Rumored Nervous Breakdown

"Voices? That means I'm am still alive. Rupert? Where is he?"

I keep my eyes shut and remain as still as I can. The longer I stay undetected, the better chance I have of getting us out of here.

"Rupert, I know I saw you cut down, but you are just playing "dead" like I am. Just hang on, I can get us out of here."

I crack an eye to see Rupert lying a few feet away, and it is eating me up that I cannot go to him right now. He needs to know I am still alive.

"He's probably lying there hoping that I don't do anything rash. I don't need to complicate our situation by trying something stupid. I wish he could signal me somehow."

Someone is speaking again, and I am afraid it might be Dolohov and Lestrange. I just close my eyes, praying for a swift, painless death. I cannot take another curse from either of them. However, the blissful release never comes; instead, the voice continues, and I realize I know who it is.

"Severus, you gutter-dwelling bastard."

"What do you think you're doing, mucking about Diagon Alley where you could be spotted?" Severus inquires. "If either of you are seen in the open, everything is going to be ruined."

"Just taking care of some overdue business," Bellatrix explains in a casual tone. "When did you decide to join our party?" A hysterical cackle issues from her, and it is making my hair stand on end.

"I was in Umbridge's office when someone from the Ministry contacted her about a disturbance in Diagon Alley. Apparently, screaming attracted the attention of one of the shop keepers. There are Aurors on the way," Severus says in a rush. "It looks like you have made my job a bit easier. Not taking chances with witnesses, are we?"

"Bella took care of that tiresome old man, and I managed to put Osgood out of his misery," Dolohov brags.

"No! He's not gone! Rupert, this can't be true! Any second you are going to pop up and throw a curse in someone's direction."

He continues with, "We were just going to take care of Osgood's little Mudblood whore when you arrived."

"I know, how about we flip a Galleon to see who gets the pleasure," Belletrix quips maliciously.

Someone picks up my arm and touches my wrist. "Don't waste the gold," Severus answers in a low tone, and I feel his nails dig into my arm hard. It seems to be an unspoken warning to not move. "We are a little late for that." I feel a release in the pressure allowing my arm to drop limply to the floor.

A toe prods me in the ribs. "Poor, ickle Nellie can't come out to play anymore," Bellatrix says in a childish voice.

"Bella, I am warning you to stop these foolish games," Severus chides. "I am getting tired of cleaning up everyone's messes. Get out of here before half the Ministry arrives."

"You are in no position to be giving orders. You are just Dumbledore's lap dog, living comfortably while those who were truly loyal were suffering in Azkaban for the cause," Bellatrix spits out, stomping around the room.

"Stifle it. I am not going to put up with the ravings of a mad woman," Severus snaps defensively.

I hear Severus mumble off several levitation charms, and I can hear objects scraping across the floor, followed by a series of bangs.

"What are you playing at?" Dolohov asks.

"Making this look like an accident," Severus answers flatly. "My job would be easier if you are gone."

There are two soft pops, but a third does not follow. Someone walks across the floor, stops, and roughly turns me onto my back. "Eleanor, open your eyes and look at me. I don't have time for games."

I don't look him in the eye. All I want is to touch Rupert, proving that he is still with me.

"I don't have time for this. He's gone," Severus whispers urgently, grabbing at my arm. I shake him off and crawl closer to Rupert's body.

"Leave me alone," I croak out weakly. "Rupert, come on, get up." I grab his hand, but it is lifeless and cold. The weight of the situation slams into me as tears pour down my face. I become aware Severus has been rearranging the room. When he comes to pull me to my feet, I protest by lying across Rupert's chest.

"Eleanor, I need you to get yourself to Hogsmeade." His tone is more insistent. I attempt feebly to obey; however, a wave of dizziness hits me, and I end up collapsing on the floor. "Stupid woman, just do as you are told for once."

"...Heartless bastard," I mumble to him, as he pulls me to my knees. I keep turning back towards Rupert. This can't happen twice in a lifetime to me.

All the fight has left me, having ebbed away quicker than Severus's patience. Why can't he just leave me here? Everything is really starting to spin around me, and my greatest desire is to curl up next to Rupert and wait for an end to the pain.

"Get off your ruddy arse and show some dignity," he groans. "We will both end up dead if we get caught here. Pull it together and Apparate to the village," he orders, pushing my wand forcefully into my hand.

