The Heart of Night

Heart of the Night

~*~

Rage

~*~*~*~

1 Moon, 1 Week, 4 Nights

~*~*~

Severus glanced down at the potion boiling in the cauldron. He snorted. The potion was seventh-year material, meaning that he could brew it even in his sleep. Brewing it wasn't the difficult part, no -- measuring it right, however, might prove rather hard, as this was a delicate topic.

He no more wondered just why Remus had been such a menace in Potions when they'd been at school. His now oversensitive sense of smell teased him in every turn, even the mildest potions filling his nose with infernal smells. He'd almost given up brewing some of the more bad-smelling potions, but his natural stubbornness had forced him to continue.

Now, however, he would have to brew a smell-deadening draught so he'd have plenty in stock when the school year began. Most of those little fools couldn't even boil water without turning it into some foul, potentially explosive concoction. Severus would not be in the same classroom with the brats if he had to smell every little mistake they made from the other side of the classroom. He couldn't dampen his sense of smell completely, however -- he needed it in brewing some more sensitive potions. Therefore, he would have to very carefully count the needed amount of the potion he was just brewing.

A gaze at the mirror on the nearby wall brought a scowl on his face. His eyes had started to get lighter the day before. Now they had almost reached the mid-grey shade from which they would then slowly turn to amber. Wonderful, just fucking wonderful. Well, at least it was better than those annoying freckles, and once his eyes had wholly changed colour, the future freckles would be less noticeable.

Just as he thought about this, Dumbledore's face appeared to the fireplace. "Severus!" the Headmaster called out. "Would you come to my office at once? There's something I wish to discuss with you."

The Potions Master rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. "Of course, Albus," he sighed, casting a Preservation Charm on the potion to keep it from becoming spoiled. "I'll be there in a minute."

As he entered the Headmaster's office, he found Remus also sitting there. Taking another of the two chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk, he fixed his gaze on the ancient wizard, waiting.

"I have found you substitutes," the Headmaster said, beaming. "One of them is more than capable of teaching Dark Arts every month, and the other is very willing to become a permanent Potions Assistant."

Remus nodded, while Severus merely raised an eyebrow. "Please, do enlighten us," he said dryly. "Who on Earth are these wondrous heroes that will teach whenever we're unable to?"

So, Dumbledore told them.

Severus stared in absolute shock at the Headmaster. "No -- NO! I'll never let either of those bloody menaces anywhere near my classroom!" he shouted, fuming. "Never, do you hear me, NEVER! Neither of them will ever cross the threshold of the Potions class again, unless it is over my dead and rotting body!"

"Calm down, Severus," Remus sighed. "It hardly is a thing worth all this mess. Sure, you're upset, but --"

"And you!" shouted the Potions Master. "SHUT UP! I'm not taking any more of this crap from you! I can't brew my potions without almost fainting from the smell. None of my colleagues looks me in the eye anymore, not even those who previously managed to do that. My body is torn apart every fucking month, I'm not even a human anymore, and now I'll have to let one of the thousand times damned WEASLEY TWINS become the Potions Assistant! And all this is THANKS TO YOU!"

"Severus," Albus said, frowning, "I don't think you're being entirely fair. You know that Voldemort --"

"Voldemort captured him," interrupted the dark-haired wizard him, spitting the words out with as much hatred as he could fit into those words. "I fucking know it. But it was HE who bit me, and it was HE who turned me! Therefore, it is HIS fucking fault that I'm a werewolf now!" Rage had seemingly totally taken over Severus. Otherwise, he wouldn't have ever been able to rise against his alpha, like he did now.

"Calm down, Severus," sighed Remus, giving him a careful glance. Forcing all his power as the alpha of their pack into his voice, he continued, "You shouldn't rage like this. It'll do no good if you --"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" roared the Slytherin, who was beyond enraged now. "This one time I'm sane enough to put the beast down, and therefore, I say this to you, Lupin: I hate you. I hate you with my whole fucking heart, if I've ever had one. And I will never, ever forgive you!"

"Severus, that's enough!" Albus said firmly to him. "You will apologize to Remus right now!"

"And give up the little bit of pride I've somehow managed to maintain through this whole ordeal? In your dreams, you old manipulative bastard!" With these words, a strong magical surge escaped Severus as he suddenly stood up. Remus and Albus both had to duck as the numerous objects in the Headmaster's office suddenly began to fly around. The previous Headmasters in their portraits screeched as the power of the Potions Master's magic almost tore the paintings from the wall. In the middle of the sudden chaos stood Severus, screaming with rage, the now grey eyes blazing with an eerie golden glow as the strong emotions called for the wolf inside him. The whirlwind of uncontrolled magic made his hair fly around in the air and his robes whirl around his legs, but the man himself seemed to be completely untouched by this.

Then, suddenly, it became deadly quiet. Dumbledore looked over his desk, seeing that Severus lay floor, unmoving and unconscious. Remus was in an instant on the other werewolf's side, examining him worriedly.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Dumbledore concernedly. "What exactly happened?"

