Blame it on Monday

...and then there was him. Ronald Weasley. Right now he was working on emptying his plate of an impossible amount of breakfast food, as quickly as possible, while still maintaining a conversation with Harry and Hermione.

"Take it easy, Ron," Hermione scolded.

Ron just added a sausage to his mouth and smiled a toothless grin. Hermione rolled her eyes and went back to her breakfast, cutting each piece into easy to chew morsels as if her good example could cure Ron of his pig-like eating manners. Harry couldn't help thinking that Hermione was fighting a losing battle.

"I'm pretty sure it was Goyle," Harry said in an effort of bring his friends back on topic.

"It can't be Goyle, Harry," Ron said as he shoveled another helping of sausages onto his plate and one into his mouth. "I mean, are you barmy." He waved his fork in the general direction of the Slytherin table as if that was answer enough.

Hermione scoffed and looked at Ron over the top of her Potions text in utter revulsion. Whether her revulsion was from Ron's Slytherin comment or the fact he was chewing with his mouth open was up in the air as far as Harry could see.

"I saw him," Harry said. "Or at lease it looked like him in the dark."

"But why would he be in McGonagall's office after Midnight on a Sunday," Ron whined. "It doesn't make sense."

"Detention?" Harry suggested, taking a bite of his scrambled eggs.

"That's absurd," Hermione said, breaking into the conversation. "McGonagall would never keep him that late after hours for a detention. I'd bet..."

But what Hermione bet that Goyle was doing was pushed far out of their minds when the owl post arrived right on schedule, and they saw an owl carrying a very unusual brown paper covered package in Ron's direction. Ron, who was taking advantage of the lull in conversation to once again stuff as much food in his mouth as he could, glanced up from his plate just in time to see the awkward bundle fall right in his scrambled eggs. He let out the best scream he could with his mouth as full as it was and ducked under the table.

The package on Ron's plate gave a twitch and Harry cautiously took his wand out of his pocket and held it under the table in case it was needed. He could see Hermione doing the same and they looked at each other incredulously.

"Bloody hell," Ron said as he returned to his seat. The package gave another twitch and he flinched slightly, but this time remained at his place.

"Is there a note attached?" Hermione asked. She gave both Harry and Ron wary looks and raised her wand a bit higher. "I'd feel better if we knew who it was from."

Ron picked up the package carefully looked it over, but the only words he could find was his name written in flowery purple letters on the front. "No letter. Do you think I should open it?"

That package shifted in Ron's hands and let off a low squawking noise. Harry swallowed and said, "I suppose you better." Although he was sure to grip his wand a little tighter just in case it was needed.

"Here goes."

Ron hadn't so much as touched the spell-o-tape holding the package together when the thing seemed to, well...hatch in an explosion of brown paper and white feathers.

"A ch-chicken?" Ron muttered in confusion, but that was the only thing anyone was able to say before said chicken ruffled its feathers and broke into amplified rhyme right there, in Ron's scrambled eggs.

"Good morning, Ron, we had to say

From your loving brothers, far away

A Chicken Gram to cheer your mood

'Cause that teacher can be pretty crude (and the chicken actually winked at that)

And for all the rest who hear this rhyme

George and I think it's finally time

That Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes proudly say

We're open for business this very day

An order form for everyone (and at that a Wheezes' order form appeared at ever plate)

We hope you all have loads of fun!

And don't be hasty, order up

First ten orders get an invisible cup!"

When the chicken finally finished its rhyme, it let out a loud cluck and dropped a purple egg at it's feet before giving it's final bow and racing out of the Great Hall like, well...like a chicken with it's head cut off (sans the last bit).

With a single strange barking laugh, Ron finally broke the silence in the Hall and in a flurry of activity people at every table started laughing, talking and generally discussing the order form.

Harry just shook his head, but could seem to rid himself of the gob smacked look on his face.

"Are you all right, Ginny?" Harry heard Dean say above the din of the crowd. He saw Ginny was slowly turning red as she was simultaneously laughing and choking. Dean firmly rapped her on the back, trying his best to dislodge the problem. With a final hack, Ginny coughed up the offending item, an apple seed, into Parvati's Pumpkin Juice.

"How did you manage to choke on an apple seed?" Parvati asked as she fished it out of the juice.

Ginny just shrugged and drank a bit of water. "Guess the Chicken Gram just surprised me."

"Well," Hermione said, "that was certainly...different." She was not looking too happy as she shook the food and feathers out of her Potions book. "A Chicken Gram. Honestly."

"They never fail to capture everyone's attention," Harry said simply as he brushed the feathers off his robe and scanned the Wheeze's order form. "I'm impressed. They have quite a selection."

"I wonder...?" Ron said as he held the chicken's egg over his head like he was trying to see what was inside.

"Ron, put that down. You don't know what it does." Hermione snapped.

And then it happened. Ron would claim for years to come that it was the stupidest thing he's ever done. He dropped the purple egg.

"Oh, bugger!" Ron exclaimed as it hit the edge of his plate and cracked open.

A purple vapor that sparkled like glitter and smelled like violets burst from the cracked shell and quickly filled the great hall from floor to ceiling. Harry had somehow managed to hold his breath before taking any of the potion in and he saw Hermione had done the same, but Ron was just sitting there with a lopsided grin on his face, breathing normally. Hermione rolled her eyes and motioned for them to go and Harry couldn't have agreed more. He quickly grabbed Ron's arm and dragged him towards the entrance hall before the need to breathe over came him.

