Detention Club -- Little Red Ridinghood

Detention Club - Little Red Ridinghood

Chapter 5:

We'll Be Back

*

"Worried that Little Red Ridinghood's scream might alert other people to the place, the Grandma and the werewolf decided to hide somewhere. As there were not many places where to hide, they closed themselves into the large closet in the corner of the room," Lucius told cheerfully, while the students all laughed out loud. "After a moment, Little Red Ridinghood gained back her consciousness."

"Oh, my," muttered Peter as he crawled up from the floor. "Should have known... Maybe Mother wasn't so wrong about spectacles? How I didn't realize that it was that man from the forest? I must have been on something... But hey, I haven't taken anything today, have I?"

"It was not Little Red Ridinghood's fault, anyway," continued Lucius with a broad grin. "The flowers her Grandma had planted in front of her house were slightly hallucinogenic, and as Little Red Ridinghood hadn't known to be ware, she'd smelled those. Hallucinogenic flowers do funny things to you. Anyway, somebody had indeed heard her scream. Mere moments later, the Woodcutter rushed to the cottage."

Now, James emerged from the forest and ran to the cottage. As he stepped in, he frowned slightly. "You're Little Red Ridinghood, aren't you?" he asked. "What's the matter? And where's your Grandmother, isn't this her house?"

"She was in the bed," replied Peter. "And there was somebody else, too. They were being naughty. Birds and bees stuff." At this, he waggled his eyebrows, clearly indicating that he indeed knew all about birds and bees.

"Oh, my," muttered James, scratching his head. "I would scream, too, if I caught the old lady in the bed with somebody... You don't happen to know where your mother is, do you?"

"Coming here, if I know her any," muttered Peter. "Ever since the social workers put her under observation, she's become even more the watch dog she previously was. Believe me, if I screamed, she'll be here in no time."

"And true was Little Red Ridinghood in her words," Lucius said with the sweetest smile on Earth. "Her mother was really coming towards the cottage, in a great haste to see her dear child well and safe."

Just then, Sirius threw the door open and stepped in. "What the hell is wrong with you, you little slut?" he shrieked, seemingly not noticing James at first. "Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack? One more stunt like that, young lady, and you'll be grounded for the rest of your life!"

"But, Mother," protested Peter, "I saw Grandma in bed with a werewolf! At least I think it was a werewolf... He had a tail."

"You've been smoking something again," muttered Sirius. "Somehow, I'm not surprised that the old perv lady did that."

"That 'old perv lady' is your mother," noted James calmly.

"And what the fuck do I care about that?" huffed Sirius. Then, he turned towards James with a suggestive expression. "Anyway, thank you for coming to check on my stupid spawn. Would you like some tea, Mister Woodcutter?" asked Sirius then with his most pleasant smile, fingering his skirt.

"No, thanks," grumbled James. "But something stronger would be fine."

All students laughed, while most of the teachers frowned.

"All right!" exclaimed the "mother." "I'm sure I have a bottle of Old Odgeon's Firewhiskey somewhere at home! But I fear it's on some very high shelf I cannot reach by myself. Would you want to come with me to get it from there?"

"May I have some, too?" asked Peter, giggling.

"No," snorted Sirius, "it's not allowed for kids. Instead, you'll stay here and make sure that my nosy mother won't come to... eh... disturb us, when we are... well... having a little drink." At this, he winked suggestively at James, who replied with a mischievous grin and a hand wandering somewhere near the waistband of Sirius's skirt.

Students doubled over in laughter, Dumbledore chuckled, and a couple of other teachers were starting to rise from where they were seated right in front of the stage.

"Grandma's not here," protested Peter, "she eloped with the werewolf. That's why they were not here when you came in the first place. And if you don't give me Firewhiskey, I'll tell Dad when he comes home!"

"Tell him what?" asked Sirius dryly. "That I didn't give you whiskey?"

"No! That you were goddamn shagging a stranger while Grandma's trying to get a bloody heart attack with her animalistic lover!" At this, Peter yanked open the door of the nearby closet, revealing Remus, who was just trying to lick the insides of Snape's stomach through his mouth by the looks of it.

At this point, McGonagall, Filch, and a couple of other teachers were climbing to the stage, their faces pale with fury and shock. Once there, each of them grasped one actor, starting to drag them out of sight.

"We'll be back!" exclaimed Sirius to their laughing and applauding audience before he was forcefully dragged away from the stage along with the others.