When the Shadows Cry

Back then I just smiled at you,

Pulled you closer still,

Told that I was now with you

And that I'd always will.

You knew that I didn't believe

But you didn't mind,

You snuggled up to me and tried

To sleep through the dark night.

*

"Severus!" Remus exclaimed, frightened. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk with you," the Slytherin replied casually. He stood in the middle of Remus and Black's room, eyeing around disapprovingly. The bastard truly was messy. He knew that Remus loved tidiness, but that he was too scared to touch anything of Sirius's. Thus the mess.

Black truly was a bastard.

"If Sirius catches you here, it'll be a Hell to both of us," Remus said nervously, eyeing the door like he'd expected Black to step in on any moment. "He kicked me to stomach yesterday just because I'd spoken with Kingsley for what he thought was a moment too long. He of course apologized to me later, but I don't think I'd want to face the consequences if he found you here with me!"

"I have a potion that will make sure he won't," Severus said, showing a little phial he had carried in his pocket. "Not only does this make me temporarily invisible until the counter-potion has been taken, it also hides my scent. He won't notice me even his dog form."

"Are you sure it works?" the werewolf asked, still nervous.

"Of course I am sure," Severus snorted. "I'm a Potions Master after all. It's my own recipe, and I have tested it. I know it works."

"If you're sure," Remus said hesitantly. He made a gesture, indicating that Severus should sit down. So, he did.

"Has anything happened recently?" Severus asked, carefully hiding the concern in his voice. "Other than Black being a jealous, sadistic bastard, of course?"

Remus chuckled tiredly. "Not really," he said, shaking his head. "I tried to take contact to a pack in Ireland, but it turned out that their old leader, a fairly smart man, had been defeated and the new alpha is leading the whole pack to Voldemort." He shook his head again, this time much slower. "Werewolves are Dark creatures," he said quietly.

Severus was silent for a moment. Then he said, with a much softer tone than he recalled using for years, "You're not Dark, Remus, no matter whatever crap Black's been feeding you. You're one of the purest Light I know, honestly. There's no way anybody in their full sense could call you Dark."

"Maybe I'm not," Remus said bitterly, "but the wolf in me is. It -" Suddenly, his eyes flew wide. "Sirius is coming," he said, his voice full of fear. "Quick, take the potion, or he'll kill us both!"

Severus didn't need another command. He gulped down the potion, feeling the cool wave go through him just as the door opened.

A big, black dog came inside, sniffed for a moment in the doorway, and then transformed back to a human. "I smell a trace of Snape," Black growled accusingly as soon as he was back in his human form. "And not an hour old, even. What has he done here?"

"He just came to discuss my Wolfsbane," Remus said quietly. "I've managed to lose some weight lately, so we had to count new doses for me to be sure it works properly." Sadly, this was true. He'd truly been becoming even more skinny lately. Severus would have to count the new doses one of these days. It hurt him, since he knew that it was Black's abuse and the stress the man caused that was resulting in Remus's unhealthy loss of weight.

Black snorted in disbelief. "And how do I know you didn't sleep with him?"

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. He hardly had to fake the shocked tone. "I would never cheat on you. Least of all with Severus! How can you really think anyone could sleep with him?" In his heart Severus hoped, no, prayed that Remus was only saying that to fool Black.

"Animals have weird desires," the Animagus said emotionlessly. "But you're right. Not a human could ever sleep with Snape." Then he grimaced and continued, "Which still doesn't prove that you didn't."

Severus flinched at the words, hurt more by the insult to Remus, the man Black claimed to love, than the one directed to himself. He saw in a faze as Remus took a step forward, wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck. "But I fell for you, didn't I?" he purred, then placed a light kiss on Black's neck. "Which must prove that I have a perfect taste for men." Over Black's shoulder he gave a sharp glance to the point where Severus stood, gesturing silently him to leave.