They burst into the entranceway gasping for breath with a dreamy Ron close behind and then collapsed onto the floor as a few more quick-minded students burst from purple cloud that was blocking their view of the hall behind them.

"What was that?" Hermione asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Harry said. He was a bit concerned as Ron slumped over on the floor like his spine had turned to jelly, but Fred and George would never do anything to hurt anyone, especially their brother. Right?

As the vapor settled and the Great Hall came back into view, they began to see the remaining students and professors that made it to breakfast that morning sitting stiffly in their seats. With a shout of "I miss my mum!" from a seventh year Hufflepuff, a chain reaction began and a flood of noise erupted throughout the hall as people convulsively rushed rid themselves of their dirty little secrets. A lot of what people said was lost in the sea of voices, but a few could be heard above the rest.

"I wear lucky underwear for every potions test!" (Third year Gryffindor.)

"I dropped Hannah's toothbrush in the toilet!" (Susan Bones)

"I thought it tasted funny, but I used it anyway!" (Hannah, of course)

And it seemed to Harry that the longer people held the urge to tell in the worse the secret was.

"I wish I were a cow!" (Second year Slytherin)

"I've never so much as had a girlfriend!" (Seamus Finnigan, poor guy)

Harry strained to hear Malfoy's response, but he seemed to have muffled it in his sleeve. Still, he would never forget the ones who fought it the longest.

Pansy Parkinson had tried to escape by racing from the Great Hall, but the spell overcame her and she raced back to the Hall in only her knickers yelling at the top of her lungs, "Hallelujah! Fred Weasley is a sex god!" and then exited the scene with a blush that extended to places you'd never imagine could blush. (Harry would forever remember the hours of laughter that followed the mention of that confession.)

And Ron, who Fred and George had intentionally made to go last, came out of his stupor and stood up as if he was a marionette pulled by wires and looked around the entranceway at the few students who had escaped the spell and/or had just made it to breakfast. Spotting Hermione, he grabbed her by the scruff of her robes and marched into the silent great hall, dragging the poor girl behind him. Hermione was actually putting up a decent struggle to get away, but in Ron's state, not even Hermione's fingernails scratching the back of his hand could make him let go. He was like a pit bull on a mission.

Standing in the doorway, Hermione now struggling to stand with his hand gripping the nape of her neck, Ron threw his arm up in the air and waited as everyone looked in his direction.

"May I have your attention, please," Ron said in what was clearly Fred's (or George's) voice, not Ron's. Hermione just stood like a deer in the headlights at Ron's side. "We would like to thank you for participation in today's event, as it has always been one of our long term goals to prank the student body from a distance. No taking points from Gryffindor this time, Professors. Former students are out of your jurisdiction." Harry heard a strange chuckling coming from Ron that sounded like both the twins were laughing at the same time.

"Anyway, the product you just experienced is Blurt Powder and it is just one of the many products on sale today from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes for your every pranking need. You will find this product on line fourteen of your Wheeze's order form for the low price of seventeen sickles an egg, or just 4 sickles for the smaller, more convenient Jellybean sized variety great for individual confessions. Also available in gardenia, strawberry, sauerkraut, and swine for whatever your heart desires.

"And now without further ado." Ron cleared his throat, dipped Hermione in a graceful move that Ron could never have made on his own, and kissed her full on the mouth. Hermione, for her part, just stiffened with her arms at her side and her eyes wide open in shock.

Ron pulled away quickly as he came back to himself and shock registered full on his face when he saw whom he was holding in his arms. Blushing furiously he shrieked, "Hermione!" in a voice that sounded decidedly feminine and he dropped Hermione unceremoniously on the floor with his arms spread in an 'I didn't do it' gesture.

From where she fell, Hermione blushed and stood as quickly was she could manage while still maintaining whatever dignity she had left. She did an admirable job of ignoring her classmates' looks as she smoothed some wrinkles and brushed some imaginary dust off her robes with a couple of quick flicks of her wrist. Finally, after a quick glance around the hall and an even quicker glance at Ron, she robotically pivoted on her heel and marched our of the Great Hall, stopping only to pick up her bag which was still next to Harry, before hurrying off towards her Arithmacy class.

Suddenly, a chorus of laughter started from somewhere near the Gryffindor Table and soon engulfed the entire hall as people began forgetting their own minor embarrassments for Ron's (and maybe Pansy's) unusual performances. Harry couldn't help himself at he thought of his friends and the blushes on their faces; he laughed harder than he had in ages.

Ron rushed out of the Great Hall to escape his laughing classmates and passed Harry in the entranceway without so much as a glance, muttering curses at his brothers and threats of sweet revenge. "...Make a fool of me, will they. The next time I see those two I swear I'm going to..."

It felt like it would be a long time before Harry's laughter finally subsided, but for now he decided that he should probably get to class too. Still chuckling, Harry made a quick detour back into the Great Hall to get Ron's bag, which he had forgotten due to his hasty departure and headed off to class alone.

Harry was just beginning to calm down when he ran into Ron down the Transfiguration hallway on his way to divination. "Here's your bag," Harry said, and shoved the pack into his friends' arms. Harry had look away from Ron or he knew burst out laughing again, so he quickly shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking.

"Thanks," Ron said. He followed after him with his head down and his shoulders slumped. "I really didn't want to... " Right then, Harry looked up at Ron's beat red face and laughed. "Oh, shut up, Harry. I'm the victim here!"