Remus sighed and shook his head. "It was too much to him," he said quietly. "All this time, he's been determined to stay in charge, to keep his mask firmly on its place. Now, when he found out that one of his most hated people was going to be his substitute when he was unable to teach -- he hates to be unable to do anything, especially about potions, and the Weasleys were the last bit -- his self-control couldn't hold him back anymore. He even managed to rise against me despite my position as an alpha, he was so outraged. And he even lost the control of his magic, you know how much that would take from such a powerful wizard as he is. The fact that this rage didn't put down his wolf side but instead attracted it made him even more mad, of course. Then, all this strain on him combined with the fact that he's just going through the last major changes to a werewolf, it became too much to him. He simply collapsed."

"I'll call Poppy," said the Headmaster. Then he added, "And Remus... Do not think too much about what he said. You know that he was out of his mind. None of this is your fault."

"But it is, isn't it, Albus?" asked Remus humourlessly, shaking his head slowly. "It was I who turned him. And because of that, he's considered a beast. Because of that, Minerva won't look him in the eye, and he has to suffer the transformations, and he's lost about all control he's ever had in his life. Potions are his life, Albus, you know that -- and now his nose doesn't stand their smell, and he has to give up his classes to another person, even one he hates. And he's lost control. He lives to stay in control, Albus -- I'm surprised he hasn't killed himself already, what with him losing all control to the wolf, or the Ministry, or even to the Weasley twins. He's lost everything, and it is because of me that he's lost that."

"It isn't your fault," Dumbledore said quietly. His voice was very weak, however.

"That's what I try to keep telling to myself," sighed the still conscious werewolf. "But then he again reminds me of the true side of things. He keeps telling that to himself, too, to stop Voldemort from having his full revenge. Maybe on some level he even believes it, but I think that deep inside he will never forgive me."

"Maybe this incident will at least teach him what happens if he keeps blaming you," the Headmaster said then, sounding awfully hopeful. The usual merry twinkle hadn't yet returned to his blue eyes.

"You know even yourself that this will affect him rather to the opposite," Remus said dryly. "He's just shown both psychic and physical weakness, being unable to stay in control of his magic or to even stay conscious. And as there's nobody else to blame for this, it is me who will be at fault in his mind."

"And yet it, either, isn't your fault," concluded the ancient wizard. He glanced down at Severus.

"No, it isn't," admitted the younger wizard, sighing yet again. "But many things are, and I know that."

*

Severus opened his eyes slowly, then closed them again. In an instant his mind registered that he was in the Infirmary of Hogwarts. Why on Earth he was there, though, he couldn't remember --

No, wait a minute. He did remember. He'd thrown the most embarrassing tantrum in the Headmaster's office, raging at both Dumbledore and Remus, and then lost control over his magic. And in the middle of all that chaos, he'd suddenly felt dizzy, and that was all he remembered before waking up. So, rather logically, Severus concluded that he must have passed out. How very embarrassing.

The shuffle of cloth and familiar smell from his side told that Lupin had been waiting for his awakening. Now, this was even more embarrassing. He completely lost control -- in the end, the one raging had been the wolf inside him, the human side having lost control long ago. And what had he roared at the other werewolf about? About being a werewolf!

And -- wait a minute. Just whom had Dumbledore decided to be their substitutes? The Weasley twins? The man had finally gone insane, he must have. Those two had been the worst menaces in Potions he'd ever come across -- well, before Neville Longbottom, anyway. While Longbottom was clearly incompetent, however, Fred and George Weasley simply didn't care. How they got such good grades in their exams was well beyond him. Well, they couldn't be that stupid, not with the way they'd treated Umbridge -- that was something Severus still remembered with a smirk -- but he certainly didn't stand either of them. And even less he trusted either of them anywhere near the students occupied with explosive, poisonous, or otherwise dangerous potion ingredients, never mind the actual brewing.

"Lup -- Remus," he said harshly, and heard the other man's sharp intake of breath. Bloody jumpy Gryffindor. "Remus, Albus is not really going to make those good-for-nothing twins our substitutes, is he?"

"Well, I'm afraid he is," came the quiet reply after a momentary pause. "Albus does tell that they are perfectly qualified for the job, though, and should have no problems."

"Perfectly qualified?" Now, Severus's eyes snapped instantly open. "They never even took their NEWTs!"

"Seemingly they've taken them during the summer, since Albus told me that they have indeed passed their exams," the other werewolf continued. He looked extremely guilty. Oh, bloody great. Not only had the Gryffindor witnessed his moment of weakness, he was even blaming himself for it!

Well, it was bloody good he did. "I'm going to kill Albus," Severus muttered. "I swear I will kill him. Just when I thought I'd got rid of them forever, he's going to bring them back here!"

"Well, Albus in fact had second options for substitutes," commented Remus dryly. "But I don't think you would like either of them any better, if I'm not terribly wrong."

"What are those options, then?" sighed Severus. "Hagrid and Trelawney, perhaps?"

"Worse." A momentary smirk washed the guilty expression from Remus's face as the Gryffindor said, "If you do not accept Fred and George, Albus is going to hire Umbridge and Lockhart."

For a moment, Severus felt very near to fainting again. Then, however, he merely hid his face in his hands and groaned. No, he didn't want the twins, but those two were even worse options!

One thought comforted him, though. 'There's no way anything could go any worse than it has already...'

Oh, how very wrong he was.

*