"Really," Black smirked. "And you have a perfect luck, too. Why else would the man who you fell for be the only one who can stand you in his bed?" With these words, he practically tossed the smaller brunette to the mentioned piece of furniture, flinging himself on top of him.

Fighting down a sickening feeling, Severus quietly left the room.

*

But no matter how I try,

It's you, me, and shadows those.

You always tell, 'The shadows cry...'

They tease you, whom they chose.

*

Severus was, unknown to the others, in the Grimmauld Place. He was there because he wanted to work in peace with a couple of Dark objects he'd discovered in one room of the house, and he definitely didn't want to be disturbed.

He'd placed wards around the room that only allowed him to penetrate them - him, and one other person. Therefore, he knew instantly who was coming as he heard the door creaking.

"Remus," he said, turning around. He gasped as he saw the werewolf's dull expression. Dull, and obviously pained. "What now?" he asked, sincerely concerned. How the bastard had hurt Remus now? "Didn't he prepare you this time, either?"

"No, he did," Remus whispered, and suddenly burst into tears. "He indeed did prepare me, Severus... Better than well... But he -" The werewolf's voice trailed off as he murmured something so quietly Severus couldn't hear him.

"What did you say?" he asked gently. "You can tell me, Remus. You don't have to feel ashamed. I know it's just Black being a bastard, nothing about you."

The now teary golden eyes rose to his face. "He did prepare me," Remus repeated, "but he had a silver ring in his finger."

The Potions Master drew a sharp breath, then muttered a curse. He had to use every last bit of his self-control not to go and kill Black at the very moment. The bastard had indeed deserved it a thousand times for everything he'd done to Remus.

"He didn't even seem to notice," Remus told with a quiet voice. "It slid all the way inside me every time and Merlin, it hurt... I couldn't even speak coherently enough to tell him, I was in too much pain to form sensible words. And when - when he got to the actual penetration -" The small brunet shuddered, then suddenly flung himself forward to Severus, crying like a baby, his hands clutched on the Slytherin's robes.

Severus didn't say anything. He merely held Remus, let him cry himself empty of tears, knowing that he needed it.

"You shouldn't go back to him," he said then quietly. "Not anymore."

"What options I have?" Remus asked, raising teary eyes to him. "He's my husband. And, of course, he demanded to be bonded as the dominant half of the bond. Even if I left, he could demand me to come back, and by law I should obey - unless we divorce, what he'll never agree to do."

"He made you bond by the firmest bond?" Severus asked, not believing his ears. The firmest marriage bond, also known as the Slave's Bond, hadn't been commonly used to two hundred years. In ancient times, it had been used as the submissive partner was unwilling to the marriage. The bond put them wholly under the dominant one's control. Severus had only heard of two cases of this bond in the past century or so - and now of a third one.

Somehow, it seemed to fit the picture he had of Sirius Black.

Remus nodded, biting his lip. "He said he wanted to be sure I wouldn't go away," he whispered. "He said he didn't want to let me go, ever. That he loved me too much..." His lower lip trembled, and he said then, "It wasn't until now that I notice what he wanted... How little he truly cares..."

"I'm glad that you noticed at least now," Severus murmured quietly. "But there for sure is a way to break the bond - there has to be. Don't worry, Remus - I'll help you out of this."

"Can you do that?" Remus asked, his voice thick with yet unshed tears. "Can anybody pull another up from the Hell?"

Severus hugged the werewolf even tighter against himself. He was just about to say something as a sharp sound caught his ears.

He turned around and saw Kreacher in the doorway. The insane house-elf was laughing uncontrollably, a nasty smirk on his face.

"What's so funny?" Severus asked sharply. He didn't feel bad about having the house-elf seeing him so near Remus - he'd charmed the creature so it wouldn't be able to tell anybody about them. The charm was a slight variation of Imperius - not strong enough to work on humans and thus not as forbidden, although it was truly Dark, but it worked well on house-elves. To Remus, of course, he'd just said that he'd slipped an Obliviation Potion to the thing. Of course he could have done that, but he wasn't sure how it would have reacted, as his knowledge of potions and their proper doses was mostly about humans, not about house-elves.