Harry wiped tears of laughter from his eyes and said, "That doesn't mean it's not funny."

"Yeah, well it's not funny to me," Ron said and sighed. "Do you think Hermione will ever forgive me for...for that?"

Harry chuckled. "I'm sure she knows it's not your fault."

Ron just shook his head. "I hope you're right. She can be so..."

Harry looked at Ron and expected him to be a nice tomato red color about the ears (and he was), but he was looking down the hallway near professor McGonagall's office. Harry looked just in time to see a furry brown blur rush into the professor's office.

"Did you see that?" Ron said.

"Yeah," Harry said.

"Was that," Ron gulped, "a rat?"

Harry looked Ron with surprise. "No, I mean...why would he. You don't think that it's, you know."

Ron shrugged, but Harry had already started running towards McGonagall's office pulling his wand out as he went.

The two of them skidded to a stop in front of McGonagall's office and carefully peeked their heads inside. It seemed empty as far as Harry could see. No, wait a minute...yes, right there by the desk he saw the furry brown blur from the hallway creeping slowly up to McGonagall's desk like it was about to attack something.

Ron sighed in relief. The furry brown blur wasn't as dangerous as they thought (well, all things considered, it was relatively safe). "It's just Mrs. Norris," Ron said simply.

"Yeah," Harry said absentmindedly as he continued to watch Mrs. Norris curiously. She seemed a bit...off. Like she had a nip too much catnip and was running a dangerous high.

Suddenly the cat leaped up on the desk and literally attacked McGonagall's Quick and Accurate Correcting Quill (color: red) and tore the feather apart with a ferocity Ron and Harry had never really thought to associate with Mrs. Norris. The cat was creepy, yes. Annoying? That was most certainly true, but outright violent? Not as far as they had ever seen. It was a bit shocking.

Finally, when Mrs. Norris decided that she had killed the awful beast of a quill, she grabbed up the biggest piece she could find and gracefully leaped off the desk in triumph. The Correcting Quill was an awful sight. He really didn't want to see McGonagall's face when she found out what happened.

Of course what Harry wants and what Harry gets are often two very separate things.

It was then that he finally noticed the second cat sitting at the foot of the desk in pouncing stance just waiting for her opportunity to strike. And that cat looked an awful lot like McGonagall in her Animagus form.

Suddenly the McGonagall-like cat launched itself at Mrs. Norris with an all-mighty hiss and caught the furry intruder in an all out tackle. Mrs. Norris howled in surprise and rolled, dropping her prize, but managing to throw the McGonagall-like cat off. Mrs. Norris carefully picked up the remains of the feather and growled low and threatening. The McGonagall cat just bared its claws and hissed in response as she advanced on the low-life-quill-mangling intruder. Mrs. Norris eyed the door nervously as the McGonagall cat reared for another attack. Seeming to figure that she couldn't beat this cat, Mrs. Norris made a break for the door with the bits of the quill she saved. Harry and Ron watched as the McGonagall cat (that Harry was hoping just coincidentally looked a lot like McGonagall) quickly changed and morphed back into their teacher as she ran towards the door.

"Blast," McGonagall said. She looked as wild and furious as Harry had ever seen her. "Awful animal."

Harry and Ron looked at each other with the dimwitted expression that only shock can bring, and then back at McGonagall. Er...? was the only thing that seemed to pass through Harry's mind. Ron just started to laugh.

McGonagall looked in their direction with her no-nonsense teacher mask firmly in place. Harry gave her his best doe-eyed innocent look (probably more like deer in the headlights, but I digress), and Ron kept on laughing. It seemed like the mornings events had finally gotten to him.

"I expect that as responsible young men you both are well are well aware of the meaning of decorum?" McGonagall nearly stated.

"Er...decorum. Of course." Harry answered for the both of them as Ron had yet to come up for air.

"Then I expect that you can keep this little...incident between us?"

Harry smiled and answered, "Er...sure."

"Mr. Weasley?"

Ron, gasping for breath, got control over himself long enough to nod his affirmative.

"Then, shouldn't you two be heading to class?" McGonagall said. Harry could see that she was flushing a bit and smiled in spite of himself.

"Er...yeah," Harry said. He quickly grabbed Ron's arm and started dragging him down the hall. "Sorry Professor."

An hour later, while sitting through another painful divination lesson about who knows what because Harry and Ron were in no state of mind to listen, Ron suddenly said, "Did that...?"

"It happened," Harry answered.

"Was that...?"

"Oh, yeah"

"Did she...?"

"Yes, she did."

"Why was she...?"

"Who knows."

"I can't believe it," Ron said. He shook his head and laughed.

"Neither would I if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes."

"And we can't tell anyone?"

"We did promise." Harry quickly picked up his text to make it appear that he was following along as Professor Trelawney circled passed their desk.

"Well that's no fun."

Harry just shrugged as he turned to the page everyone else was on and struggled to find what it was he was supposed to be doing. The lesson didn't seem too hard, but since he hadn't been paying attention during Trelawney's instruction, he wasn't as efficient as the others at picking up the basics. And that meant that Trelawney was hovering, like the bug she, was over his shoulder the entire lesson, tisk-tisking the entire time.

Harry was definitely glad when that class period was over.

Soon, the relieved Gryffindors were able to head outside for Herbology. Out of him and Ron, Harry seemed to be the only one with the positive outlook towards the class and he remembered why when Hermione caught up with them just outside the main doors. She fell in stride with them without saying a word and Harry couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't come out sounding strange and forced, so they walked in a strained silence all the way to class. Ron was blushing furiously to his left. And Hermione was on his right, avoiding all eye contact with her best friends.

