Rumored Nervous Breakdown

Rupert and Minerva left about an hour ago, and then it hits me that I will need to break the news to my parents about the house. I am in a state of mourning from the loss of a part of my childhood and understanding my parents have lost something they had worked so hard to obtain. The guilt of making a rash decision to challenge Dolores last August is biting at my gut.

Sleep does not come easy. I keep having nightmares about my parents being killed or captured and tortured by the Carrows. In one particularly nasty variation, I am at my mum and dad's funeral, where their corpses sit up in the caskets, point at me, and say that it's my fault they are dead.

The students have returned this morning, and I am going to play the part of the child of missing parents. I don't want to blow my parents' cover by blabbing the fact my they are alive and well in Canada. I have got to prevent anyone from figuring out that I am making regular excursions to Dingwall to call Mum and Dad. Should I change locations for making contact?

During breakfast, I receive condolences from everyone on the staff; Minerva even makes a point to show me public sympathy. The news doesn't seem to have traveled any further than the faculty of the school.

As I leave the Great Hall for classes, I can hear my name being called, and I turn around to find Charity walking up to greet me. "Nell, I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your parents. I hope someone finds them soon." She pulls me into an awkward hug. "There have been some mysterious disappearances, and I pray they are not among them."

"Thanks for thinking of me. I just haven't heard from them, and the house was leveled. The only living thing left was the dog." I keep my gaze towards the floor, avoiding her eyes. "That gives me the hope they have gone into hiding somewhere and are afraid to contact me."

"I don't know how you are able to make it to class in one piece." She takes my hand and squeezes it.

"I need to keep busy and leave the searching to the Auror department." The warning bell is ringing. "Why don't you come by tonight for tea, so we can talk. I could use the company."

We part ways to get to class before we are late. I am going to use her visit as an excuse to discuss the situation with Dolores' opinion towards Muggle-rights sympathizers.

It is late afternoon, and I feel that I need to phone my parents. This is a task I really loathe. Although I think that I don't need to drag Rupert into every crisis, there is safety in numbers. The incident with the Carrows has me very concerned.

I have made my way to the front gates of the school, and I can hear Dolores talking to someone. I decide to Disillusion myself and stay out of sight.

"You are an idiot, Carrow. I heard you were at the Hog's Head whining about how you couldn't get those papers off of Howard the other day. If any of this gets out, everything will be ruined. I want to make some radical changes to the school curriculum, especially in the Muggle Studies department. The two fools teaching it right now are spouting about getting along with those savages. Alecto, it is going to take some patience to put my plans into place for revolutionizing how the community treats those of lower birth."

"Eleanor Howard is just a loopy bint, and why Dolohov didn't Kedavra her when he had her cornered in the fight with Fudge, I'll never understand." There is short pause in the conversation. "I want what belongs to us!" Alecto shouts.

"Will you keep your voice down, you imbecile. She will give me what is due. If not, she will pay the consequences. By the way, what did your brother do with Eleanor's parents?" Dolores seems keen on knowing every sordid detail. "You were only to scare them, not make a public spectacle in front of a bunch of Muggles."

"You just told us to scare the bitch. I don't know where that Mudblood's parents went," she replies stupidly.

"You and your compatriots had better find out," Dolores orders. "Now, get out of my sight, and don't come back until I call for you."

I hear a loud pop, and I dive behind one of the pillars of the gates to hide from Dolores's sight. That pink nightmare is going to rip this community in half, and there is more at stake than a few racist insults. Lives are on the line now.

As scheduled, I am meeting Rupert in Dingwall to call my parents in Toronto. I look forward to hearing their voices; however, I wonder how they are going to take the bad news.

Rupert is standing behind the dumpster looking concerned about my tardiness. "Where have you been?" he inquires, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "What kept you?"

I notice that he looks a bit awkward dressed in Muggle clothing, wearing garish golfing pants, trainers, and a suit jacket as I say, "Dolores was talking to Alecto Carrow about what she and her lovely brother did to my family. Apparently, the Carrows are getting a bit impatient for their receipt. Do you think we should make that the next one to be handed back?"

"I don't know. Either way, the Carrows are very involved with what is going on with you," he says as we walk up to the phone booth.

I use my Dad's credit card to make the phone call that will change their world forever. Clara answers the phone, and she quickly hands it over to Mum.

"Mum, how are you?" I inquire.

"Nell, you sound odd; is there something wrong?" she asks. "Are you okay?"

"Mum, I'm fine, but I have some bad news. Someone has destroyed the house. I am so sorry, because this is my fault," I answer tearfully. "Rupert went back for Daisy and found the fire brigade putting out the last of the flames. Somehow, Daisy managed to survive. The Ministry thinks you are missing or dead."

"Nell, the house can be rebuilt and things can be replaced, but you are more important than our possessions. Where is Daisy?" she inquires and lets out an audible sniffle.