"The Potter boy wents to trap," Kreacher said with another nasty laugh. "The Potter boy went to trap..."

"To what trap?" Severus asked sharply. He felt Remus stiffening on his arms, too.

"Kreacher sent the boy to the Ministry," the house-elf snickered. "To the Department of Mysteries. Then master will see what happens to Mudbloods!"

Severus froze. "Go away," he snarled then, loosening his arms around Remus. "Go away before I strangle you."

The house-elf took this threat to truth - as it should have - but the laughter didn't cease. It laughed all the way out of the room, Severus's sharp glare and Remus's frightened gaze on its back.

"Harry's..." Remus said, then fell silent, unable to finish the sentence.

"Go to the others now. Tell them you got a firecall from me," Severus advised. "Tell - tell that I saw the boy disappearing to the Forest. I'll go inform the Headmaster." He was quiet for a moment, then said, "Tell Black to keep behind, since otherwise, I just might kill him."

Remus didn't even reply to that, he simply nodded.

Severus took again a dose of his invisibility potion. Then he left the house without anyone noticing.

*

The shadows cry into your ears,

Cover my words of warmth,

I kiss away your bitter tears,

Shelter you from their claws.

*

It was very quiet in the Grimmauld Place after the fateful night in the Department of Mysteries.

People were walking on eggshells, especially aroud Remus. This made the werewolf simply miserable, and Severus was annoyed to no end.

"Would yo want something, Remus?" Molly Weasley asked gently. Most of the remaining members of the Order were in the kitchen for a dinner - even Severus was there, although nobody but he himself and Remus knew exactly why.

"I - I think I'll just leave now," Remus murmured, then fled the room like the devil himself was on his heels.

His so-called friends exchanged concerned glances. "Poor Remus," the Tonks girl said quietly. "He must feel so bad now that Sirius is dead."

At last, Severus had got enough. "I think Remus is actually very happy with Black dead," he snapped sharply. "And he's definitely much better off than he ever was with the bastard living. So stop fussing around him and reminding him of that bastard!"

The whole Order turned to stare at him in shock and disbelief. "How can you say that?" Molly Weasley shrieked, positively terrified. "They were lovers, for Merlin's sake!"

"Yeah, they were lovers," he said dryly, trying in vain to maintain his usual cool mask even though he was fuming inside. "Married even. They slept together, true enough. Had sex together. And what about when Remus didn't want to? Black bloody well raped him! I don't think that speaks of love from Black's side, only of need for sex!"

They paled at his accusing words. Arthur Weasley managed to stammer, "But surely Remus..."

"Thought that nobody would help him, that nobody else would want him. Thought that he was an animal, that he was not worth the name of a human. That was what Black always told to him while raping him. Did you know that? Did you know that he damned beated Remus, and not only a couple of times? Hell, he beated Remus to blood and bruises every time he dared to refuse being fucked by him! Black broke his jaw once, his wrist twice, and seven of his ribs the last month alone!"

This time, none of them dared to say anything. They just stared at him, swallowing back whatever words came to them, obviously realizing that it'd be better if they kept quiet.

"You didn't know. Or if you knew, you refused to admit it. It was Sirius Black, your bloody precious Gryffindor, after all. The one everyone had done wrong to. The one who'd been in prison for years for nothing. Well, he damn well deserved every second of it! People have got longer sentences than twelve years in Azkaban for continuous rapes and abuse!"

"Then why didn't you say anything earlier?" Tonks snapped accusingly, seemingly got over her first shock. "If you truly knew all along, why didn't you say anything?"

"And would you really have believed me?" Severus snorted. "Face the truth, Nymphadora," he said, emphatizing the first name, knowing that the young witch hated it. "None of you would have listened to me. You'd only said I hold silly schoolboy grudges, that I should let go at last and stop accusing your damn precious Black of everything. Remus would have kept quiet, too afraid to stand up for himself. I'd been watched upon, and after that, you'd listened to me even less. And Black would have beaten Remus down to shit for letting his little 'secret' slip, and you would have told yourselves that he flew down the stairs or something!"