At least it was a beautiful day with the recent snowfall and all; the sun was shining and it was a bit nippy, but not unpleasant. Harry thought it was really was too bad they weren't staying outside. It was really was very unfortunate.

Much more unfortunate now as Harry and his classmates were currently stuck inside the sweltering hot Greenhouse Four learning the basic pruning technique for the Subterranean Striking Snakeroot bush hybrid created by the great Doctor Theodore Banes. The Doctor must have a death wish was Harry's conclusion about Professor Sprout's favorite Herbologist.

"Yes, now the Subterranean Striking Snakeroot bush is a very ferocious character and you all must take great caution to keep all loose objects and clothing from its grasp as it will take hold of anything it can and use it to kill its victim," Professor Sprout said. "Oh, and anyone with shoulder length hair and longer should be sure to tie it back and out of the way."

Harry quickly stowed his belongings under the table and waited as many of the girls in the class pulled their hair back in ponytails and braids.

"Mr. Weasley, if you please." Professor Sprout said as though they were waiting on him.

"What?" Ron said, clueless as usual. Not that Harry was all that surprised; he couldn't even remember the last time that Ron had looked in a mirror. Maybe it wasn't so unusual that he had forgotten how long his hair had gotten.

Hermione impatiently scoffed at Ron's interruption of her learning experience and grabbed a couple of rubber bands out of her back pack and pulled Ron's shoulder length hair back into two stubby little pigtails that stuck out a little on each side of his head.

"Aww, isn't that just cute," Seamus mocked. A couple of Hufflepuff girls began giggling uncontrollably and Seamus looked pleased with himself to have gotten their attention.

"Shut up," Ron said. He fingered his pigtails self-consciously.

All in all, Herbology went rather well after that (except that the Snakeroot bush grabbed hold of Ron's little pigtails and slammed his head against the table...ouch). Harry had no problems with his plant after receiving a little extra instruction from Neville and Hermione and it began to finally look like the mild little plant in his instruction book.

"Now class," Professor Sprout said as class was ending. She clapped her hands together to get their attention. "If you would please bring all the cut branches to this table right here and pile them up." The class automatically did as she asked. "Perfect. I'm sure Professor Snape will find you did a marvelous job collecting samples for his anti-fungal potion." Smiling, she added, "And why is this particular version of the Snakeroot plant so good for this sort of test?"

Hermione, of course, raised her hand enthusiastically, but Professor Sprout wasn't looking for the quick textbook answer this time. "For your assignment that is due in two weeks, I would like for you to answer this question and tell me why and how this Snakeroot hybrid was created by Doctor Banes. You are dismissed for the day after you clean up you station."

Harry and Ron quickly cleaned up their stations (Hermione was much quicker and already waiting for them) and hurried off to lunch.

"Potions this afternoon after lunch, right?" Ron asked on the walk through the snowy path back to the castle. He reached down and grabbed a handful of snow as he walked.

Harry nodded and Hermione remained stubbornly uncommunicative.

"Did you remember your essay on the gradient potion?" Harry asked suddenly and Ron just groaned.

"Blimey, no," he said. He gripped down hard on his snowball in frustration. "I left it on the table in the common room last night. I bet it's gone by now after the house elves went through and cleaned this morning. Do you think I could copy yours over lunch, Harry?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea for Snape's class," Harry said, watching for Hermione's reaction the entire time, but she didn't seem to care.

"Aarrggghh," Ron screamed in frustration and threw the snowball fairly hard (gulp) right into the back of Hermione's head. Harry couldn't tell whether he had done that on purpose or not by the expression on his face.

"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione screeched. Ron's half grin, half worried expression put her over the edge and she scooped up a handful of loose snow and tossed it right into his face.

"Hey," Ron said as he brushed the snow off his smirking face. The smirk clashed horribly with his still pigtailed hair making him look like a six-foot beat red Cornish pixie. "Hermione, what was that for? I didn't mean to..."

"What is this? Gang up on Ronnie, eh?" Seamus asked as he approached with Dean, sufficiently cutting Ron off. He was tossing a perfectly formed snowball from hand to hand. "What do you think, Dean? Want to join the game?"

"Sounds like fun," Dean answered with a smile.

Lets just say that at this point Ron looked like he was getting a little nervous.

Harry, feeling the need to come to his best friend's aid, said, "We should probably get to lunch," but was largely ignored due to Neville's timely entrance followed closely by Lavender and Parvati."

"What's going on?" Neville said. He was carrying a large bag of snakeroot branches he was going to try raise in their room and Harry couldn't help but groan. It was nice and all that Neville had taken up a hobby, but he couldn't help wishing it was a hobby that took up less space and smelled a little less like the various stages of decomposition.

"Snowball fight," Dean said with a smile.

Lavender grinned. No matter what people thought of her ditzy reputation, Lavender was a die hard snowball fight fan and never missed the opportunity to get in on a game. "What are the teams?" she asked eagerly.

"Lavender, please," Parvati said. It was also well known that Parvati wouldn't do anything to mess up her hair and make-up and snowball fighting was one of those things.

"Us against Ron," Seamus said, his snowball ready.

"Come on, that's not fair," Ron said. He looked straight at Harry as if he was expecting Harry rush to his side, but Harry couldn't help hesitating a bit; that was still six to two and Lavender was a crack shot.