"Rupert brought her back to the school. Mum, I am so sorry." There is a note of desperation in my voice.

"Love, we are safe, and I want you to stay in one piece. Your father and I know that Rupert and your friends are there to help."

"Mum, I need to go, because I don't want anyone to know that I am contacting you. I love you," I tell her reluctantly and the line goes dead.

I step out of the phone booth and find myself sobbing into Rupert's shoulder. I feel so guilty. Rupert guides me back to the rear of the supermarket, pulling me tightly against him. He doesn't say a word. I am quite grateful for this, because I just need to cry this one out.

We have returned to the school, and Rupert is walking me back to my quarters. As we get to the Entrance Hall, I find Charity walking towards the stairs, and I realize I have forgotten we were going to meet tonight.

Rupert and I give each other a final good-bye, and he reluctantly leaves me. He has promised to come up for his usual mid-week visit.

Charity and I start up the stairs and she notices I have been crying. I hope this just confirms my story about not knowing where my parents have gone.

"Nell, you've been crying. Did you find something out about your parents?" she inquires, putting an arm around me.

I hate myself for not telling her the truth, but my parents' lives depend on my silence. "Sorry, I guess it is all catching up to me."

"Maybe that chat about the upcoming exams will help to take your mind off of things." She gives me a strained grin.

As Charity and I sit in my parlor, we hammer out the details for the coming exams. With time tables finalized, I decide to broach the subject of her speech in the last staff meeting.

"Charity, I need for you to understand a few things you might know about Dolores and the Ministry. It is no secret that she has been developing a plan on registering and tracking Muggleborns. There is talk of her creating an entire department devoted to this mad plan." I am about to burst her bubble on how fickle the Ministry really is in the hands of Dolores and her supporters. "She is of the opinion that Hogwarts should accommodate children of magical families only. This will mean there will be no place for any Muggleborns in the community."

"I can't believe anyone would go along with such nonsense. Does she plan on rounding up Muggleborns to tag them like wild animals?" she inquires in disbelief.

"I hate to say it, but I would not put it past her. Charity, you need to be careful about how you express your views on this matter. Dolores will see this as a threat to her plans to restore her version of order. She has connections that are dangerous and unlimited resources to take advantage of this. Don't put yourself in the same position I am in today. So far this year, she has attacked me physically in and out of the classroom, spread rumors about my morals, and generally made it impossible for me to live a normal life. You don't know her like I do." I see her expression change as I finish my last word.

"You are telling me that I shouldn't fight for the rights of Muggles and Muggleborns. Whose side are you on anyway?" Her face is clouded in anger. "Somebody has to educate the community properly, and you are telling me not to do my job." She is now on her feet, striding towards the door.

"Charity, I'm sorry, please stop and listen for a minute." I aim my wand at the door to make sure it stays shut. "I am glad you are standing up for your beliefs. There is one thing you need to understand: It's alright to stand up for a cause, but you should make sure where and how you pick your battles. Don't appear to be a threat to the status-quo. You don't have to shout this cause from the rooftops of this castle to make a difference. Change can come from chipping away slowly at the prejudice we see by educating those students in our classroom," I tell her, praying that my message is getting through. I unseal the door to let her leave, but she stands there with her hand on the knob.

"Nell, I don't think you are right in telling me to keep some of my opinions to myself. I am a grown woman and can make my own decisions," she says sharply.

As she leaves with a slamming of the door, I feel horrible about losing an ally within the school. Severus might be right about my habit of driving away those whose support I will need to face this situation.

The situation with Charity has not improved during this week. She continues to be polite; however, there is a coolness in her manner. There has to be some way to heal this wound.

No one seems to have caught on that my parents are alive and well. Dolores seems to spring the question as to where they could have gone at the most unusual times. Everyone else seems to be giving me the normal pats on the back with the occasional: I hope they are all right. It strikes me that I will blow my cover by going to Dingwall every time I want to contact my parents.

This weekend is the time when Dolores will receive her next tidbit. The closer we get to Saturday, the more my things are being moved in my quarters and office by some unknown person. I thought Dolores understood that she needed to "call off the dogs." Today was the living end when I came into my classroom to find the blackboard had been pried roughly from the wall and my desk hastily reassembled after lunch.

Although Friday is a school day, I have the entire day to make a call to my parents. Rupert and I have agreed to meet at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch, and I think this would be a good time to contact my parents.

I Apparate to the car park near a bank to find Rupert waiting for me, wearing sensible jeans and a dress coat with a tie. Rupert and I share a quiet lunch at the Leaky Cauldron. After Tom removes the dishes, Rupert hands me an envelope with a greeting card in it. The card is decorated with cheeky cupids, grinning stupidly as they send arrows towards a heart. My amusement is cut short when I realize there is another piece of parchment stuck securely into the folds of the card. I give the poor man a quick kiss, but I keep my comments about the extra content to myself.

