The Heart of Night

Heart of the Night

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Feel the Change

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1 Week

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Severus frowned. Something didn't feel quite right, and it annoyed him. A lot.

It felt like someone had been calling for him. He raised his head in confusion, because he surely hadn't heard anything. And still, he felt the call -- it wasn't a sound, more like a pull, a hook on his skin, or rather on his mind, pulling him somewhere.

It came from the outside. Severus slowly got on his feet, his gaze locked on the direction he felt the call was coming from. He walked to the window and peered outside.

He looked right at the waning moon.

"The moon's pulling you," he heard a quiet voice behind him. "You'd better get used to it. It'll be stronger or weaker, depending on the phase of the moon, but it'll always be there. You'll never get rid of the feeling."

He slowly turned around. Lupin was standing in the doorway, looking very awkward. Seemingly he was still blaming himself. What a fool.

"It feels strange," he said, looking right into the golden eyes in front of him. "Like someone I knew was calling for me, but I couldn't quite see them."

Lupin nodded. "Exactly." He took some careful steps inside the room, looking wary to do so for a reason Severus just couldn't understand, other than his self-blame. "It's just one of the changes. During your first transformation your senses will increase a lot. Your night sight, at first, will become much better. You'll get a superior hearing, and your sense of smell turns to something unbelievable - or so I've been told at least." He shook his head with a weak smile. "I've been a werewolf for nearly my whole life. It's sometimes hard to remember that the others can't recognize anyone for their scent."

"Oh." For a moment, he couldn't say anything else. Then he continued, "Anything else?"

"Well... Get used to a sickly, underweight look, weakness or strength depending on the phase of the moon, superhuman physical powers, and of course sharp teeth and pointy ears." Lupin managed again a little smile. "You may also notice a sudden fondness of roast beef and chocolate."

"Couldn't have guessed." He gave the other man a little, dry smile. Then he sighed. "There's so much of this I don't know," he said. "Everything else than what is covered in usual school lessons, to be exact. Do you have any book about Lycanthropy so I could read it?"

"'A' book?" Lupin echoed with a little grin. "I have a collection."

"So, can I read some of them?" he asked, smiling as well. Trust Lupin the bookworm have as many books as possible. Lupin and books were... like Severus himself and potions. Inseparable.

"Of course." Lupin turned around. "Wait for a while. I'll be right back." Then he looked over his shoulder. "Or would you rather come and see yourself?"

"I'll come with you," he replied. "I have nothing else to do right now, after all."

They quickly made their way to Lupin's quarters. He nowadays lived rather near the dungeons, considering that all the other teachers lived a hell of way away from Severus. They had came to this arrangement when Lupin had pointed out that they'd most probably spend a lot of time together, if it was up to him to guide Severus through the problems of Lycanthropy. Severus was grateful for this, since they really visited each other every now and then.

However, this time was different from the others. As soon as he stepped to the corridor leading to the other werewolf's rooms, he felt an almost irresistible urge to growl and bare his teeth. Lupin noticed his strained pose, and sighed deep.

"That's also one of the changes," he said quietly. "As soon as you've come far enough to feel the moon's pull on you, you'll feel territories -- and have your own. We don't have as large territories as real wolves, for which we should be grateful -- those are simply huge, but yours are pretty much limited to your quarters, while mine are a bit larger. However, I don't feel comfortable in your rooms, and you don't obviously feel fine in my territory."

"Will it always be like that?" asked Severus with the same quiet tone, inwardly struggling to keep his werewolf instincts down. "Will I always feel the urge to either attack or flee whenever I come too near your rooms?"

"No," replied Lupin briefly. "That's because of our undefined ranking order. Sometime after your first full moon -- most probably the first time either of us intrudes the other's territory after that -- we'll have to find out which one of us is the alpha. After that, we can more easily walk on the other's area -- I also have a suspicion that those will grow quite a bit once I get better settled here and you get used to your new lycanthropic traits. Of course, that also depends on whether or not the alpha allows the other to enter his area, and whether he allows the weaker to enlarge his territory." At this, he gave a quick, almost suspicious glance to Severus's direction.