"Sounds fair to me," Hermione said. "All's fair in love and war after all." They all looked at her like they were seeing her for the first time.

"Ready?" Hermione said as she picked up some snow. Neville happily handed Parvati his Snakeroot pieces (the look she was wearing said that she'd rather be petting a bezoar than hold that bag) and got ready to join. Everyone else was wearing eager smiles except for Harry who decided that helping Ron would be the honorable thing to do and was slowly creeping over to his side.

"Thanks, Harry," Ron said.

"Don't mention it," Harry said with a grimace.

"A Snowball fight!" said Justin Finch-Fletchley as some of the Hufflepuffs caught up with the Gryffindor group. "Can we join?"

"The more the merrier," Seamus said. Harry noticed him flash a quick smile towards the two girls that laughed at him earlier and the girls just blushed and quickly looked away.

"It's everyone against Ron and Harry," Hermione informed, "so get set."

"Everyone go!" Lavender yelled and threw her snowball (Hermione shot daggers at her with her eyes for taking away her glory), but Ron was already racing for the castle leaving Harry alone and open for an attack.

"Wha...hey! Ron!" Harry yelled and bolted after Ron when he saw the malicious looks his (so called) friends were sending him. And so the chase was on.

"You little chicken shit," Lavender yelled and raced after him. Her swearing almost stopped Harry in his tracks, and maybe that was her plan, but almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, so the snowball-fiend was sorely out of luck.

Unfortunately, Harry's luck was never very good.

The distance between Greenhouse four and the castle wasn't great, but Harry was hit by snowballs more times than he wished to count in that distance and he was regretting his decision to help Ron more and more with each step. Still, he couldn't help laughing as he saw Ron take one right in the back of his pigtailed head. From the laughter in the background he was certain that snowball was delivered with love from Hermione, and Harry couldn't help but feel there was a little bit of justice in that.

Laughing, Ron and Harry, then the rest of their class burst through the castle doors and came to a rest in the entranceway with smiles on their faces.

"You weren't...supposed.... to run," Seamus said as he tried to catch his breath.

"You think I was going to stand there and get pummeled?" Ron said with a laugh.

"No...just take it...like...a man," Seamus said, gasping.

"I did," Ron said. "I took it like a man who values his life."

"Right," Seamus said disbelievingly and winked at a very disappointed looking Lavender. Lavender just shook her head and headed off to the Great hall with Parvati, Neville and the bag of Snakeroot clippings.

Seamus grumbled and followed a couple of steps behind. "Fine," he muttered, "see if I care."

Harry watched as Hannah and Susan, the Hufflepuff gigglers, made their way to Seamus's side with nervous blushes on their faces. Seamus didn't seem to mind that Lavender ignored him after that.

"So are we even for this morning?" Ron said. Harry couldn't help noticing the blush that was forming around his ears.

It seemed that Hermione saw that blush too and took advantage of it. "Even?" she said. "Hardly."

"Hey, I felt that one snowball of yours hit me in the back of my head," Ron argued. "I know it was you."

"That was just for the snowball you threw earlier."

"Blimey, what is it you want me to do," Ron said in exasperation. "It wasn't my fault."

"You dropped me in front of most of the school."

"I'm sorry for that, but I just..."

Hermione cut him off. "I want you to sing."

"What?" Ron asked incredulously. "You can't be serious."

"An embarrassment for an embarrassment; that will make it even."

"That's unfair," Ron said, but Hermione gave him a stern look that said 'do this or I will make you dance the tango with Draco Malfoy and don't think I couldn't'.

"Fine," Ron said. "Fine. Sing what?"

"This." Hermione handed him a piece of paper with four lines of carefully written text.

Ron blanched and muttered, "are you mad?" The look on Hermione's face clearly said that she willing to risk a little madness to see this.

"I don't know the tune," Ron said.

"Make it up," Hermione answered simply.

"But I..."

"Ron..." she said sounding dangerously Mrs. Weasley.

"Fine," Ron said, and with an audible gulp that could have been him swallowing his dignity, he opened his mouth and belted out the sappiest line Harry had heard in a long time. "I'm not a perfect person/ I found the reason for me/ A reason to start over new/ I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Good," Hermione said, apparently satisfied.

A few passer-byes stopped and clapped to add to Ron's embarrassment and Ron looked like he would like it very much if he could take a trip on the next flight out of the solar system.

"Satisfied?" Ron asked.

"Satisfied." Hermione replied. And they both turned together and walked to lunch with the morning events (and a forgotten Harry) completely behind them.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Harry muttered and hurried off to the Great Hall.

Lunch was in full swing when Harry got to the Great Hall and he took up his customary seat next to Ron and Hermione. Ron was conspicuously shooting Dean warning glances when his classmate sat down next to his sister. Harry just poured himself a glass of Pumpkin Juice and sipped on the juice as he watched his friends.

"If you hurry," Hermione said, getting Ron attention away from the couple, "you could still find your paper before class."

Smiling sheepishly, Ron said, "Oh I didn't actually forget it. I put it into my bag last night."

"You lied to me?" Hermione said. Her voice was rising dangerously.

"Well, no," Ron said with a nervous glance at Harry. Harry just gave him an innocent look and refilled his glass of juice. "I was actually talking to Harry."

"So you lied to Harry too then," Hermione said. She scoffed at Ron's floundering fish-face and took a large gulp of Pumpkin Juice before continuing. "I was right next to you. You know I was listening."