I can feel my back hit the floor as Severus gives a sigh of impatience, sucking at his teeth in frustration. He picks me up off the floor, then I hear a rush from the fireplace as an eerie glow penetrates my leaden eyelids. I am a bit confused as to the reason we are Flooing out of Rupert's office; however, this is overshadowed by my guilt and anger, because I left Rupert behind.

I don't open my eyes as the smell changes in the air. It is reminiscent of the goat pen at a friend's farm. I haven't a clue as to where I am, but I don't care anymore.

I hear Severus's voice again as he barks out, "I'm leaving her here until I can arrange for someone to find her. Remember, this was an accident when you saw her blast out of the fire."

He is still speaking, but my tired body and spirit can no longer keep track of the conversation. The encroaching darkness is a bitter sweet release from this hell. Perhaps, I might pass away and join poor Rupert.

_______________________________________________________________________

There is an oppressive darkness on the back of my closed eyelids, and I have an odd sense of disconnection from my body. I don't feel pain or grief anymore, just a soft, warm mattress and crisp sheets. I hear the distant bell of the schools announcing a meal as the faint smell of bacon hits my senses.

"What happened?" Minerva's voice penetrates the gloom as someone adjusts the bed clothes.

"After Umbridge was alerted to the disturbance at Osgood's office, I managed to put things together. Osgood was a fool, keeping the evidence hidden for Dumbledore. He should have picked someone else to do this," Severus spits irritably. "Osgood and Perks were already dead when I arrived, and Eleanor was lying close by. Bellatrix and Dolohov were using her for target practice. I managed to convince them that she was dead, and I would need to cover-up their presence at the scene. I thought a Floo Powder explosion would be plausible. The bumbling dunderheads at the Auror Office seemed to have bought into it according to Kingsley."

"Why on earth did you use that story?" Minerva inquires worriedly. "Why not hide her?"

"Trying to hide Eleanor is like an attempt to conceal a Hungarian Horntail behind a broomstick," he explains in a derisive huff. "She can't keep to herself and will do something impulsive which will get all of us killed. It's up to her now."

"So, how do you plan on saving your own skin now?" Minerva asks pointedly.

"One of Eleanor's past acquaintances, a certain trainee Healer, Justin Copperbottom, has kindly consented to testify that he rendered his assistance when she was blown out of the fire at the Hog's Head last night. He told the Ministry Eleanor was clinically dead, but he was able to revive her after many attempts. That is how I am getting around that sticky question."

"I am sure you found some way to bully him into it, correct?" Minerva asks; however, she does not wait for a reply. "Nell knows that Rupert is dead, doesn't she?" Her voice quavers at the word "dead." I feel a hand pick up mine.

"She refused to believe that fool was dead. I had to forcefully pry her away from his body." Severus gives a huff of impatience. "She could have gotten both of us killed. I almost left her on the floor."

"You sorry excuse for a human. Rupert's dead, and all you can worry about is yourself."

"How is Nell going to handle this when she wakes up? She was so happy when he came to see her. I saw her smile for the first time in months, and now, I don't think she can survive the shock." I feel a hand stroke my forehead as Minerva continues with, "She is so frail right now."

"I think it would be advisable to remove any sharp objects and medication from Eleanor's room. We may need to discuss having someone baby-sit her at all times," Severus says in a matter-of-fact voice. "She will probably use this as an excuse for more sympathy. Don't get too caught up in her melodramatics," he tells Minerva. "I suspect her parents will mysteriously appear to save the day, like they always have; more excuses garnering more attention."

"I don't have the least thought of killing myself; however, thanks for reminding me of that option."

"Don't say any such thing in front of her. You haven't a clue as to what this is going to do to her," Minerva whispers angrily. "What would Albus say if he heard you discussing Nell like that?"

"He would probably say the same thing I have," he snaps back. "I think he would want events to unfold on their own, and make Eleanor clean up her own mess for once. I have retrieved the originals and have copies of the last two papers. What she does from here is her problem."

I feel so alone, and I am using every bit of will power to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over from the agony of the past few hours. In a matter of scant hours, I have gone from the greatest feeling of being loved and cherished by a wonderful man, to this hell of being without anyone who understands me.

