Of Hope And Love

Of Hope and Love

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Chapter 13:

Of Fears and Loneliness

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"Calm down, Remus," sighed Harry, embracing his pregnant husband tightly. "Crying will do no good." Truly. They had only got a couple of hours of sleep the night before, and Remus had been crying almost all of his waking time. The werewolf was going to seriously exhaust himself if he kept doing that.

"I -- I know," Remus stammered. "But I can't help it." He snuggled up to his younger lover. "Severus is already having so many difficulties," he said quietly. "Why must he lose one of his babies also?"

"I'm afraid it's just the way world works, love," Harry said just as quietly. Then he gave his lover a brief, weak smile. "We can't help the matter with Snape," he said. "We have enough problems of our own." At this, he placed his hands on his husband's round stomach, rubbing it affectionately. "You must stop giving your daddy such a hard time, brat," he said mock-sternly. "Do you hear me, you little menace?"

To his great surprise, he felt... something. A light, fine brush from inside the stomach. His eyes flew wide with surprise. Wow. There really was something in there. Something alive.

As Harry gazed up at Remus's face, he found his husband smiling down at him. "It appears that the 'little menace' indeed heard you," he said softly. "So, do stop calling your future firstborn names."

"Oh. Well, I apologize, little one," Harry said with slight amusement, caressing gently the round belly. "You are definitely not a brat, nor a menace. You couldn't be, with such a wonderful daddy."

"Now, that sounds better." Remus grinned at him, but then sighed again. "I'm really worried for Severus, though," he said. "He's not going to take this easily."

"Take what easily?" asked a sudden voice. Turning around, they saw Ron and Hermione standing in the doorway. "Are we maybe interrupting something?" asked the redhead then slyly.

"Nothing," Harry replied, then nodded towards the two armchairs opposite to the couch he and Remus were sitting on. "Please, sit down."

"Why so gloomy expressions?" asked Hermione. She frowned worriedly. "Has something happened?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Harry sighed. "Voldemort found out about Snape's betrayal and tortured him. Snape managed to escape before he was killed, but..." He trailed off, shaking his head.

"Severus was pregnant," Remus said quietly, picking up from where his husband had left off. "With quadruplets. Three of them survived the torture by some miracle, but one... one died."

"Oh." Hermione looked horrified. "Professor Snape must be awfully upset, then." With another frown, she asked then, "But who's the father of his children, then? I didn't know he was involved."

"He is indeed involved," said Remus, "with Kingsley. Kingsley Shacklebolt." Seeing their stunned expressions, he nodded sadly. "Yes. The very same man who is missing and, supposedly, dead. So, Severus definitely doesn't have it easy." The werewolf sighed. "He's convinced that Kingsley is still alive and will return to him and their babies. I truly hope that will happen, for the sake of Severus's sanity."

After that, it was not a miracle that their conversation wasn't very cheerful that day.

*

It was late at night already. After Ron and Hermione had left, Remus had been slightly better than in the morning. However, he still wasn't exactly happy, which Harry truly did notice.

So, when they finally settled into bed, the young wizard wrapped his arms around his husband's shoulders. Harry gave Remus a small smile as he patted the werewolf's rounded stomach. "Well, let's just be happy that this little fellow in here is safe, right?" he said softly, caressing the strained skin affectionately.

Remus covered Harry's hand with his own. "Yeah," he said quietly. "He or she is what we should be most concerned about now." With a dry smile, he added, "I felt so fat, but compared with Severus, I'm thin."

"You're not fat," the bespectacled young wizard argued. "You are just beautifully round with a child." To emphasize his point he pressed a soft kiss at first on Remus's belly, then his lips. "Beautiful," he repeated.

His husband gave him a weak smile. "It's good to hear you saying that," he sighed, "but I can't help but remember that Severus has nobody to tell him the same. Did you know that he thinks Kingsley would hate him if he saw him now? I tried to tell him otherwise, but I don't think he really believed me."

Harry frowned. "I don't know Kingsley that well," he said, "but I do know enough to tell that he most certainly wouldn't think his lover ugly just because he is pregnant. Surely Snape knows that?"

Remus smiled sadly. "Pregnancy does nasty tricks to your mind," he explained, "and especially your mood. I feel at times lonely and abandoned here, and I can't even imagine how Severus must feel. He's halfway through the pregnancy and probably already bigger than I'll be at full term, and he doesn't have his lover on his side to tell him that he's still wanted, loved, and beautiful. And now, he'll most probably be confined to bed for the rest of his pregnancy. It'll be only by miracle if he doesn't get depressed."

Harry thought about this for a while. Then he said, "What if you started to visit him? I mean, he's in a private room, surely there'd be a way for you to get there and back without being seen. You probably understand each other better than anybody else could, and you would have company, too. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey would agree to that. After all, it'd be good to you both."

"That sounds good," Remus said, smiling fondly at him. Then, the werewolf smiled slyly. "Now, my dear husband," he said, "what about you showing me that I am still wanted, loved, and beautiful?"

Harry smiled back. "Gladly, my dear husband."

And so, he did.

*

"Good morning, Severus." The Potions Master glanced up from his book. Where had once been a solid wall was now a door, and in the doorway stood Remus Potter. Not even pretending to be surprised, Severus merely sighed as he saw the werewolf.

"Good morning, Potter," he said, placing the book on the bed on his side -- there was no way he could have kept it in his lap. Without the Concealment Charms, his rounded stomach was now well in sight and took up any space there'd been in his lap. "What exactly do you want of me?"

"I only want to talk." Remus sat down on the chair next to the bed. "You must feel lonely here."

Severus, however, shook his head. "I'm not alone," he argued. "After all, I always have my children."

The werewolf smiled a bit. "I envy you, you know," he said. "I tried to talk to my baby, but seemingly I'm not good enough in Legilimency. So, I can just talk to them in the traditional way." He chuckled.

The Potions Master, however, was grave serious. "Do not envy me," he said quietly. "Even if I can talk with my children and receive response, outside my body I'm alone. You have a husband on your side."

For a moment, Remus was silent. Then he asked quietly, "How have they reacted to... well, you know."

"The death of their sister?" finished Severus levelly. "Not as badly as you might think. They do feel a loss, yes, and are sad about it, but they can't comprehend what has really happened. They're too little."

Remus nodded solemnly. Then he asked carefully, "And what about you? How do you feel?"

"Bad," the Slytherin replied levelly," I feel bad." Then, he sighed. "I can't help but think that if I had taken your advice, she would still be alive. It feels horrible, going inside and finding only three children there. Yet I need to go there, to keep my babies calm and to assure myself that there are still three of them for me to live for." He sighed again, then finished, "I'd like to at least see her grave, but I can't. Poppy said that even with assistance, I am not to leave this bed until next week, if even then."

Again, the werewolf nodded. "I could try to talk to her," he offered. "Maybe I can make her let you go for at least a moment. Hagrid could always carry you, if nothing else." The last he added as a joke.

However, he was surprised to see Severus just nod calmly. "If that is what I must do to see where my daughter lies," the Potions Master said levelly, "then yes, I will even allow Hagrid carry me there."

If there had ever been any doubt in Remus's mind about whether Severus truly loved his babies, that was wiped away with that one sentence.

*