Deepest Bonds

Deepest Bonds

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Memories and Meals

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Shortly before Christmas -- it was only a week until it by then -- Severus returned from teaching on a rather foul mood. Well, that is, on an even fouler mood than usually after he'd had to share a classroom with his students, and that was saying something. Of course, this made Sirius curious.

"What is wrong?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Did the brats kill each other or what happened?"

"Nothing!" snapped the other man. Of course, he immediately went about apologizing, "I'm sorry, Master, it was not my intention to use such a harsh tone of voice. However, something indeed happened that I'd rather not discuss. Were you to take a look around the castle, you would surely notice it," he sighed.

Now, Sirius was even more curious. However, before he did anything, he went up to his slave and pulled him into a warm embrace. "Look, Severus, you should rest now," he said, trying his best to say it as a suggestion rather than an order. Even though it was clear that Severus truly needed some rest at the moment, Sirius could never try to use his powers as a Master to force him into it. It wouldn't be fair.

"I shall try, Master," sighed the Potions Professor. "However, I doubt rest shall come easy to me."

Releasing the other man from his embrace, Sirius then turned into Padfoot. With one last reassuring lick of Severus' hand, he then headed out into the corridors of the school.

At first he had no idea what to look for or where he might encounter it. However, he was lucky enough to come across Professor Dumbledore, who in his usual cheerful manner was just talking with a couple of very nervous first years. Padfoot barked loudly, hoping to catch Dumbledore's attention.

"Ah, Padfoot," Dumbledore said gently, turning towards him. "Are you looking for something, perhaps?"

Padfoot nodded his head once. He then locked his gaze at the Headmaster, hoping to get his message through to the ancient wizard. Surely he knew what Sirius must be concerned about?

Fortunately, the Headmaster indeed knew that. "Should you wish for answers for your questions, I suggest you go to the Entrance Hall," Dumbledore said, ignoring the wondering gazes of the students.

Padfoot nodded again, then licked the Headmaster's hand in thanks, waggling his tail. Then he turned and headed for the Entrance Hall, knowing that there he would find the answer to his problem.

Once he got there, Padfoot indeed found the source of his slave's grief. To be exact, a large statue.

Walking to the foot of the statue, Padfoot glanced up. The statue was indeed skilfully done, so much so that he figures appeared to be almost alive. However, they weren't -- and neither were those the figures portrayed. And that was the problem, or, rather, exactly what was bothering Severus at the moment.

There were three figures there, all carved out of white, shiny marble. Two of them were smaller, obviously children, wearing torn Hogwarts robes and crouching in fear. In front of them stood another figure, this one that of a grown man, defensively extending an arm to shield the children, the arm ending on a cut wrist. His other hand was pointing the wand at some invisible offender, no fear showing on his face as he looked forward with his one remaining eye. The plaque attached to the pedestal read, "For the Ultimate Sacrifices." There were names written in neat lines all around the pedestal, the one right below the plaque, the name of the man portrayed above, written with golden letters. "Remus Lupin."

Padfoot whined a bit as he saw this. No wonder that Severus was so upset. Merlin knew what memories this must have made resurface. The Potions Professor was surely a mess at the moment.

"Sirius?" asked a quiet voice, startling him. After a second Padfoot realized that the statue had spoken.

A quick glance around confirmed that there were no students nearby at the moment. Therefore, Padfoot decided to risk it and changed into his human form. "...Remus?" he asked quietly, disbelievingly.

"Yes, it's me." The marble man glanced down at him, a sad smile on his face. "How are you alive?"

"Rather I'd ask, how are you not?" asked Sirius, his voice hoarse. Then, however, he sighed and raised his hand, showing the Master's ring on it. "The bond drew me back from the Veil," he said quietly.

"Oh, I see. You're Severus' new Master, then?" As Sirius nodded, Remus continued, "Although I'd never thought I'd say this, I'm glad you are. I've never seen Severus as well as he was today -- well, before he saw me, that is. I didn't dare to even try to talk to him; Merlin knows how he would have reacted."

Sirius nodded in agreement. "He was a real mess," he said quietly. "And I've been doing my best to ensure him as normal a life as possible." For a moment, he casted his eyes down, then said with an even quieter tone, "I -- I am sleeping with him. But I let him make the decision. I could never force him into it."

"I know that, Sirius," Remus said, a slight smile on his lips. "You always were more thoughtless than cruel, and I know you'd never try to use that bond on your advantage unfairly."

A brief smile curved Sirius' lips. "You have too much faith in me, Remus," he said. "I'm a real bastard."

"Perhaps so," the statue said, "but a bastard with a big heart. And I trust you with Severus -- and his heart."

Sirius nodded slowly. "That's all I need to know," he said quietly. Raising his eyes to look at the statue again, he said, "As much as I hate to do so, I must leave you now. I'll see whether I can distract Severus enough to make him calm down." Now, a smile crossed his lips. Oh, distract he would.

"That is okay. After all, I'll always be here if you need to talk." Remus smiled briefly, then sighed. "Maybe one day I can let Severus know about myself, too. It'd be wonderful to get to talk with him."