"How was I supposed to know that; you weren't saying anything." Ron argued. He carefully poured himself a glass of Pumpkin Juice and downed nearly half the glass.

"Well of course I was listening. I always listen to.... Ginny, what's wrong." Hermione stopped her just beginning tirade when Ginny burst out into tears where she was sitting two seats down form the trio.

"You're always fighting," Ginny sobbed. She grabbed onto the front of Dean's shirt and wiped her snotty nose on a bit of lose cloth (Dean's face was priceless at that moment). "People who love each other like you do shouldn't fight so much."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Are you daft, Ginny?" Ron sputtered out, but his insult just made Ginny cry even harder. She unceremoniously buried her face in Dean's shoulder and muttered unintelligible insults at Ron.

"Have a drink of Pumpkin Juice, luv," Dean offered, but Ginny just threw out her arm and knocked the glass of juice all over the table.

"I don't wanit," she whined.

"Ginny!" Dean said in surprise. He looked at Ron for help, but Ron was looking just as baffled.

Harry couldn't help it; his head felt all messed up and he just burst out laughing. "That wassin vera nice, yano," he said. The rest of the table looked at him as though he had just lost his mind, and maybe he had, he was feeling a very dizzy. A couple of third years down the table from them nearly fell over in a fit of giggles.

"What?" Hermione said. "Are you all right, Harry?" Harry just laughed and poured himself his fourth glass of Pumpkin Juice since lunch began.

"Sure, 'ermione," He said as he downed another glass of the juice and quickly refilled. Some of the juice dribbled down his chin and into his lap, but he didn't really care. The juice seemed to taste exceptionally good today, he thought.

"He'd drunk," Harry heard someone state, but to his foggy brain it sounded far off and utterly stupid.

"That's absurd," Hermione said. "All he's had was...." She gasped and looked immediately at Ginny, then the Pumpkin Juice spilled all over the table, then to the ever-refilling pitcher of juice, then to Harry downing his fifth glass with a lopsided grin, then to Ron and said, "I think we need to get him to the hospital wing."

"Really?" Ron said with a grin. "Someone's spiked the Pumpkin Juice?" He quickly reached for his own glass of juice, but Hermione slapped it away from his hand. Ron looked dejected.

Dean spoke up over Ginny's sobbing head and said," How can you be so sure he's..." Ginny gave a loud sob and clamped on to Dean even tighter, "they are drunk?"

"Ask Harry something he's sure to know." Someone suggested. Harry was beginning to feel a little put out that everyone was talking over his head.

"Like what?" Ron asked. He glanced at his Harry and Harry looked back with an overly friendly grin.

"I'm not drunk," Harry said and wiped his pumpkin juice covered chin with a flourish. "Really, I'm not." Ginny's sobbing seemed to grow in intensity.

"How many days are there in a year?" A first year they didn't know asked.

"396," Harry stated finally. That didn't seem quite right to him, but that was just what popped into his mind right then.

"He's drunk," Hermione concluded.

"You can't tell from that. He got the question right, didn't he?" Ron asked. Harry could vaguely see Hermione look at Ron in amazement before she exploded.

"There's 365 days in a year, Ron, except on a leap year and then there's 366." Hermione's look clearly stated that Ron was running a few bricks short of a full load. "Everyone knows that."

"I was joking, Hermione," Ron said, but Harry wasn't sure that he was by his tone of voice.

"Well, let's get them up to the hospital wing," Dean said. He grabbed Ginny's arm and helped her up from her seat.

"Um..." Neville said nervously to everyone and no one. "I think there's something wrong with Lavender and Parvati too."

Harry leaned over onto his plate to look at the girls and landed in something warm and squishy. "What's up with that," he muttered, but no one was paying attention. They were all considering Lavender and Parvati's states.

"Oh, perfect," Hermione said. Lavender looked like she was brassed off and brooding and Parvati was leaning carelessly on a fourth year's shoulder. "I guess we'd better take them with us." Hermione sighed. "Ron, you take Harry, and I'll help Neville deal with Lavender and Parvati."

"Sure," said Ron. "Come on, Harry,"

Harry stood up quickly and rocked backwards into Ron when he saw his plate stuck to his shirt. "Oh, lookie, Ron," he said and smiled. "Take-out."

Ron grimaced and pulled the plate off Harry's shirt and threw it back on the table. "Disgusting," Ron said as the cheese and massed potatoes came away in a large clomp and splattered all over the floor. "Come on."

The walk to the hospital wing was rather eventful as far as Harry's fuzzy brain was concerned. Neville got caught in a trick step (yeah, the sober one got stuck) and Hermione ended up losing track of Parvati when she was helping him out. Parvati subsequently ended up wandering into Professor Flitwick's office. Luckily, he wasn't there, but what was very unlucky was that Parvati retched all over a stack of graded papers. It took a bit for Hermione to clean this up and in the end she had accidentally cleaned all the words off the essays as well as the vomit. Hermione quickly denied any knowledge of being anywhere near those papers, but everyone there had seen what happened.

"Don't worry, Hermione," Ron said, trying to be helpful. "I bet they were the Slytherin's." Hermione just sent him an evil glare.

They were just coming upon the Hospital wing, when Hermione whispered, "Look sober!" and the intoxicated ones did their best to look normal as they passed a very angry looking Professor Snape in the hallway, but the professor didn't seen to notice them. He was quietly muttering something about how his inebriation potion had just gone missing (whatever that was). Hermione gave the professor a sideways glance as they passed and when they were finally out of earshot, she turned to Ron and Harry with a look that said lightning had just struck her brain.

