To Hope For Nothing

To Hope for Nothing

~*~

Obey Your Master

~*~*~*~

One month

~*~*~

Severus glanced up from the lesson plans for the coming year. Of course he'd already finished them a long time ago, but some last refinements were still to be done. Especially careful he was to make sure that none of the potions the students would be brewing could cause any harm to Remus or the baby, as the fumes had a tendency to float through the dungeons into his -- or their, really, nowadays -- quarters, paying no mind to any charms or wards he could attach to the rooms.

His searching eyes soon found what they'd been looking for. The Potions Master's clean and well-organized study gave a good view of the living room of his quarters when the door was open -- like it nowadays was almost constantly. Thus he could well see Remus, who was sitting on the couch, deeply concentrated on some book in his lap. While one of the werewolf's hands was on the side of the book, every now and then turning the page, the other rested on his abdomen, as if in an attempt to protect the child that could not be even seen from his body yet. Remus was still just as lean and slender as before -- and yet there was another life growing within him.

Severus, personally, had always thought that wand magic was highly overrated. Mostly this was because of his fondness on potions of all kinds -- he would not admit that it was also partly due to his own poor skills on wand magic -- but also because he knew that true miracles lay elsewhere. And this was definitely one of those miracles, a new life taking its first steps in existence.

The Slytherin's cool and organized mind soon dismissed this thought, but the other, well-hidden side of his character -- the one who told him that it would not do to drive his students into tears, or that lemon drops might actually taste pretty good -- raised yet again its ugly, traitorous head and tried to drag the thought back into his mind. Not having anything better to do and totally bored about the lesson plans -- nobody was perfect, after all -- Severus allowed this stubborn thought to stay. It was truly miraculous that there was a little beginning of a human inside Remus, just like it was miraculous that he and Black hadn't still killed each other, or that he and Remus were now getting along actually very well.

Then, however, a sharp pain shot through his left arm, making him hiss in pain. Whether it was that odd werewolf instinct or just Remus's sharp ears catching his hiss, the werewolf was already looking at him when he glanced back up and opened his mouth to tell him about the call.

"Go as fast as you can," Remus told him. "I'll inform Albus that you are gone."

Severus nodded grimly, not wanting to be a second too late. During the past month there'd been only general meetings, but in the last meeting Voldemort had hinted that he would be calling Severus personally pretty soon. And if this indeed was a personal call, he would have to face Voldemort's wrath alone if he was too late.

*

"Ah, Severus," Voldemort said coolly, eyeing the only Death Eater in front of him. A personal call, this time. "Tell me, what is the situation with Lupin?"

Severus suppressed a shiver at the coldness of Voldemort's voice. "Dumbledore trusts me enough to let me take care of him," he replied. "And once Lupin starts showing, he's going to spread word that the baby the beast is carrying is mine. Even those who know that he's been raped have been told that some strange werewolf magic caused me to be the father. No one suspects anything weird - or at least anything more weird than a wizard being pregnant, although they're going to keep it in secret until it becomes impossible to hide." With dry amusement he realized that this was one of the rare times he was actually telling the truth to the Dark Lord.

"Perfect." The Dark Lord grinned maliciously. "And what have they planned to do with the baby, once it is born?"

"I believe that if they knew of its parentage, some of them would have insisted killing the baby, my Lord, as it's obviously born to be Dark," he lied, trying to keep his voice indifferent. "But Dumbledore can't bring himself to kill a newborn, which is why he has told even the most trusted members of his ridiculous Order that I am the father. He probably doesn't even assume that it could be any threat to him even though it is Malfoy's child."

"And how wrong he is," Voldemort laughed. "Go on keeping up your facade, Severus. When the baby is born, I want you to bring it to me along with the werewolf. I'll give you the required Portkey once the time is near."

"Your wish is my command, my Lord," he said, bending down again to kiss the filthy robes. "May I ask what are your plans with the beast's offspring?"

"Quite simple, Severus, yet very important. As you know, werewolves are dark creatures. If an offspring of one of them and one of my most true followers is sacrificed in a certain Dark ritual, this will release great powers that I can use on my advantage."

"But why also the werewolf, my Lord?" Severus continued his questioning, trying to keep his boiling rage under control. He wouldn't let them do that!

"For the ritual to be sufficient, the child has to be taken from its carrier's arms and killed in front of them," Voldemort explained as calmly as they were discussing the weather.

"I understand." He kissed again the bastard's hem. "May I go now, my lord?" 'For if I don't get away from here immediately, I will do something I might regret,' he thought, but of course didn't say it aloud.

"You may, Severus. I'm most pleased with you."