We decide to go walking around Diagon Alley before I need to return to the school. I keep seeing someone following us out of the corner of my eye. Rupert and I visit several shops before he decides to run by his office. It takes me a moment as I realize the names on the sign: Dorrish, Perks, and Osgood.

As we enter the cramped office, the atmosphere is wrong. Rupert draws his wand as a look of concern washes over his face.

"Rupert, what's wrong?" I inquire in a whisper, pulling out my own wand. When I follow his gaze, I can see the dead body of Lyle Perks slumped over a desk with a twisted look of pain on his face.

"Nell, I want you to get back to school." His face is a white mask of terror and concern.

"No," I fire back angrily. "I'm not leaving you..."

I am cut off by a scarlet bolt sizzling past my head. Instinctively, Rupert and I duck behind a desk.

"Come out! Come out and play, Nellie!" a woman cackles with insane, childish laughter. "Who is your little playmate?" I look around the corner just long enough to see her eyes are wild with anticipation.

"Oh, goody, Bellatrix Lestrange. This just makes this day so complete."

"We want those papers, and we are tired of waiting for our turn." I don't recognize the male voice calling to me. He is standing apart from Bellatrix, smirking as she taunts us. "Where are you hiding them in here?"

"Nell, I'll distract them, and you run for it," Rupert whispers.

Rupert starts to stand up, and I grab his arm to keep him behind the desk. Chivalry has its place, but now, he needs to put a bit of trust in my abilities. Defense and dueling have always been a weakness for him.

"Rupert, I wouldn't make it past the door before they could kill us both," I tell him. He tries to stand again, and I pull him to the floor once again. "I helped to capture that crazy bitch, you have no idea what you are up against."

I steal another look from behind the desk. We might as well be taking refuge behind a sheet of tissue paper.

"How rude to whisper in the company of others," Bellatrix chides as the desk is blown to splinters around us.

I send several curses in her general direction as I attempt to guide Rupert to the safety of another desk by holding him by the wrist; however, a curse cuts him down before I can get him out of the way.

"Rupert!" I scream in panic as Bellatrix laughs hysterically.

"Aww, does ickle Rupert, not want to play anymore?" Bellatrix's amusement is making my blood boil. "I'll play with you. Don't be shy."

I realize I am caught out in the open as another spell is sent in my direction. I throw a stream of purple flame between the two assailants to buy an opportunity to get away, but I know I cannot take both on at the same time. I manage to finally get to the desk.

"You don't have a choice now." I recognize the male's voice as Dolohov. "Why don't you just give it up now, and I will make your death significantly less painful."

"It's just like a reunion of nightmares past."

I know either way, the outcome for me is looking very bad. I have lost Rupert like I lost Aggie. Dolohov and Lestrange are going to be really pissed when they discover the information I have on me is about the Carrows. There isn't anything that would implicate their sorry arses from this one.

"I'm not hiding anything. What do you want?" I ask. I had heard Bellatrix liked to "play" with her victims before going in for the kill. Dolohov is another story.

"The little slut dares to ask us questions. Maybe she needs to learn some manners," Dolohov growls as the desk disintegrates; I am blown across the room, hitting the opposite wall hard with the back of my head, and slide down to the floor. I cannot see who hit me through the lights popping in front of my eyes. Someone has moved across the room and stops very close to where my body has come to rest.

I don't hear the next spell, but its effects are all too familiar.

My bones feel like they are being crushed into dust and skin turned inside out. I just want to die to make it stop. The curse is lifted for one glorious moment.

"You're going soft, Dolohov," Bellatrix chortles. "Now, this..."

Her words are lost in a sea of pain and agony that makes Doloholv's attempt pale in comparison. I don't know how much more I can take.

Time seems to have disappeared as the curse is lifted. Bellatrix's laughter is permeating the fog. My heart is beating erratically, finally betraying my need to live. I am sucking in air in tiny, shuddering gasps. My ability to string together a complete thought is quickly leaving as I become numb and immobile.

"Where is Osgood hiding those papers?" Dolohov inquires, pulling my head up by my hair. "Answer me, where are they?" He lets go of my hair, and I slam into the floor face first. "Damn, Bella, you just had to push it too far."

"Shut it, you should have killed her the first time around!" she shouts indignantly.

"I don't want to die alone."

"One less Mudblood whore and her blood traitor boyfriend left to contaminate the world," Dolohov says triumphantly. I can hear him move closer to me. I think he is kneeling down to check if I am close to death. I can feel fingers touching my neck for a pulse and a hand on my ribs looking for the signs of a last breath. "Will you just hurry up and die. I have better things to do today." He lets out a sigh of irritation as he prods me with his foot. I just want to die in peace with Rupert close by me.

There is a shout from Doloholv for some unknown reason. I am afraid to open my eyes to see what they are doing. Maybe now that Rupert is gone, it won't matter anyway.

"Who wants the honors?" Dolohov asks; however, I don't hear a reply as the world disappears in a bright rush of light