"It was that potion, I bet," she said. Not that anyone else really cared (especially Parvati who was looking a little green around the gills and relying heavily on Hermione to walk).

Dean and Ginny made it to the hospital wing first and opened the door to an awaiting Madam Pomfrey.

"Oh goodness!" She declared. "What happened?"

"They're intoxicated," Hermione explained as she deposited Parvati on one of the beds. "I think it was an inebriation potion in the pumpkin juice." Ginny just happened to pick that moment to up-chuck all over Neville's shoes as if to prove Hermione point.

"Gross," Neville muttered and cleaned up the mess with a wave of his wand.

"Oh dear, that's a highly illegal...and on school grounds. Whoever brewed that potion will be severely punished, I'll see to that myself," Madam Pomfrey said as she flitted around between students, checking their eyes and tongues for tell tale signs of contamination. "The headmaster will hear about this if it is the last thing I do."

Harry saw Madam Pomfrey move in front of his face, but everything seemed to be swirling up and to the right. "Hold still, Mada Pompy," he said and put his hand on her head to keep her still, but his hand started moving in the same direction and he laughed. "Weird," he said.

"For now it's best just to get them into bed," Madam Pomfrey said. Harry could feel Ron pull him towards the bed next to Parvati.

"Are they going to be all right?" Ron asked. He pushed Harry slightly and Harry tripped over his own feet and fell roughly on the bed.

"Ouch, Ron," he said.

Madam Pomfrey was half buried in her supply closet and responded with a bit of an echo, "They'll just have to sleep it off. That will probably take most of the afternoon depending on their level of intoxication, but they should be fine by dinner time."

"Dinner time!" Hermione yelled, "But that will mean they'll miss their evening classes."

"Hush, Miss Granger. This is an infirmary," Madam Pomfrey said with a scowl. She handed the nearest infected student a glass of potion. "Of course sleep, in this case, is the best cure, although some will wake up with quite a hangover.

"Miss out on potions?" Ron said. A smile formed on his face. "I drank some too," he volunteered. Madam Pomfrey looked into his eyes with suspicion and Ron did his best fake drunk act.

"Did you," the nurse asked. "And how much was that."

"A whole glass," Ron said almost proudly as he swayed on his feet.

Hermione scoffed. "It was a half a glass and you are not missing potions if I can help it."

"Hermione," Ron whined.

Madam Pomfrey shoved a glass of dreamless sleep potion in Harry's hand and he thoughtlessly chugged the entire goblet of the putrid potion. He watched sleepily as Hermione waved good-bye to him as she dragged Ron (who was acting like a cranky three year old) out of the infirmary.

"Just get some rest Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey said as she pulled off his glasses and gently pushed him down onto his pillow. Her voice was gradually getting softer and more distant. "You'll be fine in no time."

No time for Harry was ten hours of good hard sleep and he basically woke up in time to go back to his dorm to bed (so much for dinnertime).

"What's goin' on," he said sleepily and reached out to find his glasses, but instead found the hand of the girl (Ravenclaw, third year) in a makeshift bed next to him. He dropped it like it was diseased, but she didn't seem to notice.

Harry finally found his glasses on the bedside table and pushed them onto his nose. He was greeted with the sight of the Hospital Wing filled to the brim with sleeping students. "Wha..." he stated dumbly.

"Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey said as she hurried through the maze of cots to his side. "It's good to see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Feeling?" Harry said thickly. "Fine, I guess. What happened? What's going on?"

"You should be fine now, Mr. Potter. You've been asleep for nearly ten hours," she said without answering his question. She looked at his eyes and yanked out his tongue before declaring him cured. "You appear to be fine. Headache?"

"Wha?" Harry said, getting to his feet. "No. No headache."

"That's good," she said. "Good, good, good. You had better run along to your dorm to get some rest." She put her hands on his shoulders and quickly guided him towards the door. "If you feel any side affects be sure to come here right away, understand?"

Harry nodded, but asked, "What is going on?"

"Oh, just a little...." Madam Pomfrey quickly dropped what she was saying to help another sick looking student that had just come through the doors. "Oh, right this way, dear. Don't worry; you'll be all right."

Harry just shook his head and left the infirmary.

The halls were quiet as Harry made his way back to the Gryffindor tower, but he hurried along anyway. Even though he had a good excuse for being out, he still didn't want to get caught by a teacher and forced to explain why he was in the hospital wing when he wasn't really clear on that matter himself.

And why did he have such a craving for pumpkin juice all of a sudden.

"Odd," Harry muttered and continued on his way.

"I told you to steal the Amore Potion, you fool." At the first sound of the approaching voice, Harry ducked behind the nearest suit of armor.

"Sorry, Draco, I..."

"I don't need you're excuses, Goyle." Draco chuckled. "I can't believe McGonagall awarded you the special services to the school award for catching that filthy pig. With the amount of brainpower you just displayed...well, it doesn't take a genius to see that he was already captured when you found him."

What in the bloody hell was Malfoy talking about, Harry thought as he tried to keep as still as possible. Malfoy and Goyle came to a stop right in front of Harry's hiding place and Harry held his breath.

"The potions weren't labeled," Goyle whined.

"The potions weren't labeled, " Malfoy mocked. He gave Goyle an icy glare. "I told you blue. The inebriation potion is clear, you idiot."

"It was dark," Goyle said quietly.

"Use your wand to see next time," Draco snapped.