This time, none of them said anything. They hang their heads in shame, not daring to look up. They knew all too well that every word he'd said was true.

"Think now just how good friends you were to Remus," he snarled, "and what you let Black do without stepping in. I'm going to talk with Remus, and I hope for your sake that none of you will upset him anymore, unless you want to be in the receiving end of my wand." He emphatized his words with tapping his wand against his palm.

"Why are you doing this?" Kingsley asked quietly.

Severus's eyes jumped at the black wizard. "Maybe I like calling myself somebody's friend," he said silkily, then snapped, "Although I really doubt that I could do anything to deserve that title less than any of you." With these words, he turned on his heels and left the room.

*

In the still of the night,

I hold onto you tight,

You cry as the shadows cry.

*

"Remus?" Severus asked to the dark room. Even without seeing the dark bundle in the most shadowed corner, or hearing the quiet sobs, he'd known that the werewolf was there. This was the first, and only, room he checked.

The room where they'd talked for the first time.

The werewolf didn't reply, but his sobs quieted a bit. Severus took this as an invitation, and walked over to his friend. He sat down next to the small brunet, waiting for him to say something.

"I feel so empty now," Remus whispered, his eyes cast down. "Like I was drained of everything."

"He didn't love you," Severus reminded him firmly. "He never did, no matter how much he told you he did. He was just using you on his own advantage."

"Maybe," the werewolf replied softly, "but at least he told he loved me. Who else could ever even say that? Who could claim to love a monster?"

"I love you," Severus said simply, not being able to stop the words before they were already out. Not that he'd really wanted to, either.

Remus's golden eyes shot up to him. "What?" he asked warily. "What did you say?"

"I love you," Severus repeated, and it was even easier now when he'd already said it once. "I have for quite some time." He sighed. "You are not a monster, nor are you an animal, Remus. No matter what that son of a bitch told you, you are pefectly, wholly human. You only transform at the full moon, and even then, your heart is a human's heart, your soul a human's soul."

"Do you believe in souls?" Remus asked with a lop-sided smile. "Interesting." Severus sensed that he was just trying to cover his nervousness and shock with jokes.

"Of course I believe in souls," he replied, allowing Remus the shelter he needed right now. "How could I not? I've faced enough Dementors to know very well that they do exist. And that they can be torn apart, too."

Remus bit his lip, not saying anything. Severus waited patiently, letting him take his time.

At last, the troubled golden eyes were raised to him. "Do you really mean it?" the werewolf asked, his voice hadrly more than a whisper. "Do you really love me?"

"Yes, I do," he replied, trying to assure the uncertain lycanthrope of the truthfulness of his words. "I love you, Remus. Not in the way Black claimed to love you, but I truly, really love you. From the bottom of my heart."

For a moment, Remus just watched him intently, the traces of dried tears still on his cheeks. Then Remus said softly, "I believe you," and leaned forward to capture his lips in a teary, warm, tender kiss.

Severus was at first careful in responding the kiss, fearing that he might scare the other man away. Then, as Remus's tongue licked his lips, demanding entrace, he opened his mouth, allowing the other man to enter.

They kissed for quite some time before breaking the kiss, both gasping for the oxygen they'd been lacking. They wrapped their arms around each other's waist, resting their foreheads together.

Then Remus said, breaking the not at all uncomfortable silence, "There's a room in the second floor that used to be mine. Is still mine, I guess. Nobody took it when I moved to Sirius's room because he refused to leave his own room for me. Most of my stuff should still be there."

"Black has not been there?" Severus asked before he couldn't help himself. He just couldn't bear the thought of sleeping with Remus in a room where Black had been raping him, hurting this beautiful, delicate creature in the worst way imaginable.

