- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Genres:
- Parody
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Quidditch Through the Ages Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
- Stats:
-
Published: 06/14/2002Updated: 06/23/2002Words: 2,323Chapters: 3Hits: 1,758
Wizard Family Feud: Episode #1
E.J. Malfoy
- Story Summary:
- Watch two families battle it out, the Malfoys and the Weasleys, in this crazy game show where every question is a burst of mayhem.
Chapter 02
- Chapter Summary:
- Watch two families battle it out, the Malfoys and the Weasleys, in this crazy game show where every question is a burst of mayhem.
- Posted:
- 06/14/2002
- Hits:
- 297
Wizard Family Feud: Episode #1
By E. J. Malfoy
Part 2
"Wizard Family Feud" is shown.
Patty: And we’re back. As you know, the Weasleys have 107 points and the Malfoys are still looking for some. Now, let’s get back to the game.
Molly and Narcissa go up to the podium.
Patty: All right. We surveyed 100 witches and wizards on…their favorite candies.
Narcissa buzzes in first.
Narcissa: Jelly Slugs.
The board goes "ding" and "Jelly Slugs" appears as No. 3 of the four with 22 points behind it.
Patty: OK, Molly. You have a chance at getting the No. 1 choice.
Molly: OK, then. May I floo a friend?
Patty: No.
Molly: Poll the audience?
Patty: Uh-uh.
Molly: 50-50?
Patty: (angrily) Mrs. Weasley! This is not "Who wants to be a Galleonaire", so please give an answer!
Molly: Well! You don’t have to be so mean. I’ll just say Gummy Wizards.
Patty: Finally! Is "Gummy Wizards" up there?
The board goes "buzz".
Patty: I guess we’re going with the Malfoys this round.
Molly: (whispering) I happen to like "Who wants to be a Galleonaire".
Patty walks with Narcissa over to the Malfoys side. Molly walks angrily to the Weasleys side.
Patty: All right. Draco, you’re next. Name a favorite candy.
Draco: There are so many. I don’t know which to choose.
Lucius: Just pick a candy, damn it.
Narcissa: Stop it, honey. Remember what the producer said while the commercials were running.
Lucius: Oh, right.
Lucius winks at the producer. The producer giggles.
Narcissa: No, not that. The other thing.
Lucius: Ohhhhh…OK. Go on, son.
Draco: How about Pumpkin Pasties?
Patty: Is "Pumpkin Pasties" up there?
The board goes "ding" and shows "Pumpkin Pasties" as No. 4 with 16 points.
Draco: Ha! I did better than hero-boy and smart-girl! I rock!
Draco does a touchdown dance.
Patty: Hey! No gloating.
Harry: Yeah, no gloating, Malfoy.
Hermione: You shouldn’t gloat anyway. I know what that foul odor coming from over there is…
Draco: Hey! It’s not my fault I haven’t bathed in 3½ months. I wish you would just…
Patty: Just stop it! We’re wasting time. Now, let’s get back to the game. Vincent, you’re next.
Crabbe: Please call me doufus, I mean, Crabbe.
Patty: (looking at him strangely) Okay, Crabbe. Name a favorite candy.
Crabbe: I personally like Cockroach Clusters.
Patty: Ewe. You give me the creeps.
Crabbe: Thanks.
Draco: She said that you’re weird, Einstein.
The board says "Ewe" and goes "buzz" and shows "X".
Draco: I can’t believe I brought you guys here. You both know absolutely nothing. Your IQs put together equal less than that of a drugged dumbass.
Goyle: What’s your point?
Malfoy rubs down his face with his hands and beats his head on the wall behind them.
Patty: I can’t believe I’m doing this, but name a favorite candy of yours Gregory, or should I call you Goyle.
Goyle: Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh…
Patty: Goyle? Goyle? Mr. Goyle, are you there?
Goyle: Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh…
The board goes "buzz" and shows "XX"
Patty: Uh…oh, darn. I think we ran out of time. Time to go back to you Lucius.
Lucius: But…but I don’t know anything about candy.
Patty: Suck it up son and answer.
Lucius: How about Lock-lip Lollypops.
Patty: Lock-lip Lollys?
The board goes "buzz" and shows "XXX".
Patty: Sorry. Looks like the Weasleys have a chance.
Patty walks over to the Weasleys side.
Patty: Mr. Weasley, you have one chance. What will it be?
Arthur: Chocolate Nutty Buddies.
Patty: Chocolate Nutty Buddies???
The board goes "buzz".
Patty: Looks like the Malfoys have gotten this round with 38 points.
Draco: Looks like your family will be the losers!
Weasley People: Oh yeah!
Malfoy People: Yeah!
Hermione: That’s it.
Hermione starts fighting Draco. The others from the Malfoys and Weasleys join in.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Patty: This isn’t Jerry Springer!
Audience: Patty! Patty! Patty!
Patty: We’ll be right back after these commercial messages, and a couple hundred bandages, too.