Of Hope And Love

Of Hope and Love

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Chapter 12:

Good News and Bad News

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"I'm so sorry," Poppy said, a single tear escaping the corner of her eye. "We tried to save your babies, we did everything we could, but -- multiples are smaller and weaker than single babies, and the Cruciatus Curse --" She just shook her head then, looking sad and sighing. She still hadn't actually told anything.

"They are dead." And as he said that, Severus felt like his heart had stopped beating altogether. His babies were dead, and Kingsley was dead, too, and would not come back, because there was nothing for him to come back to. Severus had just lost everything he held dear in his life. "My children are dead, aren't they?"

"No, dear Merlin," said Poppy, shocked. "They are not. At least -- not all of them." She was again quiet for a moment, then went on, "We lost one baby... A beautiful little girl. She was really tiny, too weak to live on, and I had to -- to remove her from your 'womb.' We buried her in the school's cemetery, Albus picked the place for her grave himself, it's really pretty. The rest of your babies are safe."

Severus sighed in relief. True, losing one child -- one "beautiful little girl," like Poppy'd said -- hurt him, and not only a little. However, he hadn't lost all his children, and after those short moments of dread, that was a true relief. "I still have them?" he asked quietly, running a hand over his stomach. Now that he wasn't too panicked to concentrate, he noticed the obvious baby bump on it. It was clear that he still had babies. Previously, he had been probably too shocked to notice -- or to even try the mental link he had with them.

"Yes, three," Poppy said, smiling slightly. "Seemingly you were originally carrying quadruplets -- two pairs of identical twins, even. That's extremely rare, you know. Now you'll have a set of triplets, two of whom are identical. Right now they're probably shocked from all this, but will recover. Congratulations, Severus."

"I knew that," Severus said quietly. "I knew already that I was carrying four children." He swallowed, then continued with a very quiet voice, "And now there are only three of them..."

"You must not blame yourself, Severus," Poppy said. "It was most certainly not your fault. The only one who could be blamed for this is the Dark Lord. It was his fault that your daughter died."

"And yet it was my fault," Severus said stubbornly. "It was my decision to continue spying despite being pregnant. Therefore, it was my fault that I ever was there to be submitted to the Cruciatus Curse." Then he ignored Poppy's response, turning his mind wholly inside himself instead. This was not the half-concentration he used in his classes; his mind was completely with his children now.

'Hello, little ones,' he said quietly, surveying the lights in front of him. Only three of them could be seen. That pained him greatly, but he couldn't do anything for that now. 'Don't worry, my dear children. You are all safe now. Nothing bad will happen to you again. Dad promises you that.'

Immediately, his children responded. He felt their agony, fear, and pain, all those fragile emotions flooding into him, and he took it all to save his babies from it. In response he sent them love and caring, reassurances of warmth and protection. Then he also felt something else: Loss, and loneliness. They were missing something, and even though they couldn't yet comprehend what it was they wanted back, they did want it back. His babies wanted him to make everything all right and give them back whatever it was they had lost, but he couldn't do that. Nobody could do that, and Severus grieved because of that.

'Don't cry, my precious babies,' he said to them, sending them as much comfort as he only could. 'Dad will not let anything bad happen to you again.' At the same time, he wondered whether he could keep that promise. He did know, however, that he would indeed do that, or die trying. Nobody would ever hurt his children again, if he only could help that, and he told them that. Let them feel that.

And then, still trying to maintain the mental contact with his children, he slowly fell into exhausted sleep.

*

When Severus woke up, he felt the presence of another person next to his bed. At first, he panicked, the recent tortures still fresh in his mind. Then, however, as he slowly opened his eyes, he caught the familiar sight of silvery beard and serious blue eyes. Dumbledore. He was finally, truly safe.

"Why didn't you tell me, Severus, my boy?" asked the Headmaster seriously as soon as he got his eyes wholly open. "I would have let you stop spying. I'd have demanded it from you, in fact. Why did you decide to risk everything by continuously attending those meetings?"

"I thought the information I gathered was too valuable to be lost," Severus said quietly, averting the blue eyes. The usual twinkle was far from them right now.

"It was important, that is true," Dumbledore said with just as low a voice. "And it did save several lives. However, if I had known, I would have never asked you to risk your children's lives just to gather more information. Nothing is more important than that."

"And on that you're wrong," replied Severus softly. "This War is even more important. I'd have them die rather than let them grow up in a world where Voldemort is in charge."

Now, the Headmaster fixed him a serious gaze. "So you would let them all die because of your spying?" he asked seriously. "You would let them all die, and gain nothing? Like you let your little daughter die?"

Pain flashed in the Slytherin's eyes as he bit his lip. Then, he closed his eyes and sighed. "Please, Albus," he said quietly. "Don't you think I'm already suffering enough about that? Do you need to rub my failure on my face?" He wrapped his arms protectively around his round stomach.