With a sad smile, Sirius said, "I understand." Then, he turned into Padfoot, and was on his way.

*

Sirius' hands caressed the pale skin of his slave and lover as they both lay on his bed after their lovemaking. Severus' body fascinated him, the smooth pale surface as well as the marks of past injuries. His fingers skirted about the tattoos around the slender wrists, tracing the dark figures. However, as he felt the slave shiver slightly in discomfort, his hands immediately left their inspection of the marks of possession. He kissed Severus' cheek in a silent apology for the discomfort he'd caused.

"I'm still finding it hard to believe that you truly deem me worthy of your time and attention," muttered the Slytherin, his eyes closed and a small frown between his thin brows. "Surely I am damaged goods, now."

"Do not talk about yourself that way, Severus," Sirius said strictly. "I happen to think that you are a beautiful, strong person I have learnt to love. And I will tell that to you again and again until you finally believe me and start to love yourself, too." Drawing the other man close, he then said, his hands still caressing the slender body, "Until then, I'll just have to love you enough for both of us."

To this, Severus didn't say anything. He just rested his head on Sirius' shoulder, silently enjoying the comfort and warmth his former masters had never given him. The Grim Animagus smiled sadly in the dim light of the bedroom -- he never allowed it to become completely dark anymore because of Severus -- and ran his fingers through the Slytherin's hair. It was nowadays fine and soft with no sign of grease to be detected anywhere. In a way it also reflected the change in Sirius' thinking when it came to the Potions Master; there was no more 'greasy git' to him, and instead he saw an attractive, desirable person he craved to touch and hold close. And, of course, there was also the intellectual side. Their conversations were truly interesting, and he enjoyed the debate they often got into.

After a moment Sirius noticed that despite his outwardly carefree mood, Severus was far from relaxed. "You're still thinking about Remus, aren't you?" he asked even though he already knew the answer.

"How could I not?" came the quiet answer. Sirius waited for him to continue, but heard nothing more.

Sighing a bit, Sirius wrapped his arms around the other man. "Look, Severus," he said, "I know that you loved Remus. And I know you still miss him. However, you have to get over your sorrow. I'm not saying you should forget him, far from that, but at least you should concentrate on being happy about the time you had with him instead of mourning him endlessly. Surely Remus wouldn't have wanted you to be like this."

"I know that," Severus sighed, "but it is not easy. I've never had anything that would have been truly mine, mine to have, mine to hold, mine to love. He was the one thing I could call mine, the one thing I loved nobody could take from me. And yet I lost him. It hurt so much... more than you can even comprehend."

Now, Sirius placed a light kiss on Severus' hair. "Well, you have me now," he said quietly. "And I have no intention of leaving anywhere. There's no way anybody could take me from you, either." He tilted his head to gaze into the Slytherin's dark eyes, wanting to show all his love and devotion through his eyes. "It's okay to miss Remus," he whispered. "And it's okay to be sad at times, too. But remember... you have happy memories, too. And those are the ones you should try to remember."

This time, Severus did not answer. Sirius didn't expect him to, either. He just tightened his embrace around the slender form, putting as much love and warmth and reassurance into his gesture as possible.

Rather soon they both had fallen asleep.

*

"Good afternoon, Severus!" Sirius said, grinning a bit as he stepped into his slave's quarters. Severus, who had just settled down to eat, glanced up and bowed in greeting. The Grim Animagus sat down opposite to him, took the plate set ready for him, and started to load food onto it.

Sirius took his time eating, chattering nonchalantly, enjoying Severus' company after the lonely day. However, after some time, he noticed something that struck to him as strange. "Why aren't you eating, Severus?" he asked then, frowning a bit. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Yes, I am, Master," Severus replied quietly, his eyes downcast. "However, so are you. I'm stretching the rules even by sitting here, in the same table with you. As you're hungry, though, I am completely unable to eat. Slaves are not allowed to eat before their masters have eaten."

Sirius froze. Every time he thought he had at least some inkling of what life was like to his slave, he was proven wrong as yet another aspect of their strange relationship was brought to his attention.

"Shit," he muttered -- perhaps not the most mature comeback possible, but it was the only one that came to his mind at the moment. After a moment of awkward shifting and furious thinking, he then said, "Look, would it be enough if I went to my own quarters to eat? So that you could eat, too?"

Severus, however, shook his head. "I can't eat as long as you're hungry and within the same building," he said. "With my previous Master it never became an issue unless he was visiting Hogwarts, or I was on one of my forced 'visits' to the Malfoy Manor. However, as we're both in the castle, I have to wait."

"Shit," muttered Sirius again. Then he added, being now the one to cast his eyes down, "Sorry, Severus."

"Don't, Master," the Slytherin sighed. "It is not your fault. You did not set the rules of the slavery bond, and you hardly can help feeling hungry. The only way you can now help me is eating as quickly as you can."

Despite having always been the first one of their group of friends to finish meals during his Hogwarts years, Sirius had never eaten so fast in his life. And never, not even while eating rats as Padfoot during his hiding, had he found it so hard to enjoy his meal, either.

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