He bowed again and Disapparated immediately, arriving just outside the Non-Apparating wards around Hogwarts. He stormed towards the castle, arriving there mere minutes after Apparating nearby. He went immediately to the Headmaster's office.

"Ah, Severus!" Dumbledore greeted happily. "What did you find out?"

"I will so kill that bastard," he said with a grimace. "If he dares to come near the baby or Remus, I'll tear him into shreds!"

"Calm down, Severus," Dumbledore told him, raising a questioning eyebrow. "I take it that his new plans don't sound too good for you?"

"Definitely not," he snarled. It wasn't until now that he noticed the other people in the office. "Moody!" he exclaimed. "And Black! What are you doing here, if I may ask?"

"I was passing some information to Dumbledore," Moody replied quite calmly. "It looks like we're at last on Pettigrew's heels. If everything goes right, it's only a matter of days until we catch the rat."

"And that should well explain my presence," Black added. Then he shoved his hair over his shoulder, looking attentive. "What exactly is the old snake-face planning to do to Remie?" he asked.

"It looks like he's found some kind of an ancient Dark ritual," he explained them, fighting to stay in control of himself. "Apparently, if an offspring of a Dark creature, such as a werewolf, and a true follower of his - like he believes the child to be - is taken from its carrier's arms and killed in front of them, it'll release great magical powers that Voldemort is going to use to complete his plan to take over the whole Wizarding World."

They stared at him, in silent shock.

Then Black exploded. "They won't come three miles from Remus and his baby or I'll skin them alive!" he swore, completely furious.

Severus nodded. "Quite the same what I was thinking," he said. "I admit it was hard to keep my emotions under control."

Now Dumbledore addressed him. "Severus, how exactly were they going to get Remus and his baby, once it'd be born?"

"He talked about giving me a Portkey so I could take them to him," he said with a blank voice.

"You wouldn't!" Black roared, getting on his feet and taking a step towards Severus.

"Of course I wouldn't!" he yelled back. "What do you think I am? A monster? Do you really think I'd go and hand out my own child to that heartless bastard?"

"Well, one never knows when it comes to you!" Black replied and took another step forward. "For all we know you could just as well be really working for Voldemort, fooling us all the time!"

None of them had noticed the door open. Now they heard a frightened gasp and turned around just in time to see Remus, who stood in the doorway, wide-eyed and seemingly in horror. Both Severus and Black took a step towards him, but he let out a frightened yelp, turned around and ran away.

Severus stared at Remus's retreating back. Then he turned his attention to the man who had caused this. Black stood there, staring at the doorway just like Severus himself had done just a second before.

"Severus, I do believe -" Dumbledore began, but the Potions Master ignored the old wizard completely.

"THAT WAS TOO MUCH, BLACK!" he roared. Without even thinking twice, he took few large strides, closing the distance of about seven feet between them. Before Black got even the opportunity to say anything, he had, surprising even himself, grasped the Gryffindor's collar and lifted him into air.

"Let me down," Black said. He looked angry, and, like Severus noticed much to his satisfaction, even a bit scared. It was quite easy to understand. He rarely let his emotions blow up like this, but now he had had enough for one day.

"No, I won't," he growled. "Listen to me now, Black. I don't care the Hell what you say to me, but I won't let you upset Remus, not in any occasion. It's hard enough to take care of him as it is, leave alone if he gets frightened. If you ever, ever again say something that disturbs Remus the tiniest bit, I'm going to skin you alive and nail your entrails on the wall of the Great Hall. Am I understood?" He didn't yell anymore. He just let out his words, calmly and steadily, leaving no one present uncertain about whether he was serious or not.

Black merely nodded. It looked like he'd been left speechless for once.

Severus let him drop on his feet, satisfied at the moment. Then he turned around and stormed out of the room, choosing to ignore Dumbledore's calls after him.

~*~

"Well, well, Sirius," Mad-Eye said thoughtfully, "I think you've screwed up completely this time."

"Uh-huh," Sirius agreed, nodding gloomily. "If Snape won't kill me for frightening Remus, then Remus will do it. Either way, I'll end up dead."

The old Auror glanced at him briefly, then gave a nasty grin. "Indeed."

~*~

Severus ran around the school, trying to find Remus. He looked at the library, the staff lounge, he asked Fat Lady who was guarding the Gryffindor Tower if the werewolf had gone in - nothing, nothing at all. He even checked their quarters, although he knew very well how improbable it was that he'd find Remus there.

At last he stopped to think for a moment. If he had been a pregnant man, his living daylights scared out of him, where would we go? Even better, where would Remus go?

There was only one answer.