Seeing the pain on the other wizard's face, Dumbledore immediately regretted his words. "Forgive me, my boy," he said. "I had absolutely no right to say that. I'm merely worried that you might do something overly daring again and hurt yourself and your children. Of course you wouldn't want your children to die. I've no doubt that you would have given your life, if it had saved your daughter. My words were inconsiderate and cruel, and I regret it. Please, do forgive me."

Severus nodded slowly. "I would gladly die if it meant that my babies would live," he said quietly. "Until Kingsley returns, they are all I have of him. And don't be so doubtful," he snapped, sensing the emotion the Headmaster was desperately trying to keep from showing up on his face. "That is exactly what made my mental walls break down and let Voldemort see my betrayal. I heard that Kingsley is still alive -- they still have him. They're torturing him, though." He swallowed a bit.

Dumbledore sighed again. He couldn't recall ever seeing Severus showing this much weakness. The pain on the pale face was almost unbearable to him. "If the Death Eaters truly have him," he said, "then the Order will do everything in its power to retrieve him."

Severus nodded slowly. "I trust you on that," he said softly. "I trust you to bring my babies' father back."

The ancient wizard returned the nod, then glanced hesitantly at his round stomach. "Do they kick yet?"

Severus nodded. "Every now and then," he said, then corrected himself, "In fact, most of the time. I'm not sure if you can feel it from the outside yet, though." Then he added dryly, "And yes, you can try."

Smiling happily, Dumbledore pulled back the covers, revealing the baby bump that was now only covered by the hospital gown. He then set his wrinkled hands on it, marvelling at the feeling of it. As he looked up at Severus to say something, he noticed that the younger wizard looked a bit distant. After a moment, he felt a few faint kicks from inside the stomach. His eyes widened in wonder.

Severus returned his whole attention on the Headmaster again. "I told them to kick a bit harder," he said. "Did you feel it?" As Dumbledore admitted that, he smirked. "Good. They're obedient kids already."

"So it is true, then?" asked the Headmaster curiously. "It is possible to communicate with unborn babies?"

At this, the Potions Master nodded. "It only needs a bit of Legilimency skills. They can't respond with anything but just feelings yet, but they do understand what I'm saying to them."

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "That must be amazing," he said quietly.

Severus nodded, too. "It is," he admitted softly. "It's only that earlier, there were four of them -- four hazy lights, like tiny stars. And now, there are only three..." Closing his eyes, he swallowed a bit. A single tear rolled down his pale cheek. "If I hadn't gone there..."

"It's only the Dark Lord's fault," said a sharp voice behind them, "and you must blame nobody else for it." Looking up, the two wizards saw Poppy Pomfrey, who did not look too pleased. "But still, I'm scandalized, Severus Snape. How could you keep something like this from me?!"

"I did not see it necessary to inform you about it," the man replied with just as sharp a tone. "And, to be honest, Poppy, I did not expect to get to keep my children this time, either. This is the fifth time I'm pregnant -- and the first time it's gone on further than two months."

"Oh." The mediwitch's expression turned immediately milder. Then she said, "Anyway, do not blame yourself for anything -- distress will only harm your remaining babies. And from now on, I'm going to keep a close watch on you." At the man's scowl, she continued mercilessly, "You were very near to losing all your babies last night, Severus. I shall not allow that to happen. Therefore, from now until you've recovered from their birth, you are to stay in bed all the time. You will not move around without at least two people assisting you, or sitting in a wheelchair, in which case you'll still need at least one assistant. And don't you try to mess with me," she said warningly as she saw his horrified expression. "Your body is at the moment under quite a lot of stress due to the triplets, that Cruciatus you took, and various other things. If you wish to keep your babies, you will do exactly as I say."

"But what about my classes?" asked Severus immediately. "And all my potions? What about them?"

"Well, you most certainly won't have anything to do with those," said Pomfrey, obviously horrified at the mere thought. "It's a pure miracle that those fumes haven't already poisoned your children! True, I did look over your syllabus and noticed that you'd changed it much less dangerous to the babies, but that's not enough. You will not brew anything, not for any reason."

"What about the Wolfsbane Potion?" Severus still tried to protest. "And the potions I've been making for the Order? You can get a new teacher for my classes, yes, but I'm the only Potions Master in the Order!"

"Well, you are not anymore," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "We have indeed recruited a young Potions Master into the Order. He is nowhere near to match your skills, of course, so don't worry, everything will wait for you just like it's been forever and ever. Now you need to get some well-earned rest."

Then Dumbledore left with Pomfrey, neither of them glancing back at Severus. So, the pregnant wizard merely fell down to the ground, staring up.

It seemed that it was all just a conspiracy, some insidious plot to make him lie in bed. Well, so he couldn't really deny that he needed rest, but this? Being confined to bed until after the babies had been born? It was simply ridiculous.

Sighing, he again reached in, looking for his babies. At least they knew what to do to make him feel better.

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