To Hope For Nothing

To Hope for Nothing

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Listen to the Story

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2 months

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Severus's eyes wandered away from the third-year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff essays. Through the open door he saw the couch of the living room, and the sleeping figure on it. It was late already, and Remus had fallen asleep in the middle of reading. With a dry chuckle, Severus rose from his chair and walked to the werewolf's side.

"Remus?" he asked, shaking the slender man's -- well, at least he was still slender -- shoulder. "Remus, I do think you'd be more comfortable sleeping somewhere else."

"Mmm... what?" The amber eyes blinked once, twice, and then the werewolf was awake. "Oh, yes. Thank you, Severus..." His words were cut off by a loud yawn. Grinning sheepishly, Remus finished, "Looks like I spent too much time in the library today."

Severus rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and shook his head. "You always spend too much time in the library," he said. "You wouldn't remember to even eat if I didn't remind you of it!" Well, that wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't far from the truth. Severus could well understand the werewolf, however -- often it was himself who was too concentrated on something, usually a complex potion, to remember to sleep or eat.

In the Welcoming Feast, Dumbledore had announced that Remus would be staying in the castle, although not as a teacher. The news had been taken with reactions varying from shocked to overjoyed. Remus spent most days in the school's library, and if somebody wondered his almost constant nervousness and the way he avoided touch, they thought it was only because everybody knew of his Lycanthropy now. All students treated fairly the cursed man, if not because of respect to the man himself, then because of their fear of Severus.

Oh, the students were yet to know anything about Remus's pregnancy. However, he'd been seen going to Severus's quarters every night, and leaving them in the morning, and rumours spread in Hogwarts even more quickly than anywhere else. Now the students were all busy wondering how somebody as nice as Remus could have fallen for the nasty Potions Master. Well, let them wonder. Even the wildest rumours weren't as bad as the actual truth.

In fact, Severus was quite at a loss as of how everything could have gone so well. Remus needed his support, and Severus wanted to give that to him. He wouldn't of course confess that he wanted to help the werewolf himself, so he reasoned his actions as his will to help his unborn child, who was his own flesh and blood after all. Nobody could suspect anything about him being so friendly to Remus, who was carrying his child -- well, so the other Death Eaters could, especially those who suspected that it was Malfoy's. But as long as the Dark Lord favoured Severus, none of them would open their mouth. And Voldemort himself, he was the more pleased the more Severus made both Dumbledore and Remus trust himself. Whenever he'd been called to a private meeting with the Dark Lord, he'd been instructed to care for the werewolf the best he could, to keep him healthy, safe, and trusting. Which was exactly what Remus needed from him and Dumbledore expected him to do. Easy, his decisions.

Just then, however, the all-too-familiar pain shot through his left arm. He managed to suppress a hiss this time, but still Remus, who'd been on his way to his bedroom, turned around to look at him with concerned amber eyes. "You'd better get going," he said quietly. "I'll tell Albus."

Severus nodded, not surprised. Somehow Remus knew every time he was being summoned, and they'd soon fell into a routine. The Potions Master himself would go, and Remus would tell Albus -- and then, despite whatever Severus kept telling him, he'd stay awake until the Slytherin returned. Well, one couldn't really blame him for being worried.

So, without another word, he turned on his heels and hurried out of the castle, the Dark Mark throbbing painfully on his left arm all the time.

*

"You called for me, My Lord." Severus knelt down to kiss the hem of the bastard's robes. Nobody else was present, not that he'd been surprised -- he was used to that by now.

"Yes, I did, Severus," Voldemort replied. "Don't worry, I do not have any more tasks for you. I just got bored and decided to talk with you for a while."

Severus just nodded. It was the best never to question the Dark Lord's decisions. He'd long ago come to the conclusion that the Dark Lord was insane, insane and very murderous.

"I'm going to tell you a story, Severus," Voldemort said lazily. "A story of a traitor."

He felt a huge, cold lump in his throat. "I'm listening, my Lord," he said, struggling to keep his voice even. He wasn't suspected of anything. If he had been, he would have been dead by now. Voldemort didn't waste his time to play with traitors.

"It was sixteen years ago that he joined us," Voldemort began his story. "A bit after you joined. I was delighted since he was in a good position to spy on Dumbledore and his group's doings. He brought me some information, yes, even some really important bits - he was one of my most important spies at that time, along with you."

Severus couldn't believe his ears. Another spy? Otherwise it sounded like it could have been Pettigrew, but the Dark Lord had claimed this spy had been a traitor. So who else could it have been? And how came he didn't know about this?

"Very important, really. You can imagine my fury when Peter came to me a little over a year after his joining and showed me proofs that my spy had been working for Dumbledore all the time, spreading every word said in our meetings to the Light Side."

Severus swallowed. Just the same he had been doing, and was still doing, although not right from the beginning. It had only taken some months from him to notice he had done the wrong decision, but he had been a true Death Eater for some time.