To his great relief, Remus shook his head. "Not a single time," he replied. "He stood on the doorway once, glanced around and said, 'You won't stay here. Come to my room,' and ever since, I've been residing there."

Severus cursed Black in his mind for everything he'd done to Remus. When Remus started leading his way out of the room, however, all thoughts of Black were washed from his mind. It was just them, him and Remus, and Black no more had any way to step between them. He would not hurt Remus anymore.

With this in mind, he gladly followed Remus to the room that hadn't been tainted with Black's bastard character.

Severus made sure that their first time together was gentle and slow. The love-making was smooth and pleasurable to them both, thanks to the lubrication and careful preparation. Severus had no doubt that the moans coming from Remus were due to pleasure, not pain.

When they in the end fell into a boneless heap, Remus told him that it hadn't hurt him more than just a bit. He also told that the pleasure had been a thousand times greater than the pain.

Severus believed him.

*

Whenever I hold you at night

I want to make them go,

To destroy shadows, light a light

And tell I love you so.

*

They quickly eased into a relationship. Severus soon spent all his nights in the Grimmauld Place, it being a summer break. He thought about asking Dumbledore whether he could take Remus to his quarters in the Slytherin dungeons when the autumn would come. The house they were staying at held too many painful memories of Black.

However, they were happy with what they had right now. The others were beginning to get used to see Severus around the house at all hours of day, and Molly Weasley startled only the tiniest bit whenever she entered the kitchen and saw Severus sitting in the table, talking with Remus.

The next full moon approached. Four nights before it, Severus merely laid himself next to Remus, not doing any attempts to touch the werewolf. After a moment, Remus snuggled up to his side, let out a happy sigh and fell asleep. In the morning, Severus woke to see the golden eyes shine to him lovingly and not a bit gratefully. Although showing happy face to Remus, he inwardly swore that if something ever pulled Black back from behind the Veil, he'd kill the bastard with his bare hands and make sure he wouldn't return this time.

The next night, Remus again slept curled up next to him. The next one, however, the werewolf made not a move to come nearer to him, and Severus didn't approach him, either. He knew that Remus now wouldn't feel comfortable even with a simple touch.

The third day after the full moon, Remus again returned to his side. And the fifth night after it, he practically jumped Severus, who'd been fully prepared for yet another night of a completely platonic relationship.

Not that he'd complained, either.

Now, it was a late August night, some time after the new moon, although the moon was already waxing. It was still over a week and a half to the next full moon. Therefore, Severus was not afraid of letting his hand wander under the covers, sliding it along Remus's bare side towards the smooth thigh.

Remus, however, pushed Severus's hand off his thigh. "Not tonight, Severus," he said quietly. "Please?"

Severus didn't say anything, didn't ask anything. He merely lay back, not touching Remus anymore.

They both lay quiet for some time. Then, suddenly, Remus asked, "Why you stopped? Don't you want me anymore?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, although he knew Remus couldn't see it in the darkness. "You said, 'No,'" he reminded the werewolf. After a second, he realized what Remus was going after. "Oh, for Salazar's sake," he said, and sighed. "I still do love you, Remus, and I still do want you. I do want to make love to you, and to feel you make love to me. But if you say no, in any occasion, in any phase of the moon, I won't push you further. I'm not Black."

"Good." Remus snuggled nearer to him, pushing his naked body against Severus's in a very uncomfortable fashion. Or, rather, in a too comfortable one.

Severus took a sharp breath. "Remus," he said strainedly, hardly managing to keep his voice under control, "I may be not Black, but I'm not a saint, either. If you keep rubbing your cock against mine, I might not be able to hold myself back."

"Doesn't matter," Remus said, and Severus felt his smile against his shoulder. "I want you, too. You're welcome not to hold yourself back."

"But you said..." Severus started in confusion, but Remus cut him off.

"I said no. I know. I didn't mean it." Remus breathed deep in, then continued, "I think... I think I was kind of testing you. Trying to see if I'd indeed made the right choice."

