The Secret Snape

Prologue

The Night It All Began

Dear Diary,

He killed her. The only person I've ever loved, though she never knew; Lily Evans. I can never call her by her married name. How could she marry him? What did he have that I didn't? But now he's gone with her. People are rejoicing everywhere for He is dead, but all I can do is cry. Cry for a failed love, a love that can now never be. Her child lives on, but I cannot ever like him for he will remind me of her and him... together. I will hate him for living, when she has gone. Albus told me that she died to save Harry, stupid noble Gryffindor thing to do.

But when I think on it I cannot blame Him completely, for I gave the information; the information which killed my sunshine. When I realised what that prophecy meant, I ran. I fled His presence tonight, even as he left to do the deed. The Dark Arts that have for so long been my comfort, for in them I can release my self-hate. Why do I hate myself? Because I never had the courage to tell her those three words...I love you. Now the Dark Arts have turned against me, killing my one love. I hate them! They had betrayed me. I gave myself to the mercy of the person who I knew could save her and her family, Dumbledore. He looked at me with that look wherein all your thoughts are made known. I did not stop him; I hurt too much. When he had discovered the truth; he told me what I already knew, Lily was dead. He opened his arms and I collapsed into them, sobbing. His next words were a blur, he told of how He had been defeated by their child, Harry. How Harry was to live with his Muggle aunt and uncle?

Tonight I have entered the Order of the Phoenix. I know what you think how could I turn my back on my beliefs so easily? I want to avenge her death, every fibre of my being cries for His death. I knelt before Dumbledore on the hard stone floor of his office. I repeated his words and the exchange is burned in my mind:

'I, Severus Snape'

'I, Severus Snape'

'Swear to fight the evil of Lord Voldemort'

'Swear to fight the evil of Lord...'

'You must say his name, for fear of the name increase fear of the thing itself. Would you fear Lily's murderer?'

'I, Severus Snape swear to fight the evil of Lord Voldemort'

'And his followers, the Death Eaters'

'And his followers, the Death Eaters'

'Until death takes me.'

'Until death takes me.'

'My heart will never turn to the Dark'

'My heart will never turn to the Dark'

'My face will stay turned to the Light'

'My face will stay turned to the Light'

'If I break this Vow I give my comrades the right to kill me.'

'If I break this Vow I give my comrades the right to kill me.'

Dumbledore then looked me in the eye and said 'Then arise; Warlock Severus Snape of the Order of the Phoenix.' As I rose, I saw that this was my destiny, to fight the battle Lily had fought and so this is the first day of the rest of my life.

Severus Snape