"I'm sorry, I have already given you both a bit more time I normally do. You can come back later in the day perhaps," a crisp female voice interrupts. Someone releases my hand, and another reaches for the opposite wrist. I realize it must be Poppy. I am coaxed to wake up and drink some foul smelling liquid.

Whatever has been given to me swallows me into a shroud of nothingness. It is a place with no feelings or ability to think anymore. I am washed from the shore of all consciousness in a blissful few moments.

Everything is still fuzzy as I wake up to a bedside table full of Get Well wishes from the staff and students. I can tell at least a day has passed since Rupert's untimely death because the Prophet is sitting next to the cards. The way the newspaper is folded I can see the section of the story title: Floo Powder Tragedy Kills Two and Injures a Third.

My body is so stiff and sore, it takes me a minute to reach over to the bedside table to retrieve it. I unfold it carefully to read the story.

The Floo Regulatory Commission is still continuing its investigation of the explosion which killed two and left a third with life-threatening injuries on Friday night. Killed in the explosion were Lyle Perks, 84, and Rupert Osgood, 36. Both men were partners in the highly controversial firm which gained fame filing suit over several of the werewolf regulations. Eleanor Howard, 36, current Muggle Studies Professor of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was found critically injured after being blown out of the fireplace at the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade. A trainee Healer from St. Mungo's, Justin Copperbottom, came to the aid of the injured teacher. Mr. Copperbottom told the Prophet, "Professor Howard did not have a pulse and was not breathing when I arrived on the scene. It took a great deal of effort to bring back any sign of life, and I am still concerned about the extent of her injuries." Currently, Professor Howard is recovering at the school, but her condition is not being released at this time. The Hogwarts Headmistress, Dolores Umbridge, has told this reporter, "It is a horrible loss for our community, and I shall be there to support the bereaved parties here at the school."

The funeral services are being held for both men on Wednesday. Details for the location and time have not been released to the press. The Osgood family has requested in lieu of flowers, a donation should be sent to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Injuries.

There is a picture of Rupert and Lyle Perks shaking hands below a newly hung sign with the addition of the name Osgood. He has that same happy spark in his eyes as the day he came up here on my birthday. The dam breaks and I begin to sob openly without regard as to who might hear. Rupert has always been there when I needed him, and now he is not here to comfort me.

I don't even notice someone else in the room until a tentative voice asks, "I'm sorry, Professor, are you alright?" It is Ursula Stanhope. She is standing at the end of the bed clothed in a fluffy, pink dressing gown and slippers.

"Ursula, you..." I am cut off by a rib crushing hug. I start to tell her that she needs to leave me alone, but I cannot do it.

She pulls away to look at my face. "I'm sorry. I just heard someone crying, and I wanted to find out who it was. I'll go. Madam Pomfrey will be angry at my being out of bed." Ursula hands me a tissue.

"No, don't leave." I am embarrassed about falling apart in front of a student, but Ursula is not bent on humiliation at my weakness. I don't want to pull a child into the situation, but I cannot have her leave me without some sort of explanation.

Ursula sits down in a chair as she says, "I read about what happened with the accident." She seems to be waiting for me to shout at her to go away. "Were you close to them?"

"Rupert Osgood and I went to school together. He was a very special person to me," I explain and try to sober up a bit before I lose it all together. "He used to sit behind me in classes and borrow quills all the time." A tidal wave of sorrow swallows me whole as I remember that I will never be able to tease him about it again. Choking sobs tear into my throat.

The pair of us jump as someone shouts, "Ursula! What are you doing out of bed?" Poppy has just found that one of her charges has managed to make an escape. "You know you are not supposed to come into this section of the Hospital Wing. Get back in there, young lady." The school matron points finger towards the door impatiently.

Poor Ursula looks completely abashed about being caught by Poppy. She manages to wave good-bye and shuffles back to her bed. I really didn't want her to leave.

Poppy disappears from the room to make sure her patient gets back into bed. She comes back in and shuts the door. "Who left this here?" she inquires, snatching up the paper in anger. "Nell, I'm sorry that you had to see the Prophet. I have no idea how it ended up here." She walks over and gives me a hug, conjures a wet cloth, and cleans up my face.

In my rush of self-pity, it dawns on me that Ursula is here for some reason. "Poppy, what is Ursula doing in here?" I inquire, still tearful after my outburst.