"I..."

"Snape will most likely be fined for this and it's all your fault. If you weren't so stupid..."

There was a crash from down the hallway from the direction the two Slytherins had just come and they immediately dropped down into a whisper Harry could barely hear.

"First you mess up the Dark Lord's plans by running into Nott by the Whomping Willow and then," Draco looked down the hallway to see if anyone was coming, "and then you go and..."

Harry tried to listen a bit longer, but just had to exhale. He couldn't hold it any longer and the breath came out much louder than he intended.

"Who's there?" Draco demanded. He lit his wand and searched the hallway with it, but Harry was too far into the shadows for him to see.

"Huh," Draco said. He grabbed Goyle's arm and marched him in the direction of the Slytherin dorm saying, "We'll talk about this later."

When Draco was out of sight, Harry bolted for the common room. He couldn't wait to tell Ron and Hermione.

"Grenadine," Harry told the fat lady as he ran up to the portrait hole.

"Don't mind if I do," she said and all the memories of the spiked pumpkin juice came back to Harry.

"What a day," he muttered and climbed into the Gryffindor tower.

"Harry," Ron yelled. He abandoned the game of chess he was playing with his sister to meet Harry at the door. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, just fine," Harry said impatiently as he led Ron back to the chairs by the fire. "Where's Hermione?" He looked all around the nearly empty common room and frowned.

"Off to bed already. Said she was tired," Ron said.

"Oh," Harry said. He really would have liked to tell them both about Malfoy at the same time, but he didn't want to wake Hermione, so he related the conversation to just Ron instead.

"So that must be why Goyle was in McGonagall's office last night," Ron said with a laugh. "Accidentally caught one of his own. Wicked."

"Yeah, but what did Malfoy want with an amore potion?" Harry asked. Ron just shrugged. "That's a love potion, I'm sure."

"A love potion?" Ron laughed. "Maybe he wants you to fall madly in love with him, Harry, so he can get you to follow him to You-Know-Who."

Harry gave him an evil glare. "Shut up, Ron. I doubt I'm his type. Mudblooded, you know." Harry smiled a crooked grin that would put fear into the hearts of even the most gallant warriors. "In fact, you're more his type than I am."

"He's right, Ron," Ginny said as she picked up on Harry's joke. Harry supposed she was out for revenge because her brother just left her in the middle of a close game.

Ron blanched. "In your dreams," he said and then smiled. "Maybe he's after you Ginny."

"If that was the case he wouldn't get very far," Ginny said. "I already have a boyfriend I'm madly in love with. I mean, Dean and I have gotten so close that I think that I..."

"Ginny, please," Ron shouted in horror. He pretended to be about to vomit at the thought of Ginny and Dean having anything more than a stage one relationship.

Ginny just laughed. "Fine," she said as she cleaned up her chess pieces. "I guess I'll be getting off to bed."

"Yeah," Ron said. "I think I need to...(yawn) head off to bed too. It's been a long day."

"Yes, it has," Ginny said. "Goodnight Ron, Harry."

"Goodnight, Ginny," Harry muttered.

Harry got up off his chair and headed off to bed not knowing if he would be able to sleep anyway, but he figured he should try. Ron followed close behind.

"You look like someone just used your head to mop out the toilet," the fowl mirror at the bottom of the boy's staircase (compliments of the Weasley twins) yelled as they approached. Harry just ignored it.

"Stupid mirror," Ron muttered

"And what are you supposed to be, a drag queen in those pig tails?" it yelled at Ron. Ron looked up at the mirror in surprise and grabbed hold of his pigtailed hair. "As a woman you're so ugly not even you're mother would love you."

Ron just scowled and yanked the binders out of his hair. "I can't believe no one told me."

Harry just laughed and trudged up the stairs to their room and pushed open the door.

"Bloody hell," Ron said when they stepped inside. "Neville, what are you doing with my pillow." Harry couldn't help but laugh at what he hoped was the last surprise of the day.

"I, ah..." Neville stammered as Seamus's pillow came up and smacked him in the face. When they had walked in he was jumping on his bed in his pajamas, throwing pillows at himself with his wand. "I, ah...."

"Never mind," Ron said with a yawn. "I probably don't want to know. Can I have my pillow back?"

"Sure," Neville said. He handed both Ron and Harry their pillows with a furious blush on his face. "Sorry."

"Yeah, sure," Ron said. He climbed into his bed and said good night before closing his curtains.

"Good night, Ron, " Harry said. He quickly changed out of his robes.

The door slammed open and Dean walked in with a smile on his face and nearly tripped over his own pillow that was lying on the floor near the door. "What's my pillow doing over here?" he said. Neville just blushed and looked away.

"So, where's Seamus?" Neville asked to change the subject.

Dean's smile brightened. "Last time I saw him he was talking with Hannah Abbott in the library."

"Really," Neville said and raised his eyebrow.

"Maybe he'll be able to keep that forked tongue of his in check this time and keep this one round for longer than one date," Dean said. He shrugged. "They seemed happy, though. Hannah was laughing."

Harry laughed and said, "Well, good for Seamus."

"Yeah," Dean said. "Well, good night and sleep well."

"Good night, Dean," Harry and Neville chorused. Dean climbed into bed pulled his curtains closed.

"Good night to you too Harry," Neville said. Poor Neville was still blushing when he closed his curtains for the night.

"Good night," Harry said. He closed his curtains and set about trying to get to sleep. He hoped tomorrow wouldn't be so...strange.