In no time at all he was climbing up the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. Severus himself disliked the place, because he knew very well what the students went up there for, but Remus had told him of a single room near the top only a full-trained wizard could enter, and that he used to go there to think sometimes.

He was right. As he opened the door, Remus was sitting in the corner of the room. As the werewolf saw him coming, he let out a frightened cry. "Don't come nearer!" he commanded, his eyes wide with fear, his arms wrapped protectively over his still perfectly flat stomach.

"Remus, I -" he tried to, but got interrupted by another frightened outburst.

"Don't come here! I heard Sirius! You're a Death Eater!"

"Honestly, Remus," he sighed, "if I really were a true Death Eater, do you think Dumbledore would have let me out of his office this easily?"

"Just don't come near me and my baby," Remus whispered, staring at him like he was some kind of fearful monster.

Severus sighed. It was obvious that he couldn't make him listen to him in this situation. "I will go out," he promised. "I'll go out of this room, if you only let me explain."

"Close the door behind you," the werewolf demanded.

"This door is over five inches thick, Remus! How do you think you're going to hear me through it? Even Sonorious wouldn't get my voice through it!"

"Okay," Remus muttered. "But turn your back towards me. And drop your wand right where you are now."

He obeyed, not seeing the point of disobeying. He had to get Remus to listen to him.

"Okay," he heard Remus's voice from behind him. "Try to explain. I'll then decide if your explanation is enough."

The Slytherin let out a defeated sigh. "You see, I was just coming from a meeting with Voldemort," he began -- not the best start when you were trying to convince someone that you weren't a Death Eater, but the only one he had at the moment, as it wouldn't do to lie. "I was telling about his plans about you to Dumbledore -"

"What are his plans?" Remus interrupted him.

"He wants me to wait until the baby is born, then take you and the baby to him for a sacrifice," Severus said quietly. "Seemingly if the baby was Malfoy's, like he believes it is, killing it in front of you would give him some new, great powers."

There was no reply.

"Black accused me of planning to actually do that," he said. "I said I'm not a monster and would never give up my own child."

Still, nothing for a reply.

"Then he said what you obviously heard," Severus continued. "Really, Remus. It wasn't even a serious accusation. It was only I and Black being our usual selves towards each other."

He still waited for Remus to reply, but he didn't hear a word. Instead of that, he felt slender arms wrapping around his neck and Remus's face being pressed against his back.

"I'm sorry," the werewolf sobbed, his tears soaking Severus's robes. "I'm sorry for ever accusing you of anything like that."

"It's okay, Remus, really," he said a bit awkwardly. He placed his hands atop Remus's smaller fists that were hanging on his chest as the other man had flung his arms around him. "I understand. You're only being a bit emotional at the moment. You have nothing to be sorry about."

"But I am sorry," Remus cried. "I know you'd never do anything like that, Severus. You're taking care of me all the time, and I know you would never hurt me or the baby. And I know that you and Sirius are always having a go at each other. But I believed it and didn't even let you explain!"

"Calm down, Remus," he said soothingly, turning carefully around and wrapping his own arms around the small brunet. "It wasn't your fault. You have so much to deal with right now, it's not a miracle you got scared."

"You're too kind, Severus," Remus sobbed. "I can't understand how you can stand somebody as filthy and used as I am."

"You're definitely not filthy, Remus, and you're used only because Voldemort is an evil bastard, along with Lucius Malfoy," he said. "You're one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. I'd rather cut my tongue off than call you filthy."

"How -- how can you say that?" the smaller man asked. "I'm a werewolf. I am ugly and dreadful. I am -- I am raped, for Heaven's sake! No one really likes me. Even you are helping me only because you feel responsible of this child!"

"That's not true!" he exclaimed. "You are a werewolf, right. And you have been raped, that I won't deny, either. But you definitely aren't ugly or dreadful. There are many people who do truly care and worry about you, and I'm one of them. I care about you, Remus. I really like you. And I'm going to take care of you and our baby, not only for my responsibility but mostly because I want to. I won't leave you alone, Remus. Nor will Black or Potter or any of your friends."

If someone had told him a couple of months ago that he'd be claiming his caring to Remus Lupin who was crying against his shoulder, he would have sent the person to St. Mungo's for a quick head-examination. Anybody else hearing it - probably excluding Dumbledore and his damned eye-twinkle - would have done just the same. If someone had told him that he'd physically attack someone, even Black, for upsetting Remus, he'd probably have personally dragged the person to see a mediwitch.

And yet here he was, quietly trying to comfort the weeping werewolf, feeling oddly satisfied when Remus slowly ceased his sobbing. Seemingly the last month had changed him a lot. And -- although he'd never admitted this to anyone -- he felt that the change had happened to the better.

*