"Don't worry, in the occasion that I might be the alpha, I'm not going to prohibit you from that," the Slytherin said dryly. "I'm more interest in knowing how exactly we're going to find out which one of us is the alpha."

"That you can read in the books," replied Lupin with the most irritating almost-smile Severus could imagine. "Anyway, let's see to them." The shorter man opened the door to his rooms and led Severus inside, then right to see the bookshelves. The Slytherin stood there for quite some time, simply awed.

Severus had of course noticed Lupin's huge collection of books before, but he hadn't had a good look at it until now. He noticed with slight awe that most of the books were about either the Dark Arts -- he was a DADA professor, after all -- or Lycanthropy. Facts, fiction, old legends, recent studies -- everything you'd possibly like to know about werewolves, and a lot you wouldn't like to know.

"Unbelievable," he murmured. "How I'm ever going to read these all through?"

"You don't have to, if you don't want to," Lupin said with a smile. He quickly glanced through the shelves, then picked some books and gave them to Severus. "I think these are the best ones. Not only the basic knowledge, but also some special points you really need to know -- they maybe wouldn't catch some random reader's interest, but for a werewolf, they're really important." He grinned. "Have fun."

"Thank you," Severus said and nodded. "I think I will."

"Read them here," Lupin suggested. "I'll make some tea. I can then answer any questions you might have."

"Suits me," he shrugged. It was as good an option as returning to his own quarters, after all. He sat down on an armchair in front of the fireplace. Then he let the books down on the floor, picking up the first one, with the title 'What is a werewolf?' He opened the book on the first page, taking a quick sideways glance on Lupin. The other man was sitting on another armchair, seemingly going to read 'Hogwarts. A History,' which he had in his hands. Every now and then he glanced at the teapot he had cast a boiling spell on.

Severus felt suddenly very comfortable. Nothing was threatening him at the moment. Even his newly discovered wolf's insticts left him in peace for once, even thought the nagging feeling of being on the other werewolf's territory was still there in the back of his mind. He sank back in his chair, starting to read.

*

"Lupin?"

"What it is, Severus?"

"There's something I don't understand." Severus pointed at the book in front of him. "This author keeps talking about 'mating,' but doesn't bother to tell what it is."

"Mating?" Lupin put his book aside and looked at the ceiling, his expression thoughtful. "You're aware that wolves mate for life, right?"

"Right," he replied, nodding.

"So do werewolves." Lupin let his gaze down from the ceiling to Severus. "It isn't any kind of a bond, though, like most people believe. It's just very firm, infinite love." He was quiet for a moment, then continued, "Our kind have a very special ability -- the ability to love very firmly. It isn't only being in love with, it's giving your heart and soul to the other person. In theory, you can choose to give this love to someone or keep it away from them, but if both you and the wolf in you love the same person, there's practically no way you could avoid loving them the most firm way possible. This loving is commonly known as 'mating.'"

"I see." Severus nodded, lost in his thoughts. Then he raised his eyes again at the DADA professor. "What if one person dies?"

"If the one who dies is a werewolf, nothing unusual," Lupin replied casually. "Unless the other person is a werewolf as well. But if it's the mate who dies -- well, let's just say that werewolves are indeed able to die to a broken heart, like elves in Tolkien's books -- he was a famous Muggle author. Those who don't die elseway, usually commit a suicide."

"So werewolves take the 'mate for life' thing literally?" the Potions Master asked.

"Right." Lupin nodded. "Extremely literally."

Severus raised an eyebrow in amusement. "So you weren't Black's boyfriend, after all."

"Considering that I'm here, talking to you, it looks rather obvious I wasn't." Lupin looked lost in his thoughts for a while. Severus saw a little tear rolling down his cheek, then another. Then Lupin whispered, almost too quietly to be heard, "I still miss him, though."

"I'm sorry," Severus said softly and reached forward to wipe the tears off from his companion's face. "I'm sorry you lost your friend." He looked down. "I hated Black, and he hated me. But no one deserves a death like that." Then he sighed. "And no one deserves a loss like that -- especially not you. You were always better than any of your friends."

"How nice of you, Severus," Lupin said dryly. But he was smiling through his tears.

Severus felt oddly satisfied.

*