"She had a very nasty seizure in Potions after testing a draught on herself. I don't think I can allow her to do that again. I remember having to do the same thing about you when testing spells and potions in class," Poppy says, running the cloth down the side of my neck to calm me down further. "She may be in here for a while, but I won't let her bother you."

As Poppy puts the cloth on the bedside table, I notice a quill sitting amongst the cards on its surface. I am sharply reminded about the quill that Rupert used to keep under his pillows. My grief catches up with me. "What have I done?" I inquire in a whisper. Tears fall unchecked on to the pillows. "It's my fault everyone is dead." A wail of agony escapes from me, and I don't give a damn who hears it. I find myself in a warm embrace with Poppy rubbing my back in circles.

"Don't blame yourself, it was an unfortunate situation. It's not your fault," she says, attempting to soothe my broken soul. "Nell, I need to keep you away stress. You were very badly injured and getting upset will cause complications. It's time for your medication."

Poppy excuses herself for a moment and comes back with a glass in her hand. I try to brush it away, but I learned a long time ago not to refuse to take anything Poppy tries to give you. It doesn't take me long to realize she gave me a calming potion, and I feel quite woozy. Before I know it, I end up in an emotionless doze, far away from any problems or awareness.

I'm standing in a foggy graveyard looking for something, and I don't know what it is. All I know is that I must find it. I frantically move from row to row, yelling for someone to help me, but I know I am alone.

Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I look behind me, but there is no one there. I hear a faint male voice calling my name. I hope it is Rupert, then I realize he is dead. Tears of frustration run down my face as the voice calls my name over and over

"Who's there?" I inquire as someone calls my name again. "Help me! I don't want to be alone!"

"Over here," the voice says. "Nell, I'm over here."

"Where are you?" I inquire in a panicky voice. "I'm so frightened!"

Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn around and no one is there.

"Nell, I'm over here." I look over in the direction of the voice to discover a crypt open near the edge of the woods.

I walk slowly toward the damp, moss covered monument. The voice calls my name again. I am afraid of what may be in there, but I want to see if it is Rupert calling me.

As I cross the threshold, I feel myself shaking as I shout, "Rupert, is that you? Please talk to me! I can't see you!"

A female voice from the corner of the room calls my name and gives out a childish giggle. "Nell, we're over here. Come out and play. We have been waiting for you."

The stone door slams shut and all goes dark. I go to pull out my wand but it is missing. Panic is starting to set in as I realize I am totally defenseless.

A lamp lights up the chamber, and a there is a figure dressed in a tattered, dirty cloak, standing in the corner of the room. I am sickened as I see my wand its hand. The hood is lowered, and it is Aggie. She looks the same way she did when she died that horrible day.

"Aggie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to be killed," I tell her, but she just stares at me with emotionless eyes. "Aggie, please talk to me." I can feel tears flowing down my cheeks.

She points a finger towards to something behind me. There are three coffins lined up in a row. The lids open, and I am rooted to the spot as I see who the occupants are: Rupert, Mum, and Dad.

Aggie points my wand at the coffins, and all three sit up slowly. They look at me with cold, lifeless eyes. All three are wearing expressions of disappointment on their faces.

"What have you done, Nell?" Mum inquires angrily. "You killed all of us."

"Why couldn't you mind your own business?" Dad asks. "You never took time to think of the consequences."

I want to say something, but I can't tell them I am so sorry. I want to run away from their glares and accusations, however, my body feels like it is encased in concrete.

As I look at Rupert's coffin, I notice that he has gone. I turn my head only to see Aggie pointing to another corner of the room.

Rupert is standing in the corner looking bitter and hurt. He has his arms folded defensively as he walks over to me. "I thought you loved me. You led me into that trap!" he shouts. "Nothing is every good enough for you, is it?"

All I can do is shake my head because words fail me. I keep hoping that the door will open, so I can make an escape. I can't face them any longer.

"Everyone is dead by your hand. Rupert was so kind to you, and all you could do is lead him to be slaughtered like the rest of us," Dad tells me.

Aggie steps in front of me with her wand raised, I hear a spell muttered, and a greenish light is glowing at the end of her wand.

I wake up to a darkened room, soaked to the skin with sweat, and crying hard as I scan the room. The coffins are gone along with Aggie. I can't stand it any longer. I am too much of a burden for everyone to bear. I know my solution to the problem is sitting in a cabinet just outside the door. This time I will not fail.