"You don't have to test me," Severus replied huskily. "As I said, I'm not Black. I'll never force myself on you, Remus. Never."

"I know," Remus replied, then covered Severus's lips with a demanding kiss. Then he said, with a just as lust-filled tone and equal love twinkling in his eyes, "But if you don't do anything relatively soon, I just might force myself on you."

Severus smirked slightly, and started to fulfill Remus's wishes.

Neither of them held anything back that night.

*

I try to make you forget them,

Holding you every night,

To bring your nightmares to an end.

In vain I struggle, fight.

*

Nymphadora Tonks closed the door to Remus's room quietly, satisfied with what she'd seen. The scene had been very similar to those she'd seen on numerous mornings before Sirius's death - two heads, one light golden with silvery streaks, the other black, lying next to each other. The two men were covered by only the fine sheets, their limbs tangled together underneath the covers. The dark-haired wizard's pale, slim form had been spooned around the smaller body. Other than the other man's harsher features, she could have sworn it was Remus and Sirius in the bed, like it'd been so many times before.

Only one thing was different, other than the room, of course. Seeing that thing, she knew that everything was now better with Remus than had ever been while the werewolf had been with Sirius.

She'd seen Remus smile in his dreams.

*

A/N: If you've read this far, you have to review, or otherwise I'll come and curse you...

Below are the full lyrics of the song. And I know it's bad, but hey, I'm not a native English speaker, I'm only doing my best... And, at least it fits the melody I created for it! ^_^

*

One night as we just lay back,

Holding each other close,

You finally found out that

I could not hear those.

That voices that were nagging at

You through the day and night,

Weren't to me. I asked what

You heard that no one might.

You asked: 'Don't you really hear

When the shadows cry?

Don't you see a silver tear,

Do you even try?

.

In the still of the night,

Like a light far too bright,

I hear as the shadows cry...

.

The shadows of our pasts, never to be told,

Shadows of our future on to which we hold,

Shadows of the darkness that around us is,

They cry. You are the only one I have ever told this.'

.

Back then I just smiled at you,

Pulled you closer still,

Told that I was now with you

And that I'd always will.

You knew that I didn't believe

But you didn't mind,

You snuggled up to me and tried

To sleep through the dark night.

We knew that any moment new

Might tear us apart,

The darkness fallen always knew

How to hit us hard.

.

In the still of the night,

When there's no hint of light,

You tell me that the shadows cry.

.

The shadows of our pasts, never to be told,

Shadows of our future on to which we hold,

Shadows of the darkness that taints our present,

Shadows and their cries that to you will never end.

.

Your past is full of darkness,

Crying bitter tears,

Forced to a willingness

To face what you most fear.

Whenever I hold you at night

I want to make them go,

To destroy shadows, light a light

And tell I love you so.

The shadows cry into your ears,

Cover my words of warmth,

I kiss away your bitter tears,

Shelter you from their claws.

.

In the still of the night,

I hold onto you tight,

You cry as the shadows cry.

.

The shadows of our pasts, never to be told,

Shadows of our future on to which we hold,

Shadows of the darkness that our present is,

Knowing always better than us where to hardest hit.

.

I try to make you forget them,

Holding you every night,

To bring your nightmares to an end.

In vain I struggle, fight.

But no matter how I try,

It's you, me, and shadows those.

You always tell, 'The shadows cry...'

They tease you, whom they chose.

Your eyes dwell with sudden tears

As you whisper what you hear,

You see, you hear all your fears

And I hold you near.

.

And in the still of the night,

I know that you were right,

I hear as the shadows cry...

.

The shadows of our pasts, never to be told,

Shadows of our future on to which we hold,

Shadows of the darkness that is our present,

And as I lie I know their crying's nowhere near an end.

.

The shadows of our pasts, never to be told,

Shadows of our future on to which we hold,

Shadows of the darkness that is our present,

And as I lie I know their crying's never going to end.