadness turned into rage, rage turned into bitterness and the bitterness turned back into sadness.

The last ray from the sun disappeared beneath the horizon and there came a knock on the chamber door. Severus's heart dropped for he knew what it meant. Striding over the door, he flung it open and saw Dumbledore standing there, his eyes full of pity.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned away from the older man and asked miserably, "Why do I feel like Igraine as she handed her son over to Merlin?"

Dumbledore spoke softly and benevolently, "Because you are doing the same thing, handing over your son. Like her, you have no control over the reasons for doing so. And just as her son Arthur was, this child will be great as well. He, too, will be a legend and a hero."

"Well, I don't want him to be a legend or a hero!!" Snape yelled, spit flying from his mouth, "I just want him to be my son!!"

"Severus, he will always be your son and you will always be his father. It is still not too late to change your mind. I will go to any lengths to protect him, and you."

The younger man seemed to consider this for a minute, but then with a dismissing wave of his hand he spoke gruffly, "No, it's for the best. I just want a little more time with him."

Severus had never begged in his life until now. He was too sorrowful to even feel ashamed at his un-Slytherinlike pleading.

"Of course, my friend. You can have more time if that is what you wish. The preparations have been made to transport the boy to the Dursleys'. Minerva is already there. She's been watching them throughout the day. I'm going to join her shortly, but when you are ready, give the child to Hagrid and he will bring him to me."

This inflamed Severus. He scoffed, "Hagrid?? You can't be serious?! You expect me to trust that oaf with my only son??"

"As I trust Hagrid with my life, I also trust him to deliver the child in one piece."

The young man was not happy, but he didn't argue. He trusted Dumbledore's judgment, even though he couldn't help but balk at some of his decisions. Nodding his head, he told Dumbledore, "Fine. Give me a little more time to say goodbye. I'll go find Hagrid when I'm ready."

"Very well." Those were the older wizard's only words as he left the chamber where Snape and his son were staying. Even Dumbledore, being one of the wisest men in the wizarding world, couldn't think of the words to say to comfort the younger man enough or that would give him the strength to endure giving his child up. He'd rather not have to look into the face of the suffering father right now for Albus felt as if he had failed the young man. For the first time in his life, Albus Dumbledore felt that he had no power. He couldn't make the Death Eaters leave Severus and his child alone, and he couldn't make the Dursleys like the baby and he couldn't ease Severus's or his own pain. Gravely and sadly, he made his way to Number Four Privet Drive to join Hogwarts's Professor Minerva McGonagall. Together they would await the arrival of the baby.

The child still lay slumbering on the bed when Dumbledore left the room. Snape paced the floor frantically trying to come up with a better way to keep his son safe than to send him off to and aunt and uncle who despised him. He never liked his sister- and brother-in-law. They were the biggest gits he'd ever met. Vernon exemplified the word 'Muggle'. And their son. God, what a little prat he was. The only time he'd been in their company was when his wife had attempted to fix the broken relationship between her and her sister by inviting them to dinner. He'd been tempted then to curse Dudley by giving him two heads and hooves, but his wife had taken his wand away and hid it. No matter because he didn't need magic. Later, when he'd caught Dudley pinching his son on the arm, Severus hadn't needed magic to slap the blonde haired boy on the head and knock him senseless. Afterward, when his in-laws had gone home, he'd gotten a good tongue lashing from his wife over that incident. But no matter, the little beast deserved what he had gotten. He'd had to heal the nasty purple bruise that appeared right above his son's wrist. From then on, he told his wife that under no circumstances would their child be around her sister's son. Until now.

Severus couldn't stand to watch his son anymore knowing that their time together was waning. He gathered the child in his arms and set off for Hagrid's hut. Sitting outside was Hagrid, more than ready to follow through with the precious task Dumbledore had assigned to him.

Hesitantly, Severus handed his most cherished possession over to the half-giant on a motorbike. Hagrid started up the bike, which made a loud ruckus, but the baby slept on. Just before he set off, the gamekeeper turned to Severus and asked him, "Is there anything else yer wanted ter say?" What Hagrid meant to ask was if Snape had any departing words for his child, but an embittered Snape sneered and directed his words at the one holding his son, "Yes, don't drop him."

With those last words, Snape turned and briskly walked back to the castle, never looking back. He heard the motorbike take off until it was so far gone he couldn't hear it any longer. His eyes stung, making him blink several times to clear his vision. His body was numb and as heart was beating rapidly. There wasn't any place in particular that he wanted to walk to, but somehow, his subconscious had led him to the astronomy tower. He sat atop the tower on the stone floor and looked up at the starry night as he had done the night before, and so many times in his past. From a young age, his late wife had loved to star gaze. During his first couple of years at Hogwarts, Severus had seen Lily slip away from the castle and disappear into the darkness of the night numerous times. Soon, he'd started following her, curious as to where the young girl was heading off to so late every night. Unbeknownst to him, Lily knew that she was being followed and caught him off guard one day when the girl invited the seemingly shy and somewhat brusque fourteen-year old Severus Snape to join her in her hobby. At first, Severus was reluctant to have anything to do with a Gryffindor (especially the girlfriend of his arch nemesis James Potter), but ultimately he became at ease with this good-natured, beautiful girl. They made fast friends. Around midnight, when the students were suppose to be in bed, the pair would sneak out of the castle (Lily knew all the secret passageways) and meet just beyond the reach of the Whomping Willow's branches. Night after night, they'd try to find a decent place to gaze from as one location would be obstructed by trees and another too well lit to see anything. Finally one night, quite by accident, they'd stumbled upon a nice grassy knoll. The spot seemed to be a gateway to the universe, because from where they lay, all the stars in the heavens seemed to congregate before them.

They'd lay for hours in silence, even after they had married, looking at the sparkling silver lights that dotted a background of black velvet. Severus had even chosen constellations to represent themselves--Leo for Lily the Gryffindor and Serpens for Severus the Slytherin. They were the first things Severus and Lily would look for when they gazed up into the heavens. Many times during their marriage, Severus had to go on missions to spy for Dumbledore. It was a comfort for each to look upward and see their constellations glistening vividly in a sky that sheltered them both. It made them feel closer to one another, even though they were miles apart. Following the birth of their son, Harry, Lily had chosen a constellation for him as well--Leo Minor--much to the chagrin of his Slytherin father. She had been so damned sure that he would be a Gryffindor some day!

"He's as much Slytherin as he is Gryffindor! Why, in the name of Merlin, did you have to choose Leo Minor??"

"Do you see a Serpens Minor anywhere up there?"

"Well, no..."

"Ok then, Leo Minor it is. And stop yelling! You're going to wake my little cub!"

Growling, Severus stalked off to sulk, but before long he was back at his wife and son's side, never being one to stay away for too long.

Sniggering at the memory, he gazed at the sky overhead and quickly found Serpens and Leo, with Leo Minor lying just to the south of it's mother. Tonight especially, Severus noticed that Leo shined more intensely than it had ever before. "Watch over him, Lily," he whispered softly, hoping with all his heart that his dead wife could hear him from wherever she was. Thinking about the son he had just given up, he began to weep bitterly. His tears were like acid on his pale face; his hauntingly tragic howls carried across the castle grounds and echoed throughout the Forbidden Forest, casting a silence upon all the living things that could hear them. For hours and hours he wept, each strangled cry was pulled mercilessly from the bottom of his broken heart. It was only the second time in twenty years he had cried, the other time being the day Harry was born.