"I decided to kill him the next time he'd come to me - he always brought me his knowledge personally, because I suspected there was a spy somewhere among my forces and didn't want to reveal all my sources to the old fool. I didn't tell anyone about my plans, not even Peter, but somehow he still found out. As you can imagine, he didn't come the next time I called for him."

"What - what happened?" he asked, breathlessly, although he began to slowly understand who this spy had been.

"Because he had been hidden, no one knew about him. When the - incident - with the Potters happened, there was no one left who could have punished him. And when I came back... Well, you've seen that already." Voldemort grinned maliciously. "The traitor was Remus Lupin."

Severus swallowed even harder than before. Well, that explained why the werewolf always knew when he was being summoned. If he had the Dark Mark himself, he could easily sense the call as well. The question was, how hadn't Severus ever seen it? Was it maybe hidden in some way? And why didn't he seem pained even during the general summonings?

"So, remember what happens to those who oppose me," Voldemort said, smirking evilly. "And that sometimes, death isn't the worst available punishment."

"Of course I will remember, My Lord," replied the dark-haired man. "I would never betray you, Master. I'm yours, my body and soul." 'You wish,' he added then quietly, although he used all his strength to keep that thought from coming to Voldemort's mental sight.

"And do remember that," cackled the Dark Lord. "You may go, Severus. I'm most pleased with you." And with a wave of a skeletal hand, he was dismissed.

*

Like he'd expected, Severus found Remus sleeping on the couch when he arrived there. He'd gone to tell Albus that there was nothing to tell, and heard that the Headmaster had sent Remus to get some rest. After thanking Albus, he had returned to his quarters, finding there the werewolf, whose pregnancy exhaustion had seemingly been even stronger than his worry.

"Remus?" he asked quietly, sitting down next to the werewolf's sleeping form. "Remus, you've fallen asleep again. You really should consider your bed, I bet it's a thousand times more comfortable to sleep on."

"You brat..." murmured the werewolf, blinking sleepily. He seemed to sleep like a log, but he could wake up at the weakest sound -- much like Severus himself. "I was worried..."

"Well, like you see, I returned in one piece," replied Severus, watching as the droggy werewolf raised himself into a sitting position. "And he's still 'most pleased' with me."

"How did it go?" asked Remus concernedly. "What did the Dark Lord say this time?"

The Potions Master forced himself to stay calm as he met the eyes of the werewolf. "He told that once, you were a Death Eater," he said. "That you were a spy for Dumbledore, like me."

The amber eyes were casted down to the floor, and a sigh escaped Remus's lips. "That's true," he said quietly. "I was a spy, but then I was revealed, and had to leave my position."

"Who saved you, anyway?" asked Severus, a bit curious at that point. If nobody had known of him, then how could anybody have warned him beforehand about Voldemort's plan to kill him?

"Oddly enough, Peter," the pregnant man replied with a bitter chuckle. "The rat came to me, saying that he'd overheard a couple of Death Eaters talking in a bar about 'Voldemort's traitorous spy' going to be executed. He was oh-so-much pleading me not to go to the next meeting, just to keep me alive. I never even wondered how Voldemort had found out about my true alliance at the first place, I just blindly trusted Peter. That time, it saved my life."

"But when the Potters did that, it costed them theirs," concluded the Potions Master. Then he said, more as a statement than as a question, "You never told anyone about being a spy."

"Why do you think my friends suspected me of being the spy back then?" asked Remus quietly. "They thought that I had truly turned to Voldemort to save my own hide, they thought that I was a true Death Eater. Of course they didn't trust me with their lives. I don't want to appear any more suspicious than everybody already thinks me to be as I am a werewolf."

Severus nodded slowly, understanding. Seeing that the other man felt very uneasy talking about this, he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to calm him down. "And how did you hide the Mark?" he asked then, carefully keeping his tone soft and soothing.

"A-Albus's work," whispered Remus. "Not only his spell hides it, but it also dampens the link between me and Voldemort. I can still feel every call, but it no more pains me. Albus said that it's because I'm a werewolf, and the wolf inside me fights against the bond all the time. If I didn't have my wolf side, my Mark would be visible just as yours is."

Again, Severus nodded. "How do you know whenever I'm being summoned, then?" he asked. "Most of those are private meetings, and the other Death Eaters aren't summoned there."

"Simple," sighed the other wizard, wiping a lonely strand of brunet hair from his face, only to have it fall down again. "He loves to pain me in every available occasion, knowing full well that I cannot respond to the call to stop the pain. That, and there's a certain level of resonance between your Mark and mine whenever we're near enough," he added with a weak smile.

"Figures," muttered Severus. Then he said with a lot firmer tone, "Anyway, it's well about the time you go to sleep. And to your bed this time," he added sternly.

Remus gave him a sheepish grin. "I can't help it..." he muttered, then walked sleepily towards his bedroom. Shaking his head, Severus then headed to his own.

He did, however, lie awake for quite some time that night.

*