Detention Club -- Little Red Ridinghood

Detention Club - Little Red Ridinghood

Chapter 4:

Let's Try Again

*

"So, once upon a time, there was a little girl called Little Red Ridinghood," announced Lucius. Peter stepped to the stage, in red clothes and a long, curly wig on his head. "The girl was called this because of the ridinghood her Grandma had made for her to match her hair, which constantly seemed to be in fire." With this, Peter threw his flaming red curls over his shoulder. Like they'd noticed while practising the "alternate" play, Peter was in fact a good actor. As soon as he stepped on the stage, he forgot all his shyness.

"One fine morning, Little Red Ridinghood's mother called her."

"Reeed-dieee!" squealed Sirius in his broad skirts, his bun a bit messed up and a bra string showing from his wide collar. "I have some things to do. Grandma has been so depressed after Grandpa eloped with his secretary, would you take her this basket? There are a couple of bottles of brandy and some cigarettes for her, that'll surely cheer her up."

"Only if you pay me enough," said Peter stubbornly, raising his nose disapprovingly.

"Reddie, we already went through this the last time," Sirius sighed. "Can't you just do it this one time? I'm sure it won't hurt you to get some fresh air every once in a while." This took a couple of chuckles even from the teachers, who'd frowned disapprovingly at Sirius's appearance.

"Fine," "the girl" snorted. "May I fly there?"

"No. Absolutely not. There are Muggles around, they might see you. And absolutely no talking to strangers, a paedophile has been seen around here recently."

"Be that way, you bitch," muttered Peter under his breath as he took the offered basket.

"That'll only make you a daughter of a bitch!" shouted Sirius after him.

"That's just like me and my mother!" shouted somebody from the audience, which, of course, made everyone laugh just more.

"Little Red Ridinghood went to the path leading through the forest," said Lucius. "Unfortunately, she forgot the prohibition of talking to strangers as soon as she saw an interesting-looking man leaning against a tree nearby. Little did she know that this man was not only a werewolf, but also the secret lover of her Grandma."

Now, Remus emerged from among the trees. He was now recognizably a human, but he still had a wolf's ears, bright yellow eyes, big fangs, and long, sharp claws. The wolf's tail on his butt was waggling rapidly.

"Oh, my, you cute little girl," squealed Remus with a high-pitched voice. "Where are you going to, without your mother and all?"

"What is it to you, you sick fuck?" spat Peter. "Keep your hands off me!" he shrieked then as Remus tried to pat him on the head.

At this point, some teachers tried to get up and go to the stage, but a calming gesture from Dumbledore stopped them. The Headmaster seemed to be enjoying himself. Encouraged by this, the actors went on.

"Fine, fine, no need to get feisty," Remus said, pouting slightly. "I'll just be on my way then, okay?"

"Better be so," hissed Peter, backing away from the werewolf. He continued to stare after Remus long after he'd disappeared to the forest.

"Meanwhile, Little Red Ridinghood's Grandma was expecting her guest," Lucius said cheerfully. Now everybody directed their eyes to the other cottage, and gasped as the front wall suddenly vanished. Then, the whole audience bursted into laughter as they saw the Grandma, a perfect old woman, whom they knew to be Snape.

Just then, Remus knocked on the door. "Come in!" yelled Snape. "It's not locked!"

So, the werewolf slipped in. He surveyed the "woman" - who was clad in a blouse and a wide skirt - with hungry eyes. "You look good," he praised.

"You're not that bad yourself," replied Snape calmly. "The bed, then?"

All students choked at laughter at that point, while the teachers let out disapproving sounds. The two lovers didn't care about this, instead, they just went to the bed, which was all furniture the "cottage" had, other than a large closet in the corner.

Just as they were getting well with it - Remus lay on his back on the bed, while Snape straddled his hips - there was a knock on the door. "Grandma?" they heard Peter's yell.

"Oh, shit," said Snape, paling effectively. "It's Reddie!" He seemed to almost shrink back, ending up on a little ball at Remus's feet.

The werewolf growled lowly. "Damn. We don't have time to change positions." With one swift movement, he simply pulled the covers over his lover. This resulted with a rather suspicious bundle of blankets somewhere below his midsection at the place where Snape was huddled on a ball.

"It's okay," they heard Snape's muffled voice through the covers. "She's always had bad eyesight and not too smart mind. Just play along and kick her off."

"Hey, Grandma!" yelled Peter as he threw the door open. "My bitch of a mother sent you some goods!"

"I did not raise her to raise you to talk like that!" yelled Remus back with a high-pitched voice only slightly reminiscent of the one Snape was using to match his female role. "Now, give me the stuff and get the hell out of here!"

"Not so fast!" the "girl" said, skipping further to the cottage. He then placed the basket in his hands on the floor. "Grandma," Peter then said, eyeing the heap of blankets suspiciously, "why do you have so big butt?"

"Oh, I haven't got very much exercise lately," Remus chirped, trying to look innocent. "By the way, Reddie darling, have you considered getting glasses?"

"Why?" Peter frowned. "I see perfectly well. Why do you have so big teeth, anyway?"

"Oh, it's just a little mistake," the werewolf said cheerfully. "You see, when your Grandpa left, he left his own false teeth behind and took mine by accident. That's why they seem so big in my mouth."

"Okay," said Peter, again readily accepting any explanation given to him. Then, his eyes widened as they again wandered further down the bed. "But Grandma," he said breathily, "why do you have so big -"

"CENSORED!" shrieked Sirius's voice from the back of the stage, drowning the rest of his words. All students bursted into laughter, Dumbledore chuckled approvingly, and most of the teachers frowned in great disapprovance. Yet again, however, the Headmaster's gesture kept them seated and let the play continue.

"Big what, my dear?" Remus asked, trying to act like he hadn't heard anything. "I'm sorry, but my hearing just isn't quite the same as it was when I was a bit younger. I'm still blaming that on your mother, she either screamed or yelled all the time through her first fifteen years."

Peter seemed to be thinking. Then, his eyes widened in a perfect resemblance of shock and sudden realization. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "You're a woman! But then - why - you can't have -" Not hesitating much, he suddenly grasped the covers on top of his "grandmother" and pulled them away. Thus, he revealed Snape, who was lying on top of Remus, his skirts dragged halfway up his thighs and his hands disappeared somewhere underneath the werewolf's shirt, Remus's hands equally wandering inside his blouse through the collar.

Peter screamed. It was a perfect, high-pitched girly scream of fear, something only a true actor can manage if they are male. Then, he fainted.