Of Hope And Love

Of Hope and Love

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Chapter 16:

Of Agony

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It was not a good idea, Severus knew that. Not a good idea at all.

However, knowing that certainly didn't stop him from sneaking out of his bed. Having rested well, he found himself strong enough to walk around by himself. Concealment Charms would have been too stressful to him, but that didn't stop him; after all, he always kept some Polyjuice in his stocks.

Nicking a bit of hair from Mundungus Fletcher, who was unlikely to turn up himself, had been easy enough. Sneaking down into his quarters where he kept his potions was a bit harder, but he managed that, avoiding the most used corridors and using the secret passages he knew better than anybody else. Drinking the Polyjuice, as well as some strengthening and protection potions, was not difficult, nor was checking whether there would be any contradictions from these potions. What came next was the difficult part.

The next thing being, he had to convince everybody that yes, he was in fact Mundungus, and yes, he wanted to participate in this particular mission. To be exact, he wanted to be present when they saved Kingsley, even though the mission might turn out to be more dangerous than originally assumed.

Severus had been excited to hear that they had located the place where Kingsley was being imprisoned. Just as well he had been extremely pissed when he had heard that not only would he be unable to participate in the rescue mission but that he still wouldn't be allowed to even stand up alone. For Merlin's sake, he wasn't the baby here! It'd been three weeks already. He was fine.

Well, he hadn't been a spy for nothing. So, he put all his acting skills in good use.

In the end, he managed rather well. After squirming in front of Tonks and "confessing" that he in fact just hoped he could nick something valuable in the Death Eaters' lair, he didn't meet much confrontation. When the members of Order collected around a Portkey -- to ensure that everybody would arrive at the same time to the same place -- he almost cried out in delight. Of course he couldn't do that, because then they would have started to question him. Still, he was overjoyed.

Soon he would see Kingsley again.

*

"Severus?" asked Remus quietly, pushing open the door that linked his quarters to the Potions Master's room. "Severus, are you all right? You must be excited about this new mission, but don't get too worked up over it. The babies won't like it if you --" He stopped, staring at the bed. The empty bed.

The next moment, he rushed out of the room, calling, "Poppy! Poppy, Severus has disappeared!"

This certainly got the mediwitch's attention. Not hesitating one moment, she rushed to him to see it for herself. When she saw the empty bed her patient should have been in, she muttered darkly under her breath. "That idiot," she muttered. "And that idiot Albus for telling him about the mission."

"Do you think he's gone there?" asked Remus, suddenly paling. Sitting down on the edge of the now vacated bed, he wrapped his arms around his round stomach. "Surely he wouldn't --"

"Yes, he would," sighed Poppy. "You see, Remus, he doesn't even know how badly off he is. Severus probably feels like he's wholly recovered and could do anything, but that's not so; his body is now under a strain it as never faced before, carrying triplets and trying to get him over the aftereffects of the Cruciatus. An hour out of the bed, two at most, will probably make him collapse. There is a good reason why I'm not allowing him to leave. And now, he's somehow managed to escape, endangering both himself and his babies." Now, her expression turned extremely serious. "Go get Albus," she instructed. "Now."

Remus didn't need to be told twice. Rushing back to his own quarters, he then took another door to the Order Headquarters. There he went straight to where he knew Dumbledore would be.

The Headmaster looked up as Remus rushed in, looking surprised. "What is it now, Remus?" he asked kindly, a small twinkle in his blue eyes. "Is something wrong, perhaps?"

"Severus has disappeared," the werewolf told, biting his lip. "He's nowhere to be found. We think he's somehow sneaked to the rescue mission with the rest of the Order."

The twinkle in the blue eyes died instantly. "This is not good," Dumbledore muttered. "I have to go after them." The original plan had been that Dumbledore would stay behind, keeping contact with everyone, only coming over himself if there was a problem. And now, there certainly was.

"I'll go tell Poppy," Remus said shortly, then turned around to leave. 'And after Poppy,' he thought, 'I am going to find Harry. I think that I and the baby need now some peaceful time with no shocks.'

*

Nymphadora muttered a curse under his breath. She had received a message that Dumbledore was coming over, and then the contact to the Headquarters had been cut off. That meant that there was a serious problem. She wasn't too surprised, though. She'd known for some time now that everything was wrecked.

With a sigh, she ran around another corner. It should have been easy, run-in-get-Kingsley-run-out type of thing. However, nothing was going as planned. For one, Kingsley was nowhere to be found. And just to add to that, there were a lot more Death Eaters there than they'd thought there'd be. Seemingly the few guards had been accompanied by a load of other Voldemort's evil minions for reasons yet unknown. There was no way they could all get out of there unharmed, even less that they could rescue anybody.

A sigh crossed her lips as she thought about that. She'd told Dumbledore not to inform Snape, but no, the Headmaster had wanted to tell his "dear boy" the good news of Kingsley having been found. Now the Slytherin would get even more upset and maybe try something stupid, like going after his lover by himself. It was a miracle he hadn't already done that, given his usual personality.

She turned around another corner, and froze. Like her thoughts had summoned him, she saw Snape. But that wasn't all she saw. The pregnant man was lying on the ground, his arms wrapped around his huge, round stomach -- and three Death Eaters standing around them, obviously taking their time in trying to finish him off. Well, not as much trying as doing that. Snape could hardly do anything to save himself.

Well, Nymphadora would be damned if she let that happen. Pointing her wand, she raced forward.

Just then, however, she heard a quiet whisper behind her. 'Avada Kedarva.' An unknown force hit her back, throwing her forward, and she tried to spin around to face her attacker. However, her body would not obey her, instead falling limply to the ground.

And then, suddenly, everything went dark, very dark and quiet.

*

Severus cursed himself and his weak body. Sure, it had been easy to leave his bed, but it hadn't been that easy after that. He'd soon started to get weaker, sheer stubbornness being the only thing that still drove him forward. Then, however, the Polyjuice had worn off, and moving had become almost impossible. Seemingly there was a reason for Poppy to keep him in the bed after all. Damn that woman.

So, he had resigned to having to just return and face the lecture in the safety and comfort of his familiar bed, having both himself and his babies warm and secure. However, before he had managed to get out, he had been attacked. A simple "Expelliarmus," and his wand flew away, leaving him unarmed and unable to protect himself from the three Death Eaters who surrounded him. He had barely enough strength to even stay upright, so there was no way he could have fought them off physically.

Just when the first curse hit him, Severus heard three simultaneous screams echoing through his mind. 'My children!' he realized, terrified. 'Those bastards are hurting my babies!'

In a whisker of a second, Severus retreated onto another level of reality. Suddenly, he saw the men who were attacking him, even though his eyes were closed. However, he closed those blazing flames of aggression out of his mind. Instead, he turned towards the three hazy minds that were his precious little babies. Collecting them nearer, he sent out as much warmth and love as he could.

'Don't cry, my children,' he muttered in his mind. 'I won't let anybody hurt you in any way.'

True to his word, he wrapped himself around the three little beings, sucking into himself all the waves of pain that his body was sending to their direction. Slowly, the children stopped wailing, although they were still fearful and restless. They were sensing his pain, and even though they no more felt it, it scared them.

Severus realized that his body was already giving up under all the strain it was put through. Determined to spend these last moments of his life with his children, wanting to touch them and really hold them at least once, he forced himself to sink deeper into the odd bond he had with them. Deeper and deeper he went, until he could finally make out the physical forms of his children instead of just the psychic ones. The pain had stopped -- probably he had moved himself so far from his true body that it couldn't reach him.

It was dark and warm, and a loud, oddly hasty sound echoed all around him. 'That's my heart,' he realized. 'This is what my children are hearing all the time.' He also felt that he was not alone in this warm, comfortable darkness. There were three other beings in there with him. His babies.

Slowly, like he'd been swimming, Severus moved towards his babies. At first, it seemed as though they were a lot bigger than he was, or at least the same size, but the very moment he reached out for one of them he was suddenly the bigger one. Drawing the babies into his arms one by one, until he was holding them all in his embrace, the Potions Master felt happier than ever.

'Don't fear, my children,' he told his precious babies. 'Dad is here. Dad won't let anything bad come to you. I will protect you, my precious little babies... I will protect you always.' Silent tears streamed down his face as he held his babies, placed light kisses on their undeveloped bodies that were perfect in his eyes, pressed them against his chest, treasured every second. He knew that soon they would all die.

And then, he felt his bond starting to weaken, and the babies in his arms slowly vanished, as well as the dark warmth vanished, and suddenly there were only those three hazy lights floating in front of him. He tried to reach out his hand, but he could no more touch his dear children, and agony filled his heart.

Then, however, he slowly fell into the welcoming darkness, and, thankfully